Kenshin stared at his
desk calendar,
doodling with a pen
in the margins. As
of thus far, he had
drawn several
bunnies, a cow, and
was working on a frog

eating a sunflower.
He hated slow days
like this. He had
absolutely nothing
to do today and he
wasn't allowed to
leave.
And he was so very
tired. He was quite
sure, though, the one
time he put
his head down on his
desk to take a little
nap, someone would
burst in his
door to see how his
work was going and he would have to explain why in the
world he had just passed out on his desk.
Kenshin gazed contemplatively at his pen, pondering his lack of sleep.
Normally, he could wander about in the cold of the early morning getting
ready for school and preparing breakfast, and that would wake him up, but
this morning, he'd been afraid to do so...
Just a few minutes...
Kenshin sighed heavily and lay his head on the desk, feeling the papers of
the desk calendar stick to his cheek but not really caring much. He'd lain
awake so late last night, listening to the pounding of his own heart,
holding the thin sheets tight in his fists and staring into the darkness.
A few minutes...
How those few minutes' had stretched to hours, in his fragile mind! He'd
lain there, the ghost of Sano's breath taunting and warm across his cheeks,
making him so sure that he'd open his eyes to see the boy's warm brown eyes
laughing into his, a hand reaching out to touch his cheek as that rough
voice teased him for being so shy.
What a fool he was.
The door slammed open, and Kenshin jolted upwards, already formulating a
thousand excuses for his slacking, when a familiar voice sent chills
throughout his small form.
'Tou-chan- Tou-chan, hurry, nee-chan's been hurt!
Kenshin stood, the sound of his chair falling to the carpeted floor dim in
his senses, and turned to face Misao-dono. She stood in his doorway, dark
blue eyes wild, panting as though she'd been running.
Kaoru-dono's been hurt...?
As he followed her from the sanctity of his little office, the heat that
swelled beneath his breastbone mutiplied thousand-fold, aching. Burning.
Fighting and clawing at his mind, screaming to be let free.
Hurt. Hurt. She's been hurt. What if she dies?
This is your fault. You weren't there. You aren't strong enough to protect
her.
Pathetic.
Weak.
Let go, you pacifistic fool. You can't handle this alone.
LET GO.
LET HIM TAKE OVER AGAIN. HE CAN PROTECT HER.
Shut up, Kenshin hissed under his breath. Shut up. Shut up...
Hitokiri Battousai sang in his mind, backed by the choruses he summoned to
drive Kenshin mad, but all was quieted by the fear, the fear that drowned
out all sound but the fluttering of his heart. Kaoru-dono...

The first thing she knew was a throbbing pain in her temple, enough to make
her moan a little and wince as she cracked open one eye. What... what on
Earth had happened?
Oh... Kaoru rocketed upwards, remembering in a horrid flash the happenings
in the cafeteria... what had she done? She'd never been in a fight before,
she'd never even had a lunch detention! And... oh, God, what had she done?
Kaoru bit her lower lip at the surge of nausea that washed over her at the
change of position, the agony exploding in her temple, but she ignored it
and struggled to her feet. She had to go see her father... make sure Misao
was okay, after seeing that... make sure that...
But the torture was too much, and Kaoru watched the room twist as her
vision turned to black, and her knees buckled-
Hey! What do you think you're doing, you- The admonition turned into a
scolding sigh, and Kaoru tumbled into gently recieving arms. She whimpered,
wincing, trying to open her eyes. Every light was like a lance between her
eyes, but the curiousity was too much.
she managed.
You were hit in the temple with the leg of a chair, that same voice
berated. It was a woman's voice, crisp, business-like. You have no reason
to be standing up, you silly girl. Lie back down.
Kaoru was able at last to see the face of who spoke to her. She was young,
maybe about Sanosuke's age, with eyes so dark as to seem onyx, hair nearly
the same color framing her pale cheeks and falling before her shoulders. Her

