The voices seemed far
away, and it was a
bewildered moment
before he
recognized them at
all. They were no
longer those who had
plagued him in the
depths
of the night, but
those who woke him to
life again in the
bright morning.
The voices he loved,
those of his
children, his
precious daughters...
He was in warmth... a
peculiar warmth, not
the one that he'd
fallen to in
the torment he
remembered all too
clearly, but a gentle
and caring one that
lent strength to his aching limbs, enough to spur him to opening his eyes.
Or at least trying. Something exploded behind his forehead, and he sobbed
aloud, trying to claw it away. That warmth contracted about him, and his
pillow rumbled as a new sound surfaced, a deep, rough voice...
Kenshin, Kenshin, shhh... daijoubu yo, don't cry... it's all okay now...
Kenshin whimpered and blindly burrowed deeper into Sano's embrace, aching
deep inside himself. Those arms hugged him closer, gently and yet tightly.
Smaller hands brushed tenderly across his face, and Kenshin felt some of
the heat ebb away under the marvelously cool touch. He sighed and managed to

let his eyes creep open a little farther.
Four faces he knew so well peered down at him with such worry written on
their features that he had to attempt a smile, to let them know he was all
right. Daijoubu... de goza... de gozaru yo... he rasped, throat aching for

some reason he couldn't name. Shimpai... shi-shina-shinai- His voice
abruptly left him, and he coughed in bafflement.
'Tou-chan, don't, Misao-dono said softly, her tone uncharacteristically
serious. Don't talk just yet. Nee-chan called the paramedics just a minute

ago, right before you woke. They'll be here any second.
Kenshin protested weakly, struggling against Sano's now iron
embrace. There's no need-
Kaoru-dono began, but her shaking alto was cut off by one much
lower.
Kenshin, stoppit. You've got no say in this.
Kenshin blinked up into Sano's dark eyes, then shivered at the intensity
that lurked within their depths. The teenager cradled him closer, rocking
his head tenderly onto his shoulder, then leaning down to lean his cheek
against Kenshin's hair.
Kenshin stared at him for a few moments, speechless, knowing he should
protest this upsurption of control, but at the moment not caring. Yes, Sano
was only nineteen to Kenshin's twenty-eight, true, he was a guest in the
house, but... Kenshin closed his eyes, trying to calm the pounding in his
temples, and breathed deeply, letting his heart fall into a regular rhythm,
surrounded by the protective shield of Sano's arms.

*** *** ***

They sat in the hospital waiting room, silent. Occasionally, someone would
shift position, or let out a particularly heavy breath, but beyond that the
only sound was their hearts pounding in their own ears.
What HAPPENED?! Misao broke the silence with an anguished outburst,
rising up from her chair so fast it nearly toppled. Will someone tell me?
Does anyone KNOW?!!
Kaoru's voice broke slightly. Please, calm down. I- I'll
explain, if you really wanna know.
I, for one, would really like to know, Sano-san broke in roughly,
cracking his knuckles against the arm of the chair with an anxious and
annoyed grunt. I mean... it was obvious he had... well, somethin' goin' on,

but... His face fell, and the teenager stared at the floor silently.
Misao cast a glance at him, then sighed inwardly. She sat back down and
stared expectantly at her elder sister.
Kaoru met her gaze, then looked away, apparently troubled. Well, it
was... she began softly. Everyone leaned forward to hear her better, like
some perverse parody of children at storytime.
It was back when tou-san first adopted me, I guess, that he started
having problems. He said it had happened before, but he would never say what

had happened then. I would walk into a room where he was, and if he didn't
hear me come in... Kaoru paused, her face darkening in remembered fear.
I'd hear him... talking to people... people who weren't there... like he
was arguing with them... And things would catch his attention, like when he
was cooking or something... He'd stop and stare at something, and when I
asked him what was wrong, what he was looking at, he'd jump and look at me
like he had no idea who I was... then he'd smile and laugh and change the
subject. I thought he was just a little weird, and it didn't bother me too
much, because he was nice and I loved him. But there was this one time...
Kaoru shuddered and looked at the floor, hands clenching in her shirt, then
shook her head, not able to go on.
Misao whispered encouragingly, but Kaoru only shook her head
again, mute and refusing to speak. Misao could see the tears that trembled
on her eyelashes, the thinness of her lips... whatever this one time' was,
the memory of it scared her to death.
Misao leaned over and put her arms around her big sister tightly, hugging
her close. Kaoru sobbed and burrowed against her. Misao bit her lower lip,
not knowing what to do, feeling an uncertain fear turning cold in the pit of

