*** *** ***

Repeat after me, then-
Repeat after me, then- the class parroted obediently.
Das Bucherregal-
The response was little more than most of the class attempting to hide their voices behind the few who actually knew how to say the word. The teacher sighed and scowled at them in disappointment.
Sano slid further down in his desk, trying to ignore the undeniable fact
that he was still in class. It wasn't as though he disliked German... in fact, he did enjoy the language, if for no other reason than it made a moderate amount of sense and had been easier to learn than English had. But second period was a bad time for him to take anything he couldn't sleep through. And he felt bad sleeping through Frau Snyder's class, though he had done it on a number of occasions.
Aufpassen, bitte- Sano! Herr Sanosuke!
Sano winced and raised guilty eyes to the blond woman's sharp gaze. She smiled and crooked a finger at him.
Komm hier, Sanochen.
Sano blinked hopefully at her, then when it was apparent that he wasn't getting any quarter this time, shoved up from his desk and stalked to the front of the room, eyeing her cautiously. It was rare he allowed a teacher to call him anything but Sagara or Sanosuke, but he had a special relationship with Frau... back from German One. He'd acted up in class and gotten a detention, and when she had asked him what had prompted his behavior... First, he had exploded, and railed against her for interfering, and threatened her with immediate harm if she continued... then, she'd frowned and placed a hand on his shoulder, reaching up so far, and... He'd softened. He'd had no choice but to soften. And he'd looked away, and whispered he was sorry, but he had his reasons for being the way he was. And she'd smiled and nodded, and asked him only to try and remain calm, and let her know if there was a problem before doing anything drastic.
She was a good person, Frau was. She tried hard to help every one of her
students, and even if she was hard on them sometimes, it all turned out well in the end.
And dammit, he could speak German.
So he'd let her use the nickname, knowing it was easier to use in the midst
of speaking German and not really minding the familiarity.
Was, Frau? he asked suspiciously, glaring down at her.
She grinned, then pointed. Geh in die Ecke.
Sano glared venomously, then obediently stomped over into the corner so she could continue her discussion of prepositions. He barely knew what a preposition was in English or even Japanese, let alone yet another language.Why did everything have to be so difficult?
He stood there silently until she waved for him to sit again, and smacked
Kelsey lightly on his way back to his seat. She scowled and punched him viciously in the leg. She had seemed ticked off about something recently, something that dealt with him that he lacked any knowledge of. Of course, that wasn't anything new, but just more common recently.
Sano heaved a sigh and slid back into his desk, resting his knees on the back of the chair in front of him and leaning his head back to look up at the ceiling. These little tiny desks just weren't built for someone of his stature... it wasn't comfortable at all unless he sat like this. Of course, it pushed slowly at the desk in front of him as he slid down in the seat, until he had to sit back up and manage to work the other desk back towards him, but the kid who sat in front of him was nice enough, and he probably didn't care. Probably didn't even notice. Those honor students were off in a world of their own, most of the time.
It was amazing, really, that he was wasting his time thinking about such
little, stupid things. Just yesterday, he would have been hunched over his desk, foot tapping rapidly as he thought, preoccupied with his worries about Kenshin and what they were risking together... But today, since that unexpected conference that morning with the girls, he was so much more at ease, so much calmer... It was a real load off the both of their shoulders, he supposed.
So he could actually... relax...
Sano dimly heard chairs scraping around him, and with a glance at the
clock, he realized Frau wasn't talking anymore because it was five minutes to the bell. She usually gave up on the class about then. He sighed, eyed his backpack, then decided to stay sitting down a few seconds more. He closed his eyes and exhaled slowly, letting his muscles relax, feeling pain swell in his lower back and then ease away as the tension melted into nothing...
Wake up!
A hand slammed into the back of his skull, and Sano yelped in pained
surprise, sitting up so fast that his ratty sneakers squeaked across the tile. A familiar face quirked a lopsided grin down at him.
Lemme guess, Sagara. Forgot about the English essay, didntcha?
Sano blinked dumbly, then swore and rubbed at his forehead angrily. Tell me it's not due today, he begged plaintively.
Sorry. No such luck.
He struggled up from his desk, then pushed his knuckles into Joe Richards's arm in a familiar mock punch. Damn you.
Hey, at least ya know ahead a' time, right? Joe shoved him back.
