Disclaimer: Been there. Disclaimed that. Got the t-shirt.
A/N: Thanks to everyone for the kind reviews! I'm glad to know people are still reading. Sorry for the ever-so-slight delay in getting this chapter up. Real life has rudely intruded into my fanfic writing time lately.
[Bridget Jones] And now, back to the studio . . .[/Bridget Jones]
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Luke and Lorelai were able to avoid each other almost completely for the next couple of weeks, but they still caught glimpses of each other around town. He happened to look out the window of the diner one evening as she came out of Doose's with bags that were no doubt full of those frozen pizzas and nacho chips she loved so much. She saw him standing outside the diner one afternoon arguing with Taylor over hanging a flyer for the new Summer Under the Stars Festival. She'd always loved to watch Luke deliver a good Taylor smackdown, but this time she just ducked around a corner and kept walking. They caught each other's eye at a town meeting a couple of nights later, but they both looked away quickly. He'd heard she broken up with That Guy, but he still didn't go over to speak to her. Neither of them knew what there was to say.
Luke and Lorelai may have been busy avoiding each other, but town gossip mill was churning with Luke and Lorelai Sightings.
Lane told Kirk that Luke had slipped and called her 'Lorelai' twice.
Kirk told Taylor that Luke had threatened to kill Kirk four times in one week—a 300% increase over his usual rate of once per week.
Taylor commented to Patty that with all the food Lorelai was buying at the market, there was no way she could be eating much at the diner. He hoped that now that she was away from Luke's bad influence, Lorelai would be free to express true town spirit.
Patty swore to Babette that she'd seen Lorelai standing outside the diner at 3:00 in the morning, weeping and calling Luke's name.
Rory heard all the rumors (mostly courtesy of Lane), and she knew that for the first time most of them were pretty accurate—well, except for the one about her mom going all Catherine-on-the-moors in front of the diner at 3 AM. Her mom wasn't saying much about what had happened, but there was a sadness in her voice when they talked on the phone that hadn't been there before, even after that other fight. Things had been bad between her mom and Luke the summer after the car accident, but this was different. It was strange to think that after all the years of dancing around each other, whatever it was between her mom and Luke was finally—sort of—out in the open. Rory and Lorelai had never really talked about Luke in that way, except for a couple of brief moments here and there that were quickly swept under the rug. Somewhere in the back of her mind Rory had always sort of known that there was something between the two of them, and the thought had occasionally occurred to her that Luke and her mom might get together someday. It was kind of a weird thought, but a good one. She loved Luke like a second father, and she knew he'd do anything for the two of them. Rory had tried to get her mom to talk more about what had happened, but had only run up against the typical Lorelai Gilmore lines of defense—evasion, denial, and irrelevant jokes. Rory knew that pushing—especially now, when things were so touchy—would only make her mom run in the opposite direction. She decided to stay quiet and let things take their natural course.
***********
Finally, a moment came when Luke and Lorelai couldn't avoid each other any longer. One afternoon the week before the opening, Lorelai was at the bank taking care of the inn's accounts. Luke was three or people behind her in line, waiting to make the daily deposit from the diner. They were both so absorbed in their paperwork—and in thoughts of each other—that they didn't even notice each other. As Lorelai turned to leave she was so busy looking through her papers that she didn't see Luke until she bumped into him, scattering papers all over the floor. They both bent down to pick up the mess.
"God, I'm sorry. I don't know when I became such a klutz. I mean, I don't usually go around plowing into people . . ." she trailed off when she saw who she was talking to. "I'm sorry," she said again, the tone of her voice making it clear that she was apologizing for more than bumping into him. She stayed crouched next to him and just looked at him. Her gaze roamed over his face with its usual three-day stubble, his ever-present blue baseball cap (the only one he'd worn since she'd given it to him) and his eyes, which were at the moment gazing deeply into her own. Her eyes flickered down to his lips, and her breath caught at the memory of how those lips had felt when he'd kissed her.
Luke was staring back just as intently. Lorelai looked pale and tired, but to him she was still beautiful and his heart beat faster just looking at her. It was all he could do to stop himself from reaching out and pushing back the stray strand of hair that had fallen in her face. He was so close to her he could smell her perfume, and the combination of the proximity and that unique Lorelai scent were making it hard for him to breathe.
Finally, they stood up. Luke gave her back her papers, and he noticed that her hands were shaking when she took them from him.
"So . . ." she began.
"How've you been?"
"Oh, good. Good. Just really busy. You?"
