Author's Note: Well, here it is. The last story in the Kale Chronicles. Has it been good for you guys? I had fun, even if no one else did. Of course, no one had more fun than Chitai and Isaac, my comedy muses. But who cares, right? I know, harsh, but they have to hear such things in order not to get a large ego. J/K! Anyway. Here it is.
Loki: 'Bout time too.
Azrael: Shut up and let them read you buzzard! Please, ignore him and continue on.
Happy reading!
The Third Animal Crossing's fanfic
Disclaimer: If I didn't own it the last two times, what would make you think I would own it this time? Hm? Right. I do, however, own Eri, for she is my own little brain child.
Little Eskimo.
It was another happy and sunny day in the town of Shesha. All of the residents were going about their business merrily, not noticing the strange human snoring on the edge of the river dock. Kale awoke with a start from a dream he was having.
"Oh man… how did I end up here? Oh yeah… I was fishing." After a moment Kale decided it would probably be a good idea to get up and off the fishing dock. He looked around him and was shocked to see Yuka smiling at him. "What is it, Yuka?" he asked carefully.
"It's great to see you today, Kale." Yuka said kindly. A little too kindly for Kale's tastes. He also noticed her lack of use of the word "Loser."
"Did you need something?" he asked a little fearfully. Yuka just smiled wider and nodded. Kale at that minute turned a ghostly shade of white that would put Wisp to shame. He dared to ask the koala what was on her devious little mind.
"Well, I have a niece coming over and, well if it wouldn't be too much to ask, I was hoping you would entertain her while I went to Taco to get some toys. I must say that I spoil her too much. But what kind of aunt would I be if I didn't right?" Kale looked at her skeptically for a moment. Again with the niece thing… but wait she wants ME to watch her?!
"Um… Yuka. Did you say you wanted me to watch your niece?" Yuka's once happy, smiling face turned infuriated at that moment.
"Yes, Loser. What part didn't you understand exactly?!" There's the Yuka I know and love. Sort of… "Well?! Are you just going to stare all day, Loser?!"
"Sorry. I was just making sure that's what you said. K?!" Kale answered gruffly. For cryin' out loud… "Sure I'll watch the brat while you visit your boyfriend… I mean buy her junk." Yuka turned pale for a moment, but then brightened after she realized that the hapless human agreed. Secretly she sort of felt sorry for the poor guy, but then shook it of with the thought of seeing her handsome boyfriend whom no one else has ever seen.
"Oh, thank you, Loser! I'm forever in your debt! And by forever I mean, until I pay you back somehow." Kale didn't exactly see how that made even the slightest inkling to something that even remotely made sense, but nodded anyway.
"Sure, whatever." was his vague reply. However in his mind he was thinking over what Yuka's niece would look/be like. He shuddered at the thought of a miniature Yuka. That's the very last thing that I need… "So when do you want me to come over?"
"Well, she's here now… so NOW would be a good time, seeing also that I'm leaving now as well!" Yuka said oh-so-tenderly. Well! She doesn't have to bite my FREAKIN' head off!
"OK…" With that Kale followed the marsupial to her "lovely" abode. He looked around the place to see if she changed anything since the last time he had entered. Not a thing was different. The same old music played on the same megaphone and all of her furniture was the same. "The place looks great." he said sarcastically to which Yuka ignored. For a moment Kale had forgotten why he was there as he waited for seemingly nothing to happen when all of a sudden he was tackled by a small ball of white fluff.
Startled, Kale was about ready to launch the offending object when he got a better look at the creature. An oddly adorable little girl looked up to him with wide, blue eyes. Kale took a moment to adjust to the shock before his brain kicked in and he remembered agreeing to watch Yuka' niece. However, something was amiss.
"Your niece is a DOG?!" Kale questioned Yuka curiously. Yuka stiffened at his outburst then replied,
"She was adopted." Seemingly buying it, for it was, in fact, the truth, Kale nodded in response before turning his attention back to the happy little Eskimo dog wagging her tail furiously. "Well, it looks like she likes you!!" Yuka stated happily, almost mimicking her "niece".
"Yeah." was Kale's dismal reply.
"Eri's name is Eri!" the happy little bundle of fuzz said up at the human she was attached to. Kale just sort of smiled in reply, which, in response, made Eri's little tail wag harder. If that's even possible. "What's your name?!"
