Gonna Be Good = Chapter 2: The Next Morning
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I swear.
A/N: Okay here's the second chapter. It's shorter than the last one, but I hope you like it anyways.
Warning: This story contains self abuse. I am in no way advertising it as a good thing. In fact if you really read through the entire story, you'll see how bad it really is! But if you really don't want to read about that kind of thing then just stop reading now.
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The next morning I was awoken by another knock on my door.
"Come in," I croaked, I was feeling like shit since I hadn't slept well or eaten in the past two days.
Logan walked in, and closed the door behind him.
"We're going to talk about this," He declared.
"You wouldn't happen to have any food on you, would you?" I asked, ignoring what he had just said.
With an aggravated sigh he reached into his pocket, pulled out a chocolate bar and tossed it to me.
He was quiet as he watched me devore it.
"Thanks, I was starved," I remarked, throwing out the wrapper.
"What, did you stop eating too while I was gone?" Logan demanded. I could tell that he was starting to get irratated.
"No, I just haven't been feeling all that well lately," I explained.
"Wanting to avoid someone doesn't count as being sick."
"And what makes you so sure I was avoiding you?" I countered.
He paused for a second, "Because the Marie I used to know would of been happy to see me again."
I had to laugh a bit at that, "Well maybe I'm not the girl you used to know then. People grow up, Logan. They change."
He scowled, "Most people don't attack themselves with sharp objects."
"I do not "attack" myself with sharp objects."
"Then what the hell happened to your arms? Huh, did you "fall"? Come on Marie, how are you going to explain this?"
"It's simple Logan, I'm not. I don't need to justify myself or my actions to you."
"Fine. Don't explain it. But this is stopping. Now." Logan stated, exasperated.
"You don't have any right to tell me what to do."
"Well somebody has to, or else you're going to end up killing yourself! I can't believe that no one's tried to stop you before now! What about that Billy kid, your uh boyfriend, how come he hasn't fucking noticed?!" I could see him clenching and unclenching his fists, and I couldn't help but think of the sharp deadly clawn hiden there...
"Bobby isn't my boyfriend anymore. He's gone."
"Oh... Well still someone in this place should of fucking known by now!" He roared, "How long have you being doing this to yourself?"
"Almost two years." I answered flatly.
I watched as it registered with him that I had been cutting myself ever since he left.
"Marie- I-"
"Stop. It's not because of you if that's what you're thinking. It has nothing to do with you." I said, knowing that I was still lying a little bit.
He looked me in the eyes, not fully believeing me and sighed.
"Marie, you can't do this to yourself. You're better then this."
"Maybe I'm not."
"You are. Just tell me what happened."
"Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I'm still right here, exactly where you left me. Stuck in this god forsaken school."
"Is that what this is all about then? Being here? Then just leave, last I checked you were a student, not a prisoner."
"First off I am an employee, not a student, second I can't leave, and third, it isn't about anything."
"Why can't you leave?"
"You've been gone too long Logan, you seem to have forgotten why I'm here in the first place. Anyone who touches me gets hurt, I can't be around normal people, it's too dangerous. But it's not about that." I explained, some what untruthfully. I was getting used to lying to him at this point, it seemed to come pretty naturally.
He scowled at me and sat down on the bed oposite me.
"Look Logan... You wouldn't understand."
"Try me kid."
I had no idea how I could even begin to explain to him the beauty of my blood, or the release cutting gave me. He wouldn't understand how it made me feel like I was finally a part of something beatiful, something real. I couldn't seem to arrange a sentence that would convey these things to him so that he could understand fully, so instead I stayed silent.
"Look, how am I suposed to help if you don't tell me what's wrong?"
I didn't know what to think of that, so I just blurted out the first thing that came to mind (not something that I recomend doing all that often...).
"Oh what, so that you can just magically make everything better so that you can leave again without having to feel guilty? Who said I even wanted your help?!"
I hadn't meant it to sound pathetic or petty, but that's how it came out.
"I wouldn't of left before if I had know that you needed me."
"I thought that I told you it wasn't about you, so don't go feeling all guilty, acting like this is all your fault. I'm not some little girl trying to get attention because her - well I don't know what you are - but because you left."
"And you even told me that you didn't want me to go. You practically came right out and said that you needed me to take care of you, hell you did come right out and say it." He continued on, ignoring what I'd said.
I was actually sort of impressed that he even remembered our last conversation...
"Logan! It has nothing to do with you! Why can't you just believe me?"
I suddenly felt this insane need to reasure him that he had nothing to do with what I'd done to myself. What I'd become. He shouldn't have to feel guilty over me.
"Maybe if I would of been here..." He trailed off.
"Nothing would of changed. My entire world doesn't revolve around you, you know."
