Billy and Pat - Their story
Chapter 18
We have now reached Stinking Springs, where there is an abandoned house we can hide in. We're all exhausted after riding all night, frozen, hungry and sad over having lost Tom. It hasn't snowed since yesterday and I know it's only a matter of time before Garrett gets here, but none of us can ride any longer. This might be the end of the road for us, but right now I can't care. All I can think about is Tom. He shouldn't have died. Everything is because of me. He died because he was riding with me. I'm a death sentence to everyone I know. I killed Tom, not Garrett.
I try to keep my good mood. The mood in the small house is everything but happy, so someone has to be positive. At least on the outside. Inside the dark thoughts flow through me. Many people think that I don't have any feelings, just because I can seem cool in dangerous situations, but that's not true. My inner soul is full of emotions, often contradictory ones. For example I don't know what I really think about Garrett. I hate him for what he has done to me and my friends, but at the same time I like him. He and I were good friends before and I can't just shut off these feelings. A part of me will probably always consider Pat a friend. It sounds strange, but it's true.
"I think I'll go out and look after the horses," Charlie says after a while. "Can I borrow your hat, Billy? I must have dropped mine sometime last night."
"Sure," I answer and hand him my hat.
When he steps out through the doorway a shot is heard and Charlie falls to the ground. Not him too, not him too. The thought is spinning in my head. Now I'm the last Regulator. In an attempt to hide my sorrow, I show my anger instead. I take one of Charlie's guns and put it in his hand.
"You're dead, Charlie, but make sure you won't have to go to the kingdom of the dead alone. Take Garrett with you!"
Under great pain Charlie gets up and stagger out of the house. Outside I can see Garrett and his men hiding behind some rocks. They aim at Charlie, but probably see that they don't have to waste more bullets on him. Charlie is slowly walking towards Garrett, who's just standing there looking at him. Charlie tries to raise his weapon and for a moment I think he's going to be able to shoot Garrett, but then he falls to the ground.
Now a gunfight begins that lasts for almost half an hour. When we're running out of bullets, we stop shooting. An escape attempt by bringing the horses into the house and then riding out is stopped by Garrett, who shoots one of the horses, so that it blocks the opening. We're trapped. The only thing those outside have to do is to wait us out and Garrett knows that very well. Wilson is starting to panic and is all the time asking what we're going to do.
"We should surrender," says Pickett.
"Never," I say angrily. "I will never surrender."
"We have no choice, Kid. Don't you understand that?"
Of course I understand that, but I won't surrender immediately, like a coward. I'm much too stubborn for that.
"What are we going to do then? Run out shooting? You saw what happened when Charlie stuck his nose out."
"Do you have a better idea then?" Dave asks angrily. "We can't just sit here."
I can see how the gang is split in two groups before me. Wilson and Pickett want to surrender. Dave and I don't want that, even if I know that's the way it's going to end anyway. Dave seems to want that we run out with our guns blazing, but only a madman would do that. Sure, I did that in Lincoln, but then I had no other choice. If I had stayed in the house, I would've burned to death, so I took the risk of leaving the house.
Finally it's the cold and hunger that defeat us. We can smell the food cooking over the fires Garrett has lit outside and we decide to give up. We put down our guns and walk out of the house with our hands up. Garrett and his posse are standing in front of us. Most of them look victorious and relieved. Several of them have a grin on their faces. What surprises me, is that Garrett doesn't look that superior. He, if anyone, should be feeling proud now, but instead he has an almost sad look on his face. Like his eyes are looking for forgiveness for what he has done.
I see Charlie's dead body lying on the ground and once again the anger rises in me. I almost want to throw myself at Garrett, but I know I won't live much longer if I do that. You will pay for what you've done soon enough. I'm warning you, Pat.
Chapter 19
Early in the morning we surround the small building at Stinking Springs. We know Billy and his gang are inside. Their tracks have led us here. None of them have noticed that we're here yet. I hope we can catch them alive, but I'm not so sure that will be possible.
