A/N: Everybody again thank you for your reviews! I hope this isn't too
cliché for you...I'm trying to write the reason why Jess became the person
he was in New York. Don't forget to review!
A/N: contains scenes of abuse...if you're offended by this please do NOT read. It isn't absolutely necessary for the comprehension of the story. This chapter may also be a little weird...it's a total flashback...Jess is about seventeen and he's remembering things that happened in the past.
A/N: The song is "I'm OK" by Christina Aguilera.
~~
Hurt me to see the pain across my mother's face
Everytime my father's fist would put her in her place
Hearing all the yelling, I would cry up in my room
Hoping it would be over soon
~~
**FLASHBACK**
"Angelo please don't!"
Little Jess Mariano heard his mother scream when his fathers fist connected with her face. He curled up under his blankets and tried to block out the sounds. Books always made him forget the real world, but this time shouting pierced through his make believe world. This had been going on as long as he could remember.
Years. It had been years. So long since Angelo Mariano had stopped living. Jess had had a sister, but she had been killed a year before he was born. Some drunk guy had hit her with his car and she had been dead right away. When Angelo found out he had gone crazy. He had taken matters into his own hand, punishing the man who was responsible for his angels death. That led to his discharge from the police force.
**END**
~~
I often wonder why I carry all this guilt
When it's you that helped me put up all these walls I've
built
Shadows stir at night through a crack in the door
The echo of a broken child screaming please no more
~~
Jess had been raised in a home full of fights and abuse. Even he couldn't escape his fathers anger. Jess should have been a replacement for his little girl, but he failed in every way. Every now and then his father would look at him with a foul look in his eyes, one that made him want to run away and hide. But he couldn't. There was nowhere to hide when Angelo Mariano was coming for you.
When he was just a little boy he thought it was all his fault. He should have been a girl. He should have done this...said that...He tried to change but it only made his father angrier. Jess couldn't remember all the times he had cried, pleading his father to stop.
As he grew older his feelings changed. This wasn't all his fault. He couldn't help being who he was. He tried to reason with his father, which only led to more abuse and screaming. At school they began to get suspicious of his bruises and started asking questions. So he did the easiest thing. He skipped school. Wandering for hours in New York, trying to find ways to end this misery.
His first time had been when he was fifteen. He had been on his own, staring into the dark and minding his own business. Suddenly a girl had come up to him and asked him what his deal was. He replied that it was nothing of her fucking business what he was thinking about. She told him he looked like he could use some happiness in his life.
**FLASHBACK**
"Why do you care if I'm happy?!"
She shrugged.
"I just do"
"I don't need a fuck to get happy..."
She laughed. A pretty laugh that somehow warmed his heart.
"I wasn't talking about a fuck"
She opened her hand and showed him a rolled up ten dollar note. His eyes were big questionmarks when he looked up at her. She looked like she was showing him the holy grail and he drowned in her eyes. Could something this small really free him of all his worries?!
**END**
~~
Bruises fade father, but the pain remains the same
I still remember how you kept me so afraid
Strength is my mother, for all the love she gave
Every morning that I wake, I look back at yesterday
~~
When he died they thought it would finally be over. It was ironic actually. Years ago it had all started with a drunk guy killing a girl and now it ended the same way...a drunk guy was on his way home when he crashed into a tree. Like his beloved daughter, Angelo Mariano was dead at once. His misery was over. He could finally see his beautiful child again.
But for the people he left behind the nightmare continued. They couldn't forget all the things that had happened, all the cries their house had heard.
~~
It's not so easy to forget
All the marks you left along her neck
When I was thrown against cold stairs
And everyday afraid to come home in fear of what I might
see next
~~
So when everything that they wished for had happened they still had to suffer the consequences. Everytime a guy came too close Liz Mariano backed away. She tried to forget all the horrible things she had faced by working day and night. The little time she had left she tried to spend with Jess, but he seemed to distant himself from her as much as he could.
~~
He couldn't stand to be around her. When his mothers sad eyes fixed themselves on him he was instantly reminded of the beatings his dad used to give her. Coming home, smelling that distinct smell that reminded him of his father, it was just too much. He didn't want to remember. He wanted to be okay. So he continued his life. He kept using drugs, drinking alcohol, trying his best to drown his memories.
~~
It didn't always help. Sometimes his feelings were too real to be ignored. Like now.
**FLASHBACK**
"Dad please...please dad...I didn't do anything"
Angelo Mariano pulled his fourteen year old son up by his hair.
"You didn't do anything?"
His voice sounded harsh, and Jess tried to dissapear by closing his eyes. Course, he knew it wouldn't work but it made him feel safer, not having to see the look on his fathers face.
"You little liar!"
His cheek went red before he even felt the pain. Tears stinged in his eyes, but he refused to cry. It had been years since he cried. This silent act of refusal only made Angelo Mariano more furious. He kept hitting and kicking his son until blood poured over his face and his body was covered in bruises. Then he finally dropped him on the floor.
"That should teach you not to lie to me..."
Jess huddled up in a corner of his room and wished he could die.
