Escape
Chapter Eleven: Broken

Author's Note: The dialogue quoted is from End of Days and Touched. I wanted to use it to show the relationship between Buffy and Spike and how it affects their current relationship. I trimmed Spike's speech from Touched to the bare minimum of what's needed so this chapter wasn't too full of stuff we know already.

"Is it always like this?" Gwen asked.

"Only when we've got bad company," Xander replied, looking pointedly at Spike.

"Then why don't you leave, Harris, you -"

"Enough!" Buffy snapped, finally stepping forward.

The rest of them glanced at each other, suddenly aware of how amusing they had found Spike and Xander's run-in and how much it would complicate things between Angel and Buffy.

"Just quit it, you two!" Buffy added, when she saw Spike open his mouth again. "Spike, can I talk to you?"

Spike shot Xander a triumphant look and sauntered across the lobby to Buffy. He noticed Angel glowering at him from the door of the office, but Angel remained silent, sweeping past both him and Buffy, ignoring everyone to stomp upstairs.

"He's fine," Buffy mumbled. "Just…"

She tailed off and Spike found himself nodding like an idiot. He glanced back at the others crowded in the lobby, they quickly turned their attention away from him and Willow suggested loudly that they all went for a picnic.

Spike followed Buffy into the office and felt his heart sink at the look on her face.

He had been right when she first visited him. He had decided the reason for her distance was Angel and he had the sickening, horrible feeling that he was right.

"I suppose this is the big talk," Spike said gently as Buffy sat down. "The part where we resolve whatever there is between us. If there's anything between us. Am I right?"

"Yes," Buffy answered softly. "We need to talk, Spike."

"We've covered that base, Slayer."

"Yeah," she smiled a little at him, but it quickly disappeared.

He had started breathing, she noticed in surprise. She could hear him, taking in unsteady breaths, trying unsuccessfully to stop, just like he had when they tried to talk after that night they spent together before the big battle in Sunnydale, the night he had been the only person in the world she had.

"It was the best night of my life. If you poke fun at me, you bloody well better use that, 'cause I couldn't bear it. It may not mean that much to you, but -"

"I just told you it did."

"Yeah, I hear you say it, but… I've lived for soddin' ever, Buffy. I've done everything. Done things with you I can't spell, but… I've never… been close… to anyone. Least of all you. 'Til last night. All I did was… hold you, watch you sleep. And it was the best night of my life. So, yeah, I'm… terrified."

She gulped hard, pushing the memory away, fixing her eyes on some distant point over Spike's shoulder, so she wouldn't have to look at him.

"I have to tell you something."

"I'm all ears."

He was smiling at her and knowing that what she was about to say would break his heart made Buffy want to curl up in a little ball and let someone else deal with it.

She didn't want to be the one.

"A hundred plus years and there's only one thing I've ever been sure of. You… And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman. You're the one, Buffy."

"I don't wanna be the one."

She swallowed hard. She owed him this, she owed him explanations and the reassurance that she had cared and still did.

"It's about me and Angel."

"Ah."

"We've… grown closer since I got here…"

"Old feelings came rushing back."

"Spike, please, don't make this harder," he didn't answer then and only sank down into his chair and remained silent. Buffy leaned forward slightly, wondering if she should take his hand. "We've decided – Angel and I – that we're going to give our relationship another try."

Spike didn't answer for a moment. He only looked at her, as though her words hadn't sunk in. When they did, he shifted, sat up and shrugged.

"Well, that's only natural, you being in love and all."

"Spike…"

"That didn't come out right," Spike sighed, rubbing his head. "Look, I expected this. I always kinda knew that one day you two would be thrown together again and this time you'd be willing to fight. It's fate, Buffy. Two champions like you and Angel. They don't make love stories like that anymore. I'm not gonna pretend that I hadn't hoped you'd choose me, because I did, but if you're happy… I guess that's all I wanted. I don't love you because I can't have you, remember? But, uh, if it's all right with you, I don't think I'll be sticking around."

"You mean you're leaving LA?" Buffy asked, a little surprised.

"Not much to stick around for, is there? Anyway, looks to me like you won't be heading out to Cleveland and a Hellmouth could use someone experienced as well as a bunch of girls. Who knows, might be fun."

This time, when Buffy felt she wanted to take Spike's hand, she did and gave it a slight squeeze.

"Thank you," she said in a low voice.

Spike clenched his jaw. It was all well and good to say he was fine with it, to say it was good that Buffy was happy. But that didn't mean he didn't feel sick, hot with anger and hollowed out by the revelation that his hunch had been right.

"'S'all right," he answered brusquely, standing up slowly.

She stood as well and followed him to the door of the office, out into the strangely empty lobby. Which was only empty for a minute, until Andrew and Dawn came into the office.

"Spike?" Dawn said, voice soft and awestruck, though she had known Spike was back, it was a shock to see him actually standing there.

