Boba's Diary
16TH January
Hey Diary
This is so stupid. Kick-ass bounty hunters do not keep diaries. Stupid parent. Making me promise like that. Yeah, ok, a diary when I was 10 sure, but please, I'm 37. Do you know how embarrassing that is? Plus I have to cart it around with me everywhere. The stick I got at Jabba's Palace for it. And off Vader. Oh well, he got 'lectrocuted, so I guess that's what you get for dissin me.
But anyway. Dengar hologrammed me bout a minute ago. Asked me if I'd heard about the bounty on Suli and Zaen. I was like 'No, Den', I've been sitting in a Sarlacc for the past two years, with my fingers in my ears, humming loudly', and Den was all 'Don't joke about stuff like that Bo'. So I'm like 'Whatever. What's the word on them? Anybody found 'em yet?' and Den's like 'No but I know where they are.' I was interested (understatement of the millennium) and I was like 'proceed.' Den goes: 'They're babies. Live on Trangor Prime. I need you to tag along though. Manaroo won't let me go on my own, plus am needing Slave I's weapons.'
I was a tad confused, and was like 'I thought your wife had got you off the whole bounty hunting scene, Deng'. But he goes 'have you seen how much they want for them? She's practically pushing me on board to go get 'em!'
Anyway, I digress. I know how much is offered for Suli and Zaen. I think it's the highest bounty I've ever seen in my whole, like, career, including the whole Solo thing, so natch, I'm going with Dengar. We're rendezvousing (is that how it's spelt?) on Trangor P's moon, and then we're gonna go and get Suli and Zaen. I hope Dengar's info is secure, though. I can't help wondering where he got it...
Laters,
BF
17TH Jan
Met up with Dengar on TP's moon. There's, like, every other BH in the galaxy here, as well. Crap.
Gave Den' a piece of my mind about the secureness of his info. I was like 'Who the hell told you where they were?' and he's like 'It was an anonymous message. I didn't know it was sent to everyone else!'
But it wasn't. I never got the message bout Suli and Zaen. Wonder why that is. Perhaps someone doesn't want me here. Hmm... But before I could figure it out Den's like 'We should get going if we want a chance of getting them' so we're leaving in about two seconds. I shall have to write up what happens after we get back, cos I'm not taking this thing with me.
Wish me luck
(Like I need it!)
BF
22ND Jan (I think)
Bloody hell. That did not go well. I'm totally not in good shape. I'm on Coruscant, being looked after (how embarrassing. I do not need looking after) by Den's sister. Yeah, I didn't know he'd got one either. She's this little obscure sub-senator for Correllia or something, called Fornia Alorida. Bloody stuck-up, too. Can't say we get on.
But I'm being very confusing. Let me start at the beginning. Got to Trangor Prime with Dengar. Suli and Zaen thing obviously a set-up, cos there was like every Jedi in the galaxy there, including Skywalker and his entourage. Bugger. Den, the bloody coward, goes 'I'm getting out of here. Two little kids aren't worth a battle with Jedi, no matter how many credits they're up for.' But I stayed. What an idiot! I was curious, though. I know the person who sent the hologram to everyone else had missed me on purpose, and I wanted to know why. So off I trotted, away from the battle between BHs and Jedi (what a bloody mess that looked. I didn't get involved. I remember what happened all the other times a Fett faced a Jedi) and I found Suli and Zaen (well, two babies anyway) in this temple thingy, but Skywalker and co. had got there first. I kept to the shadows, and watched. This guy stepped out of the shadows on the other side of the temple, red lightsaber glowing. I guess he was a Sith. So this means the Sith have come back. As soon as I'm fit again I think I may inquire as to how much this info is worth, unless Skywalker's told everyone already. But it was kinda weird, cos I couldn't tell what species it was. It wasn't human or Mon Cal or Zabraki or whatever, the Sith was just... fuzzy. As in blurry, not Wookiee-esque. Hmm... Anyhoo, this Sith bloke had the babies in his one arm, and the lightsaber in his other hand. Skywalker challenged him, and bloody hell, this Sith guy didn't even blink and just knocked Skywalker out. Hell, I was worried then. You know you're in trouble when the good guys are beaten. And they all were- Solo (hurray!), Leia, the Wookiee and that Mara-Jade chick were all unconscious. I saw why Den left then- no kids were worth this- and I was just about to get gone myself when the Sith dude goes to me (how he knew I was there I do not know) 'Can this be? The great hunter Fett refusing a bounty?' I turned, blasters raised, but the Sith was too quick and totally cut me up with his lightsaber. Not immediately fatal wounds, but I lost a lot of blood. Totally stained my armour. How the hell I'm gonna get it dry cleaned I do not know. But anyway. Just before I totally fell unconscious, sure I'd be meeting Jabba again pretty quickly, I heard Slave I firing, and I was aware of the Sith leaving, and then someone hauling me onboard Slave I. I guess it was Dengar. Then... blackness.
