INSERT TITLE HERE
By Seven ½
Chapter 2
Starring:
PEOPLE LOL
Barney sighed in despair as he sat on the barstool, his plush and purple body leaning against the counter's smooth surface. His tiny, unporportioned hands made circles on it, and he looked deeply at the reflection that gazed back with a vacant, grinning stare. He sighed deeply once more, and through the broken window he saw the glowing moon.
He brooded in his dinosaur mind. Baby Bop had gone the way that she could never return; he shuddered as the image came to mind. The little green triceratops, stumbling home with a gash in her arm from a dirty needle she used to inject herself with heroin. Her eyes were glassy and full of red veins, as well as having bags underneath them that were large enough to stuff a labrador retreiver in them. Her once plush green body was now the thin, emaciated figure of a drug addict. She was also wearing a ripped, skanky outfit that showed her shrivelled up breasts (even though she's not even full grown but I added this in so that all the furries could pound the puppy [LOL get it cause they HUMP ANIMALS!!`1] to it) because her mother died and she became a whore in her grief.
TJ was no help, either. He had become a raging alcoholic, and Barney could remember one night when he pressed his massive violet head against the door. He was shouting at her horrible things; she was unworthy, she was a skanky 'ho, she belonged in the kitchen. All of these words echoed inside of his guilt-ridden carnium. His friend beat his sister ...
Barney sighed once more and looked down at his left hand, which was malformed and shaped like a mitten. Besides that, he was holding a pistol. He had a cigarette in his two-toothed mouth. The smoke rose up, dissipating in the empty, abandoned bar. He pressed the firearm to his head, and closed his glassy, cowlike eyes. Tonight would be the day that his life ended.
After this, the author self-inserted herself into this piece of crap fiction. She tore off the blonde-streaked-with-blue Mary Sue wig and the violet contact lenses, as well as the skintight stereotypical teen clothing that said 'Angel' and 'Devil' on it, even though those two terms are contradictory. She also took off the cat ear headband. She threw up her arms (as in raising them rapidly, it's not like she ate her arms, then vomited them up) and said, "What the hell? I don't remember writing Barney angst fiction. This is Final Fantasy."
Anyway, the castle. Locke had arrived the earliest. Locke and Edgar were making out furio - I mean, 'talking'. Yeah, that's it. Talking. They giggled at each other about their plans. "When Celes-poo gets here, I'm going to soooo embarass her," snickered Edgar in a teenybopperish voice. "I am going to pour ice in her panties, then steal all her pads so that she ends up spurting out menstrual fluid all over the floor like a crimson geyser, only it's less steamy and has more big huge clots of black stuff! Mew-hoo-hoo-hoo-hooooo!"
Locke winced at Edgar's horrible evil laughter, which the king took as a compliment. He made a flamboyant gesture, which involved having limp wrists. Also, I'd like you all to know that I really, really like ham. I just realized that I was wearing my pants backwards, and I'm like, LOL, and I turned them around while shuffling and grunting and making noises.
"Um," replied the thief. "Wouldn't that be really messy?"
"Nonsense!" shrieked Edgar shrilly like an outraged, effeminate furry who found that his robot animal inflation foot fetish website guestbook was full of Goatse and Tubgirl images at nine in the morning. "Besides, I hired a janitor. A very nice young lad, a bit sullen, but he'll do fine. I think his name was Ultros, and he had a very strange friend who was a marvelous shade of pink."
"Ultros, eh?" remarked Locke. "Isn't he that octopus dude who kept annoying us but then worked as a receptionist when the world ended?"
"Yep."
"Holy crap, you're an idiot."
