The Secret Way to Attract Men
By Misao's Angel
I have decided! Today I, Kamiya Kaoru, have set out on a journey to make the hottie, Himura Kenshin, fall in love with me. No, this will not be an easy task but, yes. I will accomplish it (I hope).
That's what I said 4 weeks ago. But it still hasn't happened! All he does is look at me with those innocent, thoughtful violet eyes and mutter, "Oroo..." while he does the laundry. He Just doesn't get it!!
Yawn. 'Aw man! I'm so tired! If it wasn't for that stupid brat Yahiko, I might be able to sleep around here but nooo. Just great.' I thought, while I stretched and put on my daily hakama and gi, so I could set off into the dojo and teach that brat a lesson. Both literally and not, I suppose. Or at least that was what I orriganaly hoped. Before I ran into IT in my closet. You see, as I reached out to pull a hakama of the hanger, I completely tripped over this strange bottle of white plum perfume I didn't even remember buying. So, not wanting to waste money, I put it on, and wished that Kenshin would notice. And... Well... I guess your about to find out what happened next.
On the other side of the dojo, our familiar star, Himura Kenshin, was washing the laundry. He took a deep breath, hoping to sniff the familiar aroma of laundry detergent. But instead he smelled IT. His tracing instincts went wild, he knew it was there. The foul demon, the smell the drove all men crazy; the smell of evil!
Kenshin ran as fast as his training in the Hiten Mitsurugi-ryu and his light weight body would allow, which was... pretty damn fast. When he reached the dojo, he squinted his eyes, and searched the area. He crouched his body very low, and set up his legs in a strange position so they were ready to pounce. And there it was. The source of the smell. He sprung up from his hiding place and sprung up on his enemy.
Yahiko was pissed. He spent the entire day yesterday at the Akabeko and still he wasn't able to tell Tsubame his feelings. Man, why was he such a coward! It was obvious that they liked each other! Why couldn't either of them say it? Oh well. He was late for Kamiya-Kashin-ryu practice and Kaoru would be likely to kill him if he was any later. Sigh. What a life. But this was much better then life at the Yakuza...
When Yahiko approached the dojo, he started to feel strange. His head felt all foggy, and everything around him was so dream-like. What was that smell? He wondered. He started to have strange visions, of Tsubame and him running through the trees in the forest, then sharing a kiss in the moonlight... but then he took another deep breath, and tsubame started growing and her hair changed color while it grew three times its original length... Holly shit! That's... That's... Damn sexy...
Sanosuke's stomach was roaring. He was hungry, and he wanted food now. The Akabeko wouldn't give him a scrap of regurgitated dirt if he didn't pay for it. So, he had no choice but to mooch of Jou-chan's for now. He whistled a soft, happy tune to himself while he endured the long walk from his row house to the dojo. He needed something to get his mind off food...
But then he smelled it. Any true man knows what this is... And he wanted it, badly. So he threw open the gate to the dojo, searched the premises for any sign of... of... IT. He knew where it was, ten steps to the left, possibly. Whatever. He wanted it. And when Sagara Sanosuke really wants something, nothing is going to stop him from having it. He ran, full speed towards the source of the smell, and pounced...
Wow. I was flabbergasted indeed. It's not every day that you walk out of your OWN house, doing nothing but walking in daily clothes to YOUR dojo that...
Three men attempt to jump on you, screaming, "THE WHITE PLUM!!!!!".
Or rather two men and a boy.
And they would have succeeded too if they didn't decide to attack me at the same time, and collide heads in the air. That gave me just enough time to run.
What the hell? They never even gave the smallest clue before that I was mildly attractive, then they all try to rape me at one moment? That's just freaky. Oh well! I guess make-up lessons from Megumi have been working! They can't resist me!!! OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!
Whoo! All of that excitement makes me want to take a bath...
Kenshin's head hurt. A lot. 'Where's mah Hakubaikou?!' He wondered wearily. 'Where's da white plum...' He took a deep breath. Huh? The smell was gone? Where'd it go? And he got up, to see a half naked Kaoru, stroking his head, which was currently in her lap. "Kenshin? Why didn't you tell me you loved me earlier? Don't worry, I've already arranged for the wedding."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"
Owari!