Ava Cabot
December Rain
A Law and Order: SVU fic
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.
Dedication: Reviewers of all four chapters. The support has been awesome. Thank you for caring.
I linger in the doorway,
Of alarm clock screaming monsters,
Calling my name.
Let me stay,
Where the wind will whisper to me.
Where the raindrops,
As they're falling tell a story.
Evanescence: Imaginary
My parents raised me to be a good, faithful Catholic husband. With their eyes watching me from Heaven, I know that I have failed them.
It's true; I've gone against almost everything they taught me. I betrayed my wife, had an affair, and behaved selfishly for the last five years. My so-called fling with Olivia wasn't just some one-night stand. Our relationship was deeper than any marriage. We could finish one another's sentences and sense what the other was thinking. A marriage certificate was almost a piece of worthless symbolism. What we needed, we had: each other.
It saddens me that I can only see my kids twice a month. Maureen isn't a child anymore, and therefore visits often out of her own free will. She was the first to come clean about already knowing about Olivia and I. She was a smart young woman, and knew when love was staring her in the face. She liked Olivia. She knew that we would be happy.
But it's Kathleen, Dickie, and Elizabeth that I worry about the most. They're growing up alone upstate, living with Kathy and her parents.
I know they hate me now, for breaking their daughter's heart. This isn't new news, though. They've harbored a strong dislike for me ever since Kathy started sneaking out to see me. They believed me to be a bad influence, always bound for trouble. Kathy's father hates me the most. A prominent businessman and frequent contributor to the police system, he's managed to snub me at every cop function I see him at. It doesn't help that Olivia's my date, staring back the world through her dangerously bold eyes.
Kathy's father sees me as the ultimate betrayer. Heaven knows what he thinks of me now.
Yech. Where did I pick up this Heaven Knows expression from?
Oh, that's right. Olivia's rubbed off on me more times than I can count.
Whenever I drive up to see the kids, she stays behind. Not that they hate her, but it would be more than awkward for her to show up with me. The cops upstate might get suspicious and rat us out, if they haven't already.
I couldn't say that Cragen has been more than generous with his snarling promises not to tell the board about us. If they did find out, Olivia and I would be severely reprimanded, and sent to different bureaus, practically forbidden to see each other. It would be like some bad movie-of-the-week, a Romeo and Juliet façade gone wrong.
Olivia was what helped me get through each day. She was my beautiful, gentle, sweet, and graceful Olivia, making my troubles go away with her easy smile. Her eyes shadowed secrets and kept light from penetrating her black pupils. But I trusted her completely, with my life and anything besides. We still had to keep up a fairly professional appearance, despite Cragen's assurances.
Fin wouldn't tell, and I had something over Munch that somewhat resembled blackmail. In actuality, I caught him with Alex. Not just with her, rather, kissing her in a most intimate way. Either he was overly drunk or strangely sober. She must have been drunk, letting a mug like John kiss her.
But who am I to judge? I can't play God in this forsaken city, full of criminals that never sleep and cops that can't dream at night. More than once, I've awoken to Olivia screaming in her sleep. I wake up every morning in a cold sweat, fearing that today might be my last, and I won't be able to spend every moment I want with her. Often, she cries herself to sleep, as we rock back and forth to a harmony that only we can hear. She's scared of what case she'll have to face next, what body she'll have to examine, and what victim she'll console. It's a dizzying, terrifying roller coaster, and Olivia and I are strapped to it for life.
Till death due us part.
It's corny the way that applies to us. It's like we're already married, arguing and making up the way we do. Olivia and I have been "married" for almost five years now. We couldn't be happier.
I heard soft breathing beside me, and I knew Olivia was out of the bedroom, her eyes weary, but strangely on edge.
"You seem stressed," I said quietly, edging my hand over her bare arm.
She turned away from my touch. "I just heaved my entire intestinal system out in the bathroom. How do you think I feel?"
My hand fell to my side limply.
"I think I'm pregnant, Elliot."
"But we never---we always---"
"I'm sorry, Elliot."
A bombshell had been dropped onto our perfect world. Everything inside of me froze, and I swayed backwards.
I shook my head slowly. "Don't be sorry, Liv. But are you sure?"
She shrugged. "How would I know? I've never been pregnant before." She cracked a weak smile. "You should know, though. Haven't you been through this enough times?"
