Ava Cabot
The Dreams of Martyrs
A Law and Order: SVU fic
Disclaimer: I had once had a dream that I actually owned SVU. Then I woke up, and realized I didn't. So again, nothing except the plot belongs to me.
I believe in you,
I'll give up everything just to find you,
I have to be with you,
To live, to breath,
You're taking over me.
Have you forgotten all I know?
And all we had?
You saw me mourning my love for you,
And touched my hand.
I knew you loved me then.
Evanescence: Taking Over Me
Last time in Chapter Five: December Rain
"Liv, what about the pregnancy tests?"
She looked up me, eyes still streaked with tears.
She began to choke out an answer.
"I'm--"
Elliot POV
"--pregnant."
A strangled, held-in gasp escaped from my throat. Everything inside of me seemed to collapse, as Olivia sobbed in my arms. I kissed her head, rocking her shaking body back and forth.
"It'll be okay, Liv, really," I said softly, "We'll be a family, at last. We can buy a nicer apartment, get married, and live happily ever after."
"You don't understand, El," she cried.
"What?"
"There were two."
"Twins?"
"Yeah," she whispered. "We already lost one of them." She wiped her eyes haphazardly. "It was a girl."
"What about the other one?"
"A boy."
I let out a held breath carefully, keeping my emotions in check. I knew how upset Olivia was. Kathy was rather fertile, getting pregnant most of the time without any complications. But Olivia was different. I didn't know anything about what went on inside of her body. For all I knew, our son could be in serious danger.
"What else did the doctor say?"
A small smile slipped onto her face. "The other one should be just fine. He might be early, but he'll be perfectly healthy." She rested her head against my shoulder. "At least there's that small hope."
"I can't believe we're going to have a son."
She kissed me softly. "Easy for you to say, Stabler. You won't be carrying him for almost nine months."
A sudden rush of adrenaline seared through my body. I felt like screaming three words out to the entire world, Munch's cynical but decently helpful advice ringing through my head.
"Marry me, Liv."
Her eyes went wide. "What?"
I pushed her onto her feet, rising to my knees and keeping her hand in mine. "I want us to get married. I want to be a family. All three of us. You, me, and our son."
"Mon Dieu," she whispered.
"Don't use all that foreign language stuff on me. You know I'm not very language-savvy."
A choked gasp escaped from her throat. "Of course I'll marry you."
Ecstasy charged through me. I grabbed Olivia with all my strength, swinging her round and round the entryway. Startled, she shrieked, clinging tightly to my neck. I set her down gently, the two of laughing our faces until our stomachs hurt.
"You don't know how happy this makes me, Liv." She buried her face in my shoulder, trying to hold back the grin that spread across her face. "We're going to get married. Married!"
She chuckled quietly. "Do you want to pick out a ring?"
I reached into my back pocket. "Already did." Opening the fat velvet box, a diamond surrounded by pale white gold shimmered in the candlelight.
"Oh God," she whispered, as I slid the cool, shining band around her left finger. She held her trembling hand up to the light, watching thousands of rainbow beams shoot out from within the precious stone. "It's so beautiful."
"Only the best for you, Liv."
"Elliot," she said, wiping fresh tears from her eyes. "Maybe this isn't the time to ask, but---"
"Anything you want, Liv. Just name it."
"I want a stone for her."
"Who, Liv?"
"The one we just lost." She cast her eyes down, the air of happiness and excitement slowly dying around her. "It doesn't seem right, to celebrate and then forget it ever happened."
I picked up my cell phone, my finger hesitating over the numbered dials. "How do you know one was a girl?"
"I can just tell." Her eyes were pleading painfully for me to believe her.
"Just name the place."
She watched me go into the kitchen, grabbing a phone book and flipping the yellow pages quickly.
"Elliot," she said.
"Hmm?"
"Thank you."
I smiled. "You're welcome, Liv."
Olivia POV
Mrs. Olivia Stabler. Detective Olivia Stabler.
It did have a nice ring to it, as Elliot assured me one thousand times as we drove into work that morning. I couldn't stop staring at the sparkling diamond on my left hand. Every moment I got, I made sure the catch the early morning sunlight reflecting off of it. Nothing could have been more perfect. The snow had stopped falling hours before we were up, and now fresh powder laced the roads and sidewalks. It was cold, but not freezing. But a small corner of my mind began to quake with fear.
We were being called down to the Morris Commission tomorrow. Today was our only day to prepare a defense with Alex, and clear things up with Cragen. In some ways, we should have been packing our things away. If it were up to the Commission, we would already have been separated and fired.
It was as if no one understood why we did the things we did.
I couldn't very well explain to a council of ten, lazy, obnoxious, over- paid men why I fell in love so quickly with Elliot. No one can explain why they fall in love. I'm sure more than half of the council is married. Could they go before the commission and explain the basis of their marriage?
I doubt it.
More than half the department eyed Elliot and I when we walked in this morning. Fin and Munch, already hunched over mountains of paperwork, cautiously eyed the rock on my finger, winking at them through the dusty light.
"Nice ring," said John, raising an eyebrow at Elliot.
Fin snorted, pretending to cough while laughing behind his fist.
"Morning," said Cragen, turning his eyes from Elliot to me. One glance at my hand made him flinch ever so slightly. "I see you've done the deed." He was speaking to Elliot, not me.