eyes flashed with resolve, and Kaoru blinked in stupefication as the older
girl lifted her, with some effort, then lay her back down on the cot.
Stay there and be a good girl, now, she ordered.
A-are you the nurse? she asked plaintively.
For this week. Your school nurse is taking her vacation. The dark-haired
young woman sat lightly on the cot, her hand settling lightly on the wound.
Her fingers were cool and gentle, prodding a little. Kaoru blinked, but felt

her eyes flutter closed in a confused enjoyment. It did feel nice... for
some reason...
I- how is Samantha? she asked quietly, remembering with a little guilt
her attack on the other girl. Even though the blond had thrown the first
punch, she couldn't absolve herself of blame. If she'd been badly hurt...
I don't know. She never showed up. The nurse shrugged. Now, your name,
it's Himura Kaoru, right?
Kaoru blinked. The pronounciation had been perfect, and she'd even kept the
right name order... Anou... yes. Himura Kaoru. How did you...?
That young man who brought you in informed me. I'm Meg, by the way. She
smiled a little. Rest now.

Just as she was closing her eyes, bewildered at the events of the past half
hour, the door slammed open. a familiar, anguished voice
blurted out. Kimi wa- aah- oro- sumimasen- aagh- excuse me... Kenshin's
tone had gone from pure distress to embarassment in less than two seconds,
probably a new record for him.
And who might you be? There was a new tone to Meg's voice, sly and
considering.
Kaoru could hear the blush on her father's cheeks without even having to
open her eyes. Kenshin had always been extremely bad at dealing with women
and children, but particularly women. Aagh... I'm Miss Kaoru's father. He
stumbled over Kaoru's name, wanting to insert the honorific by reflex, but
refraining from it and translating the best he could. Is- is she all
right?
She'll be fine if she doesn't get up- Kaoru could hear the warning in
Meg's voice and remained obediently lying down. She'll need to rest for
some time.
B-but- what happened?
She got hit in the head with a chair, Misao's subdued voice explained.
Naniyo ?!!! Kenshin burst out, then took a deep breath. Miss Misao...
how did this happen?
Uh... I think she should tell you that. Misao's voice was tiny, wavering,
a state that was so unlike her an unpleasant pain bit at Kaoru's heart.
Kaoru opened her eyes gingerly, then bit her lip against the wave of
revulsion the light produced and pushed herself up to her elbows.
she said quietly, not bothering to speak English for the time
being, I got in a fight. I'm sorry.
Kenshin's eyes settled on her, and he crossed the small room in a few short
seconds, going to kneel on the floor beside the cot. he
whispered, following her example, daijoubu de gozaru. I'm sure you must
have had a very good reason de gozaru yo... it's so unlike you, after all.
All that matters is you're going to be fine de gozaru.
If Sanosuke tried to blame this on himself, don't listen to a word he
says, Kaoru warned with a faint smile. Do you really want to know what
happened?
Do you want to tell me de gozaru ka? There was a knowing smile on his
lips.
Not especially, she admitted.
Then you don't have to de gozaru. Kenshin smiled more fully and squeezed
her hand. I understand.
I know. Kaoru closed her eyes again and lay back down, more at ease.
What's your name, if I need to... get hold of you? That tone refused to
leave Meg's voice.
Oroo... Kenshin Himura. The sounds of Kenshin's attempted retreat halted,
somewhat guiltily.
All right... I'll be sure to update you on her condition, Ken-san.
Kaoru rocketed back up, outraged.
Meg grinned at her, some wicked light dancing in her onyx eyes that
reminded her faintly of Sanosuke. Ara, Kaoru-chan? Don't think I don't
understand every word you say. I speak a little Nihongo, you know.
Kenshin's pathetic ororororororoooo....' went largely unnoticed as he made
his escape, Misao on his heels.
Kaoru scowled at Meg, knowing that the other girl was full aware that her
proficiency with the language wasn't the point at all. With a hmph', she
flounced back onto the cot.
Unbeknowst to Kaoru, the substitute nurse's eyes remained on her back for
quite a long time.