I woke up here, in a kinda comfy bed, with sunlight streamin through the window. Everything was white, with a red border going round the room. For a split second I thought I was dead, but then I realised- red and white- Correllian colours. I thought I was at Dengar's but then this Fornia chick comes in, and explains it all- Den brought me here, but Manaroo holo'd to say she was pregnant so he went to her and left me here with his sister. For a senator she's kinda hot, I guess. Brown hair and dark blue eyes. She goes to me when she came in 'You're awake then' in this fussy tone of voice like I'd inconvenienced her in some way, so I'm like 'yes' and she cast an annoyed over me and left. Well, looks like I'm gonna be here for some time, cos injuries quite bad, so this uptight senator chick is gonna havta get used to me.
BF
24TH February
Y'know, it ain't that bad here. Fornia's ok now. For the first week she was all uptight and prim and proper, so I pretended to be all common and stuff on purpose to annoy her, but I dunno how, one day we just started talking.
To piss her off I said she didn't look at all like Den, and she goes she's only his half-sister, and we ended up talking about our families, and get this, I told her. Yeah, I, Boba Fett, Mr keep-schtum himself, actually told Fornia, who I'd known for about a week, the truth about me. The whole clone thing. I never even told Dengar, my best friend, about that. And she wasn't all weirded as I thought she would be. She was like 'Wow. I'm sitting here with Agent Smith.' And I was like 'Say wha?' She was all 'You've never seen the Matrix?' and I was like 'the what?'
So then she tells me all bout this planet Earth (dumb name), which is like a gazillion light-years from our galaxy, in this crappy little star system all on it's own. It's totally worthless, I mean, it doesn't even have repulsorlifts or hyperdrives or anything very technological at all. But, saying that, it does have, like, the coolest culture around. First, there's this Earth- Culture music, which I can't believe Jabba never capitalized on, cos I'd so have E.C. music on 24/7 if I was a Huttese crime lord. I was like 'I can't believe I've never heard this before' and Fornia said that everyone involved with the whole Empire/Rebel thing missed E.C. Which is a shame. I guess I'm kinda lucky I got attacked by a Sith, cos now I know about The Rolling Stones and Michael Jackson and The Darkness and stuff.
And its not just E.C. music that totally rocks. There's these things called movies, kinda like flat screen holograms I guess. They're cool. We watched, like, millions today. The Lord of the Rings trilogy (ok but totally old fashioned, even for Earth. Much better if Aragorn had a blaster and some Mandalorian armour, but hey), Pirates of the Caribbean (still with the old fashioned but there were guns), Titanic (yawn. I say no more), and Bridget Jones' Diary (I dunno. As a total evil type I'm probably meant to hate movies like that, but I thought it was quite cute), and the best of the bunch by far, the Matrix trilogy. Actual technology! Joy!
It was fun. Me and Forn', I think, might even be friends now. Which is bloody scary, because I don't 'do' having friends, 'part from Dengar obv. Quite worrying. Stupid conflicting emotions.
Confused
BF PS- can't believe I forgot this. No idea how, but earth knows about us! Our galaxy I mean. They've made movies about it! Called 'Star Wars'. What a STU- PID name! It totally portrays Vader in a good way! Bloody weird. I'm in 'em, too. Don't see so much of me in the older ones, but in the prequels you see me and Dad. But the actors playing everyone look nothing like the real us. Things wrong with the movies: Vader was not that tall. In his dreams. Han Solo was totally not that selfless/brave/good-looking. Why am I a bad guy? Why? I am not evil! Just out for the money! Like a million other people weren't doing the exact same as me! Why does my ship look filthy? I get that washed, like, every week. And, finally, like Kenobi could ever take my dad in a fight. Whatever. But I'm still glad hardly anyone knows about E.C., or I'd be totally screwed. Can't have people knowing I'm a clone, now, can I? Am also kinda annoyed that Fornia played dumb earlier when I told her 'bout the clone thing, but I guess I would have been a little freaked if she said she already knew before I told her. Thoughtful of her.
1st March
Me and Fornia are really good friends now. How weird is that? I'm actually friends with someone who didn't pull me from a Sarlacc. She told me what happened between the time I fell unconscious and waking up at her place. Dengar came back for me, cos he felt all guilty for leaving me. Guess I'm lucky Dengar has a soul, or I'd be a shrivelled up, Sarlacc-acid covered corpse on Tatooine, never mind being hacked to bits by a freaky Sith guy. So Den rescued me (again) and took me to his half-sister's place on Coruscant, cos it was closer than Correllia. He got me all 'not-dead-but- still-unconscious' but then he got a hologram saying his wife is pregnant so he had to dash off to Correllia before I woke up. He made Fornia promise to make sure I stayed here until I was ok again. I guess this must have put Fornia out a bit; after all, looking after your half-brother's bountying best mate is hardly high on a Correllian senator's to-do list. Probably. But me and Forn are cool now.
