The fic of something n' other (AKA, Jak II)

Authored by the Mischievous Loki Who Desires To Be Pope and Applecrisp the Goat Dude Who Whines About Vin

Disclaimer: We dun own anything, even if we did…well…there really is no reason to sue seeing we have...nothing…You might get a penny or a chocolate Euro, seeing how poor we are. Wanna know a true fact? I itch. And I haven't slept all night (Loki)

A.N: The…uh...meeting w/ Torn is messed up, but we wrote that part after we beat the game...so…all ya fanatics….don't eat us…Alaskan and Minnesotan meat does not taste good.

Chapter 2

Jak slowly approached Torn's desk in a dramatic, evil fashion, their broody eyes meeting and…some…vile electricity running through each of their minds…the air was still…dark.

            "AHHH! I want this bunk!!"

The heavy atmosphere was shattered pitifully as Loki leaped happily onto the one of the four bunk beds and rubbed herself all over it. Applecrisp, now clad in some retarded excuse for a skirt, stumbled through the hideout opening and crashed down to the foot of the stairs, landing on his goaty face.

Jak and Torn stared, mouths agape, at the two bumble idiots, while…still managing to be macho and having one of their slender eyebrows perfectly arched.

            Loki halted her tirade and pointed a furry finger at Torn, "Jeremiah!" [1]

Applecrisp raised his head and smiled, "Year…meyah…vaz…ae…bullfrog!"

Loki snickered, "Jeremiah was a bullfrog!"

Jak noticed Torn's eye …twitching…unhappily…and walked over to Loki, "Hey will ya keep it- AH!"

Jak cried out in distress as the Ottsel latched onto his face in attempts to pull him onto the bed … Applecrisp was startled by the scream and started into a gallop, slamming into Torn and knocking him them both flat on the ground. Jak was trying to pry Loki off of him and backed into the man pile, sending them all into grumbles of displeasure.

"Hey will you keep the orgy private, will ya?" Daxter joked as they untangled themselves.

Torn spit in disgust and pulled Jak to the side to discuss things, leaving Loki and sitting dazed on the floor.

After the "discussion", Jak turned towards Loki & Applecrisp, "I'm going on a mission."

"Well ain't he manly." Loki muttered under her breath.

As Jak and Dax walked out, Loki leaped up onto the table and waltzed over to Torn.

"Hey, babe, Crispy and I need clothing."

"You can find clothing yourselves." Torn said in a deep grumpy voice that sounded somewhat pouty.

"Damn babe, cut back on the cigarettes." Loki said somewhat snidely.

"Get out of here."

"Fine, Fine. C'mon Crispy." Loki grabbed Applecrisp's hoof hair and dragged him out onto the street.

They wandered around lazily looking for a clothing store. When they reached the city check points, Loki stole some civvie's pass.

Eventually, they got to the bazaar, they found a small square, and low to the ground building that had a neon sign with a skull that read "ONIN'S".

Loki tugged at Crispy's loin-cloth monstrosity and yelled upwards, "Maybe we should try this place!"

Applecrisp struggle with the English but got the idea, striding into the hut, hooves feeling for the walls.

"Who're you? ARRRK"

A strange cross between a monkey and a parrot was staring Applecrisp straight in one of his blank ivory eyes, sneering.

Loki answered for her bewildered friend, "I am God, Satan, and Buddha and this is my buddy, Jesus."

Pecker gave her a strange look and Loki grinned.

Off in the corner, an old woman with eyes similar to Applecrisp's sat waving her arms about like a moron and spewing out sparkly blue stuff.

"No, Onin, it's not evil, it's blind…or dumb…" Pecker squawked, prodding at Applecrisp's nose with a feather. "But the other one…"

Loki put her hands on her hips, "What about me?"

Pecker smiled perversely and licked his lips, right before getting slammed into a wall.

"Thanks Applecrisp." Loki chirped in gratitude.

"Ja, Ja…" Applecrisp said with a little, four-fanged, sharp-toothed giggle.

Loki let out a sigh, walking over to Onin, "Hey you got any idea where we can get some threads?" she inquired, eyeing the groaning Pecker in the corner suspiciously.

:"Ehn" he mumbles, attempting to interpret Onin's wavey-sign-yness, " She says…Yeess, you are friends of the boy Jak, whom I see while using  my mysticy powers…I shall lend you a car so you can drive to the clothing store near the Yakow field…And other crap like that."

"Alright! Let's drive!" Loki yelled.

She led Applecrisp to the car located outside and he clambered in the driver's seat.

"Okay…push lightly on the gas…" said Loki as she read the instructions.

Applecrisp floored it…in reverse.

Onin's little hut crumbled down, leaving only her and her pet sitting in the centre of the rubbage.

"Los! Los!" Loki shrieked, sending the car hurtling right over Onin's head, sweeping off her purple bandana, which Loki nicely stole.

Applecrisp managed to crash 19 more times before the zoomer blew up.

…So they walked.

Loki was having a great time pick pocketing the civilians that passed by and by the time they got to Armando's Supah Shop, they were pretty damn rich.

Tada! Clothing!

Applecrisp was spifftastic, wearing earth colours and fancy materials, a crimson band over his sightless eyes.

That didn't stop him from going on all fours in the Yakow field and eating the grass, though.

Loki sunbathed for awhile, trying not to notice the fact, even though as an Ottsel, she had 2 furry lumps on her chest.

They continued that for 20 minutes, before Loki got the ingenious idea to try that thing called driving again. However, this time, Loki persuaded Applecrisp to let her drive.

It turned out that Loki was worse than the blind Applecrisp. She hit 10 civvies, 17 hover vehicles, 2 Yakows, and the walls 20 times. Loki's grand finale of her driving skills was she collided into another car at full speed causing a crash that took out at least 9 other cars.

Jak got up from under his toasted vehicle. Daxter, as usual, was complaining about Jak's driving skills.

"Ugnhh…" Loki moaned and slowly crept out of the debris.

"Applecrisp?" she half-heartedly yelled out.

"Was? Mein…head...hurtz…"groaned Crispy.

"You." Jak spat out and dashed toward where Loki and Crispy were bumbling about.

"Ya, what about us?" Loki bitched.

"What the hell did you do?"

"Hit you apparently………Hey, do you have any food?"

"…No…"

"Oh…Bleh…"

"I need to get back to Torn. You guys better come with."

[1] You see… We know this guy, Jeremiah Edward Linquist, who is exactly like Torn, same facial expression, attitude, use of growly voice. Only difference is that Jeremiah is tall, cannot write correctly, blonde, has pimples, and uses a pen to attack you, not a curvy knife.