Author: Jackie W.
Email: jackiesficaol.com
Summary: They really should talk to each other.
Sam felt like she was turning into a total bitch. The least little thing seemed to set her off. She was frustrated by the slow progress her shoulder was making and in constant pain aggravated by using the crutches. She wasn't sleeping well again as she was besieged by nightmares. And she was tired of feeling like she had to rely on others for everything. Then there was Jack O'Neill. She could handle it when he was being a royal pain in the ass. That was the Jack she knew and loved. But he was being so patient with her she wanted to scream.
She hated herself for needing him so much. She had always been independent and to cling to him so desperately made her feel like a coward. To top it all off she wanted more from him. She was recovered enough now that being in his arms no longer just comforted her; it aroused her as well. And yet he showed no signs of wanting her in return. But then why would he? She had stood in the bathroom many a morning studying the body that was once firm and shapely. Granted she was no longer painfully thin, but there was still nothing there to attract a man like Jack O'Neill. Not to mention the scars that marred her (that no one except for Dr. Miller had seen). The Jaffa had delighted in using knifes and hot pokers to try to get her to call out during those last months in captivity. Looking at the reminders she knew that Ptah had been correct when he said that no man would ever find her desirable again.
Unbeknownst to anyone, Ptah had ordered his Jaffa to not touch the female prisoner in anyway sexual. It had saved Sam from being raped while in captivity. Spitefully, he then told Sam that he had no further use for her. He said that he had offered her to his Jaffa, but that they found her so repulsive in her current condition, broken and scarred, that they did not see her as anything other that a plaything to continue to torture. The belief that she was now undesirable was re-enforced that awful day she had been stung up for calling out in her sleep. As she hung there totally naked one of the Jaffa had been tempted to have his way with her. The other guard had reminded him that she was 'forbidden' in Goa'uld, a word Sam had mistaken for one meaning 'disgusting'. The guards had retreated, and Sam had been left to look down at her bruised body in tears. Relief that nothing had happened had warred with the painful knowledge that she wasn't even worthy of raping.
Now she berated herself over her moments of weakness when she needed to be in Jack's arms, convinced that she should wean herself from him before she embarrassed him with her unwanted feelings, a conviction that was re-enforced during a trip to the mall the next week.
Cassie had a last minute list of items she needed before going off to college and had convinced Sam that she needed some new clothes too. After all she hadn't bought herself anything in over six months and she wasn't living in BDU's anymore. So Jack squired them to the mall, unwilling to let the two of them struggle with crutches and packages alone and let them loose while he ran a few errands. They agreed to meet up in the food court. Jack took all of forty-five minutes to do his shopping and then took up residence at a table. He'd brought his Gameboy, and was happily absorbed when a familiar voice broke his concentration.
"Nice to know some things never change. Hi, Jack," the woman greeted him with a wry smile.
"Sara! Small world. Take a load off," he replied offering her a chair.
"It's good to see you, too, Jack." She chuckled. "So what's new that you can actually talk about?"
"Actually I'm retired, Sara, so my life is an open book," he told her.
"Again? Do you think it will stick this time?" she inquired knowingly.
"Well, technically I am still a consultant, so who knows," he acknowledged.
"So what are you doing with yourself? I'm surprised you are not at the cabin this time of year," she asked.
"It's a long story, but I've had a busy summer," Jack stated vaguely. How could he explain the living arrangements that would seem odd to anyone that didn't know the whole story.
Just then Cassie turned up with an arm full of bags. "Jack, look after these. Sam is trying on clothes and needs my help," she ordered before spotting the person sitting with him. "Oh, hi. Sorry to interrupt," she apologized.
"Cassie, this is my ex-wife Sara. And this whirlwind is my adopted daughter Cassandra," Jack told a startled Sara. "Who appears to be giving my charge cards quite a work-out."
Cassie was dying to stay and try to find out what he was doing chatting with his ex, but she had left Sam in a dressing room and needed to hurry back.