"Then what? Is this about Billy or Benny or what ever his name is? I'll kill him if he hurt you!"
"This is NOT about BOBBY. We just didn't work out. He didn't do anything wrong. It isn't about anything or anyone. I told you, you wouldn't understand."
That seemed to shut him up, and we both spent the next few moments staring at eachother. I felt bad about shutting him out, and I wished that I could explain everything to him, but I knew that there was no way that I could put it into words without sounding crazy (a word of advise, if something you want to say sounds crazy, it's probably because it is).
"Let me see your arm," He said rather gruffy, motioning to my left arm, finally braking the silence.
After a second of hesitation I gingerly pulled of my glove and held out my arm for inspection.
He held my wrist surprisingly gently with his leather clad hand and turned my arm both ways so that he could see it from all angles and the full extent of my work.
"And the other arm."
Then he repeated the same process with my right arm.
"Are there any more?"
"No," I lied.
He raised his eyebrow questioningly, so I admitted that there were some on my legs, which of course he wanted to see.
"Well I'm not very well going to take off my pants so you're just going to have to take my word for it," I said with a hint of an amused smile tugging on my lips.
I could of sworn that I saw a slight red-ish tinge cross Logan's face, but as quickly as it had come it disapeared.
"Roll up the bottems of your pants as far as they'll go then." He muttered.
With a sigh I obediently did as I was told, revealing the bloody mess that was my legs.
"Jesus Christ," He muttered as he cautiously repeated the same procedure on my legs, or atleast what he could see of them.
"This is way worse then I thought," He declared upon finishing his inspection.
"What, are you a doctor now? They're just scratches."
He didn't reply, as he seemed to be deep in thought. Maybe he was contimplating my level of sanity at the time.
"What's with you anyways? Since when does "Big Bad Wolverine" care about anyone? All this careful touchy feely "you're better then this" preeching really isn't your style,"
"Well I didn't think this," he said pointing at my arms which were still covered in dry blood, "was your style either, so I guess today is just full of new discoveries." He commented dryly.
This wasn't the Wolverine that I was used to.
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A/N: And that's it for now... Please review, and please be kind, this story is sort of my favourite of my fics right now. Flames are welcome, but if you really don't like it I'd rather constructive feed back if possible... What I really like is nice long reviews explaining what you like about my story.... That's always nice... Okay well that's it for now... JUST MAKE SURE YOU REVIEW!!!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I swear.
A/N: Okay here's the second chapter. It's shorter than the last one, but I hope you like it anyways.
Warning: This story contains self abuse. I am in no way advertising it as a good thing. In fact if you really read through the entire story, you'll see how bad it really is! But if you really don't want to read about that kind of thing then just stop reading now.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------------
The next morning I was awoken by another knock on my door.
"Come in," I croaked, I was feeling like shit since I hadn't slept well or eaten in the past two days.
Logan walked in, and closed the door behind him.
"We're going to talk about this," He declared.
"You wouldn't happen to have any food on you, would you?" I asked, ignoring what he had just said.
With an aggravated sigh he reached into his pocket, pulled out a chocolate bar and tossed it to me.
He was quiet as he watched me devore it.
"Thanks, I was starved," I remarked, throwing out the wrapper.
"What, did you stop eating too while I was gone?" Logan demanded. I could tell that he was starting to get irratated.
"No, I just haven't been feeling all that well lately," I explained.
"Wanting to avoid someone doesn't count as being sick."
"And what makes you so sure I was avoiding you?" I countered.
He paused for a second, "Because the Marie I used to know would of been happy to see me again."
I had to laugh a bit at that, "Well maybe I'm not the girl you used to know then. People grow up, Logan. They change."
He scowled, "Most people don't attack themselves with sharp objects."
"I do not "attack" myself with sharp objects."
"Then what the hell happened to your arms? Huh, did you "fall"? Come on Marie, how are you going to explain this?"
"It's simple Logan, I'm not. I don't need to justify myself or my actions to you."
"Fine. Don't explain it. But this is stopping. Now." Logan stated, exasperated.
"You don't have any right to tell me what to do."
"Well somebody has to, or else you're going to end up killing yourself! I can't believe that no one's tried to stop you before now! What about that Billy kid, your uh boyfriend, how come he hasn't fucking noticed?!" I could see him clenching and unclenching his fists, and I couldn't help but think of the sharp deadly clawn hiden there...
"Bobby isn't my boyfriend anymore. He's gone."
"Oh... Well still someone in this place should of fucking known by now!" He roared, "How long have you being doing this to yourself?"
"Almost two years." I answered flatly.
I watched as it registered with him that I had been cutting myself ever since he left.
"Marie- I-"
"Stop. It's not because of you if that's what you're thinking. It has nothing to do with you." I said, knowing that I was still lying a little bit.
