A/n--I'm rather sorry for the lack of updating this story. I've been
without a computer for a while. Been busy. Okay, obviously this isn't going
well...this whole story. So I think im going to finish it up. Not this
chapter but soon. And it wont be good, but I can't manage to write
anymore.....not like I used too. Until then...sorry for the shittiness. :\
~~~ Sophie stopped on the stairwell of the girl's dorm. She watched as Shaye ran across the field to the lodge. She saw nothing but thin lines running away. She couldn't begin to imagine how thin she was. Trusting her instinct she turned and walked back into the girls dorm.
"Groups cancelled?" Daisy asked hoping to be able to finally take that shower.
Sophie stood looking at the girls, contemplating what exactly she would say to them.
"Sophie?" Daisy spoke, noticing the absentness of Sophie's thoughts.
She didn't know how she would begin but she knew that she needed to know the facts first. "Girls. I need your help"
"What the infamous Sophie Becker needing our help...now what has this world come too?" Shelby questioned sarcastically.
"Of course Soph what do you need" Kat answered while nudging Shel in the ribs.
"We can't always watch you 24/7. It's just impossible, so we need to watch out for each other. I need you guys to watch out for Shaye. Until we can find out more. I need your guys' help with this. Me and Peter have been thrown for a loop right now, and your help would be greatly appreciated. Just make sure she's eating all her meals, and doing her assignments. Don't just watch out for her, watch out for each other. Remember your all a family here, you have each other."
Sophie turned to walk out but not before she heard a 'sure Sophie, of course' flow through the group that sat in front of her. This wasn't just about watching Shaye, it was about giving the group some responsibility. She knew the group needed to feel that once again, and she figured this was the best way to handle both matters.
"We need to talk later" Peter whispered to Sophie as she walked through the lodge. She nodded and walked towards the circle that formed near the fire.
As soon as the rest of the girls arrived Peter began group.
"Okay gang, since we all just got back from your solos, which I will be needing the journal on my desk by lights out tonight."
Groans were heard through the group
"They should already be finished, anyways tonight's group will be easy. I want you to say what your comfort possession is. That's it, no explaining just voice." Peter finished.
"I'll start" Ezra stated "My comfort possession is a photo of my family and me"
"Mines a porcelain doll my mother gave me when I was younger." Juliette quickly stated.
"I'll go next I guess." Daisy began "I guess the thing that kept me sane was my medieval clothing."
"Football" Scott simply told, yet it said so much.
"My journal" Kat said. Cliffhangers looked at her puzzled, they knew she didn't mind journaling but they didn't know that it was her comfort possession. Mostly what they didn't know was that that journal has saved Kat from herself more than anyone could imagine. It was what she took her anger out on, her fears, her sadness and despair. It was her relief.
"Don't got one" David said.
"David..." Peter scolded.
"Seriously I don't have a comfort possession Peter!" "I'm sure you do, what have you had that you always turned to when things were not going all that great. It doesn't have to be something you've had long, just something that means something, or helps you get through some feelings you may feel."
"My music I guess"
"That's good David" Peter told him.
"Mines got to be my art, for obvious reasons." Auggie told the group
"Picture of me and Jess and mom." Shelby followed Auggie.
"Mines my photo album" Shaye said last.
"Okay that's group. Lights out in 20." Peter finished with group and watched as they all headed to their separate directions. He knew Shelby and Scott were headed to the docks, its become ritual, Auggie and Jules went to the couch, so Jules could help Auggie read some more of Frankenstein. David and Ezra tagged along with Daisy. Kat also sat in the lodge finishing her assignments for tomorrow's class. And Shaye went outside.
****Peter and Sophie's office****
"I don't think she's eating" Sophie blurted, not even waiting until Peter closed the door.
"What!? No it can't be, I've seen Jules' food journal. She's keeping up with the calorie limit...." Peter was cut off
"Not her...." Sophie looked out the window towards Shaye, who was now sitting under the gazebo knees to chest. "her" Sophie finished.
"What makes you think she's not eating?" Peter questioned.
"LOOK AT HER!" Sophie yelled.
"Yes, I admit that she's lost some weight, but she was really tiny before she arrived. And it's a fact that homesickness and new unfamiliar territories can cause worry and stress, thus leading to weightless." Peter stated.
"I know, but NONE of our other students are skin and bone, none of them have lost that much weight. Peter I really think this is a problem."