"It's nice to meet you, Sara. I have to go rescue Sam otherwise I'd love to stay and listen to Jack try to explain me to you," she grinned, and then dashed off as fast as she had appeared.
"You have been busy," Sara commented in shock.
"Her mom was a friend, our Chief Medical Officer. Patched me up more times than I care to count. Cassie lost her whole family when she was eleven, and Doc took her in. Then Janet, Dr. Fraiser got herself killed five months ago," Jack explained. "Cassie was still two months shy of eighteen so someone had to legally adopt her. It was supposed to be Sam, but she was missing in action at the time, so I stepped in."
"Sam is a she?" Sarah asked trying to keep up. She knew better than to ask how the doctor had been killed.
"Major Samantha Carter was my second in command. She got a medical discharge when she was found," Jack told her, and Sara swore he was choked up by the memory. She understood why five minutes later when Cassie returned with Sam in tow.
Sam hadn't known why Cassie was in such a hurry to get back, but when she saw the woman sitting with Jack and she understood. One look at Sara O'Neill and she decided that the time for her to break away and let Jack get on with his life had arrived. The woman was still in love with him.
The next three weeks were a whirlwind of changes. The cast on Sam's leg finally came off, and while she still needed crutches to get around it still improved her mobility tenfold. No more stretching out in the back seat of Jack's truck, she could now sit normally in the front seat of any car, and even drive if it was an automatic. A week later they drove Cassie to college. The parting was tearful, but within days it was obvious that the teen had made several new friends and was having the time of her life.
So it was down to just Sam and Jack. It was one of the hardest things she'd ever had to do, but a week after Cassie moved out, Sam did too. Back in her quiet house, she looked around in despair. She had never felt so alone in her entire life. Jack wasn't fairing any better. His house had been full of people for months, and now he was alone again. He called Hammond and told him he was ready to consider a more active training or consulting role and the General jumped at the chance to get him back. Sam had been putting in a bit of work there too, helping to debug a few gate errors. He was glad to see that she wasn't just sitting around the house in between her physical therapy session. He knew that Daniel was spending a lot of free time at her house too, so he figured she'd be fine.
Which is why when Sara called and suggested they get together for dinner he agreed. They'd talked a few times since the chance meeting at the mall and it seemed perfectly natural, just going out as two friends. So why did it feel like he was doing something wrong? Even Daniel had raised an eyebrow when he'd heard. Jack felt slightly better knowing that his friend was having dinner with Sam that night, but still found his thoughts turning to her several times as he got ready and went to pick up Sara. They were at the restaurant when Jack's cell phone rang. It was Daniel, and his words sent chills up Jack's spine.
"Sam's in trouble. You'd better get over here."
He arrived to find Hammond and McKenzie already there in a huddle with Daniel. His friend looked up in relief to see Jack.
"Thank god. She won't let any of us near her," he reported in concern.
"Where is she?" Jack asked looking around the empty living room.
Daniel pointed to the closet. "She didn't answer when I got here so I let myself in. I couldn't find her, then I heard a noise from in there. She freaked when I tried to go in to check on her," he reported.
Jack moved over to the door signaling the others to stay back and let him do this alone. He opened the door to see Sam curled up in the corner in a tight ball, trembling. He racked his brain to think of what might have caused her to regress to this state. He was just about to go ask Daniel exactly what he had seen and heard on entering the house when it happened. Sam sneezed. She tried her best to hold it in, and it ended up as just a soft snuffle, but it caused her to back even further in the corner in fear.
The enormity of it hit him. Here was one sound she couldn't stifle. One auto response that couldn't be controlled. She'd been forced out of her silence and was waiting for retribution. He racked his brain for the appropriate way to handle this. Positive re-enforcement was needed. The next time she sneezed she needed to associate the sound with something other than pain. Quietly he began repeating over and over that it was ok, that she was home, that it was Jack and she was fine. He didn't want her to freak out if he touched her. Gradually she started to uncurl and he actually had her half in his arms when he saw her start to panic and stiffen. A second later she sneezed again. He did the only thing he could think of.