"Same old, same old."
"Right."
"Yeah."
"Well . . ." she stared into his eyes for a long moment. "I'd better go."
Lorelai brushed past him and walked quickly out the door. Luke stood frozen for a few seconds, his Inner Voice screaming at him. Do something, dummy! Go after her! Don't let her walk away!
He rushed out the door and saw her a few feet down the sidewalk. "Lorelai!"
There was an urgency in Luke's voice that Lorelai hadn't heard before, and she fought a rising tide of hope as she turned to face him. "Yeah?"
At the expectant look on Lorelai's face, Luke's mind went blank. "I . . . um . . ." He searched his brain for something—anything—to say. "I, uh, saw that PBS is doing some kind of documentary or something on famous women who went to Yale." Where did that come from? "I was just thinking that, uh, you know, since Rory's a woman and she goes to Yale, you might want to tell her about it." The hell?!? "Or, you know, since you're Rory's mom you might want to . . . you know, watch it. Or tape it. Or something." He stood there helplessly, praying for the first time in his life that Taylor would come by and want to discuss another of his harebrained town spirit ideas. Or that Kirk would come around the corner with all those stupid dogs he was still walking. Anything to distract them from the disaster this moment was fast becoming.
Lorelai's face fell for just a second, then she managed to paste on a smile. What'd you expect, that he'd start singing "You're Just Too Good to be True" accompanied by the Padua High marching band? "Yeah, I'd heard about that. We're gonna tape it and save it for the archives—or at least keep it until they remake it ten years from now and Rory's one of the Famous Women. But thanks for the heads-up."
"Oh, yeah. Sure. Anytime." Luke shoved his hands in his jeans pockets, feeling like an idiot. This was not the way he'd wanted this to go.
They stood there staring at each other for a moment, then turned and walked off in opposite directions.
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Over the next few days, Lorelai threw herself even more deeply into work on the inn. The grand opening was set for Saturday night, and the "to do" lists were slowly becoming shorter and fewer in number. This was mostly because Lorelai was meeting—or at least speaking —with her mother every day, and Emily wasn't about to let even the smallest detail fall through the cracks. When the whole Emily-plans-the-opening thing had first come about, Lorelai had tried to tell herself that her mother was feeling a little lost and needed something to keep her busy. But the truth was that with Rory away and Luke pretty much out of her life, Lorelai was the one who was feeling lost. For the first time in her memory, Lorelai needed her mother around—even if she couldn't actually admit it.
For her part, Emily had been a revelation. Yes, she had been her usual exacting, imperious self. She knew just how the opening celebration should go, and she had expected Lorelai and Sookie and everyone else to defer to her on all opening-related matters. But this time she had seemed to leave Lorelai herself alone. There had been no snide comments about Lorelai's appearance, no barbed remarks about how much time she did—or didn't—spend with Emily and Richard, and no accusations about hiding a new relationship from her. Over the weeks they had worked together Emily had often been downright kind to Lorelai. It was if she knew that her daughter was going through some kind of crisis and for once her maternal instinct told her give her some space.
In fact, Emily held out on mentioning anything until the Tuesday night before the gala. She and Lorelai were sitting in Lorelai's kitchen going over last minute details for the opening night. Emily had been talking for about half an hour, going over to-do lists, florist contracts and the arrangements for the string quartet, when she realized Lorelai wasn't listening to a word she said. She decided to take matters in her own hands.
"So, anyway, I think the purple balloons will look absolutely lovely with the orange and blue streamers."
"Uh-huh." Lorelai sat doodling absently on a pad of paper.
"And we can start the 'little people' floorshow just before we tap the keg."
"Yeah, that would work."
"Lorelai."
"Yeah?"
"You haven't been paying attention to anything I've just said, have you?"
"Sure I have."
"Then why did you just agree to have dancing midgets and a keg of Budweiser at your inn's grand opening?"
"What?!?"
Emily laid down her pen with a sigh. "Lorelai, what's wrong?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I may not be Rory or any of your Stars Hollow friends, but I am your mother. And this may come as a shock you, but I do notice—and care—when you're upset about something." When Lorelai didn't reply, she decided to plunge right in. "It's Luke, isn't it? Your friend from the diner?"
Lorelai's eyes widened. "How in the world did you . . ."
Emily shrugged. "Well, I know your break-up with Jason was a non-event, so this is obviously not about him."
"How the hell did you even know I was seeing Jason, let alone that we broke up? What, do you have psychic powers along with your powers of manipulation and humiliation?"