"Hey there, L'il Bit. How you -"

But his words were lost as Andrew launched himself across the lobby and grabbed Spike around the shoulders, hugging him tightly.

"You're really back! I couldn't believe it, but it's true. I knew you'd come back! I knew it!"

"Uh, Andrew?" Dawn ventured, coming forward, giggling, to pry Andrew from Spike. "That's my line."

While Buffy stared up at the first floor landing, at Angel, who was watching from the shadows.

"Hey."

Angel turned at the soft voice. He had returned to his room when he saw Buffy make her way to the staircase, but he had known that wouldn't stop her.

"Spike's still here," she went on. "He's downstairs, talking with Dawn and Andrew. I didn't think he'd show up here, Angel."

"I know," he replied.

"But it's ok," she said, coming toward him, hands reaching out for his. "I've told him and you and me. He's fine with it. He said he's going to Cleveland to keep an eye on the Hellmouth. I think he's gonna talk to Giles about it later. So we don't have to worry about that."

"No," Angel answered in a flat voice, his fingers lax in hers.

"Angel?"

"I heard you, Buffy, remember? I heard you tell Willow that you loved Spike. That's not something you forget all that quickly."

"But what's that got to do with us?" Buffy asked, frowning, backing away from him slightly.

"Everything," Angel pulled his hands away and paced the length of the room. "It just proves that… that…"

"What?" Buffy asked, voice icy, eyes narrowed.

"We've over," he whispered.

"Over?" she repeated, sounding so much like that sixteen year old girl he knew that he had to consciously remind himself that they weren't there anymore.

In the here and now, too much water had passed under the bridge, so much had changed. They had changed; feelings that they had thought remained the same had changed. They weren't the same people they had been. He was still in love with a teenage Slayer and she was still in love with her fairytale image of her souled vampire lover.

"You and I, Buffy, what we had, it's over. It's dead and buried. We're just trying to resurrect something that we should just leave as a memory."

"Are you saying you don't love me?"

"No, I'm saying I do love you. I'm saying I know you love Spike. I'm saying that you and I love each other best from a distance. Especially when you're in love with someone else."

"But I'm not! I care about Spike; I'm not in love with him. It's you I want, Angel, it's you I've always wanted."

"But it won't work," Angel shook his head, "we've had our time. It's time for us to move on. Let's end it here, before we hurt each other. You know that's how this always ends."

"I can't believe this," Buffy said. "I thought we were gonna fight for us. Isn't that what we do? Fight? I thought that was why we were fighting for us because fighting's what we're good at."

"If we have to fight for this, Buffy, this obviously isn't the right thing to do."

Buffy stared at him and he watched as her expression hardened into disdain.

"You know what? You're right. Goodbye, Angel."

Fred and Wes were silent the entire ride up on the elevator, each pressed as far away from each other as possible.

"Any idea what they called us about?" Fred asked, as they left the elevator and headed toward the reception desk.

"Not a clue," Wes replied. "Yes, hello," he smiled at the receptionist. "Miss Burkle and I are here about the phone call I received."

"Yes," the receptionist nodded. "It's about the world search you put out. Our top man in research, Robert Jenkins, is waiting in your office."

They nodded their thanks and headed toward the office, glancing at each other nervously.

"Ah, Mr Wyndham-Pryce and Miss Burkle, I presume?" a tall, gangly man stood up from the leather couch as they entered the office and extended his hand. "I'm Rob Jenkins."

"Yes," Wes answered warily, shaking his hand. "We were told you had information for us."

"I do," Robert grinned, bobbing on the balls of his feet. "Here."

He handed them a file, stuffed with an ancient script, a rough translation, various commentaries and lists.

"What is it?" Fred asked, looking at the file as Wes skimmed through it.

"You did put out a search for the cure for the Romany Thessulan Curse, didn't you?" Rob asked.

"This is it?" Fred said, voice high with excitement.

"Yes," Rob pulled himself up proudly. "We had to search various texts, some not even from this dimension! But we found it! It's all there, as you asked, Mr Wyndham-Pryce, with the original script, translations and commentaries. And there's the lists of the things you'll need to perform the spell and the suppliers."

"Very thorough," Wes nodded. "Thank you, Mr Jenkins, I'll take it from here."

Rob nodded and excused himself. Fred laughed, clapping her hands.

"This is the best news!" she cried.

"Is it wrong that I think this place is effortlessly streamlined in a way that I find oddly alluring?" Wes asked, looking up at her with a slight smile.

"No," Fred shook her head. "But who needs effortless efficiency when you've got all the fun we have?"

"True," he nodded.

"I can't wait to tell Angel!"

"Neither can I. I think this will put a smile on even his face."

Fred laughed and threw her arms around his neck, squeezing tightly as he dropped the file on the desk.

When she pulled back, she caught his eye and this time he didn't hesitate in cupping her cheek and kissing her hard.