I don't get what's happening to me. I keep getting all these 'nice' thoughts, like when Fornia said she'd spent last year campaigning to free slaves on Outer-Rim planers, instead of me thinking something along the lines of 'what a wasted year' I was actually all 'wasn't that nice of her?' It's really freaking me out, these peace-y, nice-y, happy, Jedi-y (for want of a better word) thoughts. Maybe Den's soul is rubbing of on me. Or Fornia's. Hell, I can't do this. I'm not meant to be nice.
BF
13TH March
So much has happened. After my last entry, the soul thing just escalated. I was watching Holo-News with Forn and I heard this bit on how a bounty hunter had killed some Jedi, and I actually felt sorry for the Jedi who died. And I even started to regret some of the things I've done in my BH career. I mentioned this to Fornia, and she just smiled and said 'You are human then. Dengar thinks you're some kind of unfeeling bounty-droid.' I was all 'wha?' and Fornia was like 'Why do you think he left you here? Don't tell me you seriously swallowed that pregnant story. How naïve!' Again I was 'wha?' and she goes 'Den's been trying to make you all soul-ly for two years now, so it was quite lucky you stayed on Trangor Prime or you wouldn't have come here and I wouldn't have been able to re-soul you.'
'Er, excuse me' said me 'but who said anything about me being re- souled?' Fornia smiled all knowingly and goes 'Please. It's written all over your face. You look like someone who actually experiences emotion now.'
And d'you know what? For once I didn't have an answer. I just looked away. Because Fornia was right. What the hell is wrong with me?
It gets worse. Me and Fornia were outside on her balcony type thing, just talking, and I said this utterly idiotic thing about the stars being pretty or whatever, and she totally took it the wrong way and goes on about how I'm all deep and philosophical and fantastic and a bunch of crap like that. I, obviously, pointed out that she was wrong, because I am, in fact, a horrible, soulless, heartless clone who goes around making credits off other people's lives. Duh.
But then Fornia did that smile, the one that has my heart stopping, and said I was an idiot if I thought that about myself. I was about to say 'I must be an idiot then' when Fornia just kissed me. Not a peck on the cheek, a proper, full on, tongues-and-all-kiss. And to my eternal surprise, I kissed her back. And well... it didn't stop there; let's just leave it at that.
I woke up next morning, her next to me. I was totally freaked out. Had a massive panic (yes! I actually was scared). Decided I couldn't do the whole relationship scene, I was, after all, a heartless evil bounty dude. Fornia was still asleep, so I rooted around the apartment for a bit and found all my Mandalorian stuff. I was about to leave, but this damned soul thing kicked in and was going 'you can't leave while she's asleep, you heartless sod.' So I waited. Then my bloody common sense started to have a go as well, and was like 'what are you going to say when she wakes up? You don't love her?' and unfortunately I think I do love her. Hell, this is complicated. So finally I took off one of my armour shoulder plates and put it on the pillow next to her. I hope she gets what I mean, cos it's kinda hard to say 'I love you but I can't do this' through a shoulder plate. She probably thinks I just forgot it or something. I am such an idiot.
So I left the apartment and saw Slave I parked totally obviously on the building's landing platform. Talk about being discreet, Den. So I hopped on board, ready to get back to being old-school Boba, all soulless and stuff, but it didn't work. Bounties are kinda scarce at the mo', I guess Chayni Tular's new law and order-ness is working, so I'm gonna do the big trip. Go everywhere significant to me, and try to get my head together and sort out my wreck of a life.
BF
19TH March
I think I've been enlightened. I went to all the places that mean something to me, Kamino, Geonosis, Tatooine, and there was nothing left. Tipoca City, from what I can gather, was destroyed during the Clone Wars, Geonosis has been deserted since that awful day Dad died, and Jabba's palace has always been ruined since the old Huttmeister died.
So I kinda realised how stuff can't last without change or else it'll get destroyed. Jabba never changed his nefarious ways, so he died, the Kaminoans didn't stop the war and were destroyed because of it, and Geonosis speaks for itself. I think now I have to change or I'll get destroyed too.
I guess everything that's happened to me has been trying to tell me this, and I never listened. It took my second near-death experience for me to realise that those who live by the blaster, die by the blaster. Kenobi, Palpatine, Vader, Jabba, even Dad. Ok so get technical none of them died by a blaster but you get my point.
I'm not really explaining this well, but I know what I'm talking about. I think I'm gonna do a Dengar and go all good and stuff. And d'you know what rocks? I'm totally not bothered by that anymore. I can't believe I was freaked out by niceness and having a soul, and falling in love. Oh shit! Falling in love! Fornia!
I can't believe I left her like that! I've got to go back. I hope she doesn't hate me. Right, screw this soul-searching stuff, I'm going to Coruscant.
