Title: Post-Big Brother
Author: Hgirl
Disclaimer: no profits what so ever, nothing belongs to me, so don't sue
Sitting alone in my living room, my mind wanders from one thought to another. I can't seem to find peace tonight. Voices resound in my head. Yelina's voice echoes: "He didn't want Ray junior or myself to find out so he would stay away for weeks and weeks at a time. He - he did it to protect us- yeah" My heart wrenches. The sadness in her eyes comes back to me. Her trembling lips and her eyes are filled with tears. It's heartbreak for me.
I remember telling Susie that Madison belongs to Ray. Yelina's voice returns: "Please stop trying to protect me." I can't help it. It's beyond me. I need to know she's okay.
I'm still in my work clothes. I've kept my jacket even if I'm hot. I glance at my watch. I left Yelina almost two hours ago when she told me her and Ray junior were gonna be alright tonight. I didn't think twice about coming home. I knew she was okay. She was sad but nonetheless okay. She probably needed some time alone to think about things. I wanted to be with her but I'm the type to push. My instincts told me not to.
I brush my fingers over my cheek. I can still feel her sweet kiss. Moist and soft. Her lips making contact with my skin.
With just enough will, I get up and walk towards the patio window. I observe the wind blowing through the trees, gently pulling at the leaves.
Our lives, mine and Yelina's, can move on now. We were sort of at a standstill not knowing what happened to Ray. Case closed now. She thanked me for finding out the truth about her husband. She doesn't know to what extent I've uncovered the truth and she doesn't need to. She remembers Raymond as a loving husband and I won't be the one to hurt her by making the truth she knows a lie. I couldn't bear hurting her.
I feel beaten. I look down at my feet. I can't believe I have a niece. I can't believe Ray would do something like that. I don't feel good about keeping this for myself but nobody needs to know. It's the right thing to do, keep it within me.
I remember my bewilderment at the sight of little Madison. "Daddy, I got a cut," she said in the sweetest voice. I was desperately trying to understand the red hair. It came to me faster than a dart thrown to a dartboard. She was Ray's.
Driving back home, I need to pick up my son from the babysitter's. I need to hold someone. Ray is my pride and joy, the most precious reminder of Raymond. What a relief that the day is finally over. So much emotion, so much pain has surfaced and I smile to hold back the tears because I don't want my son to see me cry ever again. I spent so many weeks crying after his father's death. I vowed no more tears in front of him. I stop the car pulling up beside the curb in front of a big white house. I unbuckle to go greet my baby and help him carry his toys back to the car. To my surprise, the door swings open as he runs out to me his bag of toys gets discarded in the run.
"Mommy!" he catches up to me walking in the driveway and jumps in my arms. I hoist him up on my hip and see Heather, the babysitter, is walking towards us.
"Hi baby," I tell him, looking into his brown eyes. "How are you?" I ask and then ask him to give me a kiss, which he does.
"I missed you, Mama."
"Me too, sweetheart."
Heather is standing before me, holding Ray junior's bag. I ask her "Has he been a good boy?"
She giggles and answers "As always. We had a lot of fun."
"That's good."
Heather's smile fades. "He was anxious for you to come pick him up though, he was waiting in the window for your car to pull up."
"Yeah - I'm sorry, I'm later than usual."
"Big case?" she asks and I nod.
"Oh my god, I forgot the money. I'll bring it tomorrow, Heather, I'm so sorry."
"It's okay. I don't mind."
"No, no, but I meant to stop at the ATM - I haven't paid you for last two weeks. I promise, I will tomorrow."
"It's okay. No problem." I put Ray down and take the bag from her.
"Thanks. Well... have a good night, Heather." I take my son's hand and we walk off to the car.
I'm sitting on the edge of the couch. Elbows resting on my knees, hands clasped together, I stare at the phone on the table in front of me. I want to call her. Yelina. Make sure she's okay and talk to her. The events of the day course through my mind. I remember wishing I could touch her, hold her, take her in my arms. She's gorgeous. Perfect. I love the way she walks like a fashion model. So attractive. I wonder what it would feel like to kiss her lips. They have the most magnificent shape I've ever seen. The softness of her skin must be incredible. I'd take her on the spot, anytime, anywhere, anyhow. I shake my head to snap out of it and grab the remote control. Flicking through the channels, I try to think of something else. Damn, when I find myself alone or having too much time on my hands, I start thinking and fantasizing. There's nothing good on but at least my fantasies have subsided. I decide it would be a good idea to get out of the house. I grab my keys and my wallet and head out.
The drive was surprisingly silent. Usually, Ray has tons of things to tell me and I have to ask him to talk less because I need to concentrate on the road. Once in while, he asks me questions to see if I'm listening. Tonight though, he's just staring out the window.