Yesterday would've been nicer. Sano glared forbiddingly, then kicked him and went to pick up his backpack. Joe wasn't a friend so much as a friendly rival... they'd gotten into their share of fights, over the years, and Sano had always won. Well, had the upper hand when they got broken up. And that was pretty much the same thing as winning. But there'd never really been any lasting hard feelings, and there'd really been no hard feelings to start any of those fights. Joe was just almost as hot-tempered as he was, so little things set them off. But neither really had any wish to see the other fail, because that would lose them a rival, someone to strive against.
Did you do it? Sano asked resignedly, slinging his backpack onto one
shoulder. Unlike a lot of people he knew, he had no difficulty hauling abouthis books. He didn't have a lot of them, after all.
Me? Well, kinda. Joe shrugged and leaned against the wall next to the
door, kicking absently at the cracked areas. I had stuff to do for the Key Club, and Sherman kept me busy most a' last week and the weekend. So, yeah, I did it, but it's lousy.
You've always got crap t' do for Key Club, you n Kelsey. Sano shrugged
that off as unimportant, seeing as it was nothing new, and glared at the clock, willing the hands to move faster. He didn't especially like his English class, but he was looking forward to swinging by the guidance officeto visit Kenshin. It was on his way, after all...
Sydney does most of it. We just clean up. He looks like a little girl, but
he works like nobody's business.
Sano didn't react to the unfamiliar name with any sort of curiousity, but
nudged him with a grin. The ones who look like little girls got a lot to prove, he observed.
What's this about little girls?
Sano coughed, then blinked down into Kelsey's unforgiving eyes. he began helplessly.
Luckily for him, the bell rang before he could go any farther, and Sano fled out the door as fast as he could, hoping to escape the coming wrath. He did so successfully, losing Kelsey in the crowd before any blows came his way. By doing so, however, he ended up facing the exact wrong way to get anywhere near the guidance office. He growled and began pushing through the sea of people.
The figure appeared at his side as though out of nowhere, simply materializing in step with him, no sound of his approach evident to give him away.
Himura could easily lose his job, you realize, Officer Fujita observed
coolly.
Sano froze, every fine hair on the back of his neck prickling in the sudden
chill that swept over him. He turned, as though his limbs were weighted down, everything drawing to a terrible halt as amber eyes glinted down at him and then were gone...
He watched the policeman melt into the crowd, his head and shoulders still
evident over the heads of the students, and turn the corner, as silently and quickly as he'd come. The terror that seized him was as real as he'd ever felt, his heart stilled, his palms sweating, his mouth dry, limbs quivering...
He knew.
All his being was focused on that awful truth, the sly knowing in those
inhuman eyes... How had he known? How could he have known? And if he knew,
who had seemingly no connection with anyone or anything, who else knew? If one person knew, anyone could know, and it wouldn't matter if jou-chan and Misao had accepted them, because no one else would... No one else would take the time to care, to look at what was really going on, no one would care enough and Kenshin would lose his job and his dignity and-
All the calm he'd had only moments before burned to ashes in the helpless
fury that took his heart, the choking rage he knew so well, that roughened his voice and tightened his lips and forced the blood so quickly through his veins that all was tainted crimson in his gaze...
So deeply taken in that frenzy, he didn't feel any pain when his fist crashed through the locker, only the fierce joy of feeling the metal give way under his fingers, something he could control, something he could destroy, something that complied with his wishes and yet felt no suffering for it...
He pounded that metal again and again, ripping and tearing with his right
hand, the cold metal burning against his bruising knuckles, the pain he felt now only an irritant, not mattering... it didn't matter. Nothing mattered.
Nothing mattered anymore, nothing at all, he had failed to protect Kenshin,
he couldn't even take care of one person! He was such a miserable fuck-up that he couldn't even protect his lover, the one person who needed him so much... He couldn't take care of him like he promised he would, and so now... now... what did it matter that he was bleeding?
The twisted metal gave way under his vicious assault, and the scraps of
what had once been a locker door fell at his feet with such a pathetic clank that tears stung his eyes. It was so damned pathetic, that lump of badly painted sheet metal... unable to withstand even one blow, unable to hold anything secure, as it was supposed to do...
Sano sank to his knees, staring unblinkingly at the latest victim of his
brutality, and he felt a single tear track down his cheek, hand burning as he cradled the hot wetness to his chest, staining his white shirt crimson.