A little while later we see a man coming out of the house. He has the same kind of hat Billy usually has and he looks like the Kid. I order my men to shoot and then fire a shot at the man, which hits him in the side.
"We got him!" one of my men exclaims happily.
"It's not over yet," I mutter. I know the battle isn't over just because we shot one of them. There are at least four more men inside.
The man, who we think is Billy, manages to get back into the house and then we see him stagger out again with a gun in his hand. It's not Billy. It's Charlie Bowdre. My men aim at him, but I tell them not to shoot. Charlie hasn't got much time left now. He walks toward me and tries to raise his gun, but doesn't make it. He slumps before me and I hear him whisper something. "I wish, I wish…" are his last words. I will never know what he wished for. He died before he could finish the sentence. Maybe it was a wish for more time. Another life. I'll never know.
After a long gunfight the weapons go silent on both sides. Now it's just to wait. Maybe they will try to run. Maybe they will surrender. I hear angry voices from the house. They don't seem to know what to do either.
At last we hear a voice call out to us. It's Dave Rudabaugh, who's saying they're ready to give up. I order them to come out with their hands above their heads and a few minutes later four men are walking out. Billy comes out last and when he stands right in front of me, I look him straight into the eyes. Despite the tough situation he's in, he doesn't seem to have lost hope. His gaze is steady and he seems to accept his fate, but when he sees his dead friend's body, the eyes flash. When he looks up at me again, I almost back away from his deadly and furious look. If it hadn't been for all the armed men around him, he probably would've killed me. I have never seen a look radiating so much danger as his.
We put handcuffs on our prisoners and after having eaten some food we leave. We stop at Fort Sumner and turn Charlie's body over to his wife. She becomes hysterical with anger and grief when we carry her husband into the house and curses us for what we have done. I would like to ask her for forgiveness, but I know I'll never get that. I didn't want to kill Charlie. He was a good man. He wasn't really an outlaw. Not in the heart. But he was loyal to Billy and the oath all Regulators swore during the Lincoln County war. They would follow each other to the grave and that's exactly what he did.
In Sumner we also eat Christmas dinner. Outlaws and lawmen at the same table. The tension is relieved and we talk to each other like old friends. For a moment we manage to forget all of our problems and grieves. When we have finished eating a woman enters and says that Paulita Maxwell wants to say farewell to Billy. Since I know they love each other I allow it. They ask if we can remove Billy's chains, since he's chained to Rudabaugh, but I refuse to do that. Billy would instantly see his chance to run. Together with two guards and Dave, Billy meets his beloved Paulita, but then it's time to leave. I want to be in Las Vegas tomorrow.
Chapter 20
I see when Garrett and some of his men carry Charlie into his house. I take a silent farewell of him, but know that we will soon meet again. I can hear his wife crying hysterically inside the house. Everything is my fault. Both Tom and Charlie died because of me. Now they will be buried next to each other and I almost wish I could trade places with them. But fate seems to have other plans for me.
At suppertime we eat Christmas dinner in the home of one of my old friends. When we're sitting around the table, it seems to me that I can almost catch a glimpse of the old Garrett, who was my friend, underneath the surface of the cold sheriff he has become. This is one of the worst Christmases I've ever had, but it brings me joy to see that there are some rays of hope. Garrett hasn't forgotten our friendship completely.
When we've finished eating I suddenly see Deluvina Maxwell standing at the door. She asks to speak with Garrett and asks him if Paulita Maxwell can see me. My heart instantly begins to beat faster, when I hear her words and I sincerely hope that Garrett will let me see Paulita. I must see her one last time. To my great delight I see how Pat nods and then turns toward me.
"Okay, Kid," he says. "You can see Paulita, but don't try anything. You will have guards with you all the time."
Garrett refuses to remove the chain that holds me and Dave together, so both of us walk to Paulita's house, escorted by two guards. Garrett probably thinks I'll escape if I get the chance and he's sure right about that. If I see the slightest chance, I run.