BF
20TH March
Well, here I am. In Fornia's apartment. And guess what? After I planned perfectly to the last word what I was going to say when she opened the door, she ain't here. D'oh. I, even though I'm Mr Nice now, still know a few BH tricks of the trade, like how to open auto-doors without setting off the alarm. That's how I got in here.
I've been sitting here for about half an hour now. Hope Fornia ain't gonna be much longer. Getting more worried about what I'm gonna say when she gets back. She'll probably throw me out the window, knowing my luck. Ooh, she's gotta message on her Holo-projector. Should I listen?... no, nice people don't do that... ah, screw it.
Just saw the great Chayni T in hologram form. The cheeky sod asked Forn out to dinner. I hope nothing's going on between them. Hang on, that sounded familiar... Tular just said something, and I'm sure I've heard it somewhere else... what was it? 'The great senator Alorida, refusing a beautiful dinner?' The way he said it, too, just like, like... the bloody Sith lord who tried to kill me on Trangor Prime! It couldn't be... Chayni Tular, Sith lord? He's done so many good things- restoring law and order, getting rid of loads of BHs by deploying the Jedi just in time on... Trangor Prime! Oh bloody hell! He sent the message about Suli and Zaen, and he wanted me away cos I'm the only BH capable of getting them! Oh shit! Fornia's with him!
Later
Phew. For a second there, I thought I'd lost her. Everything turned out ok, I suppose.
Let me tell you what happened. After realising Forn was with that bastard Tular, I kinda dropped this diary, grabbed and put on my helmet and activated my jetpack all in one fluid, Matrix-y movement, and totally sped through the (shut) window, sending glass everywhere, but I was ok cos of armour, and I'm sure Fornia doesn't mind cos of me saving her life and stuff.
So off I zoomed, through rush hour traffic no less, towards Cal's Cuisine, where Chayni had invited Forn to dinner. Got there to see Chayni Tular dangling Fornia off a balcony thing using some weird Force thing to levitate her, obviously just about to drop her or suffocate her or whatever. Everyone in Cal's was just staring at them in shock, clearly not wanting to make any sudden movements and make Tular kill Forn. Me, I still have that 'Dark Side may care' bounty hunter attitude, so I just totally flew down at top speed and aimed a flying kick at Chancellor T, knocking him off the balcony. Unfortunately whatever freaky thing Chayni was doing to levitate Forn was still happening, so she was sort of dragged off too. Not good.
So without thinking I took a flying leap off the platform and zoomed down, jetpack at full throttle, and I opened fire on Tular, which made him let go of Fornia, obv. So she was now in total freefall (as opposed to freefall with a Sith lord strangling you). I caught her, natch. Damn it, I'm good.
As you know, rush-hour Coruscant is thriving, and there was this HUGE crowd below, and when I caught Forn they all cheered. I got cheered! Crazy. But good crazy. Am totally in favour of niceness now. You get cheered!
Landed in the middle of the crowd, set down Forn and she snatched my helmet off and gave me a typical Fornia look, and goes 'I don't know whether I want to kill you or kiss you' and I, Arrogance-ometer off the charts, go 'Well I'm thinking the kiss would be more fun'.
So, I got the kiss, Fornia didn't get to be a splat on a Coruscant sidewalk, Tular didn't get to kill Forn, the Jedi didn't get Tular (no-one knows where he is. He ain't dead, more's the pity) and Holo-news got the biggest story of the year- 'Fett Foils Stupid Sith and Saves Sexy Senator'. Everyone was totally shocked to hear the Chancellor was a Sith (again) and even more shocked to see me of all people and Fornia kiss. The crowd was all 'what the hell is going on?' and were kinda mobbing me and Forn, so I just grabbed Forn and jet-packed back to the apartment. I sure hope this Tular thing dies down quickly, cos I'm really not keen on becoming a celeb. So I got my shoulder armour plate back too, with a massive dent in it. Dent apparently from when Fornia threw it at the Holo-radio after I left. Mental note: never upset her. Well, I'm kinda in love. Never saw why Dengar liked it but I get it now. Love, I think, may be cooler than E.C and more fun than drinking a Pan- Galactic-Gargle-Blaster in zero gravity. Speaking of Dengar, he holo'd me a second ago, and was like 'Dude! You're all over Holo-news!' so I watched it. Well freaky, I guess a reporter must have been at Cal's Cuisine, cos they've got the whole thing with me kickin Tular and catching Forn, and it's being played none-stop. Very funny also to see all these Coruscant citizens being interviewed on what they thought of the incident. Most of the responses were along the lines of 'what the hell?' and 'he's that clone guy, right?' Damn E.C. But we saved it onto Holo-disc anyway. I spose it's summat to show the grandkids. Which, I happily just realised, will NOT have to be clones. Yay! Life is good. Ooh gotta go; Forn says there's a bunch of reporters at the door asking for me, so better get the flamethrower.
Bye Diary!
BF
(4 FA!)