I shook my head. "Kathy never told me until she was sure, after she had taken a test...not with Maureen, she was a surprise...then, Kathy saw a doctor. First time pregnancies are difficult sometimes...and we were young and stupid...oh God, Liv..."
She raised an eyebrow. "Maybe you should stop with these trips down guilt- trip lane."
"Do you want to sit down?"
She held up a hand to stop me. "What I'm going to do is see a doctor. You should stay here. Just in case one of us gets a call, you'll be closer and in a better situation." She shoved my arm. "I can't have my phone on in the doctor's office anyway. I'll be shut out to the world."
I kissed her head. "Okay."
She nodded, picking up her jacket, thrown carelessly over the couch. I watched her grab her purse, something about her demeanor different. Maybe it was the idea of a pregnancy hanging over her head. Not that Olivia didn't have natural maternal instincts, but she had never had a child before. I knew that she was scared, even more of this than any criminal we'd faced. This was more than personal for her.
"Bye, El," she said softly, her eyes laden with fear.
The door slammed shut behind her. The silence surrounding me was ominous, and I had half a thought to call Munch, and ask if he were up for some male bonding.
Outside, I could hear rain begin to fall.
It was beginning.
"Elliot, I'm flattered beyond belief, but really, I just see us as good friends."
I glared at John over my beer, watching the heavy December rains outside the precinct window. The stationhouse was deserted on Sundays, and this one was no exception. Still, it was better than staying at home, pacing for hours until Olivia came home. I was desperate enough to hang out with John Munch.
Really, my life was beginning to fall apart.
"Shut up, John," I snarled quietly, kicking the bottom of my desk. A photo of Olivia clattered across the surface, and John narrowly caught it with his foot.
He kicked it back on the desk with surprising agility. "You should be more careful with photos of your beloved." He sipped his cold coffee. "Ah, young love."
"And you're pretending that you know nothing about my threat of blackmail hanging over your head?"
He watched me warily. "That was an accident. Alex had something in her eye, and being the gentlemen I am, helping her was just another act of chivalry on my part."
"That something must have been in her mouth, because you two looked pretty much like---"
"One word to Cragen, and our deal is up."
"I can't tell. You see John; we both have threats up our sleeves. You can squeal about Olivia, and me or I could tell the DA about you and Cabot. There is no winner here."
"We aren't serious. She's a hardass, nothing like my ex-wives."
"Which is why you might end up staying married to her for more than a few months. Maybe you'll die a married man."
"And what about you and dear Olivia? Do I hear wedding bells?"
I nursed another slug of my drink. "You might be hearing baby screams if the test is positive."
John spit a hearty mouthful of stale coffee into the garbage can. "Elliot, you pimp. You got your own partner pregnant?"
"She's my partner, and my---"
"Your what, Elliot? She's still your partner, but is she your girlfriend? Is Olivia your fiancée, mistress, lover, or soul mate?"
"I don't know."
He shook his finger at me. "Well, figure out soon. Mother of your child might be another title to consider, should you not pick one soon."
I knew John was right. Olivia had waited for me, to mutually divorce Kathy, sign my children away on a few dotted lines, and keep our secret just to the SVU department. I couldn't lie and say she wasn't patient. Sometimes it was hard for her, being low on sleep and knowing that she couldn't just pretend that nothing besides being partners was going on between us.
Just a few weeks ago, we went out to dinner. It had been a bad week, with ten cases over our heads and no leads on half of them. Olivia hadn't slept for three days, and was running on only four when we went out. But we snuck out of the stationhouse and caught some sleep back at home. The dark circles under her eyes began to fade away, and I told her to get dressed up, that I would take her out for dinner. She had laughed, asking me how I could afford her such luxuries on my cop's salary. I tactfully reminded her that she made just as much as I did. We weren't that well off. But I could spoil her for one night. After the weight she had been pulling, she deserved a medal.
Or at least a nice dinner, and not the usual take-out crap that Fin or Munch brought back at around eleven.
We didn't expect to run into any other cops while we were out. There are thousands of restaurants in New York, and surely we would be the only police detectives in one. Fate loved to twist our lives around, and we recognized over ten officers when we arrived, dripping wet from the sleet outside.
I wanted to leave and just order take-out, as usual. I wanted to chicken out and take Olivia home.
But she insisted we stay. My reservations stood, and she assured me that we would just avoid the eye of any suspicious officer.
They all seemed to be gathered for some private celebration. We recognize the majority of them from Vice and not Homicide, where most people would remember me.