"yeah Soph I know, I just didn't *want* to realize it. I'm sorry I didn't at first. I don't know what's been going on with me."
"She doesn't trust me.." Sophie told
"Yeah I know, I'll go talk to her."
Peter left and walked towards the gazebo. It was a crisp cool night. He approached Shaye slowly, contemplating what he would say to bring it up. As he got closer he noticed that she was holding something. He wondered......
Shaye noticed his presence and quickly put the object in her pocket.
"Beautiful night to, lets say talk? Eh?" Peter sort of hinted to the girl hoping she would co-operate.
"Sure Peter whatever. What do you need me to tell you." Shaye knew that's all he wanted, was to snoop into her business again.
"Not what I need you to tell me, but what I hope you'll share with me."
"Sure Peter, no need to tip toe just say it and get it over with."
"Sophie and I, we've noticed that you've lost weight. Anything you want to talk about on that subject?" Peter decided to ask her if she needed to talk first, the opportunity is there.
"Just worry and homesickness I guess." Shaye could see that condescending look in his eyes.
"Peter im fine! I don't have an eating disorder, no body dysmorphic disorder nothing im fine. Mind you the food in the café could be slightly better but I eat and im fine."
"You don't look fine!" Peter told her, he was tired of sidestepping with this girl and figured it was about time she got told, instead of her doing the telling.
"You look sick. You mustn't weight any more than 90lbs. Your skin and bones. I want to help you Shaye, I cant unless you help yourself as well. If it comes down to it, we will arrange for a doctor's visit weekly to chart your weight. If it's gone down in the slightest we will need to consider other measures." Peter told her harshly.
"Peter I can't."
"Why, nothings stopping you." Peter pushed
"I just cant okay, you wont fucking understand." Shaye ran off running into the dorm. She figured if she couldn't tell him face to face, she'd write it. Peter would be reading their solo journals tomorrow anyways.
So she began:
Here I am, you'll never understand. I'm sorry I yelled at you tonight at the gazebo, but its true you'll never understand. Never. You'll never know what its like to live through my eyes. It hurts. Not wanting to wake up because you know that it's another day, another minute that you have to live this life. Wanting to end it all in one night so that you don't have to put up with this shit anymore. Being told what to do, how to dress, how to act...it's a fucking never-ending cycle and im fucking sick of it. Peter I don't care if you yell at me or put me on shuns, or send me to wood chopping for my 'excessive profanity' but I don't care, at least its distract me for awhile. Peter you tell me that you cant help me unless I am willing to get help. Im not willing because I'd rather rot and be in pain, because that means that at some point the pain will be unbearable and it will end...end my life? I don't know but someday, somehow im going to be pain free. And I can do it on my own. Because in truth im alone, so I must. I've been surviving my whole life and I can do it still. Wanna know my history? Would that please you more than anything before? Well here it is, hope your ready because it's a lot to fucking handle. Wait why don't I just say what I think of me. 'cutter, antisocial, druggie, worthless, alone, bitch ,loner, stupid, fat, ugly, horrible, depressed, suicidal, fat.' Now you've caught a SLIGHT glimpse into my mind, hope your happy. This is about tonight though, not my past but tonight...for your information I weigh more than 90lbs. And I am fat, and it's not skin and bones its fat and big bones. Its what I can't believe I let myself turn into. They thought I was bulimic, ha if they knew. I don't need help Peter. Im fat, I need to lose weight. After all dad would never lie to me. He always says 'your going to eat that..it will make you fat.' Excuse me dad but I already am. 'your getting fat Shaye' 'you got a POT BELLY!' 'your not as skinny as you used to be' Peter I don't need help, but I need to be loved. I've never had that. NEVER. Subconsciously I know they are there but not in my head. There not. And I'm scared of getting help, im scared of getting better because all my life all I've known is sickness and death...and im scared to get better because being sick is all I know. I'm sorry I've been such a pain to you and Sophie, im real sorry. Your probably wondering why im writing, truth is Peter I cant speak about this face to face, I don't even know if I can mutter the courage to give this to you. But Peter im tired of fighting an endless battle. It's about time I let go. Peter im hurting, im in pain. I lied. I need help. Please Peter. Please.
Shaye quickly ran to Peter's office, knowing that if she waited until morning to give it to him, she wouldn't be able too. As she got closer she noticed the light was on, and saw Peter sitting at his desk...