When we come into the house I see Paulita standing by one of the windows, just like she did that day I found out that Garrett had become sheriff. When she spots me, her eyes well up with tears.
"Oh, Billito!" she cries, rushes at me and throws herself around my neck.
One of the guards takes a nervous step towards us, but the other one, Jim East I think his name is, calms him down. Escaping is the last thing on my mind right now.
"Calm down, Paulita," I whisper soothingly in her ear. "You're acting as if I was already dead. I haven't given up hope yet. We will see each other soon again. Trust me."
"Promise me not to die, Chivato. I love you," she answers.
When East after a while tells me we must go now, I kiss Paulita, perhaps for the last time. I can feel her warm breath and her salty tears touch my cheek. Never has a farewell felt so painful. We stand there holding each other until East puts a hand on my shoulder and says that it's time to leave. When Paulita leaves my embrace it feels like a knife just stabbed me in the chest. I wonder if this was the last time I saw her.
Chapter 21
In Fort Sumner we borrow a wagon, in which we put the prisoners and in the afternoon we leave for Las Vegas. From there we'll take the train to Santa Fe, where I'll leave Billy and the others.
Billy is his usual happy self again. It's not much that can make that boy sad. If I was in his situation I would probably react like Pickett and Wilson; be afraid and quiet. When I ask him how he can be so happy, he has a very simple answer.
"What does it help me to be sad? It doesn't change a thing, so then I might as well be happy instead."
Another thing I don't understand about him. I wonder if it is because of his courage or if he has gone crazy. I can see that the other guards also get a bit nervous because of his happiness. They probably think he's up to something. They can very well be right about that. His brain is probably working on an escape plan all the time.
The journey to Las Vegas goes well, but when we reach the town we instantly get problems and strangely enough it has nothing to do with Billy. He's very popular here and most are curious about him. When we get closer to the train, that goes to Santa Fe, we see a large crowd gathering around us. They demand that we give them Rudabaugh, who apparently has killed a jailer in this town earlier. Dave is of course in fear of his life, but Billy seems to find the situation amusing.
"Pat, give me a rifle and I'll make sure this crowd disperse," he says happily from inside the train.
I have a good mind to do as he wants and tell the angry mob that I will arm the prisoners if they don't let us leave soon. The thought of an armed Billy the Kid doesn't please them and they disperse pretty quickly and we can leave the town. I didn't expect Billy to save my life.
Chapter 22
Now we're almost in Santa Fe. It'll be good to get off this train. It's uncomfortable, crowded and noisy all the time. I can hardly hear my own thoughts. My travel companions have been quiet a long time now. Wilson has hardly said a word since Stinking Springs and Dave, who's usually as chatty as I am, has also gone silent. He's probably still frightened of what happened in Las Vegas. Did he really think Garrett would turn him over to the mob? I know he'd never do that. Duty means too much to him.
Garrett is sitting in front of me and is uninterestingly looking out the window. How easy it would be for me to grab his revolver and shoot him! But of course, a second later I would also be dead and Garrett isn't worth that. I have to wait for a better opportunity.
The train rolls into the station and from the window I can see a large group of people gathering outside. But this time they don't seem to be angry, on the contrary. Many try to get closer to get a glimpse of us.
"Crazy people," Garrett mutters, as he gets up.
I force back a laughter. I have a feeling Pat is a bit jealous that the people came to see me and not him. You don't always get what you want, Pat. I know that better than most.
Still in chains, we're taken through the town to the jail. There Garrett turns us over to the town marshal, who removes the chains and locks us up inside the cells.
"Bye, Kid," Garrett says, as he's standing in the door.
"See you, Pat," I answer shortly.
I'm obviously supposed to stay here until my trial starts in April in Mesilla. I don't know what's going to happen to the others. They will probably face the same fate as I will. But I won't go towards my death like a lamb to slaughter. I'm more like the wolf, who fights to the last breath.
