Dedicated to the lovely Rachel...because she wanted it. Oh and Nikki, because I asked if I could. ( Luv u guys.)
Disclaimer – If I owned Harry Potter or anything in it do you think I would be writing fanfiction on it? Well perhaps I would but that's beside the point.
SHUT UP, YOU! I own anything you don't recognise. There.
There's just one thing I'd like to say before we start...
Okay it went out of my head but if it comes up again I promise I'll tell you.
Now, onto the story!!!
Another lewd tale of love, hormones, magic and sexual frustration by Tanx.
Harry The Shrinking Violet. Chapter one: Wherein the Wizarding world glimpses Harry's naked form 'getting' it on' with a gargoyle – or is he?!
Warning: although this initially looks like mushy love crap, I assure you it's anything but. If you'll just read on you'll discover that the mind of a fifteen year old high on celery juice and guarana is a terrifying and dangerous thing...
The only person Harry ever wanted was Hermione Granger and it killed him that he couldn't have her.
The only person Hermione Granger ever wanted was Harry and it killed her that he didn't see it.
The only thing Ron ever wanted was a hamburger but at Hogwarts they only served 'traditional food' so he never got one.
No, just joking. The only person Ron ever wanted was Hermione Granger and what he didn't realise was that it would tear his friendship with his best friend apart, just to desire her.
But that's all mushy love crap isn't it? And what you really wanna see (though you'd never admit it) is cheap, 'Passions' (god bless little Timmy) style teen romps and magical tales of sex and raw, undying pleasure.
But I'm afraid if that's what you want you've come to the wrong place. BUT DON'T LEAVE JUST COZ' OF THAT!!
Right here I'm giving you the result of a shitty day at school and an ego that needs to be seriously massaged by reviews (hint hint nudge nidge) and unworthy praise.
Okay I lie. There will be some romping.
I give you my brainchild,
Harry the Shrinking Violet.
In a night of what would have been a pleasurable experience if he could remember his dream, Harry awoke to the sounds of laughter from the Gryffindor common room downstairs.
He heard the likes of Lavender, Mary and Dawn, three annoying girls from his year and the year below.
Harry, being the sexy detective wannabe that he is, emerged from his bedroom with his magnifying lass and Sherlock Holmes hat (no actually just his cloak and wand) and decided that he would investigate.
And he really would have been better off if he wasn't so god-damn curious because the sight that unfolded before him was horrifying and slightly arousing for dear Harry.
The entire Gryffindor vicinity was decked out in front of the fireplace leaning in to get a close look at the floor and Harry had no idea why.
Little did he know (until he knew) that the Gryffindors were stretching their necks to catch a look at Harry Potter in the nude, appearing to be (how can I put this nicely?)...getting cosy with...the gargoyle in the Quidditch showers.
HARRY POTTER IN DESPERATE NEED OF A GIRLFRIEND...
...If the only love he can get is from a four-hundred year old rusty gargoyle. Writes Rita Skeeter, special correspondant.
Poor, lonely Harry Potter, the well acclaimed and not-so-well-endowed Gryffindorian has obviously been feeling more left alone than ever, what with the death of his parents and others close to his heart (A/N: Not gonna give away the OOTP shock death! Don't worry!), and has turned his attention and love-sick nature to a GARGOYLE.
Harry couldn't bare to read on. Fortunately for him, nobody had noticed his existence just yet (they were all too busy ogling over the article.)
What Harry found more surprising though was that he was more worried about what people thought of his cough appendage, than his strange actions, which Harry was already building an excuse for in his mind. He was not, in actual fact, trying to 'get some love' off the gargoyle, the photographer had just managed to catch him at the exact moment he was reaching down for the bar of soap that he dropped. Since the photograph was taken from the front and moving down, then up, then down again because the soap slipped again, the image looked rather...well...shall we say, suggestive.
Anyhoo Harry made a pathetic attempt to get back upsatairs without anybody noticing he had come down in the first place but as is the case in most fics, that would never, EVER happen. (Plus, Harry's not my favourite character so I'd never let him get oof that easy.)
As Harry crept up the stairs, bloody Colin Creevey, the annoying boy with the camera, spotted his idol.
'HEY! LOOK EVERYBODY! IT'S HARRY!' He shouted.
And that was enough to set everybody off.
Immediately, faces turned and people looked the boy up and down. Girls giggled, boys smirked (an action not simply reserved for Draco) and Colin, the little ass-monkey, ran up to Harry and took another photograph before saying, just loud enough for the ENTRIE FRIGGIN COMMON ROOM TO HEAR, 'Hey Harry? HARRY! LIKE THE SHOT I GOT OF YOU?! THINK IT'S TAKEN AT A GOOD ANGLE AY?! MAKES YOU LOOK PRETTY GOOD!'
Harry turned around to face the little weasel and suddenly every emotion that had been building up inside of him came out at once.
'I WOULDN'T BE SO GOD DAMNED SMART-ARSED IF I WERE YOU, YOU FREAK, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TOOK THE PICTURE OF ME NAKED AND SAID I LOOKED GOOD! WHAT ARE YOU, GAY?!'And with that, Harry snatched Colin's camera and threw it with all his strength at the fireplace,where it immediately combusted and melted before their eyes.
And for one split second, the attention was drawn from Harry's embarrassment to Colin's, when it dawned on the Gryffindors that what harry said was entirely correct – Colin was the guy who took the photo, and it's not so cool to go around taking nude photos of people then send them into popular women's magazines and say how hot they look when published. Not cool AT ALL.
Harry found this diversion long enough to sneak out of the common room into the outside air, and who did he happen to come across but everybody's favourite blonde Adonis...
Well that's it for now lovelies.
Next chapter, what happens when Draco gets his say on the article?
A plot will begin to develop and it won't simply be about Hermione or Harry's naked form...
R&R because you can, and because in some small underprivelidged countries they may not get the chance to ever press the review button. Do it for them,people.
Cya soon,
Tanx