"Kale." Eri let out a little bark of joy before detaching herself from the man and opting for running circles around him, chanting his name.
"OK. She just had three bowls of ice cream, so she shouldn't have anymore sugar until later tonight. Help yourself to whatever's in the fridge. Have fun! Goodbye Eri, darling! Be good for Kale, OK? Later, Loser!" Yuka said while hugging her hyper-active niece and waving goodbye to poor, poor Kale. He just knew he was in for a long, horrendous day of non-stop "fun", a.k.a. pain.
"Bye." he said despondently.
After watching Yuka skip happily away and shutting the door, Kale turned around to see the happy fluff ball sitting in front of him, tail still wagging. "Um… hi."
"Hi!!" she screeched at a normally unreachable decibel. "Let's play a game, uncle Kale!!" Kale was about to ask what when he was forcefully pushed out the door by Eri. "Eri knows lots of fun games to play outside!!" Kale winced as the pup reached a higher decibel. She was quite strong for a little girl.
"What do you want to play?" Kale asked, giving into his inevitable torture. He had bad luck when it came to kids. They usually liked to tie him up or make him give them "horsy-rides" that were, unfortunately, very realistic.
Eri seemed to be in deep thought for the moment so Kale took the time, however small, to devise a plan of his own to somehow come out of this experience unscathed. Eri brightened up with a huge smile plastered on her cute doggy face. Kale prepared himself for the worst.
"Let's play tag, Uncle Kale!" Kale knew better than to let his guard down. Tag may sound harmless enough, but little children knew how to make it a tormenting experience to be had by adults.
"Alright." he reluctantly agreed and followed her to over by the large pond. She skipped around it for a bit before turning to her "uncle" Kale. He resisted the urge to frown at the thought that it may hurt her feelings. No matter how much she was going to hurt him physically, he didn't want to upset her emotionally. He silently cursed his "heart of gold."
Eri smiled extremely wide as he approached her. She then screamed out as loudly as she could, "You're it!!" and promptly ran away. Kale unnoticeably moaned at his cursed, cursed luck. Why do these things always happen to me? Eri stopped a short distance away, seemingly waiting for him to pursue. He swallowed his pride and started running after the girl. She screamed when she saw him coming, as if she were in danger or afraid. He skidded to a halt when he heard her.
"What's the matter, Eri?" he asked as calmly as he could.
"You were chasing Eri!" she barked. Kale did all he could not to glare.
"Isn't that how 'tag' works?" he said through gritted teeth. Eri looked at him with a confused expression on her little face.
"Aunt Yuka usually throws a ball for Eri to go get and bring back so Aunt Yuka can throw it again…" She stated, still confused and slightly unnerved from his earlier advance. That oddly sounded more like "fetch" than "tag" to Kale, but he decided to appease her anyhow.
"OK…" he muttered as he walked back over to the house and picked up a ball. Once he had it in his grasp he launched it as far as he could without throwing it into the water. Eri happily went after it and brought it back.
After a few throws Kale was beginning to enjoy himself. Just as he threw another, Belle walked over to say, "Hi." Kale grimaced upon spotting her, but said nothing as she approached.
"Hey Kale, I see you've met Eri." She said jovially. Kale nodded in response, his eyes on Eri as she retrieved the ball. She dropped it as she began running back and chased after it again. "She's SO adorable!" Kale had to wonder if he was beginning to think the same thing. Eri finally got a firm grasp on the ball and headed back over to them. "Hey, cutie!"
"Hello, fat cow!" Eri replied happily, as if she believed that was Belle's real name. Belle looked less than pleased, but bit her tongue. Kale, however, looked rather enthused.
"Yep! Definitely adorable." He said with a smirk on his face. Belle sneered in response to his rude statement, though, Eri really couldn't see why. After a moment of trying not to burst into laughter, Kale picked up the ball and threw it once more.
"Kale!" Belle scolded. "How could you do that?!" Now it was Kale's turn to look confused.
"What are you talking about?"
"You know, Mooo-mo-mo! You threw her ball WAY over there!" she said while pointing. Kale followed her finger.
"Yeah…?" He really just couldn't see what the problem was. Belle looked shocked. "I've been doing it for the past quarter hour." He added offhandedly. Belle was once again shocked to no end.
"I'm surprised at you, Moo-mo-mo!! You're playing FETCH with her?! I always thought you were a little loopy, but that's just sick!" she nearly screamed. Kale was even more confused now; then again, playing fetch was a little drastic… Wait! Did she just call him loopy??!!