Kenshin let the door close behind him, his cheeks on fire. He had never
been able to handle things like that... never never never.

He pushed his mind off his embarassment and turned to his younger daughter
with a reassuring smile. Misao-dono, everything will be just fine de
gozaru. Don't worry.
She nodded with a tiny smile. I-I know.
Kenshin sighed and reached out to her, wrapping his arms around her
shoulders and hugging her close. Thank you for coming to tell me, he
whispered into her hair. I appreciate it very much.
Misao-dono leaned against him. What would we have done, if... She trailed
off, seeming unwilling to finish the statement.
Kenshin closed his eyes and patted her hair. Let's not think about it, he
suggested. There's no need de gozaru. Everything is fine now.
You're just afraid to think about it.
Kenshin grimaced, then shook if off and squeezed her close once more before
letting go. Are you going to be all right to go to class now de gozaru ka?

he asked soliticiously. Misao-dono nodded, then let a smile firm firm on her

lips and turned to go.
Kenshin watched after her with the tiniest of sad smiles on his lips. To
another little sister, having their older sibling hurt a little in a school
fight might not have been such a shaking experience. They'd certainly been
through their share of scrapes together, Kaoru-dono and Misao-dono, like all

the times Misao-dono had fallen off the fire escape... But they had always
been very close, and... all they had ever had was each other... the three of

them...

Kenshin jumped, a hand flying to his heart, and he spun around, scowling.
he scolded. You scared me nearly to death de gozaru yo!
Sano's voice was soft, dark eyes achingly gentle and warm.
Daijoubu ka?
Kenshin swallowed and looked at the floor, trying to mantain his
composure. Hai, hai, daijoubu de gozaru na.
He could feel the change in the air about him as the teenager took a step
closer, then shuddered minutely as strong hands settled on his thin
shoulders. Kenshin continued to stare at the floor, afraid to meet Sano's
eyes, so out of place, so frightened and unsure, knowing this wasn't right,
this couldn't be right, and yet there was no strength to protest, to scold
him gently and back away, to say you shouldn't do such things, you don't
know what people will think of you'... All he could manage was the tiniest
whimper of and a quaver beneath the power of his hands.
Kenshin, it's all right to be a little upset about stuff like this,
y'know. The concern in Sano's voice was unbearable, and he shook his head.
he whispered. Daijoubu de gozaru na. Sessha wa daijoubu de gozaru.
Onegai...

His tiny shudders developed into a full, violent shivering, hands clutching
in fists, eyes fixed firmly on the dirty tiles beneath his feet. Sessha wa
daijoubu de gozaru, he repeated. Daijoubu de gozaru yo.
Sano's hands tightened on his shoulders.
he whispered.
As though understanding, Sano released him and took a step back. Kenshin
timidly raised his gaze to Sano's, then immediately wished he hadn't.
Sanosuke's dark eyes were hard, flashing with stubborn resolve and
something more powerful, something that even unidentified electrified every
nerve in Kenshin's body, setting him afire and shaking.
Don't think this ends things, he snapped, then turned his back and
stalked down the hallway towards the main office.
Kenshin stared after him, his trembling so frenzied and intense that his
muscles complained. How... why...? How could this be happening to him, now?
He'd never... never felt like this... never been so afraid to see something
in another's eyes... never been so afraid to feel that same something in his

heart...
Sano couldn't... he couldn't... Kenshin couldn't even bring himself to
think the word, afraid to make it real, afraid that... he was frightened to
be right, dreading to be wrong, knowing it would be best if he was only
imagining it but unable to convice himself he wanted to be.
You don't really want me, he whispered to Sano's now-distant figure,
hurting and shaking inside and out. You don't really want me.