"Are you okay, sweetie?" I ask turning a corner.
"Yeah."
"You're just tired?"
"Uh huh."
Suddenly, I feel his eyes gazing at my face and I glance at him "What?"
"You look sad, Mommy."
"No-" I smile trying to hide my sorrow.
"Is Horatio coming home tonight?"
"No, not tonight, why?"
"I liked it when he came and had supper with us and he read me a story before I went to sleep- I guess it's too late for supper, huh, mommy?"
I pull up in the driveway and stop the car. I look over to him and say "yeah"
I grab his bag and my purse and we walk towards the door. I reach for my keys in my pocket.
"It's getting late. It's almost bedtime-" Then I process the last thing he asked me and ask: "you did have supper though, didn't you, with Heather?"
"Yeah but - I like Horatio better."
This statement makes me smile. I unlock and open the door. Ray runs in.
While I slip out of my vest and put his bag down I tell him: "I'll ask him to come over Friday, okay?"
"YES!" he's ecstatic.
"Now, go wash up and get ready for bed." He runs up.
I fall back into my living room chair and with barely any more energy left, I slip out of my shoes. Then, I have to walk upstairs to make sure he brushes his teeth but before doing that I bring him his usual glass of milk he asks for every night. It makes him get up in the middle of the night but he just can't go to sleep without it. It's something his dad did every night he was home. I slowly walk up, glass in hand and catch him playing in his room. At least he has his pj's on.
"Ray, here-" I hand him the glass and he drinks quickly. "Go brush your teeth after, okay?"
I walk towards my bedroom. I know he'll come get me when he's ready for bed and I'll go tuck him in. He's very well behaved. I'm lucky.
I sit on the side of my bed and think of Horatio. He's always there for me, so caring, so giving, so loving. I'm in love with him and so glad to hear Ray jr. likes him too.
I hear the water running in the bathroom. Good, Ray is brushing his teeth. It doesn't take long that I can't hear the water running in the sink anymore because I'm caught in my thoughts. I think of my husband Ray. I know now that he's resting in peace because we know the truth he brought with him to the grave. WE, as in Horatio and me. If it wasn't for Horatio I wouldn't be turning another page in my life. I wish I could tell him how I feel. Well, he knows I have feelings for him and I think he does too but I want to prove to him that even if he thinks of me as his brother's wife, I don't think of him as my husband's brother.
Author: Hgirl
Disclaimer: no profits what so ever, nothing belongs to me, so don't sue
Sitting alone in my living room, my mind wanders from one thought to another. I can't seem to find peace tonight. Voices resound in my head. Yelina's voice echoes: "He didn't want Ray junior or myself to find out so he would stay away for weeks and weeks at a time. He - he did it to protect us- yeah" My heart wrenches. The sadness in her eyes comes back to me. Her trembling lips and her eyes are filled with tears. It's heartbreak for me.
I remember telling Susie that Madison belongs to Ray. Yelina's voice returns: "Please stop trying to protect me." I can't help it. It's beyond me. I need to know she's okay.
I'm still in my work clothes. I've kept my jacket even if I'm hot. I glance at my watch. I left Yelina almost two hours ago when she told me her and Ray junior were gonna be alright tonight. I didn't think twice about coming home. I knew she was okay. She was sad but nonetheless okay. She probably needed some time alone to think about things. I wanted to be with her but I'm the type to push. My instincts told me not to.
I brush my fingers over my cheek. I can still feel her sweet kiss. Moist and soft. Her lips making contact with my skin.
With just enough will, I get up and walk towards the patio window. I observe the wind blowing through the trees, gently pulling at the leaves.
Our lives, mine and Yelina's, can move on now. We were sort of at a standstill not knowing what happened to Ray. Case closed now. She thanked me for finding out the truth about her husband. She doesn't know to what extent I've uncovered the truth and she doesn't need to. She remembers Raymond as a loving husband and I won't be the one to hurt her by making the truth she knows a lie. I couldn't bear hurting her.
I feel beaten. I look down at my feet. I can't believe I have a niece. I can't believe Ray would do something like that. I don't feel good about keeping this for myself but nobody needs to know. It's the right thing to do, keep it within me.
I remember my bewilderment at the sight of little Madison. "Daddy, I got a cut," she said in the sweetest voice. I was desperately trying to understand the red hair. It came to me faster than a dart thrown to a dartboard. She was Ray's.
Driving back home, I need to pick up my son from the babysitter's. I need to hold someone. Ray is my pride and joy, the most precious reminder of Raymond. What a relief that the day is finally over. So much emotion, so much pain has surfaced and I smile to hold back the tears because I don't want my son to see me cry ever again. I spent so many weeks crying after his father's death. I vowed no more tears in front of him. I stop the car pulling up beside the curb in front of a big white house. I unbuckle to go greet my baby and help him carry his toys back to the car. To my surprise, the door swings open as he runs out to me his bag of toys gets discarded in the run.