Blood on fabric... blood on pale skin... metal shining in the slanting
sunlight... knowing glinting in amber-gold eyes... paper fluttering down from the dark blue locker... tears falling freely from amethyst eyes...
He'd never been any better than that lump of metal.
Liquid marked along the twisted steel, tainting the pure silver of the
inside a malignant scarlet. The obscene pattern of his blood and his tears fascinated a morbid mind, and Sanosuke watched himself in the metal. His essence was there, the truth of what a pathetic excuse for a human being inhabited his mind and body, and he watched it take form in the purest of self-loathing.
Nothing more than blood on steel.
If he were to strip all the pretense away, all the lies and all the assumptions, there he was... blood on steel... an impurity on something thatwas created to be uniform. A knot in wood. Something that had to be cut away, washed away, in order to make anything of what remained... a liability to the whole.
A weakness to those he wanted to strengthen.
A weakness.
If he had never met Kenshin...
Sano crumpled onto the tile floor with a pained whimper, taking hold of one jagged edge of the twisted heap and flinging it far from him, unable to stand the sight of it any longer, unable to look the nakedness of his heart in the eye and not look away. The thing was abhorrent. He... he couldn't stand it...
If he had never intruded in Kenshin's life... if he had kept his temper and
not smashed Westbrook in the face... if he had done the decent thing and refused his offer... if he hadn't fallen in love with him...! He wouldn't be in danger now, and he might never have had that breakdown, and he wouldn't have to worry about his job, and he could have lived on just as he had before, with no problems, nothing, nothing... If only...

The anguished voice tore at the fragile fabric of his mind, and Sanosuke
sobbed aloud, his shoulders trembling as thin arms wrapped around them, Misao whispering words he couldn't bring himself to understand in his ear, trying to draw him up from the floor...
He knew, somewhere in the back of the shards of his mind, that she was
there because she had Spanish second period and her class was right across from this bank of lockers. He also knew that Katsu was in her class too, andso was probably in the area somewhere. But the only feeling that floated on the broiling surface of his thoughts was the one that this was a place she shouldn't be. A place no one so innocent as her, as jou-chan, as Kelsey or Yahiko should be... A place of unending torment they should never have to know, and he would give his life to make sure they never knew... This agony that maybe only Kenshin could understand... because he lived in that same hell every waking moment. Only... Kenshin couldn't perceive reality as it was... and Sanosuke feared any moment, that his tenuous grasp on what was
real might be disproven...
He knew he had never given their relationship away, to anyone... but
somehow, what if he had? What if he had and didn't remember? He knew he hadn't harmed anyone by his attack on the inanimate locker... but he could see, so clearly, a face where that blue steel had been... If his fist could puncture that metal, what would it do to a human skull? Maybe Misao's... or jou-chan's... or Katsu's... or Kenshin's...
He couldn't hurt them... he didn't want to hurt them, and he wouldn't hurt
them! He wouldn't, and no amount of worrying could make him hurt anyone he loved.
Though a snide voice he knew so well nagged at the back of his mind,
reminding that it was too late for that... he... he had... The furious red print of his hand on Kenshin's pale cheek... he could lose his job'... he'd already caused irreparable damage by his very presence in the man's life.
He'd already hurt him...
But... how could he ever walk away? Even though... it would be so much
better for everyone, for him to disappear, to simply vanish off the face of the earth and stop interfering in their lives, hurting them, putting them in danger...
He was vaguely aware of two voices hastily conferring behind him, one
higher and one lower, and though he knew they were voices he recognized, voices he knew, he couldn't bring himself to care... It didn't matter.
Nothing mattered. Nothing would ever matter again. What had he done...? Oh, Gods, what had he done? First Sagara-sensei, then Kenshin... he wasn't the
only one who had depended on Sagara-sensei... and yet, when he'd seen those men leaving things in the back closet, why hadn't he told him? Why had he been such a coward? Why hadn't he done something? Why couldn't he control himself?! Why-
Misao's thin hands were replaced by ones he knew much better, ones that he had grown up beside, knowing each calluse and the work that had created it, each scar because he had been there... Katsuhiro said nothing, only holding his shoulders, not judging him, not pushing him, not... not doing anything but... what he had always done...
Katsu... why hadn't he ever tried to help Katsu? He knew his father beat
him, he knew his mother was too much of a drunk to care, and yet he'd never said a word, never extended a hand to the boy who'd been his best friend and so much like a big brother, never judging him, always there... Why hadn't he...?
