*** *** ***

Sano smacked a palm against the faulty radio, was rewarded with a burst of
static, and then it was silent again. He glared at the accessory that
tormented him so, switched it on and off a few times, then sighed and gave
up.
Oi! Sano!
He jumped at Yahiko's voice, then leaned over and unlocked the passenger
door. His brother's dark head poked into the opening, and just as he set his

backpack down on the floor beneath the dashboard, two thin arms appeared
around his neck and dragged him back.
Agh- Michael! Yahiko protested with a laugh, trying to shake out of that
insistent grip. A smiling boy with impeccably cut blond hair and bright blue

eyes appeared over his shoulder.
Michael chirped to Sanosuke with a cute little grin.
Hey, kid, Sano returned, somewhat bemused. You're in quite a mood today,
aintcha?
We got- ack- a good grade on our- hey, c'mon!- project we had to do.
Yahiko struggled vainly, his cheeks starting to darken. Sano grinned at the
two boys fondly, waiting patiently behind the wheel, feeling his spirits
lighten.
That soap boat thing? Good job.
It wasn't just a boat, it was a warship- Michael, leggo! Yahiko squirmed,
only succeeding in tightening the grip, his blush turning crimson.
Sano kinked an eyebrow at Yahiko, who tried vainly to swat him. He would
have said that Yahiko's relationship with Michael was much like his with
Katsu, but there was a disturbingly romantic tension between the two kids
that was absent from his friendship. Michael had been firmly convinced ever
since kindergarten that he was going to marry Yahiko someday, and Sano's
touto hadn't done a bit to discourage him. It was cute, really.
Hey, touto, hate to interrupt the shoujo bubbles you got goin' here, but
we've gotta get movin', he teased fondly. Say goodbye to your boyfriend,
Yahiko.
Yahiko turned beet red.
'Bye, Yahiko! Michael chirped, then released him from the stranglehold.
Yahiko popped into the seat, still crimson, but waving a begrudging goodbye.
So, are we headed to the hospital? Yahiko obediently buckled himself in
after only one warning look.
Aa. The doctor said Kenshin could probably go home today. Sano kept his
voice light, not letting himself lose his calm again. That had been damaging

enough in front of Katsu... he didn't have to break down in front of his
little brother too.
That's good. Yahiko was silent, seeming unsure.
Sano sighed, then steeled himself. What's on your mind, kid? he asked
quietly.
How much longer are we gonna be living there? Yahiko asked softly, voice
very serious. Is it gonna be a while?
Why, don't you like it there? Sano cast a worried glance at him out of
the corner of one eye. What? Tell me.
Yahiko shook his head quickly. No, nononono... It's not that I don't like
it, I... I really do like it there, he confided, voice almost shy. It's
not that I didn't like it before... it's just...
This is better, Sano whispered, completing his thought.
Aa. Different, but... better...
Sano smiled a little sadly. That's cause... Kenshin knows how to be a
parent, an' I don't, he clarified with little bitterness. I was never... I

was never much of an adult where you were concerned, kid. I...
Stop it, Sano. It's fine.
Sano stared at the wheel, feeling his previous mood return in full
force. You know I- his voice became low, rough with emotion- you know I
love you, kid, but I just didn't know how to raise you... I'm not like
that...
You're not my father. You're my aniki. That's okay. Yahiko seemed
desperate to reassure him, words stumbling over one another. It's fine.
It's not like I was unhappy, it... it's just different now.
Do you want to stay there? Sano asked quietly, oddly touched by his
little brother's fervent words.
Y-yeah. I'd like that.
An obscure smile touched Sano's lips, and he thought of Jou-chan and her
temper... Misao and her scheming ways... Kenshin's gentle smile, delicate
hands shuddering atop his shoulders and shyness in his amethyst eyes...
I'd like that too, he whispered.