16TH January
Hey Diary
This is so stupid. Kick-ass bounty hunters do not keep diaries. Stupid parent. Making me promise like that. Yeah, ok, a diary when I was 10 sure, but please, I'm 37. Do you know how embarrassing that is? Plus I have to cart it around with me everywhere. The stick I got at Jabba's Palace for it. And off Vader. Oh well, he got 'lectrocuted, so I guess that's what you get for dissin me.
But anyway. Dengar hologrammed me bout a minute ago. Asked me if I'd heard about the bounty on Suli and Zaen. I was like 'No, Den', I've been sitting in a Sarlacc for the past two years, with my fingers in my ears, humming loudly', and Den was all 'Don't joke about stuff like that Bo'. So I'm like 'Whatever. What's the word on them? Anybody found 'em yet?' and Den's like 'No but I know where they are.' I was interested (understatement of the millennium) and I was like 'proceed.' Den goes: 'They're babies. Live on Trangor Prime. I need you to tag along though. Manaroo won't let me go on my own, plus am needing Slave I's weapons.'
I was a tad confused, and was like 'I thought your wife had got you off the whole bounty hunting scene, Deng'. But he goes 'have you seen how much they want for them? She's practically pushing me on board to go get 'em!'
Anyway, I digress. I know how much is offered for Suli and Zaen. I think it's the highest bounty I've ever seen in my whole, like, career, including the whole Solo thing, so natch, I'm going with Dengar. We're rendezvousing (is that how it's spelt?) on Trangor P's moon, and then we're gonna go and get Suli and Zaen. I hope Dengar's info is secure, though. I can't help wondering where he got it...
Laters,
BF
17TH Jan
Met up with Dengar on TP's moon. There's, like, every other BH in the galaxy here, as well. Crap.
Gave Den' a piece of my mind about the secureness of his info. I was like 'Who the hell told you where they were?' and he's like 'It was an anonymous message. I didn't know it was sent to everyone else!'
But it wasn't. I never got the message bout Suli and Zaen. Wonder why that is. Perhaps someone doesn't want me here. Hmm... But before I could figure it out Den's like 'We should get going if we want a chance of getting them' so we're leaving in about two seconds. I shall have to write up what happens after we get back, cos I'm not taking this thing with me.
Wish me luck
(Like I need it!)
BF
22ND Jan (I think)
Bloody hell. That did not go well. I'm totally not in good shape. I'm on Coruscant, being looked after (how embarrassing. I do not need looking after) by Den's sister. Yeah, I didn't know he'd got one either. She's this little obscure sub-senator for Correllia or something, called Fornia Alorida. Bloody stuck-up, too. Can't say we get on.
But I'm being very confusing. Let me start at the beginning. Got to Trangor Prime with Dengar. Suli and Zaen thing obviously a set-up, cos there was like every Jedi in the galaxy there, including Skywalker and his entourage. Bugger. Den, the bloody coward, goes 'I'm getting out of here. Two little kids aren't worth a battle with Jedi, no matter how many credits they're up for.' But I stayed. What an idiot! I was curious, though. I know the person who sent the hologram to everyone else had missed me on purpose, and I wanted to know why. So off I trotted, away from the battle between BHs and Jedi (what a bloody mess that looked. I didn't get involved. I remember what happened all the other times a Fett faced a Jedi) and I found Suli and Zaen (well, two babies anyway) in this temple thingy, but Skywalker and co. had got there first. I kept to the shadows, and watched. This guy stepped out of the shadows on the other side of the temple, red lightsaber glowing. I guess he was a Sith. So this means the Sith have come back. As soon as I'm fit again I think I may inquire as to how much this info is worth, unless Skywalker's told everyone already. But it was kinda weird, cos I couldn't tell what species it was. It wasn't human or Mon Cal or Zabraki or whatever, the Sith was just... fuzzy. As in blurry, not Wookiee-esque. Hmm... Anyhoo, this Sith bloke had the babies in his one arm, and the lightsaber in his other hand. Skywalker challenged him, and bloody hell, this Sith guy didn't even blink and just knocked Skywalker out. Hell, I was worried then. You know you're in trouble when the good guys are beaten. And they all were- Solo (hurray!), Leia, the Wookiee and that Mara-Jade chick were all unconscious. I saw why Den left then- no kids were worth this- and I was just about to get gone myself when the Sith dude goes to me (how he knew I was there I do not know) 'Can this be? The great hunter Fett refusing a bounty?' I turned, blasters raised, but the Sith was too quick and totally cut me up with his lightsaber. Not immediately fatal wounds, but I lost a lot of blood. Totally stained my armour. How the hell I'm gonna get it dry cleaned I do not know. But anyway. Just before I totally fell unconscious, sure I'd be meeting Jabba again pretty quickly, I heard Slave I firing, and I was aware of the Sith leaving, and then someone hauling me onboard Slave I. I guess it was Dengar. Then... blackness.