Dave, Wilson and I, who are sitting in the same cell, instantly begin trying to dig our way out of the jail with our spoons, but unfortunately the sheriff discovers us. He separates us and puts us in chains again. The guards are now watching us all the time. They obviously won't let us escape that easy.
Then I remember governor Wallace's promise of a pardon, which he gave me two years ago. I manage to get the guards to give me paper and a pen and then I write several messages to Wallace, where I ask him to come and see me, but he never answers. You really can't trust anyone any longer. It would be so easy for him to come and see me, but he probably doesn't want to be seen with me. A young outlaw, who doesn't own much more than the clothes I wear. I'm neither rich, nor powerful, but I'll make my voice heard somehow. They will continue hearing my name, even when I'm dead. My name will echo through the world and people will condemn the injustices committed against me.
Chapter 23
Billy says that we'll meet again and I don't doubt that he's right. I haven't seen the Kid for the last time.
"That was that," says Jim East relieved, when we're standing outside the jail. "I'm glad it's over. The Kid really made me nervous."
"Yes," I answer a bit absent. It's not over for me yet. I've never believed in fate, but it seems like my and Billy's lives are forever tied together.
We return to Lincoln, where I try to get back to a normal life, but I can't stop thinking about Billy. The joy in his eyes, when we played cards in Fort Sumner not so long ago and the hate he radiated in Stinking Springs, when he saw Bowdre's body. It's hard to believe it's the same man.
Next day there's an article about him in the newspapers. Many people have even interviewed him. The people seem to look upon him as a hero and he sure isn't going to stop them. They don't seem to mind that he is a killer. It's not many who are interested in interviewing me. Of course they thank me for a job well done, but they don't want to hear my story. But maybe I should be grateful for that. The papers have a way to twist everything you say. It's probably for the best that I tell my story myself, not some journalist.
After a while I hear about his escape attempt and that makes me a bit nervous. If Billy would escape, I'm probably the first on his list. If we meet then, one of us will die. The risk is big that it'll be me. Billy is always lucky.
Chapter 24
Today they're moving us to Mesilla, where the trial will be. The judge is the same man that was led by the nose by Dolan during the Lincoln County war, judge Bristol. My trial won't be a fair one, I know that already. I'm sentenced even before I enter the courtroom. I haven't been able to reach the ones who could testify to my benefit. No friends are here to support me. I'm charged with the murders of both Buckshot Roberts and Brady. I know I didn't kill Roberts and I'm also acquitted of that charge. It's worse with Brady. I think most of us put a bullet in him, but no one can prove that it was my bullet that killed him. I'm found guilty of that murder. Not exactly unexpected.
April 13th comes the sentence. I shall be hanged by the neck until I'm dead, dead, dead, as Bristol put it. That wasn't exactly a surprise either. I say nothing when I receive the sentence. I just sit there silent and stare hard at Bristol. He probably hopes that I will break, but I won't give him that pleasure. I already knew there was no hope for me in the courtroom, so I was prepared for this. I put my hope in myself. I'm the only one who can get me out of this mess and that's exactly what I'm going to do. They'll see.
The hanging will take place in Lincoln May 13th, so shortly after the sentence I'm sent there. I'm sitting chained in a wagon with some guards with me and several others riding around the wagon. I probably won't be able to escape now, but that doesn't mean I won't try.
One of the guards in the wagon with me is Bob Olinger. That is a man I really hate and he feels the same about me. Earlier I thought Cahill was the man I despised most, but he's nothing compared to Olinger. He's teasing me all the time and threatens to kill me if I make one false move. It takes all of my willpower to stop me from throwing myself at him.
"And if someone tries to free you, Kid, you're the first one who dies," he says cruelly and points at me with his revolver.
Several of the deputies who are here now, fought on Dolan's side in the Lincoln County war, so I know that my life isn't worth much to them. If Bob would shoot me, they would probably say that I had tried to escape.