*** *** ***

Misao, this is possibly the stupidest thing I've ever seen in my life.
Shh! This is the good part!
Kaoru glared at her sister's head, the younger girl's attention
concentrated solely on the banal talk show she managed to find on the old
television. It was true that they had pretty much run out of things to talk
about, and Misao had difficulty containing herself without a distraction,
but there was only so much she could take.
Their father slept peacefully in the pristine hospital bed, his cheek
pillowed innocently on his folded hands like a child would rest. He had been

dead to the world for a few hours now, after having exhausted himself
earlier that afternoon. In his infinite attempts to try and convince the
world at large that he was quite fine, he had spent a good deal of time
arguing with the doctor about his medication. Kaoru had avoided being in the

room at the time, unable to shake a strange feeling that there was something

inside that she shouldn't be near. It was a feeling she had become
accustomed to, that winter a long time ago... hiding from Hitokiri
Battousai... and she had never wanted to feel it again.
But the sense had disappeared, and she had gone back inside to find
tou-san meekly agreeing to a sedative. He had been asleep ever since.
There was a business-like rapping at the door, and Kaoru rose mechanically
to answer it. She found herself looking into near-black eyes.
Good afternoon, Kaoru-chan, Meg said cheerily, nudging her aside.
Ken-san has a visitor... why don't you and your sister come with me, hm?
Kaoru blinked, then smiled in understanding as Sanosuke passed through the
door beside her. Hey, the older boy said roughly, mussing up
her hair. Yahiko's out in the waiting area with Shinimori, if you wanna go
find them.
Misao rocketed up from her seat, then pushed past the three
of them with a silly smile on her face. Don't wait up,
Kaoru sighed in irritation, then followed her. Third wheel again, she
muttered under her breath. Nothing like it.
Ara? What's that? Meg peered at her, eyes sparkling.
Kaoru blinked up at her, then shook her head. Misao is madly in love with
Shinimori-san, she explained with some annoyance. I'm always stuck just
sitting there and trying to pretend I'm somewhere else.
Oh, poor girl, Meg pouted. Why don't you come with me? I have a break,
and I was going to go get some coffee... Her voice trailed off.
Kaoru brightened. Oh, thank you! she said gratefully, going as far to
grab her for an impromptu hug. I don't think I could stand that again! I-
Meg's arms closed around her waist firmly, holding her close and not... not
letting go... Kaoru lost her train of thought and blushed, uncontrollably
and inexplicably. She felt her arms slide up from the other girl's shoulders

to her neck, trying to keep her balance, and trying to keep from combusting
completely. What... what was this...?
You certainly won't be a third wheel, the dark-haired girl purred softly
against her ear.
Kaoru shivered, disbelieving the tingles that raced across her skin
and the heat that caught in her chest, heart pounding and blood churning. It

was incomprehensible... what could be...? Why would she be...?
Abruptly, Meg released her, and Kaoru nearly stumbled. She stared up into
those onyx eyes, unable to say a word, unable to even draw the breath needed

through her lungs.
Let's go then, hmm? Breaks are only so long, you know.

Sano closed the door behind him, taking care not to let it slam. Kenshin
was curled up amongst the white sheets, breathing softly, face relaxed. He
looked so beautiful... so innocent... and Sano took a moment to merely
admire that sight, his heart fluttering beneath his breastbone, something
warm in his chest.
Then Kenshin's breath caught, and those amethyst eyes slitted open, lips
parting slightly as he lifted his head from his hands. He frowned a little,
searching the room with half-closed eyes, then jumped as his field of vision

took in Sano's figure, standing uncertainly by the door.
he whispered, slurring a bit, the last vestiges of a slumber
apparently drug-induced still lingering in his mind.
Didn't mean to wake you, Sano returned apologetically, keeping his tone
gentle and voice soft. Do you want me to go so you can rest?
Kenshin said firmly, blinking his eyes open to their familiar wide
state and sitting up a little. Daijoubu de gozaru yo. I'm glad to... He
looked away, lashes falling bashfully over those jewel-like eyes as his
cheeks flushed a little in embarrassment. I'm glad to see you, Kenshin
completed, voice tiny and shy.
I'm glad you're doing better, Sano replied with a gentle smile, sitting
down on the edge of the mattress as he had the night before. His lips
trembled a little at the memory that incurred, the sensation of the
redhead's taut and yet curiously soft skin beneath his impromptu kiss...
H-hai de gozaru. The doctor said I just had to rest a little de gozaru
yo. Kenshin smiled a little. I suppose I just need to go home now.
Did they give you a new prescription or something? Sano inquired
worriedly, stilling his hands in his lap before they could reach out to
brush a stray lock of hair from Kenshin's cheek, where it obscured that scar