her stomach.
Suddenly, powerful arms closed around them both, and Sano-san hugged them
both against his broad chest, comforting, protective. MIsao felt a small
hand settle on her arm, and she glanced down to see Yahiko kneeling in front

of them, peering worriedly up at Kaoru.
Go on, Sano-san whispered, his deep voice rolling gently
through the stifling quiet. Nobody's gonna hurt you. We're all here.
Misao took the time to smile up at him, grateful suddenly that he was
there.
It was... Kaoru whispered. 'Tou-san was reviewed as a foster parent by
the agency, cause apparently one of my teachers complained to them, saying
that there was evidence of negligence. We didn't have much money at the
time, and so my clothes must have been pretty ratty... I liked t' play
outside, and all, with the boys n all... She sniffled and wiped her nose
on her sleeve. But I was happy... anyway, they came to the house, and
decided that he was an unfit parent, and they were gonna take me away...
I didn't know any of this, Misao commented, baffled. It was true... she
had really never been told any of the events that had gone before tou-chan
had adopted her... and the information hadn't been volunteered, either.
Maybe this was why.
'Tou-san didn't want me to tell you, Kaoru explained softly. He didn't
want you to be scared of him...
Misao stared at her, not wanting to ask just how she could ever be afraid
of that gentle man, but knowing with a sickening quaver that she was going
to find out.
'Tou-san lost it, Kaoru continued quietly. He... he had a full
breakdown. A psychotic breakdown, they said in the hospital. It turned
out... he was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia.
Paranoid schizophrenia...? Sano-san's voice echoed, dumbfounded. His dark
eyes stared ahead, as though unseeing.
Kaoru sniffled. And they said he had a split personality... when
he'd lost control, the other side of him had taken over. Tou-san calls him
Hitokiri Battousai.
Misao looked frantically up at Sano-san for some cue, some understanding of
how to take this. That... that's pretty bad, isn't it? she asked
helplessly.
He's okay when he takes his medication, Kaoru finished softly. But... he
hasn't been able to afford it... and I guess something sent him over the
edge.
They sat in silence for a few loaded moments, holding each other, the quiet
throbbing of uncertain fear in all their minds.

Misao's head shot up from resting against her sister's, her heart jumping
to pounding life in her breast. A dark-haired man stood uncertainly a few
yards from their huddle, his coat still in one hand, ice blue eyes meeting
hers.
she whispered. As if in a dream, she let go of her sister
and stood, crossing the waiting area in a few bounding strides. The
black-haired man waited, face expressionless as usual, then directed his
eyes down to hers.
she offered as explanation. 'Tou-chan, he... something
happened, we're still not sure what, and he passed out.
I heard the ambulance, he responded quietly. Is he...
Misao blinked, more than a little surprised. It was rare that Aoshi-sama
said anything to her but . It was rare he said anything to anyone. She
felt something warm in her breast, and she managed to smile a little. He'll

be fine, just fine, Aoshi-sama. So don't you worry.
He nodded sharply, and after a moment of uncharacteristic hesitation,
turned to go.
Misao interrupted his exit hastily, starting forward. You-
you can stay... if you want.
With a slow, graceful pivot, he returned his gaze to hers, then nodded
again and corrected his path until he found a spare chair. After sitting, he

folded his long coat on his lap and closed his eyes as though in meditation.
Misao watched with more than a little fondness softening her gaze, then
took the chair beside him without a word.