"And you're more than screwed over." This time, his words were for me. He could see my protruding belly stretching through the shirt. "Nice shirt."
"It's early maternity wear."
Fin dropped his coffee mug with a loud crash, porcelain shattering nearby his foot. Even Munch's mouth dropped a few stories, as he blinked a few times, trying to clear his mind.
"Olivia's pregnant?" said Fin.
"Yeah," said Elliot. "With my son."
"How do you know it's a boy?"
"We just do," they replied simultaneously.
"So there'll be a little Elliot running around the Stabler-Benson household. How cute," muttered John, cracking a wry smile across his worn face. "Wait until I tell Alex."
"Tell me what, John?"
He swallowed loudly. The five of us turned, watching Alex saunter inside. She slid her glasses off her face, shaking wisps of honey-blonde hair out of her face.
"So the beautiful Alexandra Cabot has arrived. Excellent," said Munch, sliding out of his chair and smoothly approaching her.
"Nice try, John," she said, pushing past his open arms. "Tell me what," she repeated, before glancing down at my growing waistline.
"Dear God," she said softly. She reached a trembling hand to my stomach, touching it lightly with the tip of her finger. "You're pregnant, Olivia." She glanced at Elliot. "With his child?"
I nodded. "It's going to be a boy."
"How do you know it's a boy?"
"Just do."
She whistled. "The Morris Commission won't be too thrilled with this news. Right now, they just think you two are dating. They'll be traumatized to hear that you're pregnant."
"And engaged."
"Congratulations," she added, as an afterthought. After a moment's realization, she widened her eyes. "Engaged? You and Elliot are getting married too?"
"Great, isn't it?" said Elliot.
Alex half-nodded. "As a friend, I say to open a bottle of champagne and celebrate." She paused. "But as the ADA, I need to warn you, to keep the marriage thing under wraps. The two of you are screwed over enough as it is."
"What are we going to do, Alex?"
She set down her briefcase. "I don't know, Olivia. We'll have to prove a lot of things that probably aren't true, and lie a bit to the very people who can grill both your asses."
I sunk into my chair, Elliot cradling his head in his hands, slinking back similarly to me.
"The best legal advice I can give you is this. Tell the truth, and above all else, do not ramble. It is key that you do not keep talking. Answers should short and brief. Let their sick imaginations run wild, whatever. Don't let the commission pin something on you, or it'll follow the two of you all the way to Hell."
"That's some speech, Counselor," said Cragen, clearing his throat. "It almost sounds illegal."
Alex allowed herself a thin smile. "It most likely is. But then again---" She waved a careless hand at John. "---what I'm doing with this detective is as well."
The rest of us shuddered, as John stuck his hand in hers. "Now if you'll excuse this gorgeous woman and I, we have a breakfast---er---meeting."
"Sure," snorted Fin. "Just go find some dark corner, so the rest of us don't have to wake you two lovebirds up later."
Alex raised a slim eyebrow, rolling her eyes slowly as John led her out, wrapping his thick overcoat around her shoulders.
"Ou est-ce que tu voudrais aller, ma cherie?" purred John.
"Olivia and I know French, John," shouted Elliot. "You can't hide your words of love from us."
John responded politely with a hand gesture, letting the doors swing shut behind their fading figures.
Morris Commission Headquarters
December 3
One Police Plaza
Courtroom 25
Elliot POV
It was cold in my courtroom, very cold, to be exact. I knew the police department was in dire need of donations to install vital heating systems for the dipping temperatures of winter, but I had no idea that as a summoned detective, I was supposed to freeze into a Popsicle before I even was called in for my hearing.
"Stabler, Elliot?"
I nodded to Olivia, who sat next to me, shivering despite my jacket and her own. She began reaching through the large sleeves, trembling even more as she shed another layer off her growing body. I shook my head quickly, wrapping her back inside the warmth of my coat. She smiled, reluctantly letting my surprisingly warm hand go.
I could see pity in the court official's eyes.
"So," I said cheerily. "Do you know why us two SVU cops were called down today?"
"No, sir," he replied, slightly intimidated by my voice. He was new; easier to break.
"What's your name?"
"Peter, sir. Right this way, sir, to courtroom thirty-five."
"Do you know the woman sitting beside me?"
"Yes, sir."
"How?" I asked, playing out the surprise on my face.
"My cousin was raped two years ago." Peter cast his eyes down, a flash of anger passing through monotone blue eyes briefly. "That woman, Detective Benson, helped my cousin get to a good counselor. She's very grateful."
"Her name is Olivia. She's a beautiful woman, isn't she?"
Peter flushed. "I-I don't know, sir."
"Come on, you can tell me. We'll keep it just between us guys."
"She's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen," he blurted out, immediately cupping shaking hands over his gaping mouth. "I'm sorry, sir," he said shakily. "I know you two, well, are---"
"Involved?"
"Yes."
His words struck up my stubborn sense of curiosity. "Tell me, how did you know that?"
Peter shrugged. "The Commissioner's been talking about it for weeks." He gulped slowly. "He says the entire Special Victims Unit is full of inter- cop relationships." Peter lowered his voice to a whisper. "I used to work at the Assistant District Attorney's office, for ADA Cabot. The clerks there told me that they thought Ms. Cabot and one of your detectives were...you know, involved too."
Mentally, I made a note to give Alex and John a heads-up. Clearly, they were as stupid as Olivia and I were about PDA.