"How I know is not important," Emily replied, not wanting to admit that Jason had broken down and confessed everything to Richard. "The point is that whatever is bothering you is obviously very important to you. Now, Rory's doing beautifully, and the inn's coming along very smoothly, and if I must say, you and I have been getting along quite well, so that leaves Luke."
"So, what? Luke's one of my top four priorities?"
"Isn't he?"
The unexpected kindness in Emily's voice broke down Lorelai's already weakened defenses, and she started crying uncontrollably. "I don't know what to do, Mom. Everything's so screwed up and it's all my fault."
"I'm sure it's not all your fault."
"Yes it is," Lorelai sobbed. "I was so afraid of feeling anything for him or getting close to him that I just kept pushing him away and pushing him away and now he hates me. I can't make it right, and I just don't know what to do." She buried her face in her hands and kept crying.
Emily sat quietly, watching her daughter with a look of compassion she rarely let others see. After a moment she straightened in her chair and took a deep breath, as if she'd just reached a decision. "Well, I must say, Lorelai, I don't know if I've ever been more disappointed in you."
At her mother's words, Lorelai's head snapped up in shock and anger. Was she actually going to sit there and tell her how unsuitable Luke was for her? Now? "You have got to be kidding me."
Emily just continued, ignoring the interruption. "Never in your life have you backed down from going after something that was really important to you, whether it was bringing up Rory on your own or wearing that hideous green nail polish to your ninth grade dance." She shook her head. "I certainly never thought you'd—what's that charming expression the kids are using now? 'Wuss out'? Yes, that's it. I never thought you'd 'wuss out' on fighting for something that meant so much to you."
Lorelai stared at her mother in surprise as she wiped the tears from her cheeks. "So you're saying I should fight for Luke?"
"I'm saying you should fight for what makes you happy. Does Luke make you happy?"
Lorelai managed a small chuckle. "Well, aside from the never watching movies and the grumbling about town festivals and the constant criticism of my eating habits . . . Yeah, I think he could."
"Then I think you should do what you can to be with him."
Lorelai shook her head in wonder. "I didn't think you even liked Luke."
"Lorelai, how long is it going to be before you understand that what I don't like is being kept out of the important aspects of my own daughter's life? I'll admit that I was . . . irked when I thought you were involved with him without telling me. But this man has been there for you and for Rory for years, and more importantly he seems able to make you happy. And I'd like anyone that could make my daughter happy."
"So, what do I do now?" It was the first time in her memory that Lorelai had actively sought her mother's advice.
"Well, the first thing you're going to do is go into the bathroom and splash some cold water on your face. If you don't, your eyes will be all red puffy in the morning."
Lorelai smiled. This was the Emily she knew. She stood to walk out of the kitchen, then turned to look back at her mother. "That thing that you just did with the reverse psychology and the compassion and stuff? That was pretty cool."
Emily just shrugged and suddenly became absorbed in picking up the papers scattered over the table. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
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On the Friday night before Opening Saturday, Lorelai sat up in bed going over the final details of the opening. Actually, the whole thing was set to off without a hitch, but Lorelai couldn't sleep and needed something to take her minds off other, non-inn-related matters. Rory wasn't coming home until the next afternoon, and the house was too quiet without her. The quiet gave Lorelai too many chances to think about things she shouldn't be thinking about. Finally, around midnight, when her eyes were about to fall out of her head and the walls of her bedrom felt like they were closing in on her, she decided to take a walk and get some fresh air.
A few minutes later she was in the center of town, enjoying the silence and the solitude of being the only one out and about. She really, truly loved Stars Hollow. This place had become a home to her when she was young and scared and had nowhere else to go, and every person in the town, no matter how goofy or eccentric, had been a part of her's and Rory's lives.
Tonight, though, everything seemed to remind her of Luke. There was the bench they'd sat on the night he'd held her as she'd cried about the inn, and missing Rory, and being a failure. There was the street in front of the diner where Luke had tried to take Dean's head off for hurting Rory. She glanced at the diner for a moment, but she couldn't bring herself to think about all the memories held inside it. She walked over to the gazebo, where she and Luke had shared lunch the day of the picnic basket auction. She sat down with a sigh. The memories of him—of the two of them—were everywhere. She leaned her head against a wooden post and closed her eyes, trying to make her thoughts stop.