He kissed her.
Email: jackiesficaol.com
Summary: They really should talk to each other.
Sam felt like she was turning into a total bitch. The least little thing seemed to set her off. She was frustrated by the slow progress her shoulder was making and in constant pain aggravated by using the crutches. She wasn't sleeping well again as she was besieged by nightmares. And she was tired of feeling like she had to rely on others for everything. Then there was Jack O'Neill. She could handle it when he was being a royal pain in the ass. That was the Jack she knew and loved. But he was being so patient with her she wanted to scream.
She hated herself for needing him so much. She had always been independent and to cling to him so desperately made her feel like a coward. To top it all off she wanted more from him. She was recovered enough now that being in his arms no longer just comforted her; it aroused her as well. And yet he showed no signs of wanting her in return. But then why would he? She had stood in the bathroom many a morning studying the body that was once firm and shapely. Granted she was no longer painfully thin, but there was still nothing there to attract a man like Jack O'Neill. Not to mention the scars that marred her (that no one except for Dr. Miller had seen). The Jaffa had delighted in using knifes and hot pokers to try to get her to call out during those last months in captivity. Looking at the reminders she knew that Ptah had been correct when he said that no man would ever find her desirable again.
Unbeknownst to anyone, Ptah had ordered his Jaffa to not touch the female prisoner in anyway sexual. It had saved Sam from being raped while in captivity. Spitefully, he then told Sam that he had no further use for her. He said that he had offered her to his Jaffa, but that they found her so repulsive in her current condition, broken and scarred, that they did not see her as anything other that a plaything to continue to torture. The belief that she was now undesirable was re-enforced that awful day she had been stung up for calling out in her sleep. As she hung there totally naked one of the Jaffa had been tempted to have his way with her. The other guard had reminded him that she was 'forbidden' in Goa'uld, a word Sam had mistaken for one meaning 'disgusting'. The guards had retreated, and Sam had been left to look down at her bruised body in tears. Relief that nothing had happened had warred with the painful knowledge that she wasn't even worthy of raping.
Now she berated herself over her moments of weakness when she needed to be in Jack's arms, convinced that she should wean herself from him before she embarrassed him with her unwanted feelings, a conviction that was re-enforced during a trip to the mall the next week.
Cassie had a last minute list of items she needed before going off to college and had convinced Sam that she needed some new clothes too. After all she hadn't bought herself anything in over six months and she wasn't living in BDU's anymore. So Jack squired them to the mall, unwilling to let the two of them struggle with crutches and packages alone and let them loose while he ran a few errands. They agreed to meet up in the food court. Jack took all of forty-five minutes to do his shopping and then took up residence at a table. He'd brought his Gameboy, and was happily absorbed when a familiar voice broke his concentration.
"Nice to know some things never change. Hi, Jack," the woman greeted him with a wry smile.
"Sara! Small world. Take a load off," he replied offering her a chair.
"It's good to see you, too, Jack." She chuckled. "So what's new that you can actually talk about?"
"Actually I'm retired, Sara, so my life is an open book," he told her.
"Again? Do you think it will stick this time?" she inquired knowingly.
"Well, technically I am still a consultant, so who knows," he acknowledged.
"So what are you doing with yourself? I'm surprised you are not at the cabin this time of year," she asked.
"It's a long story, but I've had a busy summer," Jack stated vaguely. How could he explain the living arrangements that would seem odd to anyone that didn't know the whole story.
Just then Cassie turned up with an arm full of bags. "Jack, look after these. Sam is trying on clothes and needs my help," she ordered before spotting the person sitting with him. "Oh, hi. Sorry to interrupt," she apologized.
"Cassie, this is my ex-wife Sara. And this whirlwind is my adopted daughter Cassandra," Jack told a startled Sara. "Who appears to be giving my charge cards quite a work-out."
Cassie was dying to stay and try to find out what he was doing chatting with his ex, but she had left Sam in a dressing room and needed to hurry back.