"Here we are, sir," said Peter quietly, unlocking the heavy, scratched wooden doors. "Good luck," he added.
"Thank you, Peter."
"One more thing?" he said, hesitating behind me.
"Sure."
He swallowed. "You and Detective Benson---I hope it works out. You two are very in love, a-and the commission has no business in that."
I smiled. "You're too generous with words, Peter." I cuffed his shoulder. "Thanks."
He nodded, quickly scampering off to another courtroom, only glancing back once to me, eyes somewhat bolder after talking to me.
He disappeared quickly around a corner, the sound of his pounding footsteps fading from my earshot. But it didn't matter. There were bigger fish to fry inside the courtroom, where apparently, my final judgment rested.
"Detective Stabler?" called a creaky voice. "Enter."
Attempting to crush the stubbornness and pride that slowly crept up into my stomach; I strode inside, trying to ignore the biting cold that stung through my jacket and shirt. A lone chair indicated where I would sit, set in the center of a slanted beam of sunlight, shining solo in the darkened room.
"Detective Stabler." Commissioner Morris stared back at me through beady- eyed glasses, contempt dripping off his worn face. "Thank you for coming."
"I can't just go around not showing up," I replied. "I do have a duty as an SVU cop."
"You are aware of why this hearing was called?"
"Yes."
Commissioner Morris leaned forward, as I stared back at his mellow brown eyes with my own baby-blues. An easy smirk crossed my face, as the panel shifted uneasily in their seats. They weren't used to my bold stares yet. They were in for an unpleasant surprise for this hearing. I wasn't going to go down without a fight. I knew Olivia wouldn't settle for anything but that.
"Detective Stabler---"
"Call me Elliot, Commissioner. We're all friendly cops, aren't we?"
Morris glanced around at his mousy peers, who nodded sheepishly and shrugged. "Very well, er, Elliot," he said. Attempting to push some kind of control over me, he crouched forward across the desk, a slim black folder cradled in his hands.
"This folder contains numerous accounts of your relationship with Detective Benson. Do you deny any of these reports?"
"It depends on what was stated."
Morris slipped three pieces of paper out, flinging them into a neat array. "Account one, January the twentieth, year two thousand. A witness places you and Detective Benson at a neighborhood park."
"Is there a crime against walking in a park?"
"There is one against...engaging in improper conduct with a fellow officer." Morris seemed pleased with this fake accusation. The others beside him nodded nervously in agreement.
"Were Detective Benson and I doing anything, 'improper'?"
"You were holding her rather close, Detective Stabler."
"Describe it to me, Commissioner. I have no idea what you're talking about."
A pair of round glasses slipped from his nose. The slim wedding band bound on his left hand, exact to my own, reflected carelessly in the light of his desk lamp. "You were seen touching the lower part of Detective Benson's back. Your other hand was enclosed in her. The witness claims to have seen you later...well...engaging in..."
"I was kissing her? Yes, I was. It's not that hard to say, Commissioner."
"You are 'this' close to insubordination, Detective."
I threw up my hands. "So charge me, already. You don't need to go into messy details."
"Second account," he interrupted, stomping over my words. "June the fifth, year two thousand and two. You were seen leaving Detective Benson's downtown apartment building at exactly five-oh-ten a.m. The witness claims to have seen you haphazardly buttoning your wrinkled shirt and jacket."
"What are you inciting, sir?"
"The witness was lead to believe that you had engaged in sexual activities with Detective Benson, that night."
"The witness 'claims'?"
"Yes."
"I suppose you wouldn't believe me, if I said that my car had broken down and Detective Benson offered me her couch, instead of waiting for a tow truck at three in the morning?"
"Was that what happened?"
I resisted another smirk. "No. I was just wondering if you would believe anything besides this witnessed accounts of my relationship with Olivia." I paused. "My mistake, Commissioner. I mean my partner, Detective Benson."
The panel murmured among themselves. Commissioner Morris had fury sparking in his eyes.
And I was the biggest bastard of all.
Morris Commission Headquarters
December 3
One Police Plaza
Courtroom 104
Olivia POV
When I first saw the panel that would determine my future as a cop, I almost burst out laughing.
Two of the members were in my class at the academy. One was a teacher of mine. Three others, including the leader of this hearing, were Vice cops who hated me. The surprising ratio of men to women was uncanny, with three men and three women exactly.
"Good morning, Detective Benson," boomed the ringleader, an ugly, birdlike woman with a deep voice and resonating ego. The others mumbled their greetings, as my lone chair sat in the center, below each member of the panel. They all watched me carefully, as if they expected me to lunge out and attack.
I wondered how Elliot was faring, if his panel hadn't already grilled him alive.
I imagined the same events rolling along at his trial. I was being asked the same questions, and was replying in the same brief, barely responsive way.
"Are you aware of the several accounts present here today, stating an indecent and unseemly liaison between you and Detective Stabler?"
"I wouldn't call my engagement to Detective Stabler a liaison."
A few women on the panel swallowed their pride and ego in a split second. I figured that starting the hearing off with a bit of trouble wasn't in my best interest, but it didn't matter. Maybe I was screwed over enough as it was.
I wish I were with Elliot.
"According to a Doctor Eric Arman, you are six weeks pregnant?"
I nearly fell out of my chair, stumbling over this unexpected prod into my private life. "Who interviewed my obstetrician?"