Meanwhile, Luke sat staring out the window of his darkened apartment, drinking a beer and trying unsuccessfully not to think of Lorelai. It was a routine he'd come to perfect over the past weeks. Tonight, though, something interrupted the routine. A moving figure caught his eye, and even in the darkness he could tell it was her. He watched her for a few minutes as she made her way to the gazebo. Ever since their encounter at the bank he'd been racking his brain, trying to figure out a way to make things better between them. The sight of her walking through town by herself in the middle of the night just made him want to run downstairs and take her in his arms and tell her how much he'd missed her.
He shoved the cheesy thought out of his head as an idea occurred to him. He walked over to his desk and picked up the small white box that had been sitting there, along with a small gift card, ever since Lorelai had told him that the opening was all set. He'd thought the gift card was a stupid idea at the time, but the pushy saleslady had insisted he take one with him. Now he was glad she had. He picked up a pen, opened the card and hastily scrawled a line. He paused before writing the second line, his heart pounding at what it was going to say. With a determined sigh he wrote the second line, put the card in its envelope and placed it in the box. After taking a final, confidence-boosting swig of his beer, he threw on his jacket, shoved the box in his pocket, and walked out the door.
Lorelai still sat with her eyes closed, trying to get Luke out of her mind. Okay, Lorelai, get it together. Forget about Luke and loneliness and misery and lost friendships. Go to a happy place. Think of all the good things in your life. Okay, let's see . . . I have a beautiful, well-adjusted daughter who is thriving in her ivy league college . . . Luke kissed me . . . My mother and I are actually getting along . . . Luke kissed me and I liked it . . . In less than twenty-four hours my best friend and I are going to open our own inn . . . Luke kissed me and I want him to kiss me again . . . Britney Spears will probably never star in another movie . . . I think I love Luke.
Frustrated, Lorelai ran her hands through her hair and then buried her face in them. "Oh, God!"
"Nah. Just one of his humble creations." Startled by the sound of Luke's voice, Lorelai looked up to see him standing in front of her. His hands were stuffed into his jacket pockets, and his face was unreadable. For a minute she was convinced she'd conjured him with her thoughts.
"What are you doing out here?" he asked, sitting down beside her on the bench.
"Actually, I was just praying to the Coffee Star."
Luke raised an eyebrow. "The Coffee Star?"
"Uh-huh." She pointed to a spot in the sky directly over the roof of the diner. "See that big, bright star right there? That's the Coffee Star, Caffeine Major." She moved her finger down and slightly to the right. "Now, that pale little weak little star right there? That's Decaf Minor. Or, as I like to call it, the 'Why Bother?' Star."
"Okay, well, thanks for the astronomy lesson." They both chuckled softly. The silliness, the banter, were familiar. Easy.
"So, why are you out here so late? Don't you turn to dust or something if you're out past 10 PM?"
Luke shrugged. "Same as you, I guess. Couldn't sleep either."
The combination of the late hour, fatigue, and Luke's unexpected appearance diminished some of Lorelai's defenses, and she smiled. "Yeah, but you don't take walks when you can't sleep. You drink a cup of peppermint tea and then watch CNBC for half an hour, and if that doesn't work you read this big baseball encyclopedia you keep by the bed."
He looked at her in surprise. "How the hell did you know that?"
"You told me, like, five or six years ago when I was having an epic bout of insomnia."
"Guess I've told you a lot of things."
"Me, too. Told you a lot of things, I mean."
"Yeah." They sat looking at each other, each trying to say with their eyes what they hadn't been able say in words over the previous weeks of silence and avoidance. Finally, Luke looked away.
"So, tomorrow night's the big night, huh?"
Lorelai sighed at the loss of eye contact. "Yeah. Sometimes it doesn't feel real, you know? I can't believe I'm finally going to do what I've always wanted to do. I am going. To have. My. Own. Inn.
"Well, you should believe it. You worked hard to get here. You should be proud of yourself. Which reminds me . . ." He stood up. "I really came out here because I have something for you." He pulled the box out of his pocket. "It's for the . . . I mean, I bought it before we . . .Anyway, here." He handed her the box.
Before Lorelai could say anything, Luke said goodnight and headed back toward the diner.
Lorelai drew a shaky breath and opened the box. Resting on the cotton inside was a delicate, rhinestone-encrusted dragonfly hairclip. There was also a card in Luke's impatient, masculine handwriting:
I always knew you could.
–Love, Luke
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A/N: Okay, so, I hope that wasn't too cheesy or out of character or anything. I just wanted Luke to be able to say it without saying it. Yet.
Up Next: Denouement at the Dragonfly