*** *** ***

Sano stared at his desk.
There were already enough obscenities carved into it, so it wouldn't calm
his nerves any to carve more. He needed a new desk. This one had borne the
heat of his frustration too often... he needed a new desk.
Or something to take his frustration out on. A human target would be nice.
That would get him sent to the guidance office, though...
Hmm.
He entertained that thought briefly, then shook his head with a dark scowl.
He'd seen the shynesss in Kenshin's eyes, felt the soft shiver that wracked
his body as he collapsed into Sano's arms, the hesitant touch of a delicate
hand on his shoulder... He couldn't deny that Kenshin had been more than a
little repressed, last night, after lunch today, but through the restraint
had been obvious the longing, the unsure want for something more, no matter
how much he protested.
And he could understand the reserve. If they were to... well, get
involved... there would be a lot in danger. Kenshin's job, his reputation.
But that didn't make it any less frustrating.
Sano flipped through his History textbook with a significant lack of
interest, needing something to take his mind off this. He'd only known the
redhead for... a day and a half? This was entirely ridiculous, how obsessed
he was becoming with the man. Only a day and a half. No matter how beautiful

he was, how gentle, warm, or kind he was, it was completely irrational.
Of course, when had ration ever mattered to him, anyway?

*** *** ***

Hold my ankles! Just- alittle farther-
Misao, you're gonna fall-
No, I'm not! I'm almost at the window- I- aagh! Don't let GO!
I'm gonna drop you if you keep wiggling around like that!
I've gotta get the window-!
Misao, you-
interrupted a calm voice from the door. I know she bugs ya,
jou-chan, but that's no excuse to resort to homicide.
Kaoru cast a harried glance over her shoulder at the young man who leaned
in the doorway, a familiar indolent grin on his thin lips. She's trying to
get into Shinimori-san's office again, she returned with some annoyance.
She's gotta hang out and open the window.
Sano laughed, then entered the room and dropped his backpack on the floor,
in the corner. If you drop er, I was never here, he warned, then
disappeared into the kitchen.
Kaoru! Swing me a little!

Sano's chuckle echoed down the hallway.
It had been a two and a half weeks now. The sight of the blankets in the
living room had become a familiar one. The dinner table was a little more
cramped now, but a certain warmth had been added to it that had been missing

before.
Kenshin watched the antics of his children and houseguest from his bedroom,
momentarily distracted from the disciplinary report he held in his lap.
After a few days, they had seemed to settle into some sort of pattern, all
living together. The girls were delighted to have a little brother in the
form of Yahiko, who they could tease and poke and help with his homework.
The child didn't seem to mind the attention tremendously, either.
He'd dreaded Sano being similarly accepted, somehow. Were Kaoru-dono and
Misao-dono to treat him as an older brother, as would seem to be the course
their feelings toward him would logically take... it would only be more
unbearable...
But his girls had a way of confounding him, and again they had done so. It
had baffled him, and in fact still did. Especially after Kaoru-dono's
injury, the fierce protectiveness and tender regard he held both girls in
was more resembling the attentions of... of, well, a father.
And that hadn't been easy to accept, either.
Kenshin knew full well that he had always been more of a mother to the
girls. He had more of a maternal instinct, anyway, and there was nothing he
could do about that. And it wasn't that he felt his postion in their hearts
had been upset by their regard for Sano. He knew how silly that was. It was
only... It was only...
Everything fell perfectly into place exactly when he didn't want it to.
Sano hadn't made a move towards him since that day, outside the nurse's
office. It was somewhat of a relief, to not have to deal with the worry and
distress presented in his mind whenever the boy was around. He had become
more than a little uncomfortable in his company, and he supposed Sano had
noticed that.
And yet, no matter how much it had lifted from his shoulders, still... he
couldn't deny the slightest bit of disappointment.
It... had felt nice... to feel Sano's arms around his back, the brief flash
of his hand tugging through his hair... No one had ever touched him with
such gentleness, and yet such roughness all at the same time. It was more
than a bit confusing, bewildering, really, even to think back on those times