that still fascinated him so.
He was completely unprepared for Kenshin's reaction.
His thin shoulders drew up and stiffened, eyes going briefly, painfully
wide, then he fell into a silent quavering, refusing to look up into Sano's
eyes, hands clenching in the thin paper of the hospital gown he'd been
clothed with. How did you know about that? he asked softly, voice shaking
so badly that it took him a long time to allow the words to pass his lips.
Sano winced, then reached out and took a gentle hold on one cold shoulder.
'Jou-chan told us, he explained quietly. Kenshin, she was scared... she
didn't know what else to do.
Kenshin fell silent, and there was something in his eyes that
scared Sano to no end. Something... dead, hurting...
Kenshin, look, it's okay, he soothed hopefully. Everything's fine. None
of this is your fault... it's not like you're crazy. It's a legitimate
condition...
So is insanity de gozaru, Kenshin pointed out, voice quivering, cool and
detached.
Sano sighed, knowing that he'd probably said the exact wrong thing again.
he tried again, squeezing his shoulder in some attempt to warm him
up. It's okay. You're not crazy. It's gonna be okay.
How is it all going to be fine?! Kenshin burst out, face deathly pale,
hands clenching into fists in his lap, tearing at the paper gown. I can't
protect my own children de gozaru yo! I can't provide for them, I can't be
there for them, all because I've been fooled into spending every cent any of

us earn on this medication when it does me no good! They just want an excuse

to take them away from me de gozaru yo! And if I don't buy the medication,
I'll be declared an unfit parent de gozaru! There's no way I can win
anymore, Sano!!
That speech seemed to drain all his energy, and Kenshin slumped, face grey
and eyes half closed. Sano leaned forward in worry, slipping his arms around

the smaller man and automatically drawing him close. Kenshin offered no
resistance, slumping into his arms with the tiniest of whimpers.
He'd finally found a book, that afternoon, that had been understandable. An
effect of paranoid schizophrenia, as he'd understood, was to see the
internal voices as just as credible and real, if not more so, than those in
the world around them. If this was what Kenshin believed to be the truth,
there would be no dissuading him... at least not without the help of an
actual therapist, which Sano was nothing like. He could barely understand
his own feelings, let alone someone else's. Especially when they were so
complex.
he said calmly, thinking feverishly. The medication didn't hurt
you by taking it, right?
Kenshin was limp against his shoulder, breathing raggedly.
And if you don't take it, the agency'll declare you unfit, right?

So there's no harm in taking it, Sano said reasonably, petting his hair
gently. You kept a good house before, still buying it, and I've got a
job... used to have two, but I lost the one for bein' belligerent, y'know.
So I'd have to put off the apartment search for a while, but unless you
really object to having me around... Sano let his voice trail off, unsure
of what he could be expecting.
Kenshin whispered, his breath feathering over Sano's neck, a
curiously pleasurable sensation. Sano closed his eyes and hugged him closer.

he repeated more firmly. I don't mind at all de gozaru yo.
Shikashi...
Sano whispered back, enraptured by the soft skin of Kenshin's naked
arm beneath his fingers, the fragrant silken hair that tickled his jaw.
Kenshin's fingers slid over the thin fabric of his shirt, shaking and
hesitant, then flattened on his chest.
I'm not your responsibility de gozaru yo, Kenshin murmured softly,
quivering a little against him. There's no reason you should exert yourself