The rough tone started Kaoru from her reverie. She blinked back to reality,
then rubbed her eyes, looking up at Sanosuke in perplexity.
The older boy motioned with a sharp jerk of his head towards the hallway
across from their waiting room that led to another such room across the
hospital wing. Take a walk with me, huh? His voice was the most serious
Kaoru had ever heard it, rumbling deep in his chest, and that inspired more
than a little worry.
I- I guess, sure. She raised to her feet, a little stiff from having sat
so long. Sanosuke stood beside her, then started off with those
frustratingly long strides of his. Kaoru sighed, then hurried to catch up.
Oh, sorry... He sounded merely sheepish now, which calmed her nerves a
little. Sanosuke grinned weakly down at her, ruffled her hair, then set off
again at a slower pace.
They walked along in silence for a few minutes, and that calm he'd given
her just a while before steadily evaporated until Kaoru was a bundle of
seething nerves again. The tall boy beside her didn't even seem to notice,
apparently lost in his own thoughts, until he finally cleared his throat and

looked over at her.
Hey, look, he said in a soft voice, shifting uncomfortably.
I know how worried you've gotta be about your tou-san, and I'm worried
too... if you ever, uh... He trailed off with a frustrated sigh.
Kaoru blinked at him, baffled. He looked more than a little embarassed, and
for the life of her, she couldn't figure out why. she prodded.
Go on.
I, well... He shook his head in apparent irritation. Just... I'm gonna
be here, for as long as Kenshin'll let me be... if you need somebody t' lean

on...
Kaoru blinked up at him, then smiled a bit shyly. The light that shone
behind the darkness of his eyes, no matter how uncertainly, was tender,
compassionate, gentle... The same look she'd seen so many times in her
father's amethyst eyes, and yet this was tempered to steel with the fierce
protectiveness she'd seen firsthand, that day... He'd taken her into his
heart long before shed bothered to care that he even breathed, beyond
despising him with all her being for something, though of a nearly
unspeakable violence... had been to protect her... she returned
softly, gratefully. And about that...
He blinked at her owlishly. About that...? he repeated dumbly.
You're like my tou-san, a little, she offered, knowing that such a
sentiment was a compliment she couldn't bring herself to bestow lightly.
Not that you'd be a replacement, but-
I would never- Sanosuke broke in, his tone urgent, as though trying to
soothe an angry child. I would never try t' take his place, jou-chan.
That's not what I-
I know... Kaoru blinked at him in surprise, not comprehending the sudden
fire that burned in his eyes. I wasn't saying that, I...
Abruptly, Sanosuke's dark eyes dropped to the floor, and he scuffed
a foot along the tile, apparently embarassed.
Kaoru stared at him for a moment, baffled. It was almost as though... as
though he was trying to say...
How do you see me, Sanosuke? she asked, her voice sharper than she'd
intended. You don't treat me like any other boy does, you know. Or any
other girl, for that matter.
Well, I'd prefer to think I'm not like any other boy or girl, Sanosuke
retorted. I treat people how I treat em, that's all-
Oh, stop! Kaoru snapped, stomping a temperamental foot. Don't lie. You
don't tell somebody you've only known for about three weeks or even less
that you'll always be there for them to lean on. You don't carry sombeody to

the nurse's office and watch over them until you're sure they'll be fine if
there's not some connection there. Any other boy your age would be acting
quite differently in an apartment with two teenage girls, even if there was
parental supervsion, and you know it, Sagara Sanosuke. Don't pretend you
don't.
Sanosuke stared at her dumbly for a silent moment, then he scowled, the
forbidding expression set deep in his striking eyes. Y'know... for one
thing... He scowled even deeper, and Kaoru took an involuntary step back.
'Jou-chan, it shouldn't matter at all how long I've known you. People feel
about other people how they do, and there's no logic involved, right from
the start. So if I feel like I should be takin' care of you, like I should
be watchin' over you, I'm gonna do that, and nothin's gonna make me change
my mind. Second... you know full well why I'd never take a step towards you
or your sister. I... His voice trailed off, and he fell silent, staring at
some point on the floor.
No, I don't know that, Kaoru retorted stubbornly. Why? Don't we meet
your standards? She let her tone turn slightly icy on that last. In all the