"Bug off!" Kale said unexpectedly; even to himself. He quickly covered his mouth as if that would erase what he had just uttered. He then looked sheepishly over to Belle to gauge her reaction.
Belle was thunder-struck. Did Kale just lash out at her? Impossible! Sweet, innocent, and kind Kale? How could he say such a thing? Tears started forming at the corners of her eyes and before Kale could speak one word, she was off like a rocket whining about how unbelievably cruel Kale was. He did feel bad, but that wasn't really what his problem was right now. No, Eri just had to wander too close to the river and fall in.
"Yeeeaaaahhh!" she screamed just before she submerged under the cold water. Kale's eyes widened to the size of saucers.
"ERI!!" was his distressed call. He knew that he shouldn't have agreed to watch her. Something always bad happened when he watched children. "I'm coming!"
He ran to the side of the river where she went under and tried to decide where she was at the moment. Finally she reemerged from the depths, screaming bloody murder.
"Hang on! I'm going to grab you!" he said as he reached out to grab hold of her. However the current pushed her downstream. "Since when did this thing turn into a raging river? And how deep is it really?" he wondered aloud as he ran by the side of the river ahead of where the pup was flowing down. He reached out a few moments before she passed by and caught her arm and pulled her to safety.
She was shaking by the time she was out of the water and on the ground. Kale wasn't sure if it was because she was scared or cold. Then she began to whimper. Kale was already angry with her for falling into the water; the noise wasn't helping his temper.
"Are you nuts? Didn't your parents teach you NOT to run around a river when you CAN'T SWIM??!!" he practically screamed. The pup cowered in response.
"But… the ball… it fell in and Eri tried to get it. Eri's sorry; don't yell."
"Sorry. It's just that… ya scared the freaking crap out of me, kid." He said apologetically. Eri latched herself onto his leg as a response. He reached down and patted her head in assurance. "Let's not play fetch anymore, OK?"
"You mean tag?"
"Yeah, whatever."
Later in the day Kale carried a slightly dozing Eri to his house to take a nap, seeing as she was still a little jittery after her near-death experience. Kale would disagree though, as he found that the river was not much deeper than Eri herself and that the reason she was careening down the river like there was no tomorrow was because she was unknowingly "doggy-paddling" her way downstream. Kale was, needless to say, very peeved by that experience.
"Why is it that whenever I baby-sit for people I always almost kill off their children by accident?" he wondered as he sat down to watch some TV. Today he chose the Apple TV with the "Endless apples rolling across the screen" show; though "Ugly singing retro chick" was a favorite of his. There was always "Little house in the blizzard" but that was more of a seasonal thing. A sound to his left tore him from his engrossment.
"Uncle Kale?"
"What's up, kid?" He asked the still sleepy looking pup by his side.
"Why are you in the basement?" Kale face-faulted for a second, then recomposed himself.
"Um… this is where I keep my TVs." He began. Eri still looked confused so he decided to elaborate for her. "I don't really have that much room upstairs for them so I keep them here in the basement."
"Eri is scared of the basement. There could be nasty bugs down here! Can you please come with Eri and go back upstairs?" Kale nodded in response and got up to dust himself off.
"Alright. We should head back to your Aunt Yuka's house anyhow." Eri let out a whoop of glee for she remembered that her aunt had promised her a present when she returned. "She sure seems excited about going back. Is it because I'm that bad of a baby-sitter? Or is it because she's really that happy about leaving the basement? Oh well."
"Uncle Kale, why are you talking to yourself?"
"Uh! I said all that out loud?" Eri confirmed his embarrassment with a nod. "Great."
So off they went to Yuka-puka's house so that Kale wouldn't get in trouble when Yuka the Terrible returned. Upon entering the snooty abode in which the koala dwelt, Kale decided that it might be safe to play a board game, so as to keep the little dog entertained. The only problem with that was he had no idea where Yuka kept her games.
"Hey, Eri. Where does Yuka keep her board games?" he decided to ask. Eri looked thoughtful for a moment then smiled up at her would-be baby-sitter with a gap-toothed grin.
"Oh yeah! Aunt Yuka gave Eri a boards game when she came over last time!" she said happily, still referring to herself in the third person. Though, why would she stop? "Eri will get it! You wait here!" And with that she was off like a rocket.