Olivia is dressed in a beautiful black dress, her eyes shining and from fatigue and the shimmering chandeliers above us. Her hand is damp and shaky, a clear sign of over exhaustion on her part. I don't remember the last time she slept for a full night, without waking up from a nightmare, one she thought was inescapable.
Some days, it seems like she's trapped in a nightmare, never able to wake up safely. The criminals who stalk their victims now haunt her, as they reside in her mind, waiting to surface and scare her into insomnia.
"Earth to Elliot," hissed John. "Did you lose yourself in la-la land for a few hours, there?"
"Remember a few days ago, when I took Liv out to dinner?"
He nodded slowly. "Cragen smelled a rat." He paused thoughtfully. "There probably was one rotting in the vents, too."
"Lovely."
He tapped his head. "When you're old, gray, and cynical like me, you tend to be a little more pessimistic."
"I can't believe that Alex ever went out with you."
His smile curled slightly, as he titled his glasses below the nose line. "It's my youthful indiscretional charm that won her over."
"You're about as ugly and contemptuous as they come, John."
"I'll remember to tell Alex you spoke fondly of me."
"Do you have a pet name for the resident ADA yet?"
"Let me guess. You call Olivia honey and sweetie, right?"
"I think we're getting a little off topic, here."
"You're the one who brought up Alex."
Lightning flashed outside, brightening the room with a flash of pure electrical light, surging through the power lines, making the stationhouse flicker between darkness and visibility.
It was raining that night too. Olivia didn't seem to mind, especially with the smiling escort holding an umbrella over our heads as we exited the restaurant, hours after dodging off-duty cops and un-necessary stares. I tried to kiss her at home, teasing the zipper of her dress with my finger. But one look in her eyes made me stop. They were hollow and full of sadness. I backed away, and Olivia slept for two hours that night, before waking up from another nightmare.
John's voice was soft, catching volume in my ear as I phased out of my reverie.
"You really love Olivia, don't you?"
It took me a minute to smile back. "Of course I do. I'm glad the notion's finally through your thick head, though."
"And you say that you would do anything to keep her safe?"
"Yeah. Where's this going, exactly?"
He threw the half-empty paper cup in the bucket, the congealing coffee nearly swerving out. He fixed a genuine smile on his face, tipping his hat towards me. The office lights flickered, and I lay back in my chair, watching John carefully eye me and rise at the same time.
"Then go after her, you idiot."
He slung his coat over his shoulder, heels tapping the floor softly as he left the stationhouse. I could hear him speed-dialing Alex's office.
"Is Alex Cabot there?"
Pause.
"Tell her its John Munch."
Another pause.
"I don't care if she's not taking calls. Tell her it's her detective. Yes, her detective." His soft chuckles fading into the distance, with the words, "Afternoon, sweetheart," ringing in my ears. The outside doors slammed shut, and I was alone once more.
Lightning flashed again outside. I knew it was time to leave, and chase after Olivia.
I wouldn't let her get away.
The sun had long slipped away behind the storm clouds. Inside Olivia's apartment, illuminated by an assortment of lamps, I anxiously watched my twitching foot, keeping my eyes on the door. If my elementary school arithmetic was any good, she had been gone for over two hours.
Outside, thunder and lightning brought warnings of a turbulent night. The coffee maker blinked off and on in the kitchen, but I chose to ignore it.
There were two possible scenarios I was looking at.
One: Olivia was pregnant. I could only hope with one child. The birth of one set of twins had been fairly traumatizing for Kathy and I. Dickie and Elizabeth were both early, and we were scared to death that they wouldn't survive their first few months. Kathy was panicking during her Cesarean, her fear of being cut open then a fresh reality. Olivia is a cop, one that doesn't flinch at the sight of any sort of hospital gore anymore. Should she be pregnant with twins, I wouldn't worry about their health as much. Olivia was strong and the babies would be born healthy. Should she only be having one, her ability to remain resilient would keep our child safe.
If she had triplets, I think we both might shoot ourselves.
Or, Olivia might not even be pregnant. For all I knew, she's sick to her stomach because of some bad Chinese that Munch brought in. The tests could come back negative, and Olivia wouldn't be burdened with desk duty for her term, and constant maternal worries. Not that I wouldn't be disappointed if she wasn't pregnant. But I wasn't so sure that we wanted a family. We weren't even married legally, and growing up in a household with both parents as cops isn't an ideal setting for a decent childhood.