Sano collapsed against Katsu's skinny chest, silent tears pouring down his
burning cheeks, not able to say a word but knowing the other understood him anyway. He always had. It didn't matter... Nothing mattered... Nothing mattered but that he'd failed everyone... failed everyone he'd ever loved, and doomed them all...
The buzzing of anonymous voices faded as the Spanish teacher shooed them to class, standing a protective watch over Katsu as he attempted to hold Sano
from the floor. He felt himself a dead weight against the other, not trying to hold himself up, watching the scarlet blood spot the dusty tile through the bitter tears that clouded his muddied eyes. It was the only evidence he could find of his continuing life, that his blood continued to pump through his veins and out the multiple abrasions that laced his right hand. His heart was stone in his breast, his breathing nonexistent, any motion limited to the miniscule twitches of his pupils to follow the stream of crimson wetness from his fingertips to the floor.
Time melted away, marked only by the steady drip, falling to splatter
across the floor in artful patterns, mesmerizing motifs...
Until cool fingertips drew over the pulsing heartbeat in his neck, a gentle
embrace replacing the firm grasp of Katsu's hands, a light fragrance he couldn't pin down to any description but knew so intimately well infusing his lungs... Sano obeyed this angel's touch without a thought to protest, nestling with a desperation into his Kenshin's secure arms. It was the one thing he knew for the absolute truth... no matter how well he knew Kenshin would be better off without him, safer without the threat of their relationship, he couldn't bear to give this up... he couldn't leave him... he needed this... And to know, that Kenshin needed him... How could he desert him?
So he lay in his lover's arms, against his slender chest, and sobbed into
his shirt, uncaring for how stupid and childish he must look. Kenshin rocked him slowly, humming soothingly, stroking his hair, soft lips brushing over his forehead, gentle, reassuring... In time, the tears that fell so freely from the ends of his dark lashes dried, and he closed his aching eyes, temple pounding against Kenshin's heartbeat, falling steadily in time with that rhythm. He breathed, or at least tried, the pain in his shattered hand surging to the front of his mind for the first time since it had crashed
through the locker.
Kenshin whispered into his hair, Sano, aisuru... Daijoubu ka?
Sano whimpered in reply, the melodic Nihongo caressing his ears, and he
slitted open his eyes to peer up at Kenshin, clenching his jaw in unforgiving agony. Kono... te... Then, in broken English, Kenshin, my hand... it hurts...
the redhead soothed. He paused, as though realizing that about three teachers were looking on, and he froze. When he spoke again, it was in quiet English. Everything is going to be just fine, indeed it is. Don't worry. Don't worry, you'll be fine, you will...
Sano closed his eyes with a pained smile, then slumped without another word against his beloved again. He could get up later... right now all he wanted to do was rest here... in the saftey of his arms, the gentleness of his touch, and not worry for anything else, anyone else... he would tell Kenshinabout Fujita later...
Later...

Mr. Himura?
The voice startled Kenshin from his silent pondering, and he jumped up from where he had been leaning on the wall. He had been standing by the main
office for more than an hour now... He had watched them pack his poor Sano into the ambulance to take him to the hospital... the general consensus had been that he had broken more than a few bones in his hand, and required more
medical attention than the nurse could provide.
They hadn't let him go along.
In all truth, he had only asked once, and had been afraid to insist any
further. He would have to have provided some sort of reason for accompanying
him... And he couldn't exactly say, well, he's living with me, and I'm the closest he has to a guardian... Though, it was true. He would have to get there as fast as possible after school let out...
But as for now, Kenshin blinked up at the blond-haired woman, who was... he knew... Ah! Mrs. Snyder! he exclaimed, proud he had remembered. She was
the German professor. Sano had her class second period... which would have been right before... He sobered almost instantly.
Could we... could we talk for a few minutes, somewhere else? She cast a
quick glance inside the office, through the large windows beside the door. About Sanosuke.
Kenshin squashed the immediate anxiety that flared inside him at the
mention of Sano's name. It was probably a legitmate request about his well-being, but... Every day that had gone by since he had first felt the boy's lips on his he had expected any passerby to call him on his
transgression...
Of course, he said calmly. My office is just down the hallway, it is.