With the same speed she returned, holding her prize behind her back before presenting it to her "uncle". Kale looked down disappointedly at the make-shift board-game held in Eri's little arms. She just stood there with a smile plastered on her happy tiny face. Trying hard not to shake his head, Kale took the "board-game" from her hands. This was going to be a difficult experience, he was certain.
"Um… OK. How do we play this game, Eri?"
"OH! Kale goes over and sits down on that chair while Eri tries to makes a picture with all of these little pieces over here." She said pointing to the junk on the piece of card board. That didn't sound TOO horrible, except for the fact that all the pieces were glued down on the board. It also looked like some of the pieces had been pried at in an attempt to free them.
"Um… How about we go outside and play another game? You can never get too much sunshine I always say." In response Eri zoomed past the human to the door. "Alright then…"
When the man reached the door he saw Eri already happily running around, chasing a butterfly. He smiled a small smile a moment at her silly little antics before he realized what he was doing and walked over to her.
"Want to take a walk or something?" he asked. The small pup nodded her head in agreement and grabbed his hand, shocking Kale a little.
"OK, Uncle Kale! Let's go." She led the way, far from the dreaded river. Kale followed suit, seeing as the girl still held his hand. She smiled happily as she skipped along the somewhat worn dirt path.
I wonder why there aren't any roads here… then again, these are animals… I suppose they don't like cars seeing as how much road-kill there is out there. Yet… Gracie has a car. One that she makes me wash every time I see her. His thoughts were interrupted by a small yelp form the puppy by his side. I quickly turned to her to see if she was harmed.
"What's wrong, Eri?" The girl had attached herself to her "Uncle Kale" by this time.
"W-what's that?!" she squeaked out. Kale turned his head in direction that she was pointing at. What he saw relaxed him a bit, but confused him as to why Eri would be scared.
"That?" he said pointing to what he believed scared the pup. She nodded rapidly as children normally do when they are afraid.
"Y-yeah! That scary-lookin' thing over there! Why is it wigglin' around like that?!" Kale repressed a laugh before answering her.
"It's my gyroid. It does stuff for me like storage and junk." He said, trying to soothe her fears. Eri seemed to calm as he explained the "wiggling thing" to her.
"Oh…" she began as she let go of his arm to inspect the thing. "I guess it isn't so bad. It's kinda funny actually!" she said with a laugh, poking the gyroid. Kale nodded in agreement, not really paying attention to her as he read his mail. "Uncle Kale, Uncle Kale! Who's that?!" she barked.
"Huh?" Kale turned to Kyatto talking to Bubbles. "Oh… The human is my friend, Kyatto. The other… is Bubbles." Eri scowled at this information.
"I don't like that hippo. She's smelly and ugly and her talking hurts my head." Kale smiled inwardly, thinking how much he liked the little girl. He hoped, however, that her frankness wouldn't get her in trouble one day.
"Yep. That's Bubbles alright."
"Dude! I don't need your frickin' apples! I can get my own! Sometimes I watch the apples in Sai's backyard fall to the ground. Then they kinda like, say, 'Hey, Kyatto! Come eat us! We taste really good!' and I'm like, 'OK!'" said Kyatto.
"Huh? What are you talking about, Imsophat?" answered Bubbles. Kyatto, noticing Kale and his new little friend, blew her off and jogged over to him. "Hey!"
"Hey, Kale! 'Sup?" he greeted.
"Not much. How about you?" Kyatto shrugged in response. "OK."
"Who's the little one who will one day most undoubtedly be a babe in the dog world, yo?" Kale took a moment to register what he said before replying, however, Eri beat it to him. Apparently she understood Kyatto… somewhat.
"Eri's name is Eri! Eri is Yuka's niece! What's your name?" she asked even though Kale had just told her not two minutes ago. Kyatto looked a little weirded out but replied anyhow.
"Kyatto's name is Kyatto. Is this some kind of game little dog childrens like to play or somethin'?" he asked Kale. Kale shook his head at the bizarreness of it all.
"No. She just talks in third person."
"Whoa! That's really freaky, man. Say something else!"
"What do yo want Eri to say?"
"That's good enough. Say Kale… I've got a great idea that you are totally goin' to love, man. OK. Here's the plan. You get Eri here to go over and ring Sai's doorbell and keep him occupied while you and I go and um… pilfer his fruit."