The rain began to come down faster on the roof, as my heartbeat sped up in tune with the now-pounding hail. Vaguely, I thought I could hear footsteps coming near the door. One more second of thinking, and I was sure to explode.
I loved Olivia with all my heart, soul, and well being. No matter what would become of this night, she would always be with me. I would never do anything to hurt her. If it was in some divine plan for us to unexpectedly start a family, then so be it. I wouldn't try to question fate. I've already done that once, and lived to regret it.
I barely had time to get up and greet Olivia, as she slammed the door shut. Tears smeared her face, and she sunk to floor, sobbing into her already- soaked arms. A slim blue pamphlet fell from her arms, and skittered across the floor awkwardly. I recognized the fine print from the Morris Commission. Years ago they had called me in for "dreaming of killing suspects", along with Jeffries, who had indeed slept with a suspect.
Fin was her replacement.
I didn't know whether to go to Olivia or read the papers first. Olivia's cries became high as shrieks, as she tumbled into my arms, helplessly pounding her fists into the wall. An unlit candle beside us fell to the floor, clanking loudly despite her sobs.
"S-S-S-Someone's done this!" she cried. "S-S-S-Someone's turned us in to the Morris Commission!"
The ringing in my ears began again. Outside the lightning flashed in sync with her moans. Thunder roared and all Hell seemed to break loose outside. It was like we were trapped in a horror movie, waiting for the frightful punch line.
"Liv, what about the pregnancy tests?"
She looked up me, eyes still streaked with tears.
She began to choke out an answer.
"I'm--"
A/N: evil cliffhanger!!! I'm sorry, but I really wanted to build up the suspense and anticipation for the next chapter, part six. Gosh, I never thought this little collection of fics would get as far as it did. The reviews have been more than supportive and heart-warming. I hope this chapter leaves you feeling angry with me, (for leaving you all hanging), but eagerly waiting for the next chapter. It is already titled and basically plotted. The title is The Dreams of Martyrs, and will answer whether or not Olivia is indeed pregnant. Also, we'll find out why the Morris Commission has summoned our favorite detectives to court. Casey Novak will make her first debut in my fic; time lining the entire storyline accordingly. Until then, keep reviewing, and I'll try to update ASAP. Thanks! Ava
December Rain
A Law and Order: SVU fic
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.
Dedication: Reviewers of all four chapters. The support has been awesome. Thank you for caring.
I linger in the doorway,
Of alarm clock screaming monsters,
Calling my name.
Let me stay,
Where the wind will whisper to me.
Where the raindrops,
As they're falling tell a story.
Evanescence: Imaginary
My parents raised me to be a good, faithful Catholic husband. With their eyes watching me from Heaven, I know that I have failed them.
It's true; I've gone against almost everything they taught me. I betrayed my wife, had an affair, and behaved selfishly for the last five years. My so-called fling with Olivia wasn't just some one-night stand. Our relationship was deeper than any marriage. We could finish one another's sentences and sense what the other was thinking. A marriage certificate was almost a piece of worthless symbolism. What we needed, we had: each other.
It saddens me that I can only see my kids twice a month. Maureen isn't a child anymore, and therefore visits often out of her own free will. She was the first to come clean about already knowing about Olivia and I. She was a smart young woman, and knew when love was staring her in the face. She liked Olivia. She knew that we would be happy.
But it's Kathleen, Dickie, and Elizabeth that I worry about the most. They're growing up alone upstate, living with Kathy and her parents.
I know they hate me now, for breaking their daughter's heart. This isn't new news, though. They've harbored a strong dislike for me ever since Kathy started sneaking out to see me. They believed me to be a bad influence, always bound for trouble. Kathy's father hates me the most. A prominent businessman and frequent contributor to the police system, he's managed to snub me at every cop function I see him at. It doesn't help that Olivia's my date, staring back the world through her dangerously bold eyes.
Kathy's father sees me as the ultimate betrayer. Heaven knows what he thinks of me now.
Yech. Where did I pick up this Heaven Knows expression from?
Oh, that's right. Olivia's rubbed off on me more times than I can count.
Whenever I drive up to see the kids, she stays behind. Not that they hate her, but it would be more than awkward for her to show up with me. The cops upstate might get suspicious and rat us out, if they haven't already.
I couldn't say that Cragen has been more than generous with his snarling promises not to tell the board about us. If they did find out, Olivia and I would be severely reprimanded, and sent to different bureaus, practically forbidden to see each other. It would be like some bad movie-of-the-week, a Romeo and Juliet façade gone wrong.
