Chapter 29

When I get back to Lincoln and hear about Billy's escape, I can't say that I'm surprised. Nothing could stand between him and freedom. If I had been in Lincoln when he escaped, I would also be dead now. Billy did exactly as he promised he would. He wasn't going to stay here long. It's a shame two men had to die because of his promise. Not many will miss Olinger, but Bell was a good man. It almost seems like Billy regret shooting him. Several witnesses heard Billy say that he didn't want to shoot Bell, but that he gave him no choice. I've never heard that Billy is regretting anything he's done before.

Now it's my job to catch Billy again, but I know he won't let me do it. If we meet again, someone will die. I almost hope Billy leaves for Mexico as fast as he can. I can't let go of the feeling that it's our destiny to meet again. Even if we try to avoid it, we won't have a choice in the end.

My men try to tell me that we have to get after Billy now, but I know we don't need to rush. Billy will show up sooner or later. He's not exactly the kind of man who hides in the mountains. He'll return to his old life pretty soon. If I'm wrong and he really rides to Mexico, I won't feel sorry about that. It would save me a lot of trouble, but I'm not that lucky. Sure, the people wouldn't trust me as a sheriff any longer if I let Billy go, but I don't care anymore. Maybe the job as sheriff suits me as bad as it suited Bell. I've always put duty first, but now I'm not so sure anymore.

The first few days after Billy's escape I hear several rumors saying that he's been seen around Lincoln. I follow up on several of the tips, but the trail is always cold when I get there. The villagers refuse to tell me if they have seen Billy. He's still very popular among the people in New Mexico. I'll get no help from them, but Billy will soon betray himself. He can't hide forever.

Chapter 30

Finally I'm free again! Right now I'm sitting in the house of a friend of mine. The entire territory is full of people who want to help me. I almost feel sorry for Garrett. He won't have an easy job finding me.

I sit alone in the light from a kerosene lamp. Outside it's dark and everything is quiet and calm. If someone will come to the house, I'll notice it. I look down at my hands and see the wounds on my wrists, where the chains used to be. It hurts and I will probably have scars there for the rest of my life, but the main thing is that I'm free.

It's been a week now since I left Lincoln, but it feels like it was yesterday. I can still see Bell's surprised face the second before I hit him. He seemed to realize what was happening, but wasn't fast enough. I wish I hadn't been forced to shoot him.
I'm starting to get tired of the outlaw life now, but I know I won't be able to quit. There's only one way out. I've known that the whole time, but I've denied it. I thought I was invincible, but no one is.

I miss Paulita. I think I'll leave for Fort Sumner tomorrow. I don't care if Garrett finds me there. I haven't the strength to care anymore. Since there can be only one end, it's pointless to resist.

It takes me a couple of days to get to Fort Sumner, but there I'm met by many old friends. To see them again gets me in a little better mood, but the shadow of death is still hanging over me.

Later that night I walk over to the graveyard, where Charlie and Tom are buried. Two wooden crosses are all that mark their final resting place. I crouch down in front of the crosses and a feeling of guilt rises inside me.

"I'm sorry for what I've done to you," I whisper and my eyes well up with tears.

A sudden wind makes the grass on their graves fly. Maybe it's a sign that they forgive me. I hope so. Or maybe it didn't mean anything. I stand up again, look out over the prairie for a moment and then I turn to the graves again.

"I have a feeling I'll soon be joining you," I say to Tom and Charlie. "Shortly I'll be lying there in the grave next to you and the strange thing is that I almost long for that day. First then I can find peace."

Suddenly I hear someone approaching behind me and I quickly spin around, with the gun in my hand. There stands Paulita looking calmly at me.

"You shouldn't be out here, Chivato," she says and puts a hand on my arm. "There are only grief and dark thoughts here."

"Dark thoughts suit me just fine," I answer.

Her beautiful eyes look straight at me.

"I don't recognize you any longer, Billy. You were always so happy and carefree. Now you seem so much sadder."

"How can I be happy when I've lost all my friends?" I ask.

She doesn't answer, but kisses me instead and pulls me away from the graveyard. I follow her back to the town and leave some of my dark thoughts at my friend's graves.

Chapter 31

It's now been over two months since Billy escaped, but I still hear that he's in New Mexico. The powerful people in Lincoln and Santa Fe are getting more and more impatient. They want me to do something. Why didn't you leave the country when you had the chance, Billy? Now I can't wait any longer. Several rumors say that he's in Fort Sumner. Despite the fact that none of my deputies who have been there have found anything, I know he's in Fort Sumner. It's his favorite hiding place in New Mexico. His home. He's safe there. For now.

It's with a heavy heart I leave for Fort Sumner together with two of my deputies, Poe and McKinney. They are more excited about the task. It's not everyone that gets to chase the most famous man in the territory. They don't seem to understand that it can only end one way. Everything will stand between me and Billy. Poe's and McKinney's presence won't matter. But I'm still glad they're with me now. I don't think I would make it alone. They make me keep going, even if I don't want to.