Bird-woman smiled, revealing a finely disfigured mouth, in my professional opinion. "Does that set off a nerve, Detective?"
I kept my mouth shut.
"Do you deny this pregnancy?"
"How can I?" I snapped. "You can see my stomach, can't you? I didn't gain this weight miraculously. I'm having a son, in case you asked Dr. Arman that, too." A smirk was plastered all over my face. I could picture Elliot the same way, sitting bolt right up in his chair, but smirking at his panel as well.
"According to this medical record, you had already conceived twins. Where's your other child?"
Now I wanted to lunge out and claw bird-woman to death. I couldn't believe she would pull that card from her sleeve. Every woman mourns the loss of a child, even if the fetus had barely survived the first few weeks. I knew now that pain. I had lost my daughter."
"How do you know it's a girl?"
"I just do," I replied coldly, repeating what I had been saying throughout the entire day. I couldn't explain how I knew that my dead baby was a girl, or that the live one was a boy. Call it an extremely odd case of mother's intuition
"My baby girl is dead," I said, gritting my teeth. "Is there any relevant question you want to ask, ma'am?" I choked out the last word, acid dripping from my voice.
"Just one. Have you been in a sexually intimate relationship with Detective Elliot Stabler, also of the Special Victims Unit, for several years?"
I couldn't lie to the panel. Each person etched forward, hanging on my response. It would determine my future career as a cop. It would send to me either Heaven or Hell.
It would determine the rest of my life.
But I wouldn't give that bitch the satisfaction of winning, pulling my strings and making me relive the nightmare of losing my daughter.
Pulling out a smirk, I sat back slowly, crossing my legs and staring boldly into their eyes. I tried to think of Elliot as I replied, hoping our futures were secure.
"Yes."
Special Victims Unit squad room
December 5
Elliot POV
Olivia and I weren't going to cop Hell. That was a complete relief for both of us, and the entire department.
For two agonizing days we waited, pretending nothing was hanging over our heads while checking out crime scenes and putting a few more freaks in jail. Olivia was on the edge between anxious and just plain crazy with worry. I wouldn't stop pacing, until John threatened to duct-tape my sorry ass to the chair.
Alex managed to swing some legal maneuvers that saved us. The majority of the panels didn't give a crap whether or not Olivia and I slept together. Their votes swayed the verdict in our favor, and our only punishment was a few slaps on the wrist. Nothing on the record, thanks to Alex and Cragen.
A bottle of champagne sat between our desks, waiting until later to be corked open in celebration of escaping our early retirements.
We had just decided on a name for both our son, and daughter, the name that would go on the headstone today. John and Fin asked if we wanted company at the gravesite. Even Cragen offered to come. But this was something we had to do on our own, facing the death of our child just with each other.
Olivia glanced up at me, her eyes nervous and skittish.
"How's baby Jon?"
No, we didn't name the baby after John Munch. It was an unfortunate coincidence that our son carried the same name as the cynical mug of SVU.
"Kicking," muttered Olivia. "He's about as healthy as can be, thank you very much."
I laughed, waiting in anticipation for the day that Jon would be strong enough to really start moving around, waiting to be born, eight months from now.
"Elliot, Olivia," called Cragen, stepping in from his office. "The cemetery just called." He paused. "It's ready."
Olivia froze, clutching her coffee mug absently.
"We should head over, then," I said, helping her from the chair.
It would be longest twenty-minute drive of our lives.
Third Person POV
Elliot and Olivia slowly approached the freshly turned earth. A small headstone rested solemnly before them, nine simple words carved into the cold granite.
"Your sister misses you, Jonathon," said Olivia softly. "But she'll watch over you from Heaven. All three of us will be okay."
Elliot rested his hand on Olivia's shoulder, as she knelt to place a single, pale pink rose before the grave. The promise of wildflowers gleamed on the grass, fresh flowers just beginning to poke through the melting snow.
Olivia wanted nothing more than to remain at the grave and cry. She wanted to die and live her with dead baby girl.
But the presence of Elliot beside her, and baby Jonathon within her promised other things. Of years and years of happiness and joy. Of being a family with the two most important people in her life.
"Let's go home, Olivia."
She nodded carefully, trying not to look back as Elliot gently led her away. She knew there was no turning back time.
But hope still glimmered in her eyes.
For a future that would be hers.
Christine Marie Stabler
Beloved Daughter of Olivia and Elliot
Rest in Peace
A/N: I was listening to the Chocolat soundtrack while writing most of this. Let's just say that I cried while writing. The main titles song was the theme song for this chapter, and I felt it eloquently portrayed the suffering of everyone's favorite SVU cops. I'm sorry for the nasty cliffhanger, but didn't the sequel turn out fairly nice? Don't worry; I'll try to make the next chapter a little happier. It is tentatively titled Wellwisher. It will take place about a little over a year after this chapter, with baby Jonathon already born and growing steadily. Thanks for all the great reviews—it makes my heart swell with warm fuzziness. As always, keep reviewing!
Thanks,
Ava
Ou est-ce que tu voudrais aller, ma cherie: Where would you like to go, my dear?
p.s.: as of July 7, 2004, modifications have been made to the story's mistake in Olivia's pregnancy. A baby's sex cannot be determined as early as I had originally thought and written, and as such, the storyline has been slightly altered. Thank you for pointing out my mistakes.