on my behalf. You don't have to do anything...
Yes, I do, Sano soothed gently. I do. He hugged him gently, stroking
his hair, pressing his cheek to Kenshin's smooth forehead. I do have to.
I-
he asked softly, plaintively, pulling back a little to look up into
his eyes.
Because I lo-
Sano froze in the middle of that damning word, entire body going stiff. He
couldn't- he couldn't say- Oh, Gods, he'd said enough already. His heart
pounded suddenly beneath his breastbone, as though struggling to get free.
It was one thing... for it to feel right, and another for it to be right.
He'd learned that... thou shalt not lie with a man as thou dost with a
woman, or some crap like that, that so many had preached at him over the
years... It didn't matter if it felt right for him to think of himself as
gay. It was wrong, a sin, an abomination against Nature... all that... It
felt right, to say he loved Kenshin... but there was a very good chance
Kenshin wouldn't think so.
Kenshin stared at him, eyes going wide, painfully wide. His cheeks
darkened, lips trembling and parting as he mouthed a soundless
He cast his gaze aside, flushed in shame. I love you, Kenshin, he
whispered.
Kenshin was silent for a long time, gazing at him with those wide eyes,
seeming to be comprehending this.
You can't, he said plaintively.
Well, I do, Sano shot back, aching deep inside inside. He knew... he had
known this would happen... I'm sorry.
Kenshin blurted out suddenly, eyes flashing with something powerful,
something intense and passionate, his hands suddenly gripping Sano's
shoulders. Don't! Don't apologize, don't, onegai, onegai... You've done
nothing wrong, Sano, it's only... oh, Gods...
It's okay that you don't, anou... that you don't- Sano wanted to look
away, unable to bear this shame, not wanting to see the pity in Kenshin's
crystalline eyes, not wanting to... But he couldn't tear his gaze away,
afraid in some unreasonable distrust and paranoia that he would never be
able to gaze into those gorgeous depths again.
Oh, Sano... Kenshin whispered, the painful intensity of his naked anguish
bringing tears to Sanosuke's eyes. It's not that- It's not that I- Oh,
Sano, it doesn't matter how I feel, this can't happen de gozaru yo! We
can't- we can't- we can't do this...
It took a moment, but Sano understood in a flash that... that maybe there
was something here he hadn't expected... He stared down into Kenshin's
beautiful features, then moved his hands, drawing them to cup his cheeks,
tilting his face up to his own. Kenshin's eyes were dark and shimmering with

pain, lips trembling, parted slightly...
he whispered, firming his grip, feeling his heart flutter. Tell
me how you feel.
It doesn't matter de gozaru-
Sano interrupted. It does. It matters to me. He leaned closer,
bringing Kenshin close to him. The little redhead shivered, but didn't
resist him at all, staring into his eyes, thin chest heaving suddenly as his

breath became heavy and labored.
Sano nuzzled against his cheek, not breaking his gaze, waiting for the words

that could either shatter his heart or make him the happiest he'd ever been.
I- I, Sano, I- Kenshin shook against him, eyes wide, blushing crimson.

Kenshin, anything you wanna say is okay, Sano soothed gently, fluttering
in fearful anticipation. I'm not gonna-
I'm the one who should be apologizing to you, Sano, Kenshin whimpered,
trying to look away. I... I knew that I... I brought you into my home,
where I could be around you nearly every moment of the day, knowing that
I... His skin was crimson by now, burning beneath Sano's fingertips, tears
of frustration beginning to glimmer in his eyes. Knowing that I found you
attractive... oh, Sano, and to have... to have fallen in love with you... I
couldn't have-... oh, Sano, you're only nineteen...
You love me? Sano whispered, ignoring all the rest for a minute, focusing
on those few words with all his being. You... you really love me, Kenshin?
Kenshin trembled, then the slightest of smiles curved his quivering lips,
eyes softening with gentle affection. Oh, Sano... of course I do de gozaru
yo. You... you thought I didn't?
I wasn't sure you... that you were... Sano blushed suddenly, embarrassed
for reasons beyond his immediate understanding. I mean, I thought you were,

