Kenshin Outtakes for the Easily Amused
By: Lucia I. L. Tanaka, Hoshigami Takahashi
Lucia: Yo, readers. Allow me to introduce-
Hoshi: Ohaaaaaayo! (victory sign) Hoshigami Takahashi, Founder and President of the Pie Lovers Association!
Lucia: -.- Don't make me hurt you so soon in your first collaboration.
Hoshi: But don't you like pie...? I'm pumpkin!
Lucia: ... (shifty glance) Anything but apple...Damn movie...
Hoshi: (giggles) How about -hee hee- lemon meringue?
Lucia: (draws her Angelus Shotgun)
Hoshi: Gomen -hee- nasai.
Lucia: (growls) Just...just explain the fic, you sugar-crazed psycho.
Hoshi: (bounces) Bubbles!
Lucia: KENOSHORO MITAZO!
Keno: (appears from a puff of logic) (injects Hoshi with a Sanity Stabilizer) (disappears again)
Hoshi: (head falls forward on chest) Nyah! (lifts head, slightly glassy-eyed) This fic is the result of a boring chorus class. Yes, Lu and I go to the same school. We just jotted down things that would never happen on the Ruruken set.
Lucia: Start the fic! (cuddles Kenshin-bot)
Hoshi: (does so in a shower of citrus-scented bubbles)
---
Saitou & Kenshin: (arms linked together, cups of sake in free hands, swaying to and fro singing) Lean on me, when you're not strong, and I'll be your friend. I'll help you-
Sanosuke: (walks in and stares) What in the Kami-sama's good name are you doing?!
Kenshin: (snickers and hiccups) We're- we're- we are...are...(loses balance and falls on his back) (sits up) We, my dear friend Sano, are bonding.
Saitoh: (stumbles around, looking for the sake bottle and singing) We all have pain, we all have sorrows...
---
Yahiko: (swaggers into the dojo wearing a white tank top, baggy jeans, a gold chain around his neck, and a Spiderman Band-Aid on one cheek)
Kaoru & Kenshin: O.O
Yahiko: Yo, yo. Wuh goin' on, ma homie K's? (gansta hand salute) Word to yo momma.
---
Kenshin: (running from the police)
Cop: Stop him; he's violating the sword-banning act!
Kenshin: (trips) Shi -I mean- Oro!
Cop: (blinks and helps him up)
Kenshin: Arigato. (dusts self off ) Shall I continue running, de gozaru ka?
Cop: Of course.
Kenshin: (runs)
---
Kenshin: (painting toenails) Did you hear? Shishio switched brands of bandages.
Sanosuke: (drops nail file) Omigosh! He did?
Kenshin: Yep. Switched from Charmin to Angel Soft. (whispers) He might even switch to Cottonelle.
Sanosuke: (gasp) Really?
Kenshin: Well...Soujiro-chan says...(lowers voice) Charmin gives Shishio a rash...
---
Shishio: (looks around nervously then turns on T.V.) (sings along) Hamtaro! When we work together, its much better! My ham-hams! We like sunflower seeds, krum krum krum!
---
Yahiko: How'd you get him to do it?
Ayume: (deep Italiano) Ah made 'im an offa he couldn' refuse.
Suzume: (smokes cigar) We fill 'is Zanbato so fulla lead, it was like cheeeeeese.
Ayume: (nods) Swiss cheese, kid.
---
Aoshi: (looks around) (clears throat and sings) I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts...
---
Misao: (practicing with her kunai/mini-bladers) Slashy-slashy...
Misao's nail: A plague on both your houses! (breaks)
Misao: O.O ITAAAAAAAAI!
---
Scene 2: Kenshin leaving for Tokyo (Firefly scene)-
Kenshin: (hugging Kaoru) Thank you. Farewell. (lets go and starts to leave)
Kaoru: Aw, hell no. (grabs Kenshin and kisses him)
Kenshin: O.Ox
Sano & Megumi: (watching them) About damn time.
Yahiko: Ewww! Busu and Kenshin!
Sano: Aren't they gonna stop?
Megumi: Doesn't look like it.
Director: CUT!
---
Hoshi: Well, that's all for now. Please, don't -BUBBLES!- try the above -PIE!- at home. (twitch)
Lucia: Keno! Get in here! (waves) Until next time, read and review!