Shaye quickly dropped the journal outside his door and knocked once then left running for the dorm. Peter got up, walked to the door and picked up the journal....
"Here I am, you'll never understand. I'm sorry I yelled at you tonight at the gazebo............
~~~ Sophie stopped on the stairwell of the girl's dorm. She watched as Shaye ran across the field to the lodge. She saw nothing but thin lines running away. She couldn't begin to imagine how thin she was. Trusting her instinct she turned and walked back into the girls dorm.
"Groups cancelled?" Daisy asked hoping to be able to finally take that shower.
Sophie stood looking at the girls, contemplating what exactly she would say to them.
"Sophie?" Daisy spoke, noticing the absentness of Sophie's thoughts.
She didn't know how she would begin but she knew that she needed to know the facts first. "Girls. I need your help"
"What the infamous Sophie Becker needing our help...now what has this world come too?" Shelby questioned sarcastically.
"Of course Soph what do you need" Kat answered while nudging Shel in the ribs.
"We can't always watch you 24/7. It's just impossible, so we need to watch out for each other. I need you guys to watch out for Shaye. Until we can find out more. I need your guys' help with this. Me and Peter have been thrown for a loop right now, and your help would be greatly appreciated. Just make sure she's eating all her meals, and doing her assignments. Don't just watch out for her, watch out for each other. Remember your all a family here, you have each other."
Sophie turned to walk out but not before she heard a 'sure Sophie, of course' flow through the group that sat in front of her. This wasn't just about watching Shaye, it was about giving the group some responsibility. She knew the group needed to feel that once again, and she figured this was the best way to handle both matters.
"We need to talk later" Peter whispered to Sophie as she walked through the lodge. She nodded and walked towards the circle that formed near the fire.
As soon as the rest of the girls arrived Peter began group.
"Okay gang, since we all just got back from your solos, which I will be needing the journal on my desk by lights out tonight."
Groans were heard through the group
"They should already be finished, anyways tonight's group will be easy. I want you to say what your comfort possession is. That's it, no explaining just voice." Peter finished.
"I'll start" Ezra stated "My comfort possession is a photo of my family and me"
"Mines a porcelain doll my mother gave me when I was younger." Juliette quickly stated.
"I'll go next I guess." Daisy began "I guess the thing that kept me sane was my medieval clothing."
"Football" Scott simply told, yet it said so much.
"My journal" Kat said. Cliffhangers looked at her puzzled, they knew she didn't mind journaling but they didn't know that it was her comfort possession. Mostly what they didn't know was that that journal has saved Kat from herself more than anyone could imagine. It was what she took her anger out on, her fears, her sadness and despair. It was her relief.
"Don't got one" David said.
"David..." Peter scolded.
"Seriously I don't have a comfort possession Peter!" "I'm sure you do, what have you had that you always turned to when things were not going all that great. It doesn't have to be something you've had long, just something that means something, or helps you get through some feelings you may feel."
"My music I guess"
"That's good David" Peter told him.
"Mines got to be my art, for obvious reasons." Auggie told the group
"Picture of me and Jess and mom." Shelby followed Auggie.
"Mines my photo album" Shaye said last.
"Okay that's group. Lights out in 20." Peter finished with group and watched as they all headed to their separate directions. He knew Shelby and Scott were headed to the docks, its become ritual, Auggie and Jules went to the couch, so Jules could help Auggie read some more of Frankenstein. David and Ezra tagged along with Daisy. Kat also sat in the lodge finishing her assignments for tomorrow's class. And Shaye went outside.
****Peter and Sophie's office****
"I don't think she's eating" Sophie blurted, not even waiting until Peter closed the door.
"What!? No it can't be, I've seen Jules' food journal. She's keeping up with the calorie limit...." Peter was cut off
"Not her...." Sophie looked out the window towards Shaye, who was now sitting under the gazebo knees to chest. "her" Sophie finished.
"What makes you think she's not eating?" Peter questioned.
"LOOK AT HER!" Sophie yelled.
"Yes, I admit that she's lost some weight, but she was really tiny before she arrived. And it's a fact that homesickness and new unfamiliar territories can cause worry and stress, thus leading to weightless." Peter stated.
"I know, but NONE of our other students are skin and bone, none of them have lost that much weight. Peter I really think this is a problem."
"yeah Soph I know, I just didn't *want* to realize it. I'm sorry I didn't at first. I don't know what's been going on with me."
"She doesn't trust me.." Sophie told
"Yeah I know, I'll go talk to her."