The Dreams of Martyrs
A Law and Order: SVU fic
Disclaimer: I had once had a dream that I actually owned SVU. Then I woke up, and realized I didn't. So again, nothing except the plot belongs to me.
I believe in you,
I'll give up everything just to find you,
I have to be with you,
To live, to breath,
You're taking over me.
Have you forgotten all I know?
And all we had?
You saw me mourning my love for you,
And touched my hand.
I knew you loved me then.
Evanescence: Taking Over Me
Last time in Chapter Five: December Rain
"Liv, what about the pregnancy tests?"
She looked up me, eyes still streaked with tears.
She began to choke out an answer.
"I'm--"
Elliot POV
"--pregnant."
A strangled, held-in gasp escaped from my throat. Everything inside of me seemed to collapse, as Olivia sobbed in my arms. I kissed her head, rocking her shaking body back and forth.
"It'll be okay, Liv, really," I said softly, "We'll be a family, at last. We can buy a nicer apartment, get married, and live happily ever after."
"You don't understand, El," she cried.
"What?"
"There were two."
"Twins?"
"Yeah," she whispered. "We already lost one of them." She wiped her eyes haphazardly. "It was a girl."
"What about the other one?"
"A boy."
I let out a held breath carefully, keeping my emotions in check. I knew how upset Olivia was. Kathy was rather fertile, getting pregnant most of the time without any complications. But Olivia was different. I didn't know anything about what went on inside of her body. For all I knew, our son could be in serious danger.
"What else did the doctor say?"
A small smile slipped onto her face. "The other one should be just fine. He might be early, but he'll be perfectly healthy." She rested her head against my shoulder. "At least there's that small hope."
"I can't believe we're going to have a son."
She kissed me softly. "Easy for you to say, Stabler. You won't be carrying him for almost nine months."
A sudden rush of adrenaline seared through my body. I felt like screaming three words out to the entire world, Munch's cynical but decently helpful advice ringing through my head.
"Marry me, Liv."
Her eyes went wide. "What?"
I pushed her onto her feet, rising to my knees and keeping her hand in mine. "I want us to get married. I want to be a family. All three of us. You, me, and our son."
"Mon Dieu," she whispered.
"Don't use all that foreign language stuff on me. You know I'm not very language-savvy."
A choked gasp escaped from her throat. "Of course I'll marry you."
Ecstasy charged through me. I grabbed Olivia with all my strength, swinging her round and round the entryway. Startled, she shrieked, clinging tightly to my neck. I set her down gently, the two of laughing our faces until our stomachs hurt.
"You don't know how happy this makes me, Liv." She buried her face in my shoulder, trying to hold back the grin that spread across her face. "We're going to get married. Married!"
She chuckled quietly. "Do you want to pick out a ring?"
I reached into my back pocket. "Already did." Opening the fat velvet box, a diamond surrounded by pale white gold shimmered in the candlelight.
"Oh God," she whispered, as I slid the cool, shining band around her left finger. She held her trembling hand up to the light, watching thousands of rainbow beams shoot out from within the precious stone. "It's so beautiful."
"Only the best for you, Liv."
"Elliot," she said, wiping fresh tears from her eyes. "Maybe this isn't the time to ask, but---"
"Anything you want, Liv. Just name it."
"I want a stone for her."
"Who, Liv?"
"The one we just lost." She cast her eyes down, the air of happiness and excitement slowly dying around her. "It doesn't seem right, to celebrate and then forget it ever happened."
I picked up my cell phone, my finger hesitating over the numbered dials. "How do you know one was a girl?"
"I can just tell." Her eyes were pleading painfully for me to believe her.
"Just name the place."
She watched me go into the kitchen, grabbing a phone book and flipping the yellow pages quickly.
"Elliot," she said.
"Hmm?"
"Thank you."
I smiled. "You're welcome, Liv."
Olivia POV
Mrs. Olivia Stabler. Detective Olivia Stabler.
It did have a nice ring to it, as Elliot assured me one thousand times as we drove into work that morning. I couldn't stop staring at the sparkling diamond on my left hand. Every moment I got, I made sure the catch the early morning sunlight reflecting off of it. Nothing could have been more perfect. The snow had stopped falling hours before we were up, and now fresh powder laced the roads and sidewalks. It was cold, but not freezing. But a small corner of my mind began to quake with fear.
We were being called down to the Morris Commission tomorrow. Today was our only day to prepare a defense with Alex, and clear things up with Cragen. In some ways, we should have been packing our things away. If it were up to the Commission, we would already have been separated and fired.
It was as if no one understood why we did the things we did.
I couldn't very well explain to a council of ten, lazy, obnoxious, over- paid men why I fell in love so quickly with Elliot. No one can explain why they fall in love. I'm sure more than half of the council is married. Could they go before the commission and explain the basis of their marriage?
I doubt it.
More than half the department eyed Elliot and I when we walked in this morning. Fin and Munch, already hunched over mountains of paperwork, cautiously eyed the rock on my finger, winking at them through the dusty light.
"Nice ring," said John, raising an eyebrow at Elliot.
Fin snorted, pretending to cough while laughing behind his fist.
"Morning," said Cragen, turning his eyes from Elliot to me. One glance at my hand made him flinch ever so slightly. "I see you've done the deed." He was speaking to Elliot, not me.
