Disclaimer: Same as always I own nothing in this story yadda yadda yadda...
SORRY SORRY SORRY, this took me forever, this chapter made me angry and im still not completely happy with it but I decided that I should post it anyways. Im giving myself deadlines now, I have to update before every Wednesday or Yarel will kill me. Im blackmailing myself to write its rather fun. THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO HAS REVIEWED I LOVE YOU ALL!
The boat from Kilika arrives at Luca to the sound of the commentators Jimma and Bobba. Aboard the boat are the we-like-fire team and the we-have-soft- shiny-hair-except-for-wakka-who-doesn't team. Al-bhed-psychos-who-attack- anything-that's-the-colour-blue team have also arrived. The we-like- bunnies team from Luca is there as well.
Everyone gets off the boat. The we-have-soft-shiny-hair-except-for-wakka- who-doesn't team are huddled together plotting how to get rid of Tidus. Kimahri is reading a book on the best ways to cook turkey and Tidus is busy being amazed at how his hand gets bigger when he moves it closer to his face.
Yuna, who's clutching her beanbag, runs and tackles Lulu. "Finally Mr hippo," Yuna announces, "we have arrived at the land of sellotape!"
Lulu, looking very agitated stands up and looks around. "Yuna I don't see any sellotape"
"Ah," Yuna said her eyes very wide "But your not looking closely enough, it's just really really really small." Yuna gets down on her hands and knees and presses her nose to the ground. Slowly she whispers "Here sellotape sellotape sellotape"
Lulu stomps off muttering something about, wishing the final aeon would just kill her now.
Wakka walks over to Tidus, who is now fascinated by how his hand looks smaller as he moves it away from his face.
"Canoe im such a genius!"
"Sure you are Meg.... whats with the Canoe?"
"What? Oh whoops sorry its just that well you talk so much like a canoe, I just got mixed up"
"Oh wow I never knew that. Meg do you think you could help us get the beanbag off Yuna?"
Tidus looked at Yuna who is still looking for the sellotape with the help of the beanbag.
"But why they look so happy together!"
"Because." Lulu said sharply, joining the conversation. Lulu thought for a few seconds. She smiled smugly. "We need someone to distract her and you're perfect for the part."
"What part?" Tidus asked puzzledly.
"Yuna! Megs saying bah again!" Lulu yelled.
Yuna instantly stops looking for the sellotape and starts running towards Tidus and yells, "I CAN FIGHT!" She tackles Tidus and starts to hit him with the beanbag. "Die sheep die!"
Wakka suddenly gasps and pulls a strange device out of his pocket. "My Maester radar is telling me that Maester Mika is here!"
Everyone gasps and starts to run off, except for Yuna and Tidus who have to be dragged away.
They join the large crowd standing on the dock, waiting for the great wise Maester to appear.
A man with Blue hair steps out onto the deck.
"Whats wrong with his face?" Yuna asks loudly.
"Yeah I know he looks like squashed squid guts" Tidus said.
"I am Seymour Guado, proud to be a freak."
"Seriously dude whats wrong with your face?" Tidus called out.
"My mother is an aeon." Seymour said proudly ignoring Tidus' question, "A big strong aeon."
Kimahri starts to beat his chest and screams "KIMAHRI IS VALEFOR!"
"Interesting..." Said Seymour slightly afraid. "My dad is mysteriously dead and I didn't kill him, and now I have to take on his role as Maester and I still didn't kill him."
"Ah, so we all know that he didn't kill Maester Jyscal!" Wakka pointed out to Tidus.
Music starts up and the crowd quietens down and stops whispering about the ugly dude that didn't kill his father.
Maester Mika walks slowly down the ramp and stands before the crowd of people. He takes a few deep breaths and opens his mouth to talk. The crowd waits eagerly to see what has to say.
"People of Spira, for too long we have been trapped and held back by a powerful evil, a dark well known evil. AND THAT EVIL IS CLOTHES!"
Suddenly Maester Mika rips off all his clothes and runs off laughing like a mad man and calling back towards the crowd "You'll never catch me im the gingerbread man!"
A group of warrior monks and priests run off after him carrying a large net.
"Not again dammit!" Seymour said, very annoyed. He began to go after the grand maester too but is stopped as the whole al-bhed-psychos-who-attack- anything-that-is-the-colour-blue team leap on him and begin to punch, kick and bite him.