uh... but I've been wrong about people before, I guess, and I didn't wanna
assume just because... because you were so...
Kenshin blinked, a certain shy light beginning to glimmer in his
eyes. So, what?
So beautiful, Sano completed raptly, stroking a finger across Kenshin's
smooth cheek. More beautiful than anyone has any right to be.
Kenshin cast his gaze away, blushing deeply. he protested,
squirming.
Sano tugged him back, unyielding hands holding the sides of his face.
Kenshin gasped, staring up at him.
Sano obeyed the urge singing in his heart, leaning down to Kenshin's sweet
upturned face and kissing him, finally, for the first real time, fiercely
albeit clumsily. Kenshin shook violently, then slumped against him with a
soft little whimper, hands clutching in his shirt collar. His lips were
soft, velvety, quivering against Sano's, vibrating with the guilty purrs
emanating from his throat.
He slowly released Kenshin's face, and when the redhead showed no sign of
pulling away, he let his hands slide to rest on Kenshin's back, then his
hips. The older man stiffened, then his hands relaxed slightly, moving to
tangle in his hair, dragging him closer while his lips parted slightly,
invitingly, his body shuddering maddeningly beneath Sano's unsure hands.
Sano met Kenshin's tongue with his own, impatient and yet still hesitating
out of fear and uncertainty. Kenshin's sharp intake of their shared breath,
though nearly draining Sano's already-aching lungs, was agonizingly
exciting, and he whimpered a little, clutching him close.
It was an eternity before their lips parted. Kenshin stared up into his
eyes, speechless, blushing so deeply his skin tone matched his hair. Sano
tried to breathe, holding him close, burying his face in Kenshin's shoulder
and saying nothing.
Kenshin's voice was tiny. We... we can't do this de gozaru yo..
Why not? Sano protested, knowing it was futile but unable... unable to
let this go without a fight. Why can't we? I'm of age, so it's not...
Sano, I could lose my job de gozaru yo, Kenshin said softly, bitterly. I
can't afford that. It's going to be hard enough de gozaru... He shook his
head, laying a hand against the back of Sano's neck, delicate fingers
combing through his hair. Sano sighed longingly under his touch, tightening
his grip on Kenshin's slender waist. Besides... it's not only that de
gozaru. You're only nineteen... you have so much of your life ahead of you,
all of it, nearly, and you deserve the chance to move about, try new things,

do all those things that children do... you don't need to be tied down to
anything just yet... especially me de gozaru yo. Kenshin fell silent, his
fingers stilled in Sano's hair.
I'm not a child, Sano said quietly, closing his eyes.

Sano lifted his head, grabbing him close. Kenshin gasped, flushing.
With one sharp motion and a explosion of power from his tightly bunched
muscles, Sano shoved Kenshin down onto his back, the mattress complaining at

the sudden movement, then straddled his hips before the redhead had a chance

to even struggle.
S-Sano, anata wa- Kenshin choked out, eyes wide, a renewed blush staining
his cheeks.
I'm enough of an adult to know what I want! Sano growled fiercely. If
you wanna turn me down because you don't want me, that's fine. But I'm not
gonna stand for you breakin' this off when you don't even bother to hide
that you want me, that you love me, Kenshin! Don't you try and protect me! I

know what's good for me, I've been taking care of myself and Yahiko since I
was nine! I know what I want, and goddammit, Kenshin, I want you!
Kenshin stared up into his eyes, bright red, eyes steadily tearing.
he managed to whisper, I only... I want you to be as happy as you can be,
and I would never... I would never want to let my own desires stand in the
way of that...
Sano bit his lower lip, then sighed, softening, and leaned down to brush a
kiss over Kenshin's scar. he soothed. C'mon. Trust me more than
that, huh?
But... aagh... Kenshin sighed and smiled weakly up at him. Still... my
job, Sano...
No one has to know, Sano reasoned with a wicked grin, pleased that
Kenshin had seen the correct path and wasn't protesting anymore. But let's
not worry about that now... There's more important things to worry about
right now, naa?
It seemed more of a method of defense than true surprise.
Sano leaned close to him, then kissed him for the second time, pressing
close and sighing softly. Kenshin only resisted for a brief moment, then
relaxed in a way that seemed nearly involuntary, melting down into the stiff

hospital mattress. His arms wrapped around Sano's neck, pulling him down
closer with a soft little whimper.
They lay there, kissing, Sano still knelt over Kenshin's prone form,
Kenshin's small hands clutching at his shoulders, Sano's finger's entwined
deep in the mass of blood-silk hair, soft gasps escaping their throats as
they shifted restlessly against each other, hesitant and unsure, but unable
to hold themselves back.
A few blissful minutes passed before they broke, and gasping for breath,
Kenshin suddenly shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut.
Sano whispered, stroking one cheek gently, dreading the answer.
Sano... we can't do this, not now... Kenshin pleaded softly. Onegai...
onegai shimasu de gozaru... Just let me think for a while...?
Sano hesitated, then smiled a little, comforting, reassuring. Aa... gomen,
I come on a little strong, I guess... He hid his hormonal disappointment in

favor of true affection and changed position, cuddling Kenshin up in his
arms. Don't worry about it, naa?
A-arigatou gozaimasu... Kenshin sighed, sounding appropriately soothed.
Sano waited for a long time, and at a lack for anything else to say, he
held him close. Are you coming home today? he asked hopefully.
Hai, I plan to de gozaru.
And there was silence.