"And you're more than screwed over." This time, his words were for me. He could see my protruding belly stretching through the shirt. "Nice shirt."
"It's early maternity wear."
Fin dropped his coffee mug with a loud crash, porcelain shattering nearby his foot. Even Munch's mouth dropped a few stories, as he blinked a few times, trying to clear his mind.
"Olivia's pregnant?" said Fin.
"Yeah," said Elliot. "With my son."
"How do you know it's a boy?"
"We just do," they replied simultaneously.
"So there'll be a little Elliot running around the Stabler-Benson household. How cute," muttered John, cracking a wry smile across his worn face. "Wait until I tell Alex."
"Tell me what, John?"
He swallowed loudly. The five of us turned, watching Alex saunter inside. She slid her glasses off her face, shaking wisps of honey-blonde hair out of her face.
"So the beautiful Alexandra Cabot has arrived. Excellent," said Munch, sliding out of his chair and smoothly approaching her.
"Nice try, John," she said, pushing past his open arms. "Tell me what," she repeated, before glancing down at my growing waistline.
"Dear God," she said softly. She reached a trembling hand to my stomach, touching it lightly with the tip of her finger. "You're pregnant, Olivia." She glanced at Elliot. "With his child?"
I nodded. "It's going to be a boy."
"How do you know it's a boy?"
"Just do."
She whistled. "The Morris Commission won't be too thrilled with this news. Right now, they just think you two are dating. They'll be traumatized to hear that you're pregnant."
"And engaged."
"Congratulations," she added, as an afterthought. After a moment's realization, she widened her eyes. "Engaged? You and Elliot are getting married too?"
"Great, isn't it?" said Elliot.
Alex half-nodded. "As a friend, I say to open a bottle of champagne and celebrate." She paused. "But as the ADA, I need to warn you, to keep the marriage thing under wraps. The two of you are screwed over enough as it is."
"What are we going to do, Alex?"
She set down her briefcase. "I don't know, Olivia. We'll have to prove a lot of things that probably aren't true, and lie a bit to the very people who can grill both your asses."
I sunk into my chair, Elliot cradling his head in his hands, slinking back similarly to me.
"The best legal advice I can give you is this. Tell the truth, and above all else, do not ramble. It is key that you do not keep talking. Answers should short and brief. Let their sick imaginations run wild, whatever. Don't let the commission pin something on you, or it'll follow the two of you all the way to Hell."
"That's some speech, Counselor," said Cragen, clearing his throat. "It almost sounds illegal."
Alex allowed herself a thin smile. "It most likely is. But then again---" She waved a careless hand at John. "---what I'm doing with this detective is as well."
The rest of us shuddered, as John stuck his hand in hers. "Now if you'll excuse this gorgeous woman and I, we have a breakfast---er---meeting."
"Sure," snorted Fin. "Just go find some dark corner, so the rest of us don't have to wake you two lovebirds up later."
Alex raised a slim eyebrow, rolling her eyes slowly as John led her out, wrapping his thick overcoat around her shoulders.
"Ou est-ce que tu voudrais aller, ma cherie?" purred John.
"Olivia and I know French, John," shouted Elliot. "You can't hide your words of love from us."
John responded politely with a hand gesture, letting the doors swing shut behind their fading figures.
Morris Commission Headquarters
December 3
One Police Plaza
Courtroom 25
Elliot POV
It was cold in my courtroom, very cold, to be exact. I knew the police department was in dire need of donations to install vital heating systems for the dipping temperatures of winter, but I had no idea that as a summoned detective, I was supposed to freeze into a Popsicle before I even was called in for my hearing.
"Stabler, Elliot?"
I nodded to Olivia, who sat next to me, shivering despite my jacket and her own. She began reaching through the large sleeves, trembling even more as she shed another layer off her growing body. I shook my head quickly, wrapping her back inside the warmth of my coat. She smiled, reluctantly letting my surprisingly warm hand go.
I could see pity in the court official's eyes.
"So," I said cheerily. "Do you know why us two SVU cops were called down today?"
"No, sir," he replied, slightly intimidated by my voice. He was new; easier to break.
"What's your name?"
"Peter, sir. Right this way, sir, to courtroom thirty-five."
"Do you know the woman sitting beside me?"
"Yes, sir."
"How?" I asked, playing out the surprise on my face.
"My cousin was raped two years ago." Peter cast his eyes down, a flash of anger passing through monotone blue eyes briefly. "That woman, Detective Benson, helped my cousin get to a good counselor. She's very grateful."
"Her name is Olivia. She's a beautiful woman, isn't she?"
Peter flushed. "I-I don't know, sir."
"Come on, you can tell me. We'll keep it just between us guys."
"She's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen," he blurted out, immediately cupping shaking hands over his gaping mouth. "I'm sorry, sir," he said shakily. "I know you two, well, are---"
"Involved?"
"Yes."
His words struck up my stubborn sense of curiosity. "Tell me, how did you know that?"
Peter shrugged. "The Commissioner's been talking about it for weeks." He gulped slowly. "He says the entire Special Victims Unit is full of inter- cop relationships." Peter lowered his voice to a whisper. "I used to work at the Assistant District Attorney's office, for ADA Cabot. The clerks there told me that they thought Ms. Cabot and one of your detectives were...you know, involved too."
Mentally, I made a note to give Alex and John a heads-up. Clearly, they were as stupid as Olivia and I were about PDA.
