DISCLAIMER: unfortunately, we do not own the characters. SHAME, THAT.
WARNINGS: if you love Jack, Will and Elizabeth, you're BOUND to enjoy this. Read on.
DEDICATION: For two very special people. We love you very much. GUESS WHO YOU ARE.
"Jack Sparrow!" Will grinned as he ate a banana.
"It's CAPTAIN, thankee muchly," Jack said, eating mushrooms.
"Oh Sod Off no one cares that you're a captain," Will sneered, clashing his teeth together.
'CAPTAIN' Sparrowy said, "Grr. Oh Shut Up, you're just jealous, you could never stand me being the Sexy 11-year-old-admired Pirate Actor Arse and Cool Dude while you're just the soppy blacksmith and Blonde-Haired freak of an Elf."
THERE WAS MUCH SWORD-CLASHING. ARG ME LASSIE.
In all the excitement of the fight, Jack pushed Will off the edge of the boat. Will got mutilated by sharks and murdered by murdering mermaids with mighty muscles that looked muscelly.
Will yelled as he died, "Oh Crap!"
Jack Sparrow… ("that's CAPTAIN!!") sigh yes yes CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow laughed heartily. "Ooh arr!"
Elizabeth climbed on deck. "Sparrow, where's my handsome lover?"
"Fuck him…no wait, he's dead, fuck me instead."
"…OK! You always were the sexy one."
Elizabeth brushed her lips against sexy Jack Sparrow, and did other things I cannot say because you shallow innocent 11-year-olds who woo over such shallow things are too innocent. Let us just say they RUMPED quite a bit.
"Oh Jack, JACK!" Elizabeth moaned. "Zoe and Emma always did say you were a good lay…"
Then, Jack's head exploded.
"Oh no! I shouldn't have mentioned his fan's names!! They've been stalking him for so long, he always hated them." Elizabeth weeped for her lost ones, before finding comfort in a dear little monkey who reminded her so much of her strapping boys.
I think you can imagine the monkey-lovin' without me having to indulge in description and crap.
Then, Elizabeth caught on fire.
THE END.
A/N: This was by two of the three, one unfortunately couldn't be here in the five hours it took us to write this.
One: I hope you enjoyed it. Flame at will, it'll be amusing.
Two: This was only my second fanfiction. And possibly my best. I hope you think I'd be up for the OSCARs, eh?