"Tsk tsk that's the trouble with having blue hair" Wakka said shaking his head. "Well we better go off and get ready for the game"
"But Wakka the games not for another five hours" Tidus stated.
"Nothing wrong with being a little early"
At the 'stadium'......
"Here we are!" Wakka told Tidus.
Tidus stared at the sign on the building in front of him. "Clinic for people who see things, hear things and talk to things that aren't there." He read aloud. "Are you sure this is the place?"
"Yes very sure Meg very sure"
Wakka, Tidus and Yuna entered the building. As soon as they did three men in white coats lunged at them and put Yuna and Tidus into straight jackets. Then they lunged at the beanbag and began wrestling with it. Then one of them shot it with a tranquilliser gun.
Wakka exited the building and met up with Lulu.
"Killed two rocks with one jelly bean aye Lu!"
Lulu gasped and slapped Wakka. "You killed two rocks! Remember that thing called a wall in Kilika it was made of rocks and it was endangered! YOU'RE DESTROYING OUR PLANET!" Lulu turns around and falls to the ground screaming as she sees naked Mika run past.
"Lets just go to the stadium now ya?" Wakka said helping Lulu get up.
In the we-all-have-soft-shiny-hair-except-for-wakka-who-doesn't teams locker room.......
"Well boys it's the final match lets win this ya!" Wakka said enthusiastically.
"Um Wakka there haven't been any games yet" Someone said.
"Yeah well the al-bhed-psychos-who-attack-anything-that's-the-colour-blue dropped out because they didn't want to get their hair wet,"
"We have to get our hair wet! This is an outrage!" someone cried.
Ignoring this, Wakka carried on explaining what happened to the other team, "And the we-like-fire team were disqualified for trying to burn the water. So we just have to beat the we-like-bunnies team. Chappu you're filling in for Meg."
The we-all-have-soft-shiny-hair-except-for-Wakka-who-doesn't team walked out of their locker room and walked to the blitz pool. They assembled themselves so they stood opposite the we-like-bunnies team and so that the blitz pool, which was just a small shallow child's blow up paddling pool, was in the middle. They began to laugh at the we-like-bunnies teams uniform, which were pink bunny suits.
They were all about to dive in the pool when a large crowd comes running towards them with sponges. They leap on the we-like-bunnies team and begin beating them with the sponges. Once they were convinced that all the people in the we-like-bunnies team were dead they got up, shook each other's hands and walked off.
"We won!" Wakka yelled happily.
"YAY!" The rest of the team chorused and began to do the chicken dance.
Suddenly the stadium grew dark. Everyone looked to the sky to see a swarm of something coming towards them. As the swarm got closer they saw that it was the most feared of all fiends. Lint.
Everyone launched into panic mode and began to run and scream in a mad rush to get away from the lint. "Save the children!" A woman screamed. "Forget the children just save your clothes!" Someone else yelled.
Some of the lint attacked Maester Seymour but exploded at the sight of his ugly face. The other lint turned to see what was going on and saw Seymour's face as well, exploding the moment their non-existent eyes lay sight on him.
Seymour puffed out his chest and held his head high. "Im so powerfully ugly!"
Just that second Maester Mika ran past and yelled out "Im so powerfully naked!"
Seymour began to chase Maester Mika but suddenly started running in the opposite direction after a pretty butterfly.
Wakka's body was lying on the ground. He wasn't dead, he had just decided that if he went to sleep the lint wouldn't see him because he would be transported to dreamland. Wakka was dropped on his head a lot as a child.
Wakka's eyes shot open to the sound of a familiar annoying voice. There was Tidus standing over him singing the song that never ends with Mr leaf in his hand.
"This is the song that never ends, and it goes on and on my friends, some people started singing it not knowing what it was and then they kept on singing it for ever just because, hit it Mr leaf!"
Tidus stared at the leaf in his hand expectantly. "Seems Mr leaf has become shy all of a sudden" Tidus decided.
"Meg!" Wakka exclaimed, "Why are you here ya?"
"For the Blitzball game of course! You dropped me at the wrong place! But that's okay we all make mistakes."
"Yeah, mistakes.' Wakka grumbled. "How'd you get here? WHY WONT YOU LEAVE ME ALONE YA!"
"My new pet bought me here!"
"Pet?"
Wakka sat up and spotted what Tidus was talking about. He jumped to his feet. "What the hell is that ya!?"
"That's Pumpkin, my pet giant flying cucumber, remember I told you about him when I met you at that island place, where you come from! I think its called Besaid? Is that right?"