"Here we are, sir," said Peter quietly, unlocking the heavy, scratched wooden doors. "Good luck," he added.
"Thank you, Peter."
"One more thing?" he said, hesitating behind me.
"Sure."
He swallowed. "You and Detective Benson---I hope it works out. You two are very in love, a-and the commission has no business in that."
I smiled. "You're too generous with words, Peter." I cuffed his shoulder. "Thanks."
He nodded, quickly scampering off to another courtroom, only glancing back once to me, eyes somewhat bolder after talking to me.
He disappeared quickly around a corner, the sound of his pounding footsteps fading from my earshot. But it didn't matter. There were bigger fish to fry inside the courtroom, where apparently, my final judgment rested.
"Detective Stabler?" called a creaky voice. "Enter."
Attempting to crush the stubbornness and pride that slowly crept up into my stomach; I strode inside, trying to ignore the biting cold that stung through my jacket and shirt. A lone chair indicated where I would sit, set in the center of a slanted beam of sunlight, shining solo in the darkened room.
"Detective Stabler." Commissioner Morris stared back at me through beady- eyed glasses, contempt dripping off his worn face. "Thank you for coming."
"I can't just go around not showing up," I replied. "I do have a duty as an SVU cop."
"You are aware of why this hearing was called?"
"Yes."
Commissioner Morris leaned forward, as I stared back at his mellow brown eyes with my own baby-blues. An easy smirk crossed my face, as the panel shifted uneasily in their seats. They weren't used to my bold stares yet. They were in for an unpleasant surprise for this hearing. I wasn't going to go down without a fight. I knew Olivia wouldn't settle for anything but that.
"Detective Stabler---"
"Call me Elliot, Commissioner. We're all friendly cops, aren't we?"
Morris glanced around at his mousy peers, who nodded sheepishly and shrugged. "Very well, er, Elliot," he said. Attempting to push some kind of control over me, he crouched forward across the desk, a slim black folder cradled in his hands.
"This folder contains numerous accounts of your relationship with Detective Benson. Do you deny any of these reports?"
"It depends on what was stated."
Morris slipped three pieces of paper out, flinging them into a neat array. "Account one, January the twentieth, year two thousand. A witness places you and Detective Benson at a neighborhood park."
"Is there a crime against walking in a park?"
"There is one against...engaging in improper conduct with a fellow officer." Morris seemed pleased with this fake accusation. The others beside him nodded nervously in agreement.
"Were Detective Benson and I doing anything, 'improper'?"
"You were holding her rather close, Detective Stabler."
"Describe it to me, Commissioner. I have no idea what you're talking about."
A pair of round glasses slipped from his nose. The slim wedding band bound on his left hand, exact to my own, reflected carelessly in the light of his desk lamp. "You were seen touching the lower part of Detective Benson's back. Your other hand was enclosed in her. The witness claims to have seen you later...well...engaging in..."
"I was kissing her? Yes, I was. It's not that hard to say, Commissioner."
"You are 'this' close to insubordination, Detective."
I threw up my hands. "So charge me, already. You don't need to go into messy details."
"Second account," he interrupted, stomping over my words. "June the fifth, year two thousand and two. You were seen leaving Detective Benson's downtown apartment building at exactly five-oh-ten a.m. The witness claims to have seen you haphazardly buttoning your wrinkled shirt and jacket."
"What are you inciting, sir?"
"The witness was lead to believe that you had engaged in sexual activities with Detective Benson, that night."
"The witness 'claims'?"
"Yes."
"I suppose you wouldn't believe me, if I said that my car had broken down and Detective Benson offered me her couch, instead of waiting for a tow truck at three in the morning?"
"Was that what happened?"
I resisted another smirk. "No. I was just wondering if you would believe anything besides this witnessed accounts of my relationship with Olivia." I paused. "My mistake, Commissioner. I mean my partner, Detective Benson."
The panel murmured among themselves. Commissioner Morris had fury sparking in his eyes.
And I was the biggest bastard of all.
Morris Commission Headquarters
December 3
One Police Plaza
Courtroom 104
Olivia POV
When I first saw the panel that would determine my future as a cop, I almost burst out laughing.
Two of the members were in my class at the academy. One was a teacher of mine. Three others, including the leader of this hearing, were Vice cops who hated me. The surprising ratio of men to women was uncanny, with three men and three women exactly.
"Good morning, Detective Benson," boomed the ringleader, an ugly, birdlike woman with a deep voice and resonating ego. The others mumbled their greetings, as my lone chair sat in the center, below each member of the panel. They all watched me carefully, as if they expected me to lunge out and attack.
I wondered how Elliot was faring, if his panel hadn't already grilled him alive.
I imagined the same events rolling along at his trial. I was being asked the same questions, and was replying in the same brief, barely responsive way.
"Are you aware of the several accounts present here today, stating an indecent and unseemly liaison between you and Detective Stabler?"
"I wouldn't call my engagement to Detective Stabler a liaison."
A few women on the panel swallowed their pride and ego in a split second. I figured that starting the hearing off with a bit of trouble wasn't in my best interest, but it didn't matter. Maybe I was screwed over enough as it was.
I wish I were with Elliot.
"According to a Doctor Eric Arman, you are six weeks pregnant?"
I nearly fell out of my chair, stumbling over this unexpected prod into my private life. "Who interviewed my obstetrician?"