Peter left and walked towards the gazebo. It was a crisp cool night. He approached Shaye slowly, contemplating what he would say to bring it up. As he got closer he noticed that she was holding something. He wondered......
Shaye noticed his presence and quickly put the object in her pocket.
"Beautiful night to, lets say talk? Eh?" Peter sort of hinted to the girl hoping she would co-operate.
"Sure Peter whatever. What do you need me to tell you." Shaye knew that's all he wanted, was to snoop into her business again.
"Not what I need you to tell me, but what I hope you'll share with me."
"Sure Peter, no need to tip toe just say it and get it over with."
"Sophie and I, we've noticed that you've lost weight. Anything you want to talk about on that subject?" Peter decided to ask her if she needed to talk first, the opportunity is there.
"Just worry and homesickness I guess." Shaye could see that condescending look in his eyes.
"Peter im fine! I don't have an eating disorder, no body dysmorphic disorder nothing im fine. Mind you the food in the café could be slightly better but I eat and im fine."
"You don't look fine!" Peter told her, he was tired of sidestepping with this girl and figured it was about time she got told, instead of her doing the telling.
"You look sick. You mustn't weight any more than 90lbs. Your skin and bones. I want to help you Shaye, I cant unless you help yourself as well. If it comes down to it, we will arrange for a doctor's visit weekly to chart your weight. If it's gone down in the slightest we will need to consider other measures." Peter told her harshly.
"Peter I can't."
"Why, nothings stopping you." Peter pushed
"I just cant okay, you wont fucking understand." Shaye ran off running into the dorm. She figured if she couldn't tell him face to face, she'd write it. Peter would be reading their solo journals tomorrow anyways.
So she began:
Here I am, you'll never understand. I'm sorry I yelled at you tonight at the gazebo, but its true you'll never understand. Never. You'll never know what its like to live through my eyes. It hurts. Not wanting to wake up because you know that it's another day, another minute that you have to live this life. Wanting to end it all in one night so that you don't have to put up with this shit anymore. Being told what to do, how to dress, how to act...it's a fucking never-ending cycle and im fucking sick of it. Peter I don't care if you yell at me or put me on shuns, or send me to wood chopping for my 'excessive profanity' but I don't care, at least its distract me for awhile. Peter you tell me that you cant help me unless I am willing to get help. Im not willing because I'd rather rot and be in pain, because that means that at some point the pain will be unbearable and it will end...end my life? I don't know but someday, somehow im going to be pain free. And I can do it on my own. Because in truth im alone, so I must. I've been surviving my whole life and I can do it still. Wanna know my history? Would that please you more than anything before? Well here it is, hope your ready because it's a lot to fucking handle. Wait why don't I just say what I think of me. 'cutter, antisocial, druggie, worthless, alone, bitch ,loner, stupid, fat, ugly, horrible, depressed, suicidal, fat.' Now you've caught a SLIGHT glimpse into my mind, hope your happy. This is about tonight though, not my past but tonight...for your information I weigh more than 90lbs. And I am fat, and it's not skin and bones its fat and big bones. Its what I can't believe I let myself turn into. They thought I was bulimic, ha if they knew. I don't need help Peter. Im fat, I need to lose weight. After all dad would never lie to me. He always says 'your going to eat that..it will make you fat.' Excuse me dad but I already am. 'your getting fat Shaye' 'you got a POT BELLY!' 'your not as skinny as you used to be' Peter I don't need help, but I need to be loved. I've never had that. NEVER. Subconsciously I know they are there but not in my head. There not. And I'm scared of getting help, im scared of getting better because all my life all I've known is sickness and death...and im scared to get better because being sick is all I know. I'm sorry I've been such a pain to you and Sophie, im real sorry. Your probably wondering why im writing, truth is Peter I cant speak about this face to face, I don't even know if I can mutter the courage to give this to you. But Peter im tired of fighting an endless battle. It's about time I let go. Peter im hurting, im in pain. I lied. I need help. Please Peter. Please.
Shaye quickly ran to Peter's office, knowing that if she waited until morning to give it to him, she wouldn't be able too. As she got closer she noticed the light was on, and saw Peter sitting at his desk...
Shaye quickly dropped the journal outside his door and knocked once then left running for the dorm. Peter got up, walked to the door and picked up the journal....
"Here I am, you'll never understand. I'm sorry I yelled at you tonight at the gazebo............