Olivia was what helped me get through each day. She was my beautiful, gentle, sweet, and graceful Olivia, making my troubles go away with her easy smile. Her eyes shadowed secrets and kept light from penetrating her black pupils. But I trusted her completely, with my life and anything besides. We still had to keep up a fairly professional appearance, despite Cragen's assurances.
Fin wouldn't tell, and I had something over Munch that somewhat resembled blackmail. In actuality, I caught him with Alex. Not just with her, rather, kissing her in a most intimate way. Either he was overly drunk or strangely sober. She must have been drunk, letting a mug like John kiss her.
But who am I to judge? I can't play God in this forsaken city, full of criminals that never sleep and cops that can't dream at night. More than once, I've awoken to Olivia screaming in her sleep. I wake up every morning in a cold sweat, fearing that today might be my last, and I won't be able to spend every moment I want with her. Often, she cries herself to sleep, as we rock back and forth to a harmony that only we can hear. She's scared of what case she'll have to face next, what body she'll have to examine, and what victim she'll console. It's a dizzying, terrifying roller coaster, and Olivia and I are strapped to it for life.
Till death due us part.
It's corny the way that applies to us. It's like we're already married, arguing and making up the way we do. Olivia and I have been "married" for almost five years now. We couldn't be happier.
I heard soft breathing beside me, and I knew Olivia was out of the bedroom, her eyes weary, but strangely on edge.
"You seem stressed," I said quietly, edging my hand over her bare arm.
She turned away from my touch. "I just heaved my entire intestinal system out in the bathroom. How do you think I feel?"
My hand fell to my side limply.
"I think I'm pregnant, Elliot."
"But we never---we always---"
"I'm sorry, Elliot."
A bombshell had been dropped onto our perfect world. Everything inside of me froze, and I swayed backwards.
I shook my head slowly. "Don't be sorry, Liv. But are you sure?"
She shrugged. "How would I know? I've never been pregnant before." She cracked a weak smile. "You should know, though. Haven't you been through this enough times?"
I shook my head. "Kathy never told me until she was sure, after she had taken a test...not with Maureen, she was a surprise...then, Kathy saw a doctor. First time pregnancies are difficult sometimes...and we were young and stupid...oh God, Liv..."
She raised an eyebrow. "Maybe you should stop with these trips down guilt- trip lane."
"Do you want to sit down?"
She held up a hand to stop me. "What I'm going to do is see a doctor. You should stay here. Just in case one of us gets a call, you'll be closer and in a better situation." She shoved my arm. "I can't have my phone on in the doctor's office anyway. I'll be shut out to the world."
I kissed her head. "Okay."
She nodded, picking up her jacket, thrown carelessly over the couch. I watched her grab her purse, something about her demeanor different. Maybe it was the idea of a pregnancy hanging over her head. Not that Olivia didn't have natural maternal instincts, but she had never had a child before. I knew that she was scared, even more of this than any criminal we'd faced. This was more than personal for her.
"Bye, El," she said softly, her eyes laden with fear.
The door slammed shut behind her. The silence surrounding me was ominous, and I had half a thought to call Munch, and ask if he were up for some male bonding.
Outside, I could hear rain begin to fall.
It was beginning.
"Elliot, I'm flattered beyond belief, but really, I just see us as good friends."
I glared at John over my beer, watching the heavy December rains outside the precinct window. The stationhouse was deserted on Sundays, and this one was no exception. Still, it was better than staying at home, pacing for hours until Olivia came home. I was desperate enough to hang out with John Munch.
Really, my life was beginning to fall apart.
"Shut up, John," I snarled quietly, kicking the bottom of my desk. A photo of Olivia clattered across the surface, and John narrowly caught it with his foot.
He kicked it back on the desk with surprising agility. "You should be more careful with photos of your beloved." He sipped his cold coffee. "Ah, young love."
"And you're pretending that you know nothing about my threat of blackmail hanging over your head?"
He watched me warily. "That was an accident. Alex had something in her eye, and being the gentlemen I am, helping her was just another act of chivalry on my part."
"That something must have been in her mouth, because you two looked pretty much like---"
"One word to Cragen, and our deal is up."
"I can't tell. You see John; we both have threats up our sleeves. You can squeal about Olivia, and me or I could tell the DA about you and Cabot. There is no winner here."