They walked in silence, but the tension was enough to set his hands shaking by his sides. Kenshin firmed his jaw, willing himself not to show the fear that gnawed at him. It was only a few more steps...
Once he had swung open the door and closed it behind the woman, he felt
much more at ease. The hallway was one thing... but this little office was his refuge, his hideaway, and he could lock the door and pretend he wasn't there if he wanted to be left alone. So he felt much safer there.
Mrs. Snyder sat after a brief hesitation on the small couch that he had
placed against the wall opposite his desk. Kenshin plopped down into his swivel chair and faced her, folding his hands in his lap so he wouldn't fidget.
She looked at him silently for a moment, then sighed. You seem to know him rather well.
Kenshin blinked, then nodded, unsure of how else to answer. Any explanation would be fatal to his continued employment, and he didn't want to flat-out
lie, so a short answer was better than none.
In your opinion... She hesitated again, her dark eyes cast to the carpet,
as though she wasn't sure she wanted to say what was on her lips. But the words fell anyway, though reluctantly. In your opinion, is he in any danger?
A cold hand gripped his heart, and Kenshin bit his lower lip. It hadn't
been something he'd wanted to think about... particularly lately, with all the disturbances from his own condition and their relationship, and such...
But it was a subject he didn't dare ignore, for fear of something terrible
happening... something worse than what already had.
he said softly, husky voice pained. I know he is. He has
demonstrated a dangerous tendency towards self-destruction, a frightening lack of self-respect... I don't know what happened today, indeed I don't, but I can only hope he will be able to tell me in time... before it's too late to do something for him. He shook in the chair, fingers twisting together in his lap, heart aching and fluttering. It was true, and he couldn't ignore it. Sano... it wasn't as though he came out and said he hated himself, but his every action, every word supported the theory so... His lack of control over his anger, and then his intense fear of harming others, those little things he had confessed in the middle of the night, his lack of caring when he injured himself, but an obesessive protectiveness of others... It hurt. It hurt so badly, to know he was in such pain...
There was a long silence in the small room, and then the blond woman's warm voice broke the quiet.
I can tell you care for him very much.
There was no condemnation or even curiousity in her tone, only the
observation of something accepted as fact, even a bit of regard for that emotion. Kenshin found himself nodding in agreement before he even thought about what she had said. Catching his slip, he sighed in irritation and cast an anxious glance at her to see what the teacher's reaction would be.
Her features were only sad, contemplative, and he relaxed somewhat. It's
good that he knows people care for him, she observed, then stood to go. I'll let you know if I notice anything, Mr. Himura.
Thank you, Kenshin returned, the words heartfelt. Even though she didn't
know it... he was thanking her lack of observation as much as what she had seen. I will attempt to keep you and his other teachers aware of his condition, indeed I will.
He watched her exit the small office, then stared at the door long after it
had closed behind her, his heart still pounding beneath his breastbone. It hadn't even been a close call... She hadn't even hinted at the prospect of impropriety between himself and Sanosuke, and yet... he couldn't stop shaking...
And this overwhelming guilt... He couldn't be there, by Sano's side,
holding him close and promising he would be all right, and everything would be fine, because... only because...
He couldn't do anything about it, and Sano knew that, he knew that Sano
knew that and didn't expect him to do anything about it, but still... he should be there. He should be there with him, like Sano had stayed beside him, and held him close, and told him everything was going to be okay...
That he wouldn't leave him... No matter what, he wouldn't leave him...
No matter what.
He should be by his side.
Kenshin stared at the framed pictures he had set on his desk. There was one of Kaoru-dono and Misao-dono, and one of all three of them... The pictures were from a vacation they had taken a long, long time ago... The girls looked so young...
They would both want him to be there.
Because...
Sano was family now.
Kenshin gazed for a few moments more on those pictures, reached out a
fingertip to stroke fondly across their young faces, and then stood, catching up his jacket.
He should be there.

*** *** ***

So... what happened? Kelsey's soft mahogany eyes were fixed unerringly on the side of his face, hands stilled on the cafeteria tabletop. There had
been no chance for them to talk last period, after all the commotion with Sano being taken to the hospital, and them being shooed off to class with no respect for their involvement.
I don't know, Katsu answered truthfully, staring down at his soda can.
His fingers still shook, innards twisted and unsettled. He hadn't been able to eat, and no complaint echoed yet from the depths of his empty stomach. Hehad always hated... seeing Sano cry... It wasn't as though he never did, butas of recently...