Just then, the two extremly homosexual men (three if you counted Cecil standing in the corner, drinking punch with his pink extended in a very fancy manner, his helmet off and his luxurious, beautiful blonde hair with purple highlights flowing down his shoulders, and his genetilia flapping in the harsh desert wind and - okay, I'll stop now) heard the loud swooshing noise of the Falcon landing in the courtyard of the castle, as well as a few screams of "MY LEG!" from a guard who didn't get out of the way soon enough. They gave a lustful glance at each other and knew that Setzer Gabianni, world famous gambler and boozemonster, had gotten the invitation and was now here. They also heard a few other noises from the punch table which resembled moaning, but nevermind that.
They decided to go outside to greet him, walking sassily with their manly hips swaying and they held their hands, at least until they got outside. Otherwise the guards would look at them oddly because OMG HOTHOTTHOT YAOI ^___^ FONDLING MY FLABBY, CHAIR-SIZED BREASTS NOW!!1`11 the guards were EVIL HOMOPHOBIC KKK NAZIS WHO DON'T UNDERSTAND TROO WUV. Cecil cheered them on, then took another sip of the delicious punch which was as fruity as him and was a combination of apple, grape, pineapple, and kiwi. Mmmmm.
Setzer came out of the airship, swaggering and reeking of rum, and also waving to them drunkenly. His beautiful flowing hair was messy and smelled of man-juice. How Edgar and Locke could tell from around ten feet away, I have no idea, but it must've been enriched by asparagus. They found that he was not alone, and they waved back at him. Meanwhile, the author was just standing there like a moron in the middle of it all, muttering about how pants are conspiring against her and trying to kill various minorities. Looming behind Setzer and in shadow so that it would be all dramatic and cool and mysterious and stuff were a pair of glinting yellow eyes that were also really stupid. At first they thought it was Ultros, but it was too hairy to be Ultros. It was Umaro, the yeti pimp.
The other people on board were Mog, Terra (who was covered in drool and odd smelling white substances), Sabin, Strago, Relm, Gau, and Celes. Cyan was too busy doing creepy middle-aged ponytail man stuff like searching the internet for pedophilic drawings. Gogo was still nowhere in sight. They all hugged each other in manly ways.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, Celes began to sob violently. She fell onto her knees, sobbing and crying. Everyone else was already inside and having a big 'talk'. Edgar was really disgusted when he first saw Celes because she had gained 200 pounds and grew freak facial hair and neglected to shave. She was sobbing, and sobbing, and gravy rolled down her face. She was sobbing so much that she was farting furiously. Eventually, the farts ripped a hole in her circus-tent white stretchy pants and they were now tinged with brown. She didn't even notice this because she was sobbing so much. The gas had so much pressure in it, that it lifted her 300 pound body into the air, little tooting noises sustaining her as she hovering around, sobbing and farting and spinning around like an acrobatic monkey on a trampoline. Also, one time I was on a trampoline and I accidently went too high and I saw my house and then I fell off, caught my foot in between the springs, was pinched, and my head hit the ground. God, it hurt.
"CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!" chanted everyone in unison, with Cecil occasionally adding in a "you go, girl!" and slapping his tight, toned bottom. Umaro and Strago were having a maple-syrup-and-ham chugging contest. Even Ultros cheered on even though his tentacles were lined with cuts from the day before, and Chupon wanted to wrap his manly pink arms around the octopus, but his arms were too stringy and short so he settled with a loving glance, and if you saw him do that, you'd think that he wanted to eat a fetus. Strago was passed out on the floor, his stomach bulging out dangerously, syrup and little bits of ham streaming out of his open mouth and forming a puddle on the floor as he lay comatose. Umaro raised his hands in the universal "ditzy, hyperactive Japanese schoolgirl making a peace sign and winking" signal in victory. Maple syrup was caked up in his fur.
END OF CHAPTER 2 PLZ REVIEW OR ELSE I RELY WILL KIL MYSELF YOULL BE SORY AND ALSO NO FLAMES OR CRITICISM BECUZ I WANNA STAGNATE AND NEVER IMPROVE AND HAVE A LITTLE CIRCLEJERK OLL!~!!111