"We aren't serious. She's a hardass, nothing like my ex-wives."
"Which is why you might end up staying married to her for more than a few months. Maybe you'll die a married man."
"And what about you and dear Olivia? Do I hear wedding bells?"
I nursed another slug of my drink. "You might be hearing baby screams if the test is positive."
John spit a hearty mouthful of stale coffee into the garbage can. "Elliot, you pimp. You got your own partner pregnant?"
"She's my partner, and my---"
"Your what, Elliot? She's still your partner, but is she your girlfriend? Is Olivia your fiancée, mistress, lover, or soul mate?"
"I don't know."
He shook his finger at me. "Well, figure out soon. Mother of your child might be another title to consider, should you not pick one soon."
I knew John was right. Olivia had waited for me, to mutually divorce Kathy, sign my children away on a few dotted lines, and keep our secret just to the SVU department. I couldn't lie and say she wasn't patient. Sometimes it was hard for her, being low on sleep and knowing that she couldn't just pretend that nothing besides being partners was going on between us.
Just a few weeks ago, we went out to dinner. It had been a bad week, with ten cases over our heads and no leads on half of them. Olivia hadn't slept for three days, and was running on only four when we went out. But we snuck out of the stationhouse and caught some sleep back at home. The dark circles under her eyes began to fade away, and I told her to get dressed up, that I would take her out for dinner. She had laughed, asking me how I could afford her such luxuries on my cop's salary. I tactfully reminded her that she made just as much as I did. We weren't that well off. But I could spoil her for one night. After the weight she had been pulling, she deserved a medal.
Or at least a nice dinner, and not the usual take-out crap that Fin or Munch brought back at around eleven.
We didn't expect to run into any other cops while we were out. There are thousands of restaurants in New York, and surely we would be the only police detectives in one. Fate loved to twist our lives around, and we recognized over ten officers when we arrived, dripping wet from the sleet outside.
I wanted to leave and just order take-out, as usual. I wanted to chicken out and take Olivia home.
But she insisted we stay. My reservations stood, and she assured me that we would just avoid the eye of any suspicious officer.
They all seemed to be gathered for some private celebration. We recognize the majority of them from Vice and not Homicide, where most people would remember me.
Olivia is dressed in a beautiful black dress, her eyes shining and from fatigue and the shimmering chandeliers above us. Her hand is damp and shaky, a clear sign of over exhaustion on her part. I don't remember the last time she slept for a full night, without waking up from a nightmare, one she thought was inescapable.
Some days, it seems like she's trapped in a nightmare, never able to wake up safely. The criminals who stalk their victims now haunt her, as they reside in her mind, waiting to surface and scare her into insomnia.
"Earth to Elliot," hissed John. "Did you lose yourself in la-la land for a few hours, there?"
"Remember a few days ago, when I took Liv out to dinner?"
He nodded slowly. "Cragen smelled a rat." He paused thoughtfully. "There probably was one rotting in the vents, too."
"Lovely."
He tapped his head. "When you're old, gray, and cynical like me, you tend to be a little more pessimistic."
"I can't believe that Alex ever went out with you."
His smile curled slightly, as he titled his glasses below the nose line. "It's my youthful indiscretional charm that won her over."
"You're about as ugly and contemptuous as they come, John."
"I'll remember to tell Alex you spoke fondly of me."
"Do you have a pet name for the resident ADA yet?"
"Let me guess. You call Olivia honey and sweetie, right?"
"I think we're getting a little off topic, here."
"You're the one who brought up Alex."
Lightning flashed outside, brightening the room with a flash of pure electrical light, surging through the power lines, making the stationhouse flicker between darkness and visibility.
It was raining that night too. Olivia didn't seem to mind, especially with the smiling escort holding an umbrella over our heads as we exited the restaurant, hours after dodging off-duty cops and un-necessary stares. I tried to kiss her at home, teasing the zipper of her dress with my finger. But one look in her eyes made me stop. They were hollow and full of sadness. I backed away, and Olivia slept for two hours that night, before waking up from another nightmare.
John's voice was soft, catching volume in my ear as I phased out of my reverie.
"You really love Olivia, don't you?"
It took me a minute to smile back. "Of course I do. I'm glad the notion's finally through your thick head, though."
"And you say that you would do anything to keep her safe?"
"Yeah. Where's this going, exactly?"
