Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me.
A/N: I really like Hailey but I don't see a lot stories on this site based off her, so I decided I'd write one. Just a little note, I'm planning on writing more then one story that sort of follow one "theme" about her, so tell me what you think. This story is set when she's still in Los Angeles, working in the strip club. Please read and review.
Hailey Nichol had read somewhere, perhaps when she was still in middle school when things were simpler, that the worst thing in life was a bird without wings. Though she hadn't understood that quote or thought or whatever it had been back then, she certainly understood it now as she stood on the roof of the crappy apartment building she had been sharing with some random guy or another for the past couple of weeks. She wasn't alone on the roof however, because Hailey was sharing her sky view with a tiny bird, a sparrow or something -she wasn't quite sure-, that had crash landed somehow and hadn't come out of the accident very well. The bird was hopping around, dragging one of its wings behind it in a crooked angle as it tried to flap the other, trying to fly off the roof.
I don't blame you, Hailey thought as she watched the bird. I'd fly away from this place too. But just like the bird, she didn't have the wings that she needed to carry herself away from the city and toward somewhere much better. Just like the bird, she was stuck here, dragging her pathetic wings around in circles.
She'd been here before, in this life before, living off someone else because she didn't have what it took to live off herself. And it wasn't a life that Hailey much enjoyed living but it seemed to be the only one she knew how to live. She'd been a poor faceless girl in a city filled with faceless girls. This city and this life would simply chew her up and spit her back out in a matter of days, weeks, months even and she'd go crawling back to Kirsten or God forbid, her father, for a few days until she managed to convince herself that this time would be different, this time she'd make it, live on her own and be happy.
But it never happened. Hailey was always dragging her wings.
She stayed where she was, a yard or two away from where the bird flapped and chirped and continued to watch it, wondering if whoever had written that quote about birds and wings had seen what she was seeing right then. It was sad to watch this poor creature and Hailey couldn't help but wonder if the bird knew what was happening to it at that moment, wondered if it knew that it was going to be hopping in circles forever. But if it knew, Hailey was sure that it would just give up flapping and trying and wait for some skinny alley cat to come along and happen upon it. But then again, she knew that she was going to be hopping in circles forever but that didn't stop her from sitting down, taking stock, thinking things out and walking in a straight line now did it?
Sometimes, Hailey realized, you kept flapping and trying because that was all you knew how to do. Anything was better then the alternative. Though, she wasn't quite sure that the way she was living right now was any better then anything but she wasn't ready to give up yet, wasn't ready to go back to her sister and admit once again that she was a failure. Why can't you be more like your sister? Hailey had heard those words since the day she was born, of that she was certain and every time they were spoken they cut new wounds deep in her heart. Her wings were broken all over again and she was stuck right back in the city she was now, wishing she could fly away.
Hailey sighed and nudged a bit of gravel with her foot, trying to push those thoughts from her mind. Thinking about Kirsten and her perfect life wouldn't do anything to help her right now; hell, it wouldn't do anything to help her ever but she always kept thinking about the life she could have had in New Port. If she had married someone like her father, that is, and she'd had enough of her father growing up to last her a lifetime. Her socks had holes in them because she hadn't made enough dancing at sleazy clubs to afford a new pair but Hailey continued to prod at the gravel, as though she could somehow uncover the answers to her problems beneath the rocks.
The bird chirped and flapped and knocked into the door that led up to the roof, which had probably been the object to render it flightless in the first place. Hailey watched it, feeling like she had more in common with that little creature then she'd ever had when any of those fake girls back in New Port. Just like the bird, she kept bumping into the thing that hurt her, too stupid to turn around and go the other way. Who knew what was the other way? Sometimes it was safer just to stay with what you knew, whether it hurt you or not.
Hailey finally left the gravel alone and headed over to where the bird was flapping, trying with all its strength to lift itself off the roof and fly into the night sky, just like it had done all the nights before this one. She wondered what it was like to be able to leave a place whenever you wanted, to be able to go anywhere and not have to worry about how you were going to deal with the next day because all you had to do was flap your wings and fly away again. And then she wondered what it would be like to realize that you could never do that anymore, to be stuck in a place forever with no hope of ever leaving again. That was how she felt now, in this place, trapped forever because she owed a lot of guys a lot of money and leaving would only make things worse. No more leaving in the middle of the night without even a letter or a goodbye kiss; nope, Hailey Nichol was stuck now and she could only see the downhill from here.
When she approached, the bird didn't even seem to react; it was too caught up in its own problems to even notice her. But that was something Hailey was used to as well; everyone was always so concerned with their own life that there was no time for Hailey to even get a 'hello' out of them, let alone an audience and when there was time for someone to hear her speak for more then a second, she was gone. Maybe things would be different now if someone took the time to look at her and say "don't go back there, Hailey, you can take care of yourself right here." But no one ever did and no one ever would.
Hailey knelt down beside the bird and studied it closely; the wing was broken in more then one place and by the time it healed enough to fly, the bird would probably be dead by then. Was that how here life was going to be now? In this place, unable to fly away and by the time she could escape, it would be too late. Was this her last mistake?
For a moment, Hailey thought about doing something to put the bird out of its misery before something else could come along and do it or the thing died of starvation. But she didn't know how to help something like that, didn't know to end misery because if she did, she obviously would have helped herself by now. She couldn't even end her own misery, which was why she was here, after all, faceless girl in a faceless city, dragging her wings around and wondering if she'd ever get the chance to leave again.
No, the bird would have to suffer on its own because Hailey couldn't help it, couldn't help anyone. All she could do was sit and watch and sympathize, which was more then anyone had ever done for her, when you got down to it. She would have to do what she did best, sit back and think about how next time she'd do it better and make the same mistakes that she was making now. Staring out at the city, wishing to fly.
Though she hadn't in middle school, Hailey now understood why the worst thing in life was a sparrow without wings. It was the worst feeling to remember how it was to fly but be unable to do so anyway, to be happy and free. And she would know. Her wings had been broken for quite sometime.