time she'd been aware of his existence, Sanosuke had never been known to
date a girl, or exhibit the slightest of interests in any. There had always
been rumors, rumors that made all the other boys laugh and nudge each other
with derisive grins on their faces, rumors that infuriated those girls that
had hopeless crushes on him, and seemed hysterical to all those girls he had

spurned. But whenever she had dared to ask what was so funny, all she got
was strange looks, a back turned to her, shrugs, and silences. The same
things had occured when her tou-san had first started working at the
school, too... and she'd had more of a vested interest in finding out then,
but still all her efforts were met with incredulous silence.
Sanosuke stared at her, and she expected with an inward cringe to see that
same laughing disbelief in his dark eyes, unable to comprehend her stupidity

like all the others... but instead, only a excruciating sadness, a slight
twitch of his mouth that indicated all the emotion that he held back by not
letting his thin, whitening lips to part. He watched her for a few more
silent moments, the portait of misery, a fear enough to make her stomach
twist darkening his face.
she managed to whisper, blinking up into his eyes.
Sanosuke smiled bitterly, then lifted a hand, laying it on the top of her
head, mussing up her hair as seemed to be becoming a habit.
Kaoru looked up at him, then gave up and looked at the floor.
'Jou-chan... ore wa... ore wa okama yo, he said quietly.
Kaoru felt her brow furrow, then lifted her head finally to
meet his eyes. All she saw there was an unsure hope, and the remnants of
that torment of before. He smiled down at her wanly, patting the top of her
head.
You like boys? she asked helplessly, trying to understand.
Aa. Okama. Like boys. Walk on the other side of the fence. Go up the down
staircase. Putt from the rough.
Kaoru stared at him for a few more minutes, then found herself
understanding. Well, of course... if he didn't like girls, he wouldn't want
to date them, definitely, and it was certain that the rest of the student
body would have a field day with that personal bit of information if ever
someone heard or even suspected...
I think I understand, she returned quietly, then smiled a little
brighter, if only to reassure the naked worry in his eyes. Daijoubu desu
yo, Sanosuke. It's not like I'm gonna scream and run away, right?
Or laugh it up around school or run to your tou-san and tell him I'm a
perverse abomination on the face of this world. I know, After a
soft, awkward pause, his face relaxed into a smile. Thanks,
Kaoru nodded, and after Sanosuke had pulled back from messing with her
hair, turned to go back to the waiting room. I'm gonna go back and see how
Misao is doing, she said softly.
Sanosuke nodded. Aa... I'll go bug the front desk and see when we can all
see your tou-san, then.
Kaoru watched him go, then looked down at the floor, beginning to retrace
her steps to the waiting area. It was nice... to know that Sanosuke trusted
her enough to tell her something so deeply personal. And she supposed he was

right, that it didn't matter how long they had known each other. If they
felt a certain way towards each other, then that was fine. There was nothing

wrong with that.
Besides, it was kind of nice... having someone around who treated her the
way he did. Tou-san, however much she loved him, and she did, had always
been more of a mother than a father, helping her pick out her clothes and go

shopping for dresses for school dances, telling her what colors complimented

her best, teaching her how to cook without a recipe, though she really
couldn't cook with one... teaching her to deal with her emotions and find
the best way to solve a problem instead of volunteering to go beat up
whoever had dared to even touch her like the typical single father would...
Sanosuke was... more of the rough-and-tumble type parent, who would take
her out to go climb trees in the park and carry her around and beg her not
to cry if she should skin a knee, who would teach her to play sports like he

would a son, who would get into shouting matches with a teacher who refused
to admit how brilliant she was... the kind of man who would be a father...
Kaoru caught herself in the middle of that thought, nearly stopping dead in
the middle of the hallway. A... father? A parent? What was she thinking?
Sanosuke was- he was only two years older than her, and besides, he
couldn't- he would never want to-