On the way to Fort Sumner we stop at several farms and ask if they have seen Billy.

"The Kid? Sure, he was here," several people answer, with something that sounds like pride in their voices. "You'll never catch him. He's too smart for that."

It's obvious whose side they're on. But I don't need their help to find Billy. He'll soon regret that he didn't escape to Mexico. And he's not the only one. I wouldn't have done this if I had had a choice, but I'm the only one who know Billy and can find him. Someone has to do it and unfortunately I'm the only one who can.

We stop a few kilometers outside Fort Sumner and I send Poe into the town. No one there knows him, so he might be able to find something out. He comes back later that evening, but he has no good news.

"No one wanted to talk about the Kid," he says. "I don't think he's there. He's probably gone to Mexico by now."

"You don't know Billy," I answer. "He's in Fort Sumner, I know it."

Next day we decide to ride to Fort Sumner, but choose to wait until night, so we won't warn Billy. The story is coming to an end.

Chapter 32

Today is July 14th. I sit at Beaver's saloon and Paulita is sitting next to me.

"Why won't you go to Mexico?" she asks. "It's dangerous for you here."

"This is my home and I won't leave," I answer resolutely.

She sighs, stands up and leaves me alone. She realizes she can't make me change my mind. I remain at the saloon and look out the window. After a while I ask Beaver if he has something to write on and he hands me a torn paper and a pen. On the small paper I write down the names of all my friends who have died since the Lincoln County war: John Tunstall, Richard Brewer, Alex McSween, Vincente Romero, Francisco Zamora, Harvey Morris, Frank McNab, Charlie Bowdre, Tom O'Folliard and Henry McCarty.
Yes, Henry McCarty is dead. He died several years ago. All that's left of him is William H. Bonney. Henry, the good and well-behaved boy is gone and replaced by the tough Billy the Kid, who kills to survive. I miss Henry.

I sit at the saloon until darkness begins to fall. Then I rise and walk out. I should go and ask Paulita for forgiveness for being so testy today. In the cool night air I suddenly get a feeling that something will happen tonight. Maybe Garrett is here. Maybe I've reached the end of the road now. For a moment I think about getting my horse and ride out of here, but I soon change my mind. It would only be putting it off for another day and I don't want to live like this anymore. It's better to end it now.
I stay with Paulita until midnight, then I start to feel hungry.

"Pete Maxwell probably has some meat you can have," says Paulita and I nod.

I take a knife to cut the meat with and then I see my gun belt hanging on a chair. I decide I won't be needing my gun now and then I leave the room. Since it's not far between Paulita's room and Pete's house I haven't even put my boots on. It's with soundless steps I walk down the street. Everything is silent. The entire town seems to be asleep. Outside Maxwell's house I bump into two men. I don't recognize them and they don't seem to know who I am, but something about them makes me suspicious. With fast steps I walk up to Maxwell's room and open the door. There I can see a shadow by the bed.

"Quien es?" I ask.

Suddenly I feel a sharp pain in my chest and then I fall down to the floor. My eyes turn to the window. Outside I can see the bright stars and the last thought that runs through my head is: "Free."

Chapter 33

We've just reached Fort Sumner. It's pretty late at night and we don't see any Billy the Kid around. After a few hours Poe and McKinney suggest that we leave again, but I want to talk to Pete Maxwell first. He's a friend of mine and usually knows what's going on in Fort Sumner. Poe and McKinney stay outside the house, while I walk into Pete's room. He's already asleep, so I wake him up.

"Pat, what are you doing here?" he asks, when he sees that it's me.

"Looking for Billy," I answer. "Have you seen him?"

"He was here before, but I don't know if he's still here."

Right then the door opens and in the moonlight I see a familiar silhouette standing in the opening. When the man asks who's there, I'm sure. It's Billy. Without doubt I draw my gun and fire two shots. The second shot misses, but the first one hits him in the chest and he falls to the floor. I rush out of the room and almost run into Poe.

"I shot him!" I shout. "I shot the Kid!"

The two deputies look at me in disbelief. They think I've shot someone else, but I'm sure. It was Billy. Suddenly I realize what I've done and I feel a sting in my heart. I've killed a friend. Was it really right of me, even if he was an outlaw? I'm not as sure as I was a few minutes ago.
Several women come and look into Maxwell's room. Then they run away from there crying. Many of them curse me for what I've done. The pain in me is growing stronger. That it was my duty, doesn't mean it was right.

Some men carry Billy's body out to prepare it for the funeral. His lifeless eyes stare at me, when the men pass me. His face looks peaceful. It almost looks like he was prepared for this.

Next day he's buried between his two friends Bowdre and O'Folliard. When the ceremony is over I alone remain standing at his grave. I stand there silent and look down at the grave. I hope Billy will find peace now. I'll have to live with the scars of my actions for the rest of my life. I almost envy him.

"I'm sorry, Billy," I say shortly and then I leave.

Here the story ends, or does it really? Maybe it's only the beginning…