When they were growing up, Sano had always been the idealistic one...
believing in fairy tales and happy endings, trusting everyone because he couldn't understand that not everyone was trustworthy, loving unconditionally... After Sagara-sensei had died, and his parents refused to take the orphaned boy and his infant brother in, he'd seen that idealism crushed... A innocent, trusting, loving boy became a bitter, paranoid, and uncontrollably violent man, all while Katsuhiro had looked on. Silently.
But every now and then, he could still see flashes of the little boy Sanosuke had been, buried deep under the shields he had erected to protect himself from the world. And that little boy had been more and more evident ever since that guidance counselor had entered his life... For maybe the first time, Sano was trusting in someone, investing everything in another, without thought for himself, or keeping himself from being hurt again.
And he'd sworn to himself... if Himura ever hurt Sano...
Of course, he knew that Sano had felt the same way when he'd first fallen
head-over-heels for Kelsey. He'd never let it be obvious, but there had simply been something about her... him... that he couldn't resist...
something he couldn't bear to be without...
Something that was important enough that he didn't care if Kelsey was male or female. It still disturbed him a little that he didn't know for sure, butwhen it came right down to the fact of the matter... he didn't really care. Kelsey was Kelsey, whether that was a boy or a girl. He pretty much swung both ways, anyway.
What, Katsu? The laughing frustration in her voice alerted him that he
had been staring at the side of her face for quite a while now, not speaking a word.
He blinked owlishly, took a long swig of his generic-brand soda,
then let his always-fuzzy mind return to the point at hand. All I know is... he busted a locker, and they think he broke some bones in his hand.
His voice sobered as he remembered, Sano's powerful hand limp and wet with his blood, hanging helplessly to brush against the floor...
I know that, stupid. What I wanted to know is why! She smacked a hand
against the tabletop, obviously losing patience. He was just fine in German, the idiot. What did he have to... Her voice softened, and Kelsey sighed, gazing with strained eyes at her hand, lips trembling. Why'd the idiot have to go and hurt himself like that?
Katsu peered at her worriedly, took a quick cursory glance about the
cafeteria, then slid a thin arm around her back and drew her close to him. I don't know, he said softly into her dark hair, wincing at her shuddering breathing. But I'm worried about him too, Kelsey...
Oh, I know you are! She smacked his chest, but without much conviction.
You're always worried about him, doing his work for him and bringing him lunches and doing everything for him... There was an amazing amount of bitterness in her tone, and Katsu peered down at the top of her head, surprised.
You're not... He hesitated to continue, not wanting to appear presumptuous, and barely able to believe that she could possibly be jealous of his relationship with Sano.
Jealous? Wouldn't you be? she responded with typical bluntness.
Katsu blinked dumbly, trying to wrap his mind about this prospect.
He'd never seen his interaction with Sano in any light but as that of siblings... he loved Sano like a little brother, and naturally worried for him, and wanted to make sure he ate and took care of himself... He'd never even considered...
He sighed, resolved to try and puzzle this out when the drugs wore off
entirely. Do you want me to make you a lunch too? he asked plaintively, hugging her a little.
There was a long pause, then Kelsey giggled a little and tickled him.
That'd be a nice gesture, she said coyly, fluttering her eyelashes up at
him. With a cute little note on the napkin?
Whatever you want, he agreed resignedly, but smiling a little against his
will.
And do my German work for me?
Katsu scowled.

*** *** ***

The lights hurt his eyes, and Sano groaned, squinting irritably up into the
florescent panels and squirming to wake himself up fully. Where was he, History? It was rare he fell completely asleep in any class but History...
The aching pain in his right hand soon reminded him otherwise, and he
remembered in a horrible flash everything that had happened. Fujita... the locker... Kenshin... oh, Gods...
So you're awake, are you?
The voice sent chills along his spine, and Sano grimaced, casting his gaze
across the pristine white hospital room to take in the figure in blue scrubs
lounging in the doorway.
he said aloofly.
Don't think I don't know what that means, Meg warned with a certain
amount of irritation in her low voice. She entered the room, a clipboard in one hand, then sat primly on the chair beside his bed.
I know you know, Sano responded carelessly, closing his eyes and leaning back in the uncomfortable hospital bed. You're an evil supernatural
creature who's going to devour my soul the first chance she gets. But until then, how about you get me some painkillers, fox lady?