Kaoru stopped dead in the midst of those disturbing thoughts at the vaguely
familiar voice, then pivoted about on one foot to see the person who had
addressed her. In the hallway, a few yards behind her, stood a dark-haired
girl in ratty scrubs carrying a clipboard and wearing a bemused expression.
M-Miss Thompson! she exclaimed in surprise, remembering the subsitute
nurse from that fateful day she'd been smacked down with a cafeteria
chair, as Misao still said. What are you-
I'm doing my internship here, she interrupted, smiling slightly, walking
towards her slowly with a grace that made Kaoru sick with jealousy . What
are you doing here, if you don't mind my asking? And it's Meg. You make me
feel old.
Kaoru blinked in utter bewilderment at her tone of voice, the strangley
flirtatious smile curving her lips... no, she was imagining things... Then,
she remembered in a guilty flash just why she was in the hospital. Her
spirits fell, and she sighed, looking down at the floor. It's- it's
she whispered feebly.
What happened to Ken-san? the young nurse broke in again, real worry
making her deeper voice harsh and urgent. Is he all right? What room is he
in?
Kaoru took a step back, startled at the sudden barrage of questions. I- do
you want to see him? she asked politely, trying to regain her composure,
not wanting to let the dark-haired girl shake her. It's not too far, and
I'm sure-
Show me! she ordered haughtily. Hurry up, girl! I haven't got all day to
wait for you to sort out your mind, you know.
Kaoru blinked, then bit her lower lip. A month ago, she would have
submitted meekly to her dictate, sure that there was a time and a place to
be assertive, but her pride didn't apply if there was something Meg could do

to help her tou-san. It was what the gentle man had always taught her;
respect for yourself and others, but respect for others came before yourself

if there was something at stake. Well, not in so many words, but that was
the way he'd always been. The only time she'd ever seen Himura Kenshin stand

up for what he wanted when it contradicted with the wishes of others was...
well, when he hadn't been Himura Kenshin at all, but Hitokiri Battousai...
and no matter how frightening that had been, it had kept her by her
tou-san's side, the one thing they both wanted...
And besides, standing up to Samantha had given her a taste for being
defiant.
Where do you get off being so pushy? she snapped, losing her patience
with the other girl. You've been around him for what, fifteen minutes? Why
should I even show you where he is?
There was silence, an almost dangerous silence, and Kaoru bit her lower
lip. Of course, the other time she'd stood up for herself, she had gotten
hit in the head with a chair. Maybe she should have learned something from
that.
Meg turned slowly, and her dark eyes were briefly considering, then a sly,
fox-like smile spread across her lips, sending a laughing twinkle through
those black orbs. There seemed to be the slightest of admiration,
recognition there... and something Kaoru couldn't identify, something that
made her feel very vulnerable, a heat fluttering in her breast.
the nurse returned adroitly, I just thought that Ken-san could use
some... feminine attention for once. She flicked a measuring glance up and
down Kaoru's body and raised an eyebrow.
Wh-wh-what are you implying?! Kaoru shrilled, suddenly hands clenching
into fists and one foot stomping in frustration on the tiled floor. I'm
feminine enough! I don't need you to tell me-
Oh ho ho ho ho ho! the nurse laughed superiorly.


The room was white.
It was almost pure, unending white... except for the glaring black of the
television, bolted to the wall. He attempted not to let his gaze pass the
appliance, knowng how the distinct difference would bother him if he let
himself dwell on it.
Sano peered worriedly at the figure curled up amongst the hospital sheets.
Kenshin looked so tiny, so helpless... but at least he was at peace now,
unless he was tormented still in his dreams.
He cast a guilty look at the door, then scooted his chair closer to the
bed, close enough to lean onto the mattress with both his elbows and remain
comfortably seated. At least, as comfortable as he could get in the tiny
little chair...
I knew you were hiding something, he scolded the sleeping redhead softly,
reaching out to lightly touch the warm flame of his hair against the stark
sheets. But this is a doozy, naa, Kenshin? Schizophrenia...
He remembered with a residual twinge in his chest the terrible fear that
had overcome him at those two words, paranoid schizophrenia'... All he knew

about the condition, he'd seen on those stupid TV magazines that came on
after he put Yahiko to bed, the ones with stories about the latest
conspiracy theory or the newest ways the goverment was going to kill them
all. He'd always come away from those with the worst feeling in the pit of
his stomach, thinking how could anyone live like that?. Always convinced
that there was some horrible plot against you, forces you couldn't control
that could hurt you, voices no one else heard, terrifying things that no one