I woke up here, in a kinda comfy bed, with sunlight streamin through the window. Everything was white, with a red border going round the room. For a split second I thought I was dead, but then I realised- red and white- Correllian colours. I thought I was at Dengar's but then this Fornia chick comes in, and explains it all- Den brought me here, but Manaroo holo'd to say she was pregnant so he went to her and left me here with his sister. For a senator she's kinda hot, I guess. Brown hair and dark blue eyes. She goes to me when she came in 'You're awake then' in this fussy tone of voice like I'd inconvenienced her in some way, so I'm like 'yes' and she cast an annoyed over me and left. Well, looks like I'm gonna be here for some time, cos injuries quite bad, so this uptight senator chick is gonna havta get used to me.
BF
24TH February
Y'know, it ain't that bad here. Fornia's ok now. For the first week she was all uptight and prim and proper, so I pretended to be all common and stuff on purpose to annoy her, but I dunno how, one day we just started talking.
To piss her off I said she didn't look at all like Den, and she goes she's only his half-sister, and we ended up talking about our families, and get this, I told her. Yeah, I, Boba Fett, Mr keep-schtum himself, actually told Fornia, who I'd known for about a week, the truth about me. The whole clone thing. I never even told Dengar, my best friend, about that. And she wasn't all weirded as I thought she would be. She was like 'Wow. I'm sitting here with Agent Smith.' And I was like 'Say wha?' She was all 'You've never seen the Matrix?' and I was like 'the what?'
So then she tells me all bout this planet Earth (dumb name), which is like a gazillion light-years from our galaxy, in this crappy little star system all on it's own. It's totally worthless, I mean, it doesn't even have repulsorlifts or hyperdrives or anything very technological at all. But, saying that, it does have, like, the coolest culture around. First, there's this Earth- Culture music, which I can't believe Jabba never capitalized on, cos I'd so have E.C. music on 24/7 if I was a Huttese crime lord. I was like 'I can't believe I've never heard this before' and Fornia said that everyone involved with the whole Empire/Rebel thing missed E.C. Which is a shame. I guess I'm kinda lucky I got attacked by a Sith, cos now I know about The Rolling Stones and Michael Jackson and The Darkness and stuff.
And its not just E.C. music that totally rocks. There's these things called movies, kinda like flat screen holograms I guess. They're cool. We watched, like, millions today. The Lord of the Rings trilogy (ok but totally old fashioned, even for Earth. Much better if Aragorn had a blaster and some Mandalorian armour, but hey), Pirates of the Caribbean (still with the old fashioned but there were guns), Titanic (yawn. I say no more), and Bridget Jones' Diary (I dunno. As a total evil type I'm probably meant to hate movies like that, but I thought it was quite cute), and the best of the bunch by far, the Matrix trilogy. Actual technology! Joy!
It was fun. Me and Forn', I think, might even be friends now. Which is bloody scary, because I don't 'do' having friends, 'part from Dengar obv. Quite worrying. Stupid conflicting emotions.
Confused
BF PS- can't believe I forgot this. No idea how, but earth knows about us! Our galaxy I mean. They've made movies about it! Called 'Star Wars'. What a STU- PID name! It totally portrays Vader in a good way! Bloody weird. I'm in 'em, too. Don't see so much of me in the older ones, but in the prequels you see me and Dad. But the actors playing everyone look nothing like the real us. Things wrong with the movies: Vader was not that tall. In his dreams. Han Solo was totally not that selfless/brave/good-looking. Why am I a bad guy? Why? I am not evil! Just out for the money! Like a million other people weren't doing the exact same as me! Why does my ship look filthy? I get that washed, like, every week. And, finally, like Kenobi could ever take my dad in a fight. Whatever. But I'm still glad hardly anyone knows about E.C., or I'd be totally screwed. Can't have people knowing I'm a clone, now, can I? Am also kinda annoyed that Fornia played dumb earlier when I told her 'bout the clone thing, but I guess I would have been a little freaked if she said she already knew before I told her. Thoughtful of her.
1st March
Me and Fornia are really good friends now. How weird is that? I'm actually friends with someone who didn't pull me from a Sarlacc. She told me what happened between the time I fell unconscious and waking up at her place. Dengar came back for me, cos he felt all guilty for leaving me. Guess I'm lucky Dengar has a soul, or I'd be a shrivelled up, Sarlacc-acid covered corpse on Tatooine, never mind being hacked to bits by a freaky Sith guy. So Den rescued me (again) and took me to his half-sister's place on Coruscant, cos it was closer than Correllia. He got me all 'not-dead-but- still-unconscious' but then he got a hologram saying his wife is pregnant so he had to dash off to Correllia before I woke up. He made Fornia promise to make sure I stayed here until I was ok again. I guess this must have put Fornia out a bit; after all, looking after your half-brother's bountying best mate is hardly high on a Correllian senator's to-do list. Probably. But me and Forn are cool now.
