Summary: This takes place at the same time as Aragorn finds the Evenstar pendant. These are Eowyn's thoughts on the matter.
Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings or its characters. They are Tolkien's.
I walk into the chambers, ready to scold my husband for being late to his meetings. I open my mouth to speak, and nothing comes out.
He is fingering a piece of jewelry as if he were touching the most precious of jewels. I squint, trying to see it better. Not that I don't know what it is. It is the Evenstar pendant. It's proof of her existence and her love for him. And proof of his love for her.
He doesn't know I am watching.
I know what is going through his mind. I know him better than anyone. I know who he is thinking of.
Arwen.
Arwen, who made the choice to be with her people. She thought it was an unselfish choice but it was the most selfish choice of all. Aragorn and I suffer each day in our own ways because of that choice.
He still does not notice me. His back is against me, like his heart has been for many years. He seems to have forgotten everything.
I watch my handsome husband. His strong, coarse hands hold the pendant. It glimmers in the light. He seems transfixed by it.
I did not know of Arwen until many years after Aragorn and I had married. I had been outside, enjoying the beautiful sunset, when I heard. I heard maids talking about Aragorn and Arwen. In detail they described how Arwen and Aragorn were in love and how everyone expected them to marry. I sat frozen as I listened to Arwen and Aragorn's history. It was then I understood those times when Aragorn seemed to block out everything around him. And how absentmindedly he hummed the tune of Luthien, the elf maiden who gave up her immortality for a man.
I remembered the times when he appeared sorrowful and regretful. I would ask him repeatedly what was wrong, but always, always, he had answered, "Nothing, my love."
His love. I am not his love. Oh, he loves me, to be sure. I know he loves me. But that love does not even come close to his love for Arwen.
Arwen. I have never met the Evenstar, and I am sure if I did it would be far more nerve-racking than any battle I had fought in.
Slowly I back out of the room and into the hall. It doesn't matter if I stomped out of the room. He won't notice me.
Silently I make a wish, a plea to my husband:
Be careful with my heart.
You can break it.
Sometimes I went insane because for the first time I did not know how to fight.
I do not know how to fight a memory. I do not know how to fight perfection. I know she was perfection to him. She is the one who got away. The one he can never have. The one who will be forever beautiful and young in his eyes.
I sigh as I think of all our times together. I don't think of the hurts inflicted on me on a few occasions. I think of the hurts of years. How he had loved another, yet pledged himself to me in every way that mattered except one. His heart. How he seemed so distant at night. So troubled.
I remember when we had married, and how deliriously happy I was, and how happy I thought he was. Those were the best times. The happiest and the most fleeting. I was oblivious for a long time. I lived for him and our love.
I should be content. I have what really matters: Aragorn. And yet I don't.
Tears slide slowly down my cheeks. I wish desperately to have those times again. I want to feel the happiness we once felt.
Except I know now I had been the only happy one.
Why am I still here? I can leave. I don't have to stand for this. I am the Shieldmaiden of Rohan. I am strong. I am powerful. I can and have won every battle thrown my way.
Except the battle that matters most.
The battle for Aragorn's heart.
Arwen proved herself to be a worthy opponent.
She has won the battle.
I know why I stayed.
For I love him still. No matter what he has done to me, I still love him.
I hate that I love him. I detest it. Because I know he can break my heart. I know he can destroy my soul. I hate being weak. But then again, I know now that he is my only weakness. As Arwen is his only weakness, he is mine.
He has been breaking my heart little by little, each day.
And he doesn't even know it. He thinks I am Eowyn, his oblivious queen. He thinks I know of no other woman. He thinks I am his perfect little warrior queen.
And that's how I will be seen by him. Forever. I will make sure of it. He cannot know what I know.
It's time. Time for me to take my husband's heart. Fully. It is my turn to be the center of his heart. I deserve it. And Aragorn doesn't deserve the pain Arwen has given to him, simply by existing.
Arwen may have won the battle, but I will win the war.
I step back into the room with a determined, suddenly fierce will to capture his heart.
Aragorn turns to me, and it seems as if he sees me clearly. For the first time I think he sees me, and me alone. It is fleeting, but it is there.
He is wearing the necklace I gave him on our wedding day. I smile as he leads me out of the room.
I know it would be a lengthy battle, and a difficult one.
But I know I will someday take my place as Lady Eowyn, queen of Gondor, and, most importantly, queen of Aragorn's heart–forever.