Disclaimer - Uh, like, what I said before. Uh huh. *nods*
*****
Alone once again, Severus Snape paced the perimeter of the room. He brushed his fingers over his belongings, taking comfort in the familiarity of his surroundings.
He paused at the fireplace and touched his photo albums. He should share them with the boy. In his mind, he was having a hard time acknowledging the boy's name. What would they have called him if they had been together when he was born?
Callum? Maurus after his mother? Alexander was a nice strong name. He discounted the traditional Snape Family names. He would hate to subject a child to Severus for example. For a girl, their second or third child perhaps, it would have been a flower name. Jasmine, for Della's beloved Grandmother? He sighed. It was useless to speculate.
He lifted one of the volumes of photographs and opened it to a random page. He and Della had gone to the Potters for a summer party. There he was, feeling entirely out of place on an uncomfortable wooden lawn chair. Della and Lily were chatting in the foreground with Remus Lupin. All three were laughing.
Snape suddenly saw red. Lupin!
He closed the book and placed it back in line with the others. He left his chambers and traveled the corridors, becoming angrier and angrier as he went.
He burst into the office, eyes blazing, features twisted into a terrifying mask of rage.
"Did you know?" He demanded.
Lupin looked up from the papers he had been grading, shock, surprise and just a little fear in his eyes.
"Well, did you?" Snape repeated.
"Know what?" Lupin put down his quill and pushed his chair back.
"That Lily and James could not have children, for starters."
"What?" Confusion joined the other emotions on his face. "But Harry…"
"Is Della's son." Snape said through clenched teeth.
Lupin's mouth dropped open. He shook his head slightly. "But…" His mind raced, making the connections. "Merlin!"
Snape relaxed. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Would you mind if I sat down?"
Lupin's mouth snapped shut. "Of course." He levitated a pile of rolled parchments off of one of the chairs. "Sit."
Snape sat. His fingers immediately began drumming on the arm of his chair.
"I take it you just found out?" Lupin probed.
"Yes. All part of Della's elaborate plan." He said. He noticed his fingers and held that hand tightly in his other.
"Lily was pregnant." Lupin said slowly. "I saw her. She and Della…"
"A spell." Snape broke in. "Lily and James were infertile. They said as much tonight in a recording the solicitor brought. If Lily appeared pregnant, it was a scheme to fool the world. To fool me."
"But…" Lupin stopped and shook his head. "I knew she had left you. I swear I knew nothing of this. Why, Severus?"
Snape roughly pulled up his sleeve and held out his arm for Lupin to see.
"Do you think I was worthy of her?" He demanded. "I don't." Snape lowered his gaze, defeated, and pulled his sleeve back over the Dark Mark.
Lupin blinked silently, then nodded. "No, Severus, I did not know. I doubt anyone did. Not Sirius, not Peter. Except…Dumbledore?" Lupin raised his eyebrows.
Snape nodded. "I think so, although he did not say."
"How did Harry take it?" Lupin asked.
"Better than I did, I think. He is resilient, his years here have proven that much." Snape smiled slightly, but it faded quickly. "How can I do this, Remus? I know nothing about being a father. Especially the father of a teenager."
"Severus…"
Snape flinched at the compassion he saw in the werewolf's eyes.
"Breathe, Severus. Take everything one day at a time. Harry is a fine young man. It will just take a great deal of adjusting for both of you."
"One day at a time." Snape took a deep breath. "Right. I hope I do not need to ask you not to repeat what I have told you."
Lupin nodded.
"This is Harry's secret even more than mine. He is to be given the opportunity to completely deny me."
Lupin's eyes widened.
"It was part of Della's requirements. It will be easier for him if our relationship is not widely known."
"Right." Lupin said finally.
The two men sat in silence for several long minutes. They had not been friends, all those years ago. Snape had put up with Della's friends mostly by ignoring Black and saying as little as possible to the rest of them.
"What is it Severus?" Lupin said eventually. "There is something else."
Snape turned his head and gave a very good impression of being mesmerized by a blank spot on the wall near the door.
"Severus?" Lupin pushed gently.
Snape drew in a long, shuddering breath. "Della did more than leave me. She denied me. She formally repudiated our bonds in front of witnesses." His voice was level, but he continued to stare at a point on the wall.
"She was subdued, those last few months." Lupin said. "After she left you. Oh, her personality did not change." He did not give Snape a chance to interrupt. "She was kind, cheerful, but not brilliantly happy. Sometimes she would stop what she was doing and just stare off. She did not laugh as readily. She never teased anyone as she teased you."
Snape nodded, noticing that a small spider was crossing his portion of wall.
"She read your letters when they came."
Snape looked at him, finally.
"She carried them with her. I caught her reading one once. She missed you."
"She was stubborn." Snape said, almost smiling.
"Yes." Lupin agreed. "Very stubborn."
"Thank you." Snape said, standing. He swallowed hard and did not meet Lupin's eyes.
"I am here if you want to talk." Lupin said.
Snape just nodded and left.
*****
A/N - Was that angry enough? He has been dealing with Della's rejection for a long time. The night's revelations mostly just renewed the pain, tore fragile scars from wounds that are still tender.
I know, I know, Lupin seems to be the last person Sev would turn to for comfort. He didn't know that was why he was going.