I don't get what's happening to me. I keep getting all these 'nice' thoughts, like when Fornia said she'd spent last year campaigning to free slaves on Outer-Rim planers, instead of me thinking something along the lines of 'what a wasted year' I was actually all 'wasn't that nice of her?' It's really freaking me out, these peace-y, nice-y, happy, Jedi-y (for want of a better word) thoughts. Maybe Den's soul is rubbing of on me. Or Fornia's. Hell, I can't do this. I'm not meant to be nice.
BF
13TH March
So much has happened. After my last entry, the soul thing just escalated. I was watching Holo-News with Forn and I heard this bit on how a bounty hunter had killed some Jedi, and I actually felt sorry for the Jedi who died. And I even started to regret some of the things I've done in my BH career. I mentioned this to Fornia, and she just smiled and said 'You are human then. Dengar thinks you're some kind of unfeeling bounty-droid.' I was all 'wha?' and Fornia was like 'Why do you think he left you here? Don't tell me you seriously swallowed that pregnant story. How naïve!' Again I was 'wha?' and she goes 'Den's been trying to make you all soul-ly for two years now, so it was quite lucky you stayed on Trangor Prime or you wouldn't have come here and I wouldn't have been able to re-soul you.'
'Er, excuse me' said me 'but who said anything about me being re- souled?' Fornia smiled all knowingly and goes 'Please. It's written all over your face. You look like someone who actually experiences emotion now.'
And d'you know what? For once I didn't have an answer. I just looked away. Because Fornia was right. What the hell is wrong with me?
It gets worse. Me and Fornia were outside on her balcony type thing, just talking, and I said this utterly idiotic thing about the stars being pretty or whatever, and she totally took it the wrong way and goes on about how I'm all deep and philosophical and fantastic and a bunch of crap like that. I, obviously, pointed out that she was wrong, because I am, in fact, a horrible, soulless, heartless clone who goes around making credits off other people's lives. Duh.
But then Fornia did that smile, the one that has my heart stopping, and said I was an idiot if I thought that about myself. I was about to say 'I must be an idiot then' when Fornia just kissed me. Not a peck on the cheek, a proper, full on, tongues-and-all-kiss. And to my eternal surprise, I kissed her back. And well... it didn't stop there; let's just leave it at that.
I woke up next morning, her next to me. I was totally freaked out. Had a massive panic (yes! I actually was scared). Decided I couldn't do the whole relationship scene, I was, after all, a heartless evil bounty dude. Fornia was still asleep, so I rooted around the apartment for a bit and found all my Mandalorian stuff. I was about to leave, but this damned soul thing kicked in and was going 'you can't leave while she's asleep, you heartless sod.' So I waited. Then my bloody common sense started to have a go as well, and was like 'what are you going to say when she wakes up? You don't love her?' and unfortunately I think I do love her. Hell, this is complicated. So finally I took off one of my armour shoulder plates and put it on the pillow next to her. I hope she gets what I mean, cos it's kinda hard to say 'I love you but I can't do this' through a shoulder plate. She probably thinks I just forgot it or something. I am such an idiot.
So I left the apartment and saw Slave I parked totally obviously on the building's landing platform. Talk about being discreet, Den. So I hopped on board, ready to get back to being old-school Boba, all soulless and stuff, but it didn't work. Bounties are kinda scarce at the mo', I guess Chayni Tular's new law and order-ness is working, so I'm gonna do the big trip. Go everywhere significant to me, and try to get my head together and sort out my wreck of a life.
BF
19TH March
I think I've been enlightened. I went to all the places that mean something to me, Kamino, Geonosis, Tatooine, and there was nothing left. Tipoca City, from what I can gather, was destroyed during the Clone Wars, Geonosis has been deserted since that awful day Dad died, and Jabba's palace has always been ruined since the old Huttmeister died.
So I kinda realised how stuff can't last without change or else it'll get destroyed. Jabba never changed his nefarious ways, so he died, the Kaminoans didn't stop the war and were destroyed because of it, and Geonosis speaks for itself. I think now I have to change or I'll get destroyed too.
I guess everything that's happened to me has been trying to tell me this, and I never listened. It took my second near-death experience for me to realise that those who live by the blaster, die by the blaster. Kenobi, Palpatine, Vader, Jabba, even Dad. Ok so get technical none of them died by a blaster but you get my point.
I'm not really explaining this well, but I know what I'm talking about. I think I'm gonna do a Dengar and go all good and stuff. And d'you know what rocks? I'm totally not bothered by that anymore. I can't believe I was freaked out by niceness and having a soul, and falling in love. Oh shit! Falling in love! Fornia!
I can't believe I left her like that! I've got to go back. I hope she doesn't hate me. Right, screw this soul-searching stuff, I'm going to Coruscant.