Bird-woman smiled, revealing a finely disfigured mouth, in my professional opinion. "Does that set off a nerve, Detective?"
I kept my mouth shut.
"Do you deny this pregnancy?"
"How can I?" I snapped. "You can see my stomach, can't you? I didn't gain this weight miraculously. I'm having a son, in case you asked Dr. Arman that, too." A smirk was plastered all over my face. I could picture Elliot the same way, sitting bolt right up in his chair, but smirking at his panel as well.
"According to this medical record, you had already conceived twins. Where's your other child?"
Now I wanted to lunge out and claw bird-woman to death. I couldn't believe she would pull that card from her sleeve. Every woman mourns the loss of a child, even if the fetus had barely survived the first few weeks. I knew now that pain. I had lost my daughter."
"How do you know it's a girl?"
"I just do," I replied coldly, repeating what I had been saying throughout the entire day. I couldn't explain how I knew that my dead baby was a girl, or that the live one was a boy. Call it an extremely odd case of mother's intuition
"My baby girl is dead," I said, gritting my teeth. "Is there any relevant question you want to ask, ma'am?" I choked out the last word, acid dripping from my voice.
"Just one. Have you been in a sexually intimate relationship with Detective Elliot Stabler, also of the Special Victims Unit, for several years?"
I couldn't lie to the panel. Each person etched forward, hanging on my response. It would determine my future career as a cop. It would send to me either Heaven or Hell.
It would determine the rest of my life.
But I wouldn't give that bitch the satisfaction of winning, pulling my strings and making me relive the nightmare of losing my daughter.
Pulling out a smirk, I sat back slowly, crossing my legs and staring boldly into their eyes. I tried to think of Elliot as I replied, hoping our futures were secure.
"Yes."
Special Victims Unit squad room
December 5
Elliot POV
Olivia and I weren't going to cop Hell. That was a complete relief for both of us, and the entire department.
For two agonizing days we waited, pretending nothing was hanging over our heads while checking out crime scenes and putting a few more freaks in jail. Olivia was on the edge between anxious and just plain crazy with worry. I wouldn't stop pacing, until John threatened to duct-tape my sorry ass to the chair.
Alex managed to swing some legal maneuvers that saved us. The majority of the panels didn't give a crap whether or not Olivia and I slept together. Their votes swayed the verdict in our favor, and our only punishment was a few slaps on the wrist. Nothing on the record, thanks to Alex and Cragen.
A bottle of champagne sat between our desks, waiting until later to be corked open in celebration of escaping our early retirements.
We had just decided on a name for both our son, and daughter, the name that would go on the headstone today. John and Fin asked if we wanted company at the gravesite. Even Cragen offered to come. But this was something we had to do on our own, facing the death of our child just with each other.
Olivia glanced up at me, her eyes nervous and skittish.
"How's baby Jon?"
No, we didn't name the baby after John Munch. It was an unfortunate coincidence that our son carried the same name as the cynical mug of SVU.
"Kicking," muttered Olivia. "He's about as healthy as can be, thank you very much."
I laughed, waiting in anticipation for the day that Jon would be strong enough to really start moving around, waiting to be born, eight months from now.
"Elliot, Olivia," called Cragen, stepping in from his office. "The cemetery just called." He paused. "It's ready."
Olivia froze, clutching her coffee mug absently.
"We should head over, then," I said, helping her from the chair.
It would be longest twenty-minute drive of our lives.
Third Person POV
Elliot and Olivia slowly approached the freshly turned earth. A small headstone rested solemnly before them, nine simple words carved into the cold granite.
"Your sister misses you, Jonathon," said Olivia softly. "But she'll watch over you from Heaven. All three of us will be okay."
Elliot rested his hand on Olivia's shoulder, as she knelt to place a single, pale pink rose before the grave. The promise of wildflowers gleamed on the grass, fresh flowers just beginning to poke through the melting snow.
Olivia wanted nothing more than to remain at the grave and cry. She wanted to die and live her with dead baby girl.
But the presence of Elliot beside her, and baby Jonathon within her promised other things. Of years and years of happiness and joy. Of being a family with the two most important people in her life.
"Let's go home, Olivia."
She nodded carefully, trying not to look back as Elliot gently led her away. She knew there was no turning back time.
But hope still glimmered in her eyes.
For a future that would be hers.
Christine Marie Stabler
Beloved Daughter of Olivia and Elliot
Rest in Peace
A/N: I was listening to the Chocolat soundtrack while writing most of this. Let's just say that I cried while writing. The main titles song was the theme song for this chapter, and I felt it eloquently portrayed the suffering of everyone's favorite SVU cops. I'm sorry for the nasty cliffhanger, but didn't the sequel turn out fairly nice? Don't worry; I'll try to make the next chapter a little happier. It is tentatively titled Wellwisher. It will take place about a little over a year after this chapter, with baby Jonathon already born and growing steadily. Thanks for all the great reviews—it makes my heart swell with warm fuzziness. As always, keep reviewing!
Thanks,
Ava
Ou est-ce que tu voudrais aller, ma cherie: Where would you like to go, my dear?
p.s.: as of July 7, 2004, modifications have been made to the story's mistake in Olivia's pregnancy. A baby's sex cannot be determined as early as I had originally thought and written, and as such, the storyline has been slightly altered. Thank you for pointing out my mistakes.