He threw the half-empty paper cup in the bucket, the congealing coffee nearly swerving out. He fixed a genuine smile on his face, tipping his hat towards me. The office lights flickered, and I lay back in my chair, watching John carefully eye me and rise at the same time.
"Then go after her, you idiot."
He slung his coat over his shoulder, heels tapping the floor softly as he left the stationhouse. I could hear him speed-dialing Alex's office.
"Is Alex Cabot there?"
Pause.
"Tell her its John Munch."
Another pause.
"I don't care if she's not taking calls. Tell her it's her detective. Yes, her detective." His soft chuckles fading into the distance, with the words, "Afternoon, sweetheart," ringing in my ears. The outside doors slammed shut, and I was alone once more.
Lightning flashed again outside. I knew it was time to leave, and chase after Olivia.
I wouldn't let her get away.
The sun had long slipped away behind the storm clouds. Inside Olivia's apartment, illuminated by an assortment of lamps, I anxiously watched my twitching foot, keeping my eyes on the door. If my elementary school arithmetic was any good, she had been gone for over two hours.
Outside, thunder and lightning brought warnings of a turbulent night. The coffee maker blinked off and on in the kitchen, but I chose to ignore it.
There were two possible scenarios I was looking at.
One: Olivia was pregnant. I could only hope with one child. The birth of one set of twins had been fairly traumatizing for Kathy and I. Dickie and Elizabeth were both early, and we were scared to death that they wouldn't survive their first few months. Kathy was panicking during her Cesarean, her fear of being cut open then a fresh reality. Olivia is a cop, one that doesn't flinch at the sight of any sort of hospital gore anymore. Should she be pregnant with twins, I wouldn't worry about their health as much. Olivia was strong and the babies would be born healthy. Should she only be having one, her ability to remain resilient would keep our child safe.
If she had triplets, I think we both might shoot ourselves.
Or, Olivia might not even be pregnant. For all I knew, she's sick to her stomach because of some bad Chinese that Munch brought in. The tests could come back negative, and Olivia wouldn't be burdened with desk duty for her term, and constant maternal worries. Not that I wouldn't be disappointed if she wasn't pregnant. But I wasn't so sure that we wanted a family. We weren't even married legally, and growing up in a household with both parents as cops isn't an ideal setting for a decent childhood.
The rain began to come down faster on the roof, as my heartbeat sped up in tune with the now-pounding hail. Vaguely, I thought I could hear footsteps coming near the door. One more second of thinking, and I was sure to explode.
I loved Olivia with all my heart, soul, and well being. No matter what would become of this night, she would always be with me. I would never do anything to hurt her. If it was in some divine plan for us to unexpectedly start a family, then so be it. I wouldn't try to question fate. I've already done that once, and lived to regret it.
I barely had time to get up and greet Olivia, as she slammed the door shut. Tears smeared her face, and she sunk to floor, sobbing into her already- soaked arms. A slim blue pamphlet fell from her arms, and skittered across the floor awkwardly. I recognized the fine print from the Morris Commission. Years ago they had called me in for "dreaming of killing suspects", along with Jeffries, who had indeed slept with a suspect.
Fin was her replacement.
I didn't know whether to go to Olivia or read the papers first. Olivia's cries became high as shrieks, as she tumbled into my arms, helplessly pounding her fists into the wall. An unlit candle beside us fell to the floor, clanking loudly despite her sobs.
"S-S-S-Someone's done this!" she cried. "S-S-S-Someone's turned us in to the Morris Commission!"
The ringing in my ears began again. Outside the lightning flashed in sync with her moans. Thunder roared and all Hell seemed to break loose outside. It was like we were trapped in a horror movie, waiting for the frightful punch line.
"Liv, what about the pregnancy tests?"
She looked up me, eyes still streaked with tears.
She began to choke out an answer.
"I'm--"
A/N: evil cliffhanger!!! I'm sorry, but I really wanted to build up the suspense and anticipation for the next chapter, part six. Gosh, I never thought this little collection of fics would get as far as it did. The reviews have been more than supportive and heart-warming. I hope this chapter leaves you feeling angry with me, (for leaving you all hanging), but eagerly waiting for the next chapter. It is already titled and basically plotted. The title is The Dreams of Martyrs, and will answer whether or not Olivia is indeed pregnant. Also, we'll find out why the Morris Commission has summoned our favorite detectives to court. Casey Novak will make her first debut in my fic; time lining the entire storyline accordingly. Until then, keep reviewing, and I'll try to update ASAP. Thanks! Ava