**END**
Bruises fade father but the pain remains the same
And I still remember how you kept me so afraid...
A/N: contains scenes of abuse...if you're offended by this please do NOT read. It isn't absolutely necessary for the comprehension of the story. This chapter may also be a little weird...it's a total flashback...Jess is about seventeen and he's remembering things that happened in the past.
A/N: The song is "I'm OK" by Christina Aguilera.
~~
Hurt me to see the pain across my mother's face
Everytime my father's fist would put her in her place
Hearing all the yelling, I would cry up in my room
Hoping it would be over soon
~~
**FLASHBACK**
"Angelo please don't!"
Little Jess Mariano heard his mother scream when his fathers fist connected with her face. He curled up under his blankets and tried to block out the sounds. Books always made him forget the real world, but this time shouting pierced through his make believe world. This had been going on as long as he could remember.
Years. It had been years. So long since Angelo Mariano had stopped living. Jess had had a sister, but she had been killed a year before he was born. Some drunk guy had hit her with his car and she had been dead right away. When Angelo found out he had gone crazy. He had taken matters into his own hand, punishing the man who was responsible for his angels death. That led to his discharge from the police force.
**END**
~~
I often wonder why I carry all this guilt
When it's you that helped me put up all these walls I've
built
Shadows stir at night through a crack in the door
The echo of a broken child screaming please no more
~~
Jess had been raised in a home full of fights and abuse. Even he couldn't escape his fathers anger. Jess should have been a replacement for his little girl, but he failed in every way. Every now and then his father would look at him with a foul look in his eyes, one that made him want to run away and hide. But he couldn't. There was nowhere to hide when Angelo Mariano was coming for you.
When he was just a little boy he thought it was all his fault. He should have been a girl. He should have done this...said that...He tried to change but it only made his father angrier. Jess couldn't remember all the times he had cried, pleading his father to stop.
As he grew older his feelings changed. This wasn't all his fault. He couldn't help being who he was. He tried to reason with his father, which only led to more abuse and screaming. At school they began to get suspicious of his bruises and started asking questions. So he did the easiest thing. He skipped school. Wandering for hours in New York, trying to find ways to end this misery.
His first time had been when he was fifteen. He had been on his own, staring into the dark and minding his own business. Suddenly a girl had come up to him and asked him what his deal was. He replied that it was nothing of her fucking business what he was thinking about. She told him he looked like he could use some happiness in his life.
**FLASHBACK**
"Why do you care if I'm happy?!"
She shrugged.
"I just do"
"I don't need a fuck to get happy..."
She laughed. A pretty laugh that somehow warmed his heart.
"I wasn't talking about a fuck"
She opened her hand and showed him a rolled up ten dollar note. His eyes were big questionmarks when he looked up at her. She looked like she was showing him the holy grail and he drowned in her eyes. Could something this small really free him of all his worries?!
**END**
~~
Bruises fade father, but the pain remains the same
I still remember how you kept me so afraid
Strength is my mother, for all the love she gave
Every morning that I wake, I look back at yesterday
~~
When he died they thought it would finally be over. It was ironic actually. Years ago it had all started with a drunk guy killing a girl and now it ended the same way...a drunk guy was on his way home when he crashed into a tree. Like his beloved daughter, Angelo Mariano was dead at once. His misery was over. He could finally see his beautiful child again.
But for the people he left behind the nightmare continued. They couldn't forget all the things that had happened, all the cries their house had heard.
~~
It's not so easy to forget
All the marks you left along her neck
When I was thrown against cold stairs
And everyday afraid to come home in fear of what I might
see next
~~
So when everything that they wished for had happened they still had to suffer the consequences. Everytime a guy came too close Liz Mariano backed away. She tried to forget all the horrible things she had faced by working day and night. The little time she had left she tried to spend with Jess, but he seemed to distant himself from her as much as he could.
~~
He couldn't stand to be around her. When his mothers sad eyes fixed themselves on him he was instantly reminded of the beatings his dad used to give her. Coming home, smelling that distinct smell that reminded him of his father, it was just too much. He didn't want to remember. He wanted to be okay. So he continued his life. He kept using drugs, drinking alcohol, trying his best to drown his memories.
~~
It didn't always help. Sometimes his feelings were too real to be ignored. Like now.
**FLASHBACK**
"Dad please...please dad...I didn't do anything"
Angelo Mariano pulled his fourteen year old son up by his hair.
"You didn't do anything?"
His voice sounded harsh, and Jess tried to dissapear by closing his eyes. Course, he knew it wouldn't work but it made him feel safer, not having to see the look on his fathers face.
"You little liar!"
His cheek went red before he even felt the pain. Tears stinged in his eyes, but he refused to cry. It had been years since he cried. This silent act of refusal only made Angelo Mariano more furious. He kept hitting and kicking his son until blood poured over his face and his body was covered in bruises. Then he finally dropped him on the floor.
"That should teach you not to lie to me..."
Jess huddled up in a corner of his room and wished he could die.
**END**
Bruises fade father but the pain remains the same
And I still remember how you kept me so afraid...