BF
20TH March
Well, here I am. In Fornia's apartment. And guess what? After I planned perfectly to the last word what I was going to say when she opened the door, she ain't here. D'oh. I, even though I'm Mr Nice now, still know a few BH tricks of the trade, like how to open auto-doors without setting off the alarm. That's how I got in here.
I've been sitting here for about half an hour now. Hope Fornia ain't gonna be much longer. Getting more worried about what I'm gonna say when she gets back. She'll probably throw me out the window, knowing my luck. Ooh, she's gotta message on her Holo-projector. Should I listen?... no, nice people don't do that... ah, screw it.
Just saw the great Chayni T in hologram form. The cheeky sod asked Forn out to dinner. I hope nothing's going on between them. Hang on, that sounded familiar... Tular just said something, and I'm sure I've heard it somewhere else... what was it? 'The great senator Alorida, refusing a beautiful dinner?' The way he said it, too, just like, like... the bloody Sith lord who tried to kill me on Trangor Prime! It couldn't be... Chayni Tular, Sith lord? He's done so many good things- restoring law and order, getting rid of loads of BHs by deploying the Jedi just in time on... Trangor Prime! Oh bloody hell! He sent the message about Suli and Zaen, and he wanted me away cos I'm the only BH capable of getting them! Oh shit! Fornia's with him!
Later
Phew. For a second there, I thought I'd lost her. Everything turned out ok, I suppose.
Let me tell you what happened. After realising Forn was with that bastard Tular, I kinda dropped this diary, grabbed and put on my helmet and activated my jetpack all in one fluid, Matrix-y movement, and totally sped through the (shut) window, sending glass everywhere, but I was ok cos of armour, and I'm sure Fornia doesn't mind cos of me saving her life and stuff.
So off I zoomed, through rush hour traffic no less, towards Cal's Cuisine, where Chayni had invited Forn to dinner. Got there to see Chayni Tular dangling Fornia off a balcony thing using some weird Force thing to levitate her, obviously just about to drop her or suffocate her or whatever. Everyone in Cal's was just staring at them in shock, clearly not wanting to make any sudden movements and make Tular kill Forn. Me, I still have that 'Dark Side may care' bounty hunter attitude, so I just totally flew down at top speed and aimed a flying kick at Chancellor T, knocking him off the balcony. Unfortunately whatever freaky thing Chayni was doing to levitate Forn was still happening, so she was sort of dragged off too. Not good.
So without thinking I took a flying leap off the platform and zoomed down, jetpack at full throttle, and I opened fire on Tular, which made him let go of Fornia, obv. So she was now in total freefall (as opposed to freefall with a Sith lord strangling you). I caught her, natch. Damn it, I'm good.
As you know, rush-hour Coruscant is thriving, and there was this HUGE crowd below, and when I caught Forn they all cheered. I got cheered! Crazy. But good crazy. Am totally in favour of niceness now. You get cheered!
Landed in the middle of the crowd, set down Forn and she snatched my helmet off and gave me a typical Fornia look, and goes 'I don't know whether I want to kill you or kiss you' and I, Arrogance-ometer off the charts, go 'Well I'm thinking the kiss would be more fun'.
So, I got the kiss, Fornia didn't get to be a splat on a Coruscant sidewalk, Tular didn't get to kill Forn, the Jedi didn't get Tular (no-one knows where he is. He ain't dead, more's the pity) and Holo-news got the biggest story of the year- 'Fett Foils Stupid Sith and Saves Sexy Senator'. Everyone was totally shocked to hear the Chancellor was a Sith (again) and even more shocked to see me of all people and Fornia kiss. The crowd was all 'what the hell is going on?' and were kinda mobbing me and Forn, so I just grabbed Forn and jet-packed back to the apartment. I sure hope this Tular thing dies down quickly, cos I'm really not keen on becoming a celeb. So I got my shoulder armour plate back too, with a massive dent in it. Dent apparently from when Fornia threw it at the Holo-radio after I left. Mental note: never upset her. Well, I'm kinda in love. Never saw why Dengar liked it but I get it now. Love, I think, may be cooler than E.C and more fun than drinking a Pan- Galactic-Gargle-Blaster in zero gravity. Speaking of Dengar, he holo'd me a second ago, and was like 'Dude! You're all over Holo-news!' so I watched it. Well freaky, I guess a reporter must have been at Cal's Cuisine, cos they've got the whole thing with me kickin Tular and catching Forn, and it's being played none-stop. Very funny also to see all these Coruscant citizens being interviewed on what they thought of the incident. Most of the responses were along the lines of 'what the hell?' and 'he's that clone guy, right?' Damn E.C. But we saved it onto Holo-disc anyway. I spose it's summat to show the grandkids. Which, I happily just realised, will NOT have to be clones. Yay! Life is good. Ooh gotta go; Forn says there's a bunch of reporters at the door asking for me, so better get the flamethrower.
Bye Diary!
BF
(4 FA!)