"Erm… Kyatto. I don't think that's setting a very good example for Eri…" Kale began.
"Dude! Yuka is her aunt! She's already doomed to be society's disaster!" Kale pondered on this a moment before realizing the truth in it. "Ya know what? I'll pilfer the fruit and you just stand by your house innocently so Eri can't tell Yucca that you taught her bad things, K? K." With that Kyatto grabbed Eri, giving her strict orders before releasing her to wreak havoc, while he himself went around to the back of Sai's house. Kale shook his head in disgust and pity and walked over to his own house.
Eri did as told and rang the doorbell to Sai's house and looked up happily at him as he opened the door. Sai looked down at her in contemplation, not saying a word, and then looked over to Kale at his house who seemed to be avoiding his gaze.
"Kyatto, are you trying to steal my fruit again?" he asked not even turning his head to where Kyatto was in his back yard.
"It's pilfering! I mean, no, dude. What are you talkin' about? I'm not doin' anything… really bad."
"Right." was Sai's lengthy reply. "So… who is this on my doorstep?"
"Her name's Eri, she's Yuka's niece." Kale answered as he made his way back over to Sai's house. "I'm baby-sitting her for the day while Yuka is out of town."
"Oh. Hi, Eri, how are you?" Eri smiled up at the new human who she decided was a nice man.
"Eri is fine today, mister. How are you?" Sai grinned at her child-like way of talking and manners.
"You can call me Sai." Eri seemed pleased by this and started to dance around.
"That is one strange kid." Kyatto said, walking back around to the front of the house.
"Eri!! Your Aunt Yuka is back!" Yuka announced as she came into view. Kyatto cringed, Sai sighed, and Kale just grew dismal.
"Aunt Yuka!! Eri is glad you're back! Did you bring Eri anything?" Yuka smiled as she nodded. "What is it?"
"Here you go." Yuka said handing the tail-wagging little girl a teddy bear.
"Oh yay! Eri is so happy!!" she squealed crushing the teddy in her arms. "Eri had so much fun today with Uncle Kale, Aunt Yuka! Can Eri come and visit him again? Please?" she begged with puppy-dog eyes, which wouldn't be to hard for her.
"Sure." Kale answered for her. Yuka nodded and grabbed the little girl's hand.
"Come now, Eri. It's time to go home. Thank you Kale." With that the two left. Kyatto came up behind Kale and draped an arm across his shoulders.
"Dude. She didn't repay you or nothing!"
"I know." Kale groaned. Sai came up this time, but kept his arms to himself.
"Kale… how is she related to a koala?"
"Oh. She's adopted." The other two nodded. After a moment of silence Kyatto proposed another plan.
"Hey! I got a great idea! Why don't we get Pudge and get him to distract Lily while we pilfer her fruit?" Sai shook his head in disgust while Kale just shrugged off Kyatto's arm and groaned. "What? What did I say?"
"Is that your only plan?" Kale asked, a little more than annoyed.
"Besides, 'man', Lily doesn't even have any fruit trees." Sai added. Kyatto thought about this for a bit.
"Then… we can plant some for her and when they grow we can pilfer the fruit!" By this time Sai and Kale had already left their friend to perhaps realize the stupidity of his plan.
Azrael: There ya go. Not an extremely happy sappy ending like the last one. But not a sad one in Kale's expense either. It just… ended.
Loki: Wow…
Chitai: It was wonderful master!
Loki: ::Cough:: Suck-up! ::Cough::
Chitai: Hush you.
Azrael: (Trying my best to ignore them) Yeah… anyway. That was the last one, unless I get obscene amounts of reviews and e-mails begging me to make another one…
Loki: Which there won't be…
Chitai: You never know!
Azrael: Boys! Er-hem. Anyway, I hope to be spending time doing another fic floating around in my head. This one is an Inuyasha one, though. Hopefully I'll find time to write it down…
Isaac: Will you be needing me, mistress, or can I take a vacation?
Azrael: No you can't have a vacation!! You and Chitai are my most used muses! I hardly ever write anything that doesn't include comedy! Sheesh!
Chitai: (Steps in front of Isaac) Forgive him, master; he knows not what he asks…
Isaac: Yeah I do! (Pummels Chitai)
Azrael: (Shakes head) Uh… is anyone still reading this? If so, wow… I'm going to stop here.
Loki: Thank God…