He looked me in the eyes, not fully believeing me and sighed.
"Marie, you can't do this to yourself. You're better then this."
"Maybe I'm not."
"You are. Just tell me what happened."
"Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I'm still right here, exactly where you left me. Stuck in this god forsaken school."
"Is that what this is all about then? Being here? Then just leave, last I checked you were a student, not a prisoner."
"First off I am an employee, not a student, second I can't leave, and third, it isn't about anything."
"Why can't you leave?"
"You've been gone too long Logan, you seem to have forgotten why I'm here in the first place. Anyone who touches me gets hurt, I can't be around normal people, it's too dangerous. But it's not about that." I explained, some what untruthfully. I was getting used to lying to him at this point, it seemed to come pretty naturally.
He scowled at me and sat down on the bed oposite me.
"Look Logan... You wouldn't understand."
"Try me kid."
I had no idea how I could even begin to explain to him the beauty of my blood, or the release cutting gave me. He wouldn't understand how it made me feel like I was finally a part of something beatiful, something real. I couldn't seem to arrange a sentence that would convey these things to him so that he could understand fully, so instead I stayed silent.
"Look, how am I suposed to help if you don't tell me what's wrong?"
I didn't know what to think of that, so I just blurted out the first thing that came to mind (not something that I recomend doing all that often...).
"Oh what, so that you can just magically make everything better so that you can leave again without having to feel guilty? Who said I even wanted your help?!"
I hadn't meant it to sound pathetic or petty, but that's how it came out.
"I wouldn't of left before if I had know that you needed me."
"I thought that I told you it wasn't about you, so don't go feeling all guilty, acting like this is all your fault. I'm not some little girl trying to get attention because her - well I don't know what you are - but because you left."
"And you even told me that you didn't want me to go. You practically came right out and said that you needed me to take care of you, hell you did come right out and say it." He continued on, ignoring what I'd said.
I was actually sort of impressed that he even remembered our last conversation...
"Logan! It has nothing to do with you! Why can't you just believe me?"
I suddenly felt this insane need to reasure him that he had nothing to do with what I'd done to myself. What I'd become. He shouldn't have to feel guilty over me.
"Maybe if I would of been here..." He trailed off.
"Nothing would of changed. My entire world doesn't revolve around you, you know."
"Then what? Is this about Billy or Benny or what ever his name is? I'll kill him if he hurt you!"
"This is NOT about BOBBY. We just didn't work out. He didn't do anything wrong. It isn't about anything or anyone. I told you, you wouldn't understand."
That seemed to shut him up, and we both spent the next few moments staring at eachother. I felt bad about shutting him out, and I wished that I could explain everything to him, but I knew that there was no way that I could put it into words without sounding crazy (a word of advise, if something you want to say sounds crazy, it's probably because it is).
"Let me see your arm," He said rather gruffy, motioning to my left arm, finally braking the silence.
After a second of hesitation I gingerly pulled of my glove and held out my arm for inspection.
He held my wrist surprisingly gently with his leather clad hand and turned my arm both ways so that he could see it from all angles and the full extent of my work.
"And the other arm."
Then he repeated the same process with my right arm.
"Are there any more?"
"No," I lied.
He raised his eyebrow questioningly, so I admitted that there were some on my legs, which of course he wanted to see.
"Well I'm not very well going to take off my pants so you're just going to have to take my word for it," I said with a hint of an amused smile tugging on my lips.
I could of sworn that I saw a slight red-ish tinge cross Logan's face, but as quickly as it had come it disapeared.
"Roll up the bottems of your pants as far as they'll go then." He muttered.
With a sigh I obediently did as I was told, revealing the bloody mess that was my legs.
"Jesus Christ," He muttered as he cautiously repeated the same procedure on my legs, or atleast what he could see of them.
"This is way worse then I thought," He declared upon finishing his inspection.
"What, are you a doctor now? They're just scratches."
He didn't reply, as he seemed to be deep in thought. Maybe he was contimplating my level of sanity at the time.
"What's with you anyways? Since when does "Big Bad Wolverine" care about anyone? All this careful touchy feely "you're better then this" preeching really isn't your style,"
"Well I didn't think this," he said pointing at my arms which were still covered in dry blood, "was your style either, so I guess today is just full of new discoveries." He commented dryly.
This wasn't the Wolverine that I was used to.
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A/N: And that's it for now... Please review, and please be kind, this story is sort of my favourite of my fics right now. Flames are welcome, but if you really don't like it I'd rather constructive feed back if possible... What I really like is nice long reviews explaining what you like about my story.... That's always nice... Okay well that's it for now... JUST MAKE SURE YOU REVIEW!!!