"Mommy!" he catches up to me walking in the driveway and jumps in my arms. I hoist him up on my hip and see Heather, the babysitter, is walking towards us.
"Hi baby," I tell him, looking into his brown eyes. "How are you?" I ask and then ask him to give me a kiss, which he does.
"I missed you, Mama."
"Me too, sweetheart."
Heather is standing before me, holding Ray junior's bag. I ask her "Has he been a good boy?"
She giggles and answers "As always. We had a lot of fun."
"That's good."
Heather's smile fades. "He was anxious for you to come pick him up though, he was waiting in the window for your car to pull up."
"Yeah - I'm sorry, I'm later than usual."
"Big case?" she asks and I nod.
"Oh my god, I forgot the money. I'll bring it tomorrow, Heather, I'm so sorry."
"It's okay. I don't mind."
"No, no, but I meant to stop at the ATM - I haven't paid you for last two weeks. I promise, I will tomorrow."
"It's okay. No problem." I put Ray down and take the bag from her.
"Thanks. Well... have a good night, Heather." I take my son's hand and we walk off to the car.
I'm sitting on the edge of the couch. Elbows resting on my knees, hands clasped together, I stare at the phone on the table in front of me. I want to call her. Yelina. Make sure she's okay and talk to her. The events of the day course through my mind. I remember wishing I could touch her, hold her, take her in my arms. She's gorgeous. Perfect. I love the way she walks like a fashion model. So attractive. I wonder what it would feel like to kiss her lips. They have the most magnificent shape I've ever seen. The softness of her skin must be incredible. I'd take her on the spot, anytime, anywhere, anyhow. I shake my head to snap out of it and grab the remote control. Flicking through the channels, I try to think of something else. Damn, when I find myself alone or having too much time on my hands, I start thinking and fantasizing. There's nothing good on but at least my fantasies have subsided. I decide it would be a good idea to get out of the house. I grab my keys and my wallet and head out.
The drive was surprisingly silent. Usually, Ray has tons of things to tell me and I have to ask him to talk less because I need to concentrate on the road. Once in while, he asks me questions to see if I'm listening. Tonight though, he's just staring out the window.
"Are you okay, sweetie?" I ask turning a corner.
"Yeah."
"You're just tired?"
"Uh huh."
Suddenly, I feel his eyes gazing at my face and I glance at him "What?"
"You look sad, Mommy."
"No-" I smile trying to hide my sorrow.
"Is Horatio coming home tonight?"
"No, not tonight, why?"
"I liked it when he came and had supper with us and he read me a story before I went to sleep- I guess it's too late for supper, huh, mommy?"
I pull up in the driveway and stop the car. I look over to him and say "yeah"
I grab his bag and my purse and we walk towards the door. I reach for my keys in my pocket.
"It's getting late. It's almost bedtime-" Then I process the last thing he asked me and ask: "you did have supper though, didn't you, with Heather?"
"Yeah but - I like Horatio better."
This statement makes me smile. I unlock and open the door. Ray runs in.
While I slip out of my vest and put his bag down I tell him: "I'll ask him to come over Friday, okay?"
"YES!" he's ecstatic.
"Now, go wash up and get ready for bed." He runs up.
I fall back into my living room chair and with barely any more energy left, I slip out of my shoes. Then, I have to walk upstairs to make sure he brushes his teeth but before doing that I bring him his usual glass of milk he asks for every night. It makes him get up in the middle of the night but he just can't go to sleep without it. It's something his dad did every night he was home. I slowly walk up, glass in hand and catch him playing in his room. At least he has his pj's on.
"Ray, here-" I hand him the glass and he drinks quickly. "Go brush your teeth after, okay?"
I walk towards my bedroom. I know he'll come get me when he's ready for bed and I'll go tuck him in. He's very well behaved. I'm lucky.
I sit on the side of my bed and think of Horatio. He's always there for me, so caring, so giving, so loving. I'm in love with him and so glad to hear Ray jr. likes him too.
I hear the water running in the bathroom. Good, Ray is brushing his teeth. It doesn't take long that I can't hear the water running in the sink anymore because I'm caught in my thoughts. I think of my husband Ray. I know now that he's resting in peace because we know the truth he brought with him to the grave. WE, as in Horatio and me. If it wasn't for Horatio I wouldn't be turning another page in my life. I wish I could tell him how I feel. Well, he knows I have feelings for him and I think he does too but I want to prove to him that even if he thinks of me as his brother's wife, I don't think of him as my husband's brother.