It was so frustrating to watch him suffer in silence. She could see that he was sick, that he felt awful but he wouldn't say anything. He was like stone, not offering any kind of emotion or assent that he was struggling. What kind of mother would make her child feel like he had to do everything himself? God, Seth was like an infant when he would get sick, he would whine and pout and accept her constant attention. Seth expected her to tuck him into bed and stay by his side even when he would get sick. But Ryan, he refused to admit that he even felt bad.

She'd thought a lot about her conversation with Sandy from the night before. Ryan wasn't her son. But he was her responsibility now. He was a member of her family now. It was high time she started treating him like one of her own.

He was nothing like Seth. He was nothing like Sandy or any other person she'd ever met. He'd been living with them long enough that she should have been trying to understand his habits and 'vibes', as Seth would say, but she had been too caught up in her own issues to actually try and learn about him. She'd never taken him off 'temporary' in her mind.

He was different from the Newport people she'd been raised around. He didn't understand the social rules and standards of Newport but he was trying to adapt. He would wear the tuxedo and shake the hands of the people she'd direct. He was painfully polite but he went out of his way to assimilate himself into Newport society even though Newport society rejected him. He was trying. But she hadn't tried to learn about Ryan. She didn't know why he wouldn't tell her when he needed help. She didn't know why he insisted on doing his own laundry. She didn't know why he'd refuse her money. She didn't know anything about him or how he was raised. That was her fault.

She watched him take a wary spoonful of soup. His face was blank so she couldn't judge whether or not it made him nauseous. She didn't even know if he liked chicken soup. She didn't know if he wanted salt or flavoring added.

"Thanks," He said after he had taken several spoonfuls.

He ate carefully. He would fill the spoon, examine it with his piercing eyes before slowly moving it into his mouth. He realized that she was watching him and a hint of red colored his pale cheeks.

"Sorry. I was watching you eat," She said.

"It's okay," He remarked.

"You don't mind me watching you eat? Seth hates that," She smiled, trying to start a conversation to break the tension that was building in the silence.

"I'm used to it," He replied.

"Really? Who watched you eat?"

He glanced up at her, trying to remain indifferent but she could tell that her questioning surprised him. She wished that he would answer immediately instead of contemplating his response. He made words seem painful.

He finally answered her with a shrug, clearly not wanting to talk about whatever words he'd found in his mind.

She didn't want him to see her disappointment so she turned around and started hand-washing the silverware from breakfast.

"I never really got used to having privacy. Trey and I used to share a room and clothes and everything. In juvie, they watch everything. There's always a guard or a camera on you. In the shower, in the cafeteria, in the yard, everywhere." Ryan's voice was low and chastened.

She nodded. It was more than she'd expected but now she didn't know how to respond. His communication problem was contagious. She needed to do something to fix this problem. She needed to be able to talk to Ryan.

"I guess the windows in the poolhouse don't bother you, then?" Kirsten asked finally.

Ryan smiled slightly.

"Do you think we could talk?" She asked suddenly.

He gave her a curious look. "I thought we were talking."

"I mean…I mean that I want to talk to you about something that actually matters," She rephrased. She immediately regretted her words. "I mean…"

"I'm listening," He said before she could get herself in any more trouble.

She sat down beside him with a sigh. She noticed that he'd eaten most of the soup. He was watching her as if he expected her to kick him out on the street or punish him for being sick.

"We haven't really talked since you got here. Like, really talked. And that's mostly my fault," She said quietly.

"It's okay…" He started, clearly uncomfortable. She wouldn't let him run away from this conversation.

"No, it's not okay. It's inexcusable," She replied. "I didn't want you here when Sandy first approached me but that was a long time ago. You're a member of this family now and I should've been treating you like one."

"Kirsten…"

"Let me finish, I need to say this," She said quietly. She put her arm around him and squeezed his shoulder. "I love you, Ryan. You're not my son, you have your own family, but that doesn't change the fact that you're a part of our family, too. We can't replace your mother or father, but we can try and make a new family for you here. I can't change what happened to you for the first sixteen years of your life, but I can try and make the next sixteen years better for you. You're not a child, but you're not a grown up yet, either. When I see that you're in pain or that something is bothering you, I want to make it better. That's what mothers do." She paused to gauge his reaction.

His blue eyes were focused on the bowl in front of him but he she could tell that he was processing the information.

"I'd like to get to know you, Ryan. I'm sorry that I've waited so long to say…"

"Kirsten, it's okay," He said quietly. "It's not just your fault."

She started to respond but he surprised her by continuing. His eyes were still glued to the bowl. "You didn't want me here. Seth was lonely, that's why he accepted me so easily. Sandy, well, he pitied me, that's why he wanted me here. You…you were just trying to make them happy. You don't have to do anything…"

"Ryan, stop. It's beyond all that now. You've been here for months. You're not going anywhere, not as long as I can help it. When I found out that your Dad was out of jail, I was terrified that you were going to go after him, that you'd want to leave…"

Ryan smiled at her and she stopped speaking. "I'd never go with him anywhere, Kirsten. Not by choice…"

"But I didn't know that, I still don't know what kind of relationship you have with your parents, I mean, your mother…"

"It's okay. I'm sorry. I didn't think about how any of that would have impacted you or Sandy…" He admitted, red again.

"Don't apologize, Ryan. I just wanted you to know how important you are to me and to this family. Sometimes I think that you think I'm watching you like I'm a guard in juvie when I'm really just worried about you. I'm worried about you now. I'm worried because you won't tell me how sick you are. I'm worried that your mother just hung up on you and you don't seem to care. I'm worried because…"

"I get that you're worried," He interrupted with a sideways smile. "Thanks, Kirsten. For everything."

"So next time when I ask you how you're feeling…"

"I'll tell you the truth," He replied.

"And how are you feeling?" Kirsten asked immediately.

"I'm fi…I'm better than yesterday. The soup helped," He replied.

"Okay. Why don't you lie down on the sofa in there? That way you can watch some TV."

He nodded as she removed her arm. "Okay."

Kirsten watched him put his bowl and spoon in the sink and rinse it. He caught her glance and gave her a weak smile before stepping into the den.