now, from the safety of his room, all alone.
All alone...
Hitori de... he whispered softly, feeling the bitterness and regret, not
suppressing it deep within as he was so used to by now. Tomorrow seemed so
far away, in those few hours before the dawn. And now... to know those
strong arms, that gentle smile, lay only yards from him, their pulsing
hearts separated only by air and a thin few inches of sheet rock and cheap
wallpaper...
Hitori dewa, he whispered again, smiling wanly, then returned to his
book. He was alone now, and he would cross the distant tomorrow alone.
He had the girls... he had them, yes, and he was grateful to whatever
powers had sent those smiling angels his way, but there was a part of him
that would be always alone. Because he could never allow anyone to know that

part of him...
So pompous. What's so special about you that no one else could understand?
You're right, you are. When you let someone close, all they do is hurt you,
indeed they do.
Kenshin hummed noncommitally. I don't have to justify myself to
you de gozaru.
Then who are you justifying yourself to?
Myself de gozaru.
But we are you, aren't we?
We aren't you, we aren't. You're us, indeed you are.
Kenshin scolded, turning a page in his book. You're nothing de
gozaru. Merely a chemical imbalance in my brain or some such. See? It says
so right on this page de gozaru yo.
Then why can't you get rid of us, eh?
We are more than that, aren't we?
No, you are not, and because I haven't been taking my medication de
gozaru, Kenshin said firmly in return. But I will be soon, so don't you or

Battousai get any ideas de gozaru yo.
How do you know the medication does you any good?
Kenshin froze, staring blindly ahead. Because... you go away when I take
it de gozaru... he whispered, voice tiny and beginning to shake. Because
you don't talk to me anymore...
Maybe we do that of our own free will.
It's our own desicion, it is.
Kenshin barely felt his hands clenching into the spine of his textbook,
every muscle in his body beginning to tense and coil. I can't know that for

sure de gozaru. You could easily be playing off my insecurities de gozaru
yo. He watched the room begin to blur before his eyes with a detatched
sense of wonder.
And if we're not?
The medication is expensive, it is. You need that money to take care of our
girls, you do.
It sounded pathetic even to his own ears. You're only lying again
de gozaru... that's all you do, lie, you can't fool me anymore de gozaru
yo...
Don't you see? The money goes to pay for the useless drugs they prescribe
you, you can't take care of our children, the social workers take them away.
They don't want you to be with the girls, indeed they don't.
Kenshin stared blindly at the now-fading wall, his head aching. He... he
couldn't be sure... what if they were right? What if the agency that had
given him Kaoru-dono and Misao-dono had only been... what if it was all some

sort of frightful plot? They wanted him to be alone... they had always
wanted him to be alone... taking away everyone he loved... what if it were
only to dig the knife deeper...? How could he be sure?
But it says in the books... he protested feebly.
What about the stores that sold you the books? How can you be sure of them?
There's no one left you can trust, indeed there isn't..
Trust in us...
Kenshin closed his eyes, shuddering, letting the textbook so surely full of
lies fall closed and to the floor. He couldn't be sure... how could he be
sure?
If he didn't have to buy the medication... if it did him no good anyway...
Kenshin thought with a lighter spirit, of all those things he could do, with

that money! He could get them a better house... maybe a nicer car... maybe
be able to buy the girls cars of their own, after time! How grand it would
be! And he could make those girls happy, no matter how hard the others
tried, those nefarious Others who had always conspired against him, it
seemed. And somewhere... far away... without those tacky ethics the Others
imposed on their prison-like society... maybe someday, with his children
happy, with Shinta-tachi satisfied, maybe, just maybe... he could feel
Sano's arms around him again... maybe, someday...
You see? We can take care of you, we can.
Someday, someday! All these somedays! It could be today!
Hontou de gozaru ka? Kenshin fairly purred, hugging himself and bouncing
back and forth on the mattress, lost in his dreaming.
Just let go, let me handle it.
Kenshin froze in his dazed celebration, an instinctive whimper falling from
his suddenly numb lips, that one voice that always seemed closer and louder
than the others resurfacing in all its nighmarish certainty.
Thin hands settled on his shoulders, squeezing hard, and Kenshin dimly
heard himself scream, but it was only for a moment before all fell to
inferno.