Do you really believe that? The amount of disbelief and condescension in her voice would have choked a cat.
Sano slit open one eye, measuring. And if I do? he inquired lightly.
Then you're an idiot.
Well, I suppose I'm an idiot. Sano hmph'ed and attempted to roll over.
For some reason his mind refused to comprehend, his arm refused to move, and he eyed it with some irritation.
I suppose you are, the dark-haired nurse returned, whose thin hand had
quite effectively pinned his arm to the mattress.
Sano scowled at her. She scowled right back. You shouldn't be moving that hand, if you ever want it to heal correctly, Meg warned. You did a real number on your hand... get in a fight?
You could say that, I guess, Sano considered that, then a nasty grin
twisted his lips. But then, it's really none of your business how I did it. You're not my therapist, just a nurse who won't go away.
Cranky, are we? Meg patted the back of his hand, then smacked it
unforgivingly. Sano yelped in agony, eyes watering, then fixed a forbidding glare on the dark-haired woman. See? It doesn't help anyone for you to be so snippy. Her onyx eyes sparkled with a cheeky mischief, and she rose from his bedside.
Some doctor you're gonna make, Sano grumbled, glaring after her. You're an evil, evil woman, Meg Thompson.
Oh ho ho ho ho ho ho!... was the only answer as the door swung shut
behind her. Sano winced, then shook his head and closed his eyes to the blinding white walls that surrounded him. His hand hurt... and that conversation had gained him nothing but the beginnings of a headache.
The steady ticking of the clock's second hand lulled him to complacency,
and Sano sighed softly, melting back into the unyielding mattress. He remembered... the last time he'd been here...
I love you, Kenshin, he whispered aloud, remembering that it had been
here, in this hospital, that those words had first passed his lips... The fear that had consumed him then was still easy to recall, the certainty that Kenshin would never want him, that he was setting himself up for the worst of heartbreaks...
And yet...
Something in his heart softened, his chest growing warm, and he smiled
alittle. Kenshin... His Kenshin...
In that instant, the door that had fallen shut flew open so hard and fast
that it rattled against the wall, the glass in the window nearly shattering with the force of the blow. Sano blinked owlishly, startled out of his calm and not the least happy about it at the moment, then struggled up to face the door and the intruder.
His forbidding scowl softened into a welcoming smile almost immediately.
Himura Kenshin stood panting in his doorway, white umbrella clutched in one fist, blood-red hair plastered to his pale cheeks. He was soaking wet...
he said with some amount of relief, closing the door behind him
and stumbling into the room. Daijoubu de gozaru ka? The sedative seems to have worn off de gozaru na...
Sano returned, taking in the bedraggled sight with some amusement.
Kenshin... koishii, tell me it's raining.
Kenshin blinked at him, then scowled cutely and dropped his umbrella on the floor beside his hospital bed. Of course it's raining de gozaru yo, he returned somewhat peevishly. It's pouring outside. You haven't noticed de gozaru ka?
Aah... iya. I've been out for a while, it seems, Sano observed
sheepishly, reaching his good hand to brush wet hair from his lover's eyes. Kenshin blushed prettily, then sat lightly on the edge of his bed. I mean, what is it, three thirty or something?
Kenshin looked suprised, then his long eyelashes lowered shyly, and he cast his gaze away. It's a little after one, aisuru, he said quietly.
Sano stared at him, then looked up at the clock, baffled. It was about five after one... But that would mean school was still in session...
I left school about an hour after they brought you here de gozaru,
Kenshin explained a little bashfully. I... I couldn't stand the thought of you being here all alone, when you were by my side so often when I... had myproblems de gozaru. He lay a delicate hand on Sano's arm, then patted it gently. I wanted to be here for you de gozaru yo.
Sano smiled, then reached across to take that hand in his good one.
Thanks, Kenshin, he said gently. That... that means a lot to me, sweetheart. I just... I don't wanna jeopardize your job... I don't wanna be a problem to you.
Kenshin's deep eyes fixed on his, and the redhead scooted closer to lean
against him, a soft sigh echoing from his lungs. You could never be a problem to me de gozaru yo, he said quietly, fingers clutching his with an incredible strength. I love you. You... you're more important to me than that job could ever be de gozaru yo.