*****
Alone once again, Severus Snape paced the perimeter of the room. He brushed his fingers over his belongings, taking comfort in the familiarity of his surroundings.
He paused at the fireplace and touched his photo albums. He should share them with the boy. In his mind, he was having a hard time acknowledging the boy's name. What would they have called him if they had been together when he was born?
Callum? Maurus after his mother? Alexander was a nice strong name. He discounted the traditional Snape Family names. He would hate to subject a child to Severus for example. For a girl, their second or third child perhaps, it would have been a flower name. Jasmine, for Della's beloved Grandmother? He sighed. It was useless to speculate.
He lifted one of the volumes of photographs and opened it to a random page. He and Della had gone to the Potters for a summer party. There he was, feeling entirely out of place on an uncomfortable wooden lawn chair. Della and Lily were chatting in the foreground with Remus Lupin. All three were laughing.
Snape suddenly saw red. Lupin!
He closed the book and placed it back in line with the others. He left his chambers and traveled the corridors, becoming angrier and angrier as he went.
He burst into the office, eyes blazing, features twisted into a terrifying mask of rage.
"Did you know?" He demanded.
Lupin looked up from the papers he had been grading, shock, surprise and just a little fear in his eyes.
"Well, did you?" Snape repeated.
"Know what?" Lupin put down his quill and pushed his chair back.
"That Lily and James could not have children, for starters."
"What?" Confusion joined the other emotions on his face. "But Harry…"
"Is Della's son." Snape said through clenched teeth.
Lupin's mouth dropped open. He shook his head slightly. "But…" His mind raced, making the connections. "Merlin!"
Snape relaxed. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Would you mind if I sat down?"
Lupin's mouth snapped shut. "Of course." He levitated a pile of rolled parchments off of one of the chairs. "Sit."
Snape sat. His fingers immediately began drumming on the arm of his chair.
"I take it you just found out?" Lupin probed.
"Yes. All part of Della's elaborate plan." He said. He noticed his fingers and held that hand tightly in his other.
"Lily was pregnant." Lupin said slowly. "I saw her. She and Della…"
"A spell." Snape broke in. "Lily and James were infertile. They said as much tonight in a recording the solicitor brought. If Lily appeared pregnant, it was a scheme to fool the world. To fool me."
"But…" Lupin stopped and shook his head. "I knew she had left you. I swear I knew nothing of this. Why, Severus?"
Snape roughly pulled up his sleeve and held out his arm for Lupin to see.
"Do you think I was worthy of her?" He demanded. "I don't." Snape lowered his gaze, defeated, and pulled his sleeve back over the Dark Mark.
Lupin blinked silently, then nodded. "No, Severus, I did not know. I doubt anyone did. Not Sirius, not Peter. Except…Dumbledore?" Lupin raised his eyebrows.
Snape nodded. "I think so, although he did not say."
"How did Harry take it?" Lupin asked.
"Better than I did, I think. He is resilient, his years here have proven that much." Snape smiled slightly, but it faded quickly. "How can I do this, Remus? I know nothing about being a father. Especially the father of a teenager."
"Severus…"
Snape flinched at the compassion he saw in the werewolf's eyes.
"Breathe, Severus. Take everything one day at a time. Harry is a fine young man. It will just take a great deal of adjusting for both of you."
"One day at a time." Snape took a deep breath. "Right. I hope I do not need to ask you not to repeat what I have told you."
Lupin nodded.
"This is Harry's secret even more than mine. He is to be given the opportunity to completely deny me."
Lupin's eyes widened.
"It was part of Della's requirements. It will be easier for him if our relationship is not widely known."
"Right." Lupin said finally.
The two men sat in silence for several long minutes. They had not been friends, all those years ago. Snape had put up with Della's friends mostly by ignoring Black and saying as little as possible to the rest of them.
"What is it Severus?" Lupin said eventually. "There is something else."
Snape turned his head and gave a very good impression of being mesmerized by a blank spot on the wall near the door.
"Severus?" Lupin pushed gently.
Snape drew in a long, shuddering breath. "Della did more than leave me. She denied me. She formally repudiated our bonds in front of witnesses." His voice was level, but he continued to stare at a point on the wall.
"She was subdued, those last few months." Lupin said. "After she left you. Oh, her personality did not change." He did not give Snape a chance to interrupt. "She was kind, cheerful, but not brilliantly happy. Sometimes she would stop what she was doing and just stare off. She did not laugh as readily. She never teased anyone as she teased you."
Snape nodded, noticing that a small spider was crossing his portion of wall.
"She read your letters when they came."
Snape looked at him, finally.
"She carried them with her. I caught her reading one once. She missed you."
"She was stubborn." Snape said, almost smiling.
"Yes." Lupin agreed. "Very stubborn."
"Thank you." Snape said, standing. He swallowed hard and did not meet Lupin's eyes.
"I am here if you want to talk." Lupin said.
Snape just nodded and left.
*****
A/N - Was that angry enough? He has been dealing with Della's rejection for a long time. The night's revelations mostly just renewed the pain, tore fragile scars from wounds that are still tender.
I know, I know, Lupin seems to be the last person Sev would turn to for comfort. He didn't know that was why he was going.