"It's nice to meet you, Sara. I have to go rescue Sam otherwise I'd love to stay and listen to Jack try to explain me to you," she grinned, and then dashed off as fast as she had appeared.
"You have been busy," Sara commented in shock.
"Her mom was a friend, our Chief Medical Officer. Patched me up more times than I care to count. Cassie lost her whole family when she was eleven, and Doc took her in. Then Janet, Dr. Fraiser got herself killed five months ago," Jack explained. "Cassie was still two months shy of eighteen so someone had to legally adopt her. It was supposed to be Sam, but she was missing in action at the time, so I stepped in."
"Sam is a she?" Sarah asked trying to keep up. She knew better than to ask how the doctor had been killed.
"Major Samantha Carter was my second in command. She got a medical discharge when she was found," Jack told her, and Sara swore he was choked up by the memory. She understood why five minutes later when Cassie returned with Sam in tow.
Sam hadn't known why Cassie was in such a hurry to get back, but when she saw the woman sitting with Jack and she understood. One look at Sara O'Neill and she decided that the time for her to break away and let Jack get on with his life had arrived. The woman was still in love with him.
The next three weeks were a whirlwind of changes. The cast on Sam's leg finally came off, and while she still needed crutches to get around it still improved her mobility tenfold. No more stretching out in the back seat of Jack's truck, she could now sit normally in the front seat of any car, and even drive if it was an automatic. A week later they drove Cassie to college. The parting was tearful, but within days it was obvious that the teen had made several new friends and was having the time of her life.
So it was down to just Sam and Jack. It was one of the hardest things she'd ever had to do, but a week after Cassie moved out, Sam did too. Back in her quiet house, she looked around in despair. She had never felt so alone in her entire life. Jack wasn't fairing any better. His house had been full of people for months, and now he was alone again. He called Hammond and told him he was ready to consider a more active training or consulting role and the General jumped at the chance to get him back. Sam had been putting in a bit of work there too, helping to debug a few gate errors. He was glad to see that she wasn't just sitting around the house in between her physical therapy session. He knew that Daniel was spending a lot of free time at her house too, so he figured she'd be fine.
Which is why when Sara called and suggested they get together for dinner he agreed. They'd talked a few times since the chance meeting at the mall and it seemed perfectly natural, just going out as two friends. So why did it feel like he was doing something wrong? Even Daniel had raised an eyebrow when he'd heard. Jack felt slightly better knowing that his friend was having dinner with Sam that night, but still found his thoughts turning to her several times as he got ready and went to pick up Sara. They were at the restaurant when Jack's cell phone rang. It was Daniel, and his words sent chills up Jack's spine.
"Sam's in trouble. You'd better get over here."
He arrived to find Hammond and McKenzie already there in a huddle with Daniel. His friend looked up in relief to see Jack.
"Thank god. She won't let any of us near her," he reported in concern.
"Where is she?" Jack asked looking around the empty living room.
Daniel pointed to the closet. "She didn't answer when I got here so I let myself in. I couldn't find her, then I heard a noise from in there. She freaked when I tried to go in to check on her," he reported.
Jack moved over to the door signaling the others to stay back and let him do this alone. He opened the door to see Sam curled up in the corner in a tight ball, trembling. He racked his brain to think of what might have caused her to regress to this state. He was just about to go ask Daniel exactly what he had seen and heard on entering the house when it happened. Sam sneezed. She tried her best to hold it in, and it ended up as just a soft snuffle, but it caused her to back even further in the corner in fear.
The enormity of it hit him. Here was one sound she couldn't stifle. One auto response that couldn't be controlled. She'd been forced out of her silence and was waiting for retribution. He racked his brain for the appropriate way to handle this. Positive re-enforcement was needed. The next time she sneezed she needed to associate the sound with something other than pain. Quietly he began repeating over and over that it was ok, that she was home, that it was Jack and she was fine. He didn't want her to freak out if he touched her. Gradually she started to uncurl and he actually had her half in his arms when he saw her start to panic and stiffen. A second later she sneezed again. He did the only thing he could think of.
He kissed her.