A couple of times during the ride to Lincoln it's close that I get away, but they always manage to stop me. At one of those times Olinger gets furious and draws his gun to kill me, but the other guards manage to talk him out of it. I just stand there and look calmly at him. I'm not afraid to die by a bullet. Rather that than the rope.
Five days after we left Mesilla we reach Fort Stanton, where Garrett is waiting.
"I told you we would see each other soon," I say happily when I spot him.
"Yes, you were right, Billy," he answers and turns toward the deputies. "Did the journey go well?"
"Sure," one of them answers. "No large problems."
The journey then continues to Lincoln and April 21st, I think it is, we arrive in Lincoln. Garrett, who is afraid the jail won't be able to keep me, puts me in the courthouse and lets Olinger and a man named Bell guard me twenty-four hours a day. Pat sure doesn't take any risks.
Chapter 25
Billy has now been sentenced to hang and I'm the one who will make sure he hangs. I would've given almost anything to not have to do that, but now it's my duty. I can only hope Billy understands that as well.
"It'll be interesting to meet someone like Billy the Kid," says Bell, one of my deputies, when we're waiting for the others to show up at Fort Stanton.
"Be careful around the Kid," I warn him. "He's not harmless, just because he's young, it's more like the other way round."
A little while later we see the wagon coming. Billy seems to be in a good mood as always, but his eyes look tired. Considering what he has been through the last few months, I guess that's not so strange. I also see the looks full of hatred he's exchanging with Olinger. Maybe it was a mistake to put Bob as one of those who will guard Billy, but now I have no choice.
When we arrive at Lincoln it's hardly a month before Billy will hang, but he hasn't given up hope yet. He wouldn't give up even if the rope was already around his neck. You got to admire him for that.
Instead of putting Billy in Lincoln's bad jail, I put him in the house that earlier was the Murphy-Dolan store. There Olinger and Bell will guard him twenty-four hours a day until May 13th. Despite the fact that he's chained hand and feet and locked to the floor, Billy still thinks he can find a way out. "I won't stay long here," he says several times and I believe him.
"Don't let him out of your sight," I order my deputies before I leave them to tend to my other duties as a sheriff.
Bob grins at Billy and is always keeping his finger on the trigger of the shotgun. If Billy tries to escape, Bob won't give him a chance, I know that. But since Billy has nothing to lose, he will probably risk it anyway. Bell looks disapprovingly at Olinger, but probably realizes that it takes a man like him to guard Billy the Kid.
Chapter 26
I really hate Bob Olinger. He never leaves me alone. His greatest pleasure is to tease and threaten me. Some days I almost want to stand up and ask him to shoot me, just to get it over with. But I don't do it. Somehow I will get my revenge on him before I die. Somehow.
"I wish you would try to run, Kid, so that I get to kill you. It's not fair that the hangman gets all the fun," Bob says with one of his evil grins.
I don't answer. He has the upper hand right now, but that will change. I promise that.
"Leave the Kid alone," says Bell.
Olinger looks at him grudgingly and then continues to tease me. I give Bell a grateful look, since he at least tried. He's a kind man, who doesn't really fit as a deputy.
Later that day Garrett comes in. I can hear his footsteps in the stairs. His long legs skipping every other step. I'm sitting by the window, looking out over Lincoln's main street. Down there all the free people walk around, who don't know how good their lives are. They have never experienced the terrible things that have happened to me. They wouldn't be able to take it.
"Good morning, men. Everything alright?" Pat asks, when he comes in.
"Yeah," Bell answers. "Nothing happening here."
Bob snorts, but Garrett ignores him. Instead he turns his eyes toward me. He tries to seem calm, but I can see that he feels a bit uneasy about this situation. The eyes, Pat, the eyes. It's the one part of a human body that can't lie. You can see everything in another man's eyes. Things he would never say. People dream about being able to read other people's minds, but for me it's enough to be able to read their eyes. There I see everything I want to know.
"And everything is fine with you too, Kid?" he then asks.
