Card Tricks
A/N: Alternate universe kinda, cause it's possible, yet I doubt it's ever gonna happen. All pre-book five, of course...
Credit goes out to Strega Brava. Read her stuff after this, some of the best writing on ff.net. This whole story came out of a line in 'I Never Forget A Face', where Snape is meeting with a Canadian official and thinks something along the lines of: "Hope he doesn't ask me to do card tricks or something."
"Okay, everyone have their cards? Julius?"
"Hit me."
"Ten."
"Twenty four, I'm bust." Flitwick tossed his cards into the center of the table.
"Remus?"
"I think you're stacking the deck." Remus muttered. "Hit me."
"Ace."
"I'll stand."
"Lockhart?"
Gilderoy looked around before realizing he was being talked to. The memory charms hadn't exactly worn off yet.
"Uh, hit me."
"Ten."
"Go fish."
"No, you say...oh, just take a card, Sevvie. Humor him."
"If you call me Sevvie again, I'll humor you right into the hospital wing."
"Yeah right. Your arm is as weak as your deodorant."
"Or that punch line."
"Stop the kibitzing and let's go. Sirius, you're up."
"Go fish." He smirked at Snape.
"So funny, I forgot to laugh." He sneered, discreetly handing Sirius two cards.
"Hey, who's the chick-a-dee-don't?" Remus asked, changing the subject and pointing to a picture on Snape's dresser.
"You all remember Karissa Konstantine, right? She's-"
"Man, that's Karissa? What happened to all these hot girls we used to know? They grew up and got ugly."
"Why do you have a picture of Karissa Konstantine in your chambers, Sevvie? You used to have a crush on her or something?"
Severus glanced at Sirius before answering Remus. "She's my cousin."
"Oh, now that I look more closely..."
"She's not that bad...
"Oh, get over yourselves, she's a crone, even I admit it." Severus crunched on a couple of chips before continuing. "You're right, Black, pretty much every girl we used to know is now hideous."
"There's got to be someone who still looks good," Remus grabbed the bowl from Snape, spilling a little. "I mean, there were so many pretty girls...Sirius and James dated most of them."
"Yeah, remember Helena 'Hoochie' Hooch?" Sirius grinned, leaning back. "Long blonde hair, legs till next week, figure that wouldn't quit? She had such a thing for me back in the day."
"Hooch?" Snape looked up from shuffling. "She's the flying instructor now."
"Serious? No pun intended."
"None taken." He quipped dryly. "I'll bet if you ask Hermione, she'll set you up. Her and Hooch have become good friends ever since she started taking extra flying lessons. Honestly, the girl can beat down a bushel of Bogarts, but she can't sit upright on a broom."
"There is more to life than flying, Severus." Remus started. "I see Hermione doing great things in the future, winning many awards and accolades-"
"But how's she going to get to the ceremony if she can't fly?" Flitwick cried.
"Yes, is she going to carry all her awards for 'Best Enchantment' on the subway?"
"Or maybe some kind-hearted person she knows will graciously volunteer to give her rides everywhere..." Flitwick grinned at Remus.
"If you ask nicely, I'll set you up..." Sirius snickered as Remus went red.
"Please. The only thing tackier than dating a former student is, well, dating a current student. But anyway, Hermione's probably got dozens of suitors, she's beautiful!"
"Someone's got a cru-ush..." Severus sang under his breath.
"Ha. Funny. We all get to pick on the sad old man, now let's actually play some blackjack, okay?"
"Fine, fine-Hey! How did I end up with forty-five?"