"Ya Besaid, surprised you remembered that, maybe you a brain after all ya? Or maybe sins bad body odour is wearing off."
"Wow!" Tidus jumped up and down with happiness. "I have a memory! Normally it just goes through one nostril and out the other!"
"Um Meg look ya." Wakka pointed to behind Tidus.
Tidus turned to see Pumpkin flying off into the distant, stopping occasionally to gnaw on a cloud.
"Dammit!" Tidus kicked the ground but ending up kicking his other foot and tripping up. "He must have eaten through the invisible leash I had him on! DAMN IT!"
Wakka patted Tidus on the back. "Its okay Meg, lets just go find the others ya?"
All the seats in the stadium were empty, in fact the whole stadium was deserted except for two people/things, Chappu who was pecking at the remains of the lint and Barney who was sitting in a seat doodling on the back of a napkin.
"So if I go here," Barney said to himself while staring intently at the badly drawn map of Luca. "While that boy from Zanarkand is eating a burito, then I can sneak up behind that person two blocks away from him and take his shoes. Then when the boy is paying for the burito, I can hide in a can of beans while wearing a Mexican hat, hoping on one foot and playing the banjo. When he is least suspecting it I will then sneak up behind him cry out like a sloth and hug him!" Barney leapt up, "Finally a plan with no holes in it!"
Barney suddenly noticed the sound of footsteps advancing towards him, he looked in the direction of the sound to see a strangely dressed man walking towards him. As the man got closer Barney could also hear a swishing sound and the sound of wheels.
"Think Barney think! Do something that's not suspicious!" Barney hurriedly bent down and began to tie his shoelaces. Barney cursed as he realised that he didn't know how to and just waved his hands around his feet hoping that he looked convincing enough.
When the strange man got to Barney he made a sudden stop directly in front of him.
"You know the reason you're having so much trouble is because you don't have any shoes with shoelaces to tie."
Barney stood up and looked at the man. "What the hell are you wearing?"
The man looked shocked that someone could ask such a thing, and instantly started to explain. Striking a pose he pointed to his jacket. "My jacket, IN FACT, my whole outfit is made from authentic cup cake cups, and this sling around my neck is my special carrier."
"Carrier for what?" Barney asked curiously.
"I'll show you." The man opened the sling to reveal a chocolate cupcake with a little hat saying 'Chocolatey'.
"A cupcake? Why the hell a cupcake!?"
The man gasped. "Why the hell NOT a cupcake? Tell me that aye!"
Barney look behind the man to see a little red wagon filled with cupcakes.
"Are you like, selling cupcakes for girl guides of something?"
This time the man looked as if he was going to have a heart attack. "SELL MY PRECIOUS CUPCAKES! HOW DARE YOU EVEN SUGGEST SUCH A THING!"
"You need some serious help, who are you anyway?"
"I, am the Legendary Cupcake man, Auron!"
"Never heard of you."
"Really? Not even just a reference to me in a conversation?"
"Nope, though I have heard of the Muffin man."
"The muffin man! Damn that muffin man who lives on Drury lane! Damn him to fake artificial sweetness hell!" Auron cried in a sudden outburst of anger. He calmed down. "Oh yeah forgot to mention I was Lord Braskas guardian too."
"Ah, so you're a good guy."
"I suppose so, why is that a problem?"
"Well im evil."
"Evil how?" questioned Auron.
"Evil as in I Hug people!" Barney burst into maniacal laughing.
"How is that evil?"
Barney stopped laughing. "How is it not evil?"
"But isn't it kind of kind?"
"No." Barney said uneasily.
"Well it doesn't sound very evil to me."
"Said the man who is cradling a cupcake in his arms."
"We've been through a lot together, we are family too each other." Auron said defensively.
While Auron and Barney had been talking, Chappu had wandered his way over and into the little red wagon of Aurons. He began to peck at a strawberry muffin happily.
Barney spotted Chappu and screamed like a giraffe that had just realised that he hadn't grown a beard for his mothers surprise birthday cake. Barney fainted. Auron looked to see what Barney had screamed at and flew into an outrage as he saw the empty cupcake cup in the wagon.
Auron pulled a packet of paper clips out of his pocket and started throwing them at Chappu. One paper clip landed on Barney's arm and somehow ripped him in two.
Suddenly Auron stopped attacking Chappu as he heard someone call out, "ORANGE!"