Sure, Pat. Everything is fine. A friend turned against me, I'm guarded by a man who hates me and I'm about to hang. Sure everything is fine.
Chapter 27
Billy looks at me with those piercing eyes I've always found a little unpleasant. It feels as if he sees right through me. I can't hide anything from him. Then his eyes sweep the room. Missing no details. He's like a tiger in a cage, just waiting for the right moment to get out. I don't think even an army could stop Billy, if he decides to run. And he has probably already decided.
"Bob, you make sure to treat the Kid well," I tell Olinger.
"Yeah, yeah," he mutters.
If it was up to Olinger, Billy would stop breathing this second. I don't know who's worst, Billy or Bob. Both seem to think that death is the best solution to all problems. None of them realize that the world is changing. People refuse to live with violence anymore. The question is, if we can put an end to violence without using it ourselves. When it comes to Billy, that's probably impossible. Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire and right now Billy is the strongest burning flame in New Mexico. But I can see that the fire is fading. He doesn't seem to be as wild now as he was during the Lincoln County war. Maybe he's getting tired of this kind of life? But I know appearances can be deceptive. Billy doesn't give up that easily. Maybe it's all a trick to make us believe he has accepted his destiny. His time is running out and that just makes him more dangerous. In a little more than two weeks he will be executed, but I doubt Billy will be here to meet the hangman.
Chapter 28
Garrett just said that he's going to White Oaks a while. Suits me perfectly. Without him, Olinger is the one I have to worry most about. Bell seems to think I'm his friend. Maybe I really am. Bell is one the nicest persons I've met in a long time. When it's time to get out of here, I don't want to hurt him, but I won't allow him to stand in the way of my freedom. Nothing means more to me than freedom.
Olinger is still threatening me every day. Does he really think a death threat scares me? He doesn't seem to understand that I've been living close to death most of my life. An outlaw is risking to die by a bullet everyday, but that doesn't scare me any longer. Loneliness is the one thing I fear. I don't want to die alone.
"I'll take the other prisoners with me and go for lunch," Bob says, when he has gotten tired of staring hatefully at me.
I've been waiting for those words the entire day. It's the only time I only have one guard. I hope they don't notice the smile on my lips or the joy in my eyes. The time has come to leave. Now they can't stop me anymore.
"Don't be gone too long," Bell says.
"Why? Are you afraid of the Kid?" Bob asks with a grin.
Bell doesn't answer, instead he's glancing at me. You have every right to be worried, Bell. For several months I've been waiting for this moment and now no one can stop me.
A little while later, when we're walking back to the room after having visited the outhouse, I see my chance. Quickly I slip out off my handcuffs, turn around and hit Bell, who's walking behind me, with the chains. Before he loses his balance, I grab his gun. Bell falls down the stairs, but there I see him trying to get out of the house.
"Bell!" I shout in an attempt to stop him, but he doesn't listen.
I have no choice. He mustn't get help. I fire one shot and he doesn't more anymore. Ever. For a second I stand and watch his lifeless body and I regret that I had to shot him, but he gave me no choice. Now I have to act fast. The whole town must've heard the shot and they probably know what has happened. Olinger can't be far away.
With a few quick steps I'm back inside the room. There I see Bob's shotgun leaning against a chair. A thought flashes in my mind. The perfect way to get my revenge. He will die by his own gun. He'll regret all his threats. I make sure it's loaded and then I walk towards the window. Down in the street a crowd of people are looking up at me and Olinger is on his way out of the saloon.
"Hello, Bob!" I shout and he stops in the middle of the street.
I give him enough time to realize that he's just made the largest mistake in his life, then I pull the trigger and the shot hits him right in the chest. He probably never counted on it ending this way.
Now I'm no longer in a hurry to leave Lincoln. The other citizens don't dare to do anything. They know what happens to the ones who're standing in my way. About an hour later I order them to bring me a horse, tell them to say hi to Garrett from me and then I leave the town.
to be continued…