Sano rested his cheek against Kenshin's soft hair, then kissed his forehead gently. I'm glad you think so, he murmured, his bandaged hand aching in
need to touch his lover... I... Kenshin... He bit his lower lip, remembering that morning... Kenshin, I...
What is it de gozaru ka? Kenshin nuzzled against him softly, voice
muffled in his shirt.
Kenshin, today... Sano grasped his slender fingers tightly, trembling as
he remembered... The police officer assigned to the school... Fujita... he...
Kenshin went rigid against him, nails digging suddenly into his palm. Fu-
Fujita? he whispered, voice harsh and indescribably bitter, sending an unpleasant jolt through his entire form. Is that what he's calling himself de gozaru ka?
Sano leaned back a little, baffled at Kenshin's sudden
shaking beneath his fingers. The redhead's eyes were narrowed, lips tight, expression one he'd... never seen before...
And it scared him more than a little.
Has he... has he been bothering you de gozaru ka? Kenshin was staring
straight ahead, his teeth digging hard into his lower lip, shoulders drawn up and shaking, such... fury... such fury lurking in those beautiful amethyst eyes...
He knows about us-! Sano blurted out, unthinking, only seeking to return
the expression in those eyes to one he knew, even if it was despair... He'd never seen Kenshin so angry, he'd never seen anyone so angry... and he wasn't sure he wanted to know why... To understand why he was so furious over the simple mention of the man's name...
He does... of course he does... Kenshin clenched his jaw, lips white and
bloodless, shaking his head slowly. Sano stared down at him, heart pounding in his chest, fingers shaking where they were still entwined in his lover's.
he whispered plaintively.
There was no reaction, the redhead still staring blindly ahead, head slowly
shaking back and forth, jaw shaking.
Kenshin, please, he whimpered softly, squeezing his fingers hopefully,
leaning closer to him. Kenshin, you're scaring me, koishii...
The frightened words seemed to startle his beloved from the horrible trance he'd seemed locked in. Kenshin blinked into his eyes, then sighed and squeezed his fingers in return. Suman... It's only, Sano... do you remember, the story I told you of my past de gozaru ka?
Sano nodded silently, not sure he liked where this was going.
The man who arrested me, back in Japan... his name was Saitou Hajime de gozaru, Kenshin said softly. He had been following all the things Battousai had done... and he apparently became obsessed with it after the goverment recovered me de gozaru. He... this officer Fujita you speak of... he is Saitou Hajime de gozaru yo.
You mean... he knows everything...? Sano whispered, fear gripping him so strongly, clutching Kenshin's small hand in his, the hand that the redhead felt so stained by the blood of innocents, but had been only gentle and loving in its every touch to him... whenever those fingers had brushed his skin, they had given him nothing but joy... And he could never see how anyone could see this man as a murderer, when he was so caring, so loving, so gentle...
Hai de gozaru, Kenshin said softly, leaning close to him again. So, you
see... It doesn't matter what he knows... He could ruin me any day he wished de gozaru. But it remains that he will do no such thing de gozaru yo. He wants his own justice... and he is not one to harm others in the search of that de gozaru yo.
Just you, Sano retorted, feeling a familiar sense of rage rise within him. Kenshin-... Kenshin, I'm not gonna stand for him hurting you either, you know that.
I never expected you to de gozaru na. Kenshin smiled gently, then lifted
Sano's hand and kissed each knuckle softly. Sano flushed, blinking shyly into his lover's deep eyes. I know how you want to protect me, Sano, he continued, stroking his palm with his fingertips. And... somehow... His own cheeks darkened. You make me feel safe de gozaru na... And I need you. I need you to stay beside me and love me like you have until now de gozaru yo. If I know you'll always be there, then no matter what... I know everything will be fine de gozaru.
Sano smiled, feeling tears stinging his eyes, then leaned forward and met
Kenshin's lips with his own. Kenshin hummed softly in contentment, moving forward to be closer. He let go of his bitterness for a few moments, allowing himself to pull his love close, knowing... Kenshin wanted him still, no matter how it would harm him in the end... it just didn't matter, because they needed each other. They needed each other, and anybody else could go to Hell... nothing was going to come between them, not ethics, not law, not past wrongs committed...
Kenshin held Sano close to him, and they kissed for a long time, secure in
each other, as the rain pounded against the windows...
Nothing else mattered. And nothing could come between them. Ever... and
nothing could make Sano leave his side... ever...

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