Kenshin stared at the plain white sheets, heart racing in his thin chest.
They were finishing up the paperwork at the desk, Kaoru-dono writing with
Misao-dono and Sano leaning over her shoulders dictating. Kaoru-dono knew
all their insurance information by heart, considering the various scrapes
the girls had gotten themselves into over the years. They had been there
more times for broken arms and legs than any other family in the county, in
all probability.
He brushed the back of one hand across his lips without thinking, amazed
inwardly that they showed no signs of bruising yet. Sano... he fought to
contain a blush, trying to force the memory of the boy's mouth on his from
his mind and failing.
What was he going to do...?
What could he do? Sano already knew how he felt, there was no way that he
would let that go... he'd seen the boy's tenacious nature on more than one
occasion. And... something inside him thrilled at that, and yet something
else was terrified. No matter what he said, Kenshin couldn't help but dread
that something terrible would come of this... no matter how much they both
might want it...
He didn't know just when he had realized the depth of his feelings for the
child, couldn't remember anymore... all he could recall was waking to
Shinta-tachi taunting him of his perversion and not bothering to defend
himself anymore. It was useless to try to convince them of an innocence that

had never truly existed, when they dwelled within his mind as it was and
thus had access to all the thoughts and feelings he did.
There was nothing left to defend, anyway. His... depravity had been bad
enough when he had never acted on it, when it simply slept within somewhere
and only bothered him when he had nothing else to occupy himself with, but
now... He could plead his self-restraint, his avoidance of any temptation,
when there hadn't been any. He'd never had this problem before...
His lips twisted. Problem'. What a way to think of this... a little
problem, that was all. Just something to overcome and ignore, a little bump
in the road... but...
Problem'. It was a disaster. A calamity of unfathomed proportions. What
could he do...? He... He was...
He was in love. Helplessly, hopelessly, head over heels in love with a boy
of nineteen years... a mere child, he was, and yet so... so mature, somehow,

so wise and gentle and compassionate and warm and... trusting...
It would be one thing if they'd met under different circumstances, just two
people passing on the street or some such thing... but as it was...
Misao-dono had said it, though it seemed so long ago... Sano had pleaded it
himself, and Kenshin had reassured himself with the same sentiment so many
times, in the chill of the night... He was nineteen. He was legally an
adult, in this country, and had been so for a year and a half or so, since
his eighteenth birthday. If they... were they... were they to continue, in
some semblance of a relationship, it wouldn't be breaking any laws. Not
those that were etched out in the law books, anyway. But that didn't change
the truth that it violated the ethics of the school system for an employee
and a student to... to be involved, as it were... and he would most
definitely lose his job it anyone were to find out. Even what had already
passed between them... even that would be enough to throw his continued
employment into question. And he couldn't afford to lose his job... not now.

Not ever... And how difficult it would be, to get a job somewhere else, with

his qualifications... after being dismissed for a breach of ethics! A
therapist fired for a breach of ethics!
And even beyond that...

Kenshin jumped, then blinked up into Sano's chocolate brown eyes. he
returned softly, fidgeting.
Looked pretty out of it, there. We're all done, if ya wanna... y'know, get
outta here. The dark-haired boy cocked his head with a grin. Get ya home
to decent food.
Sano-san, you ate all his Jello, so you've no room to complain,
Misao-dono reminded, laying a disciplinary smack upside his skull. Sano
blinked dumbly.
Well, I-
Let's just go, Kaoru-dono interrupted. I'd rather sit at home if I have
to listen to you argue, if you don't mind, you two. Are you all right to
walk,
Kenshin nodded, trying on a bright smile and discovering with astonishment
that it fit on his lips again. Hai, hai, Kaoru-dono... Sessha wa daijoubu
de gozaru yo. I even have my own clothes on again de gozaru, he indicated
his favorite magenta shirt with a steady hand. I'm all ready to get home
where I'm supposed to be de gozaru.
That's good. Kaoru-dono returned his smile, seeming relieved. Let's go.

*** *** ***