Disclaimer: Joss', not mine.

I stood, pen still in hand, speechless.

"I have observed your actions, and interpreted your emotions" She explained. "They all portend to this conclusion"

"Did you get what you needed from that experience?"

"Yes, it was most informative."

"Good, don't ever do it again."

She had been testing me. That role-play had merely been an experiment to gauge her power. I was her puppet – she knew that more than anything else.

And I had fallen for it like the clumsy fool I was.

"What would satisfy you?"

"What?" I managed to force my drifting gaze upon her. I had been travelling through thoughts, in worlds of grey and painful colour. I was losing my grip.

"What d'ya want me t'be?"

Fred's voice. Fred's. Voice. There, inside her, inside the body of the God who lived in the body of the voice and this was all so confusing.

That quirky, coy smile that spread across her whole face, lighting up her eyes, dressed in blue. She was Fred, but she was Illyria.

"I told you" I said, in barely measured tones. "Be blue"

"Y'sure?"

"I told you not to do that!" I roared, flinging the pen across the room. It struck a book, a pile of books, and its flight was halted, the collision merely throwing it down to the floor, without strength or effect. I stared at it dully. It seemed the same, but had surely broken. I willed it to stand, to fly again and reach its intended target and have its intentions met -

"Aw, come on Wes…How long is this gonna take?"

Suddenly she was behind me, her arms slipping round my waist and I found I was frozen as time raced round my ears.

"It took ya long enough last time" She teasing reprimanded.

Slowly, oh so slowly, I turned around, feeling the press of her hands through my shirt, and they felt the same as they had always done.

And there she was. FredIllyria. IllyriaFred. Dressed in red, with skin of blue, smiling up at me, her eyes brown, whispering truth.

"Don't" I begged, as I felt everything start to crumble away from me. My heart swayed in my chest, looping the loop and I couldn't even close my eyes to shut it all out. The words and texts bounced in my head, and all I could feel was the warmth of her breath, and the touch of her skin…All I could feel. All I could feel –

"Is my conclusion correct?" The voice was formal, but it was no longer so cold.

"Yes…" I whispered, and I knew then that everything shifted, and I would be running along after it, struggling to adapt.

"Can we be like it was?"

Texas. She had been born in Texas. All Gods came from Texas. My babbling mind knew that wasn't right, but I couldn't quite grasp hold.

"I'm…I'm not sure we can"

"Can we be the new adaptation?" Her finger traced the edge of my jawline. "I think I'd like that"

"I…"

God, everything was moving so fast and I was frozen in a void.

I couldn't move, all I could see was…her….pressed against me, her warm body against my chest, the light in her eyes, the familiar thoughts and kindness. Yet, there, the new perceiving wonder and all consuming, impressive arrogance. I admired her. I admired them both. But there was no true distinction anymore.

Pressing my lips to hers was a thousand fallacies and a thousand victories, all dripping like jewels in a shrine. She tasted…she tasted like Fred, but tasted like Illyria. She responded with youth, but with an ancient will, and I was kissing poisoned gold but couldn't stop.

I pulled her closer, tighter, letting my hands move across this new ancient body, foreign and yet known, letting my emotions rule, pulling me into ruin. She responded in kind, and each second passed like an eternity as my thoughts ceased to be and I simply felt.

I didn't know what I was feeling, but I was no longer dead.

She pulled away as I did, breaking off like familiar lovers, but I couldn't smile. I couldn't relax, I was trembling and I stepped back.

Illyria licked her bottom lip thoughtfully, and regarded me, head on one side.

"You still try to deny how you feel" She observed.

I felt broken and furious and choked by smoke.

"It is interesting"

My skin chilled, turning clammy and sick. My palms felt like they would slough free from my skeleton, and I felt her taste worm her way into my mind, straggling poisons slipping from my burning lips.

"Did you get what you needed from that experience?" I managed to get out, words barely forming, my lungs not providing enough air.

"Yes" She replied with the faintest hint of a smile. "It was most informative"

My mouth moved, and all I wanted to do was fall apart and expose my remains to the skies.

"Don't…Don't do it again"

"As you desire, I will comply"

The undercurrents were stronger, and my office, the books, all jiggled and laughed at my failure.

"Get out" I whispered, but it was no longer a command. It was a plead. I was begging her.

"I shall"

"GETOUT!" And this time I screamed it so loud, that I felt my mind splinter and my heart crack and the scream wasn't enough to obliterate the pain or the fear, though I wished it to, I wished it. It wasn't happening, but I wanted everything to go back and I knew it wouldn't, and it was all spinning around and her...she hurt so much -

She left, making no sound. All traces of Fred were once again buried because she was afraid of the light.