else saw... And whenever anyone was diagnosed, they were denounced as
crazy... sometimes not ever losing the stigma, even if they battled through
the disease and came out triumphant on the other side, lost forever to a
world that would never trust them... always asking, are the voices talking
to you now? or telling them, I'm sorry, but you constitute a threat to our

employees, you can't work here anymore... You can't live here anymore...
don't bring your children by here anymore...
Sano let his fingers stroke Kenshin's hair as he lay sleeping, aching deep
inside. You're not crazy, he soothed softly, not knowing why he thought it

would help, but needing to say it anyway. You're not crazy, Kenshin.
Everything's gonna be okay. I'll take care of you. You just wait and see,
ne?
There was no repsonse, as he knew there wouldn't be, but he felt curiously
reassured having said the words. He didn't understand the urgent desire to
see this man safe, didn't know why he couldn't bear to see him hurt, or why
he wanted to wrap him up in his arms and protect him from the evils of the
world, the ones they both knew all too well, to hold him and never let him
go...
But as he had said to jou-chan, it didn't matter if he didn't know why.
Emotions were emotions, and logic didn't necessarily apply, just how
Sagara-sensei had always told him and Katsu growing up. You can't deny your

emotions any more than you can stop the sun from rising and setting, he
would say. You may not understand just why it rises every morning, how its
light reaches to the ends of the galaxy, but it's something you have to
accept for the truth. Scientists can tell you the mechanics, as they can say

that all feelings are based from hormonal and ingrained urges, but in the
end, it's a reality you have to understand for yourself. You will always
feel things you cannot explain. That doesn't make them any less real.
The door creaked open, and Sano started back from Kenshin with the guilty
air of one who was full aware he had just broken an important rule and
wasn't sure how he should explain himself. The doctor he'd seen in here
before stood in the doorway, clipboard in hand and a scowl in place on his
features.
Are you related to Mr. Himura? he snapped, obviously exhausted. It was
after eleven, after all, and he'd apparently been on duty since hours before

they'd arrived at six.
No. Sorry. Sano looked longingly down at Kenshin, not wanting to
contemplate why he was disappointed at having to admit that.
Then I'm going to have to ask you to leave. I'm sorry, but I can't provide
for your presence unless you have a legal relation, as his adopted daughters

do. I'm sure there'd be no problem with you coming back tomorrow after
school. He should be ready to go home after that. The blond man checked
over Kenshin's chart with piercing green eyes, then nodded, looking tired
but relieved. Yeah... he was in shock, but we'll be sure to watch him and
make he recovers completely.
Sano nodded grudgingly. I guess that's fair, he muttered, then heaved a
heavy sigh, preparing to leave.
Just as he turned back to take one last glance at Kenshin, an inexplicable
urge took him, and without thinking, Sano leaned down and pressed a
lingering, tender kiss to the redhead's smooth, pale cheek. He had a dim
sense of the skin shuddering just a little beneath his lips, but dismissed
it as his imagination and stood again.
Take good care of him, he ordered, then exited the austere hospital room,
letting the door fall softly closed behind him, heart not pounding beneath
his breastbone as it should be.
It hadn't seemed to be anything out of the ordinary, just to lean down and
kiss him goodbye. There hadn't been any measure of hesitation, no shyness,
just the simple affirmation somewhere deep in his soul that it had felt
right.
There was no logic in emotion.

Kenshin lay unmoving in the hospital bed, eyes closed, giving no impression
that he was anything but asleep, resting after an uncharacteristic outburst,

preparing to be ready for work again in less than two days. The doctor who
had been charged with his care checked over his chart one last time, then
took a glance at his watch and left the room, deciding to give himself a
well-deserved coffee break and check on a few more patients before calling
it a night.
The slender redhead who lay there breathed shallowly, as one would in
slumber, but it would take a practiced and careful observer to notice the
harshness of those soft breaths, or the soundless whimper of something that
might have been while one silent tear made a solitary track along
his cheek.

*** *** ***