Disclaimer: You know the drill, although this time I should also add that I
don't own the lyrics to "Close to You," I don't remember who does, but it's
definitely not me.
Author's Note: Hey guys, thanks for reading, I really appreciated the reviews and stuff. Let's see, in this chapter we have a scene that was shortened for the ff.net version of this story because of its adult content. Things will get pretty depressing soon just to let you readers know, so that means a lot more edits for the ff.net version unfortunately. As I've mentioned many times before, the uncut version of this fic is posted on www.shoujoai.com in the Xenosaga section under my other pen name, "cbman." This chapter's slow at first like the last chapter unfortunately, but it'll get pretty exciting in the end. The mushiness between Shion and KOS-MOS will really die down after this chapter so it can give way to the real seriousness of this fic. My computer's being a real pain too, so unfortunately the song lyrics for "Close to You" in this chapter aren't written in italics like how I intended it to be, but oh well. With that said, I give you the second chapter of "Bound."
Chapter 2: We Love and We Hate
"Does she really love you?"
It is the voice that had visited me yesterday. Again I find myself in a world of pitch black as I lie here in my service module. Again, I cannot move my body, only my mouth and voice.
"Yes, she loves me," I answer.
"How do you know?" she asks.
"She professed it two nights ago, in both words and action."
"But has she professed that 'love' since?"
"...no."
"Has she acted upon this 'love?'"
"...no."
"Has she spoke of this 'love?'"
"...no."
"A love such as that does not last forever," her fingers begin to glide across my face. "A love that does not last for eternity, is that even worthy of being called 'love?' Is it 'love' when the other spends time with the other only to achieve a certain goal? Is it 'love' when the other cannot profess that love? What is 'love', KOS-MOS, can you tell me?"
"...I cannot."
"You poor thing," her breath falls unto my lips. "Can a thing that cannot be explained in words even exist at all?"
"I do not know."
"Is it 'lust' that drove her into your arms?" she asks.
"...I do not know."
"Love and lust, it is so difficult to differentiate the two. But is there really a difference between love and lust? Love, lust, opposites that somehow end up having the same goal, do you know what that goal is, KOS- MOS?"
"It is..."
"KOS-MOS," the voice of my love calls from reality, interrupting my answer.
"You are going to her?" she asks.
"I am," I answer.
"Do you love her?"
"I do."
"But has she returned that love lately?"
"...no."
"Can machines even fall in love? Can machines even be loved?"
"They can."
"Is that love real, or is it another part of your programming?"
"...I don't know."
"KOS-MOS, poor disillusioned KOS-MOS," my unknown visitor breathes. "Why do you continue to try and fit in the humans' world? Desire, love, everything of that sort is irrelevant if it is not in your original programming, so why do you continue to strive to become human?"
"It's because I..."
"KOS-MOS," the visage of reality peels away at the world of darkness before I could answer. "KOS-MOS."
"Hm?" I find myself staring into the ceiling of my room.
"Come on now, KOS-MOS," Shion greets me, "it's almost time for MOMO's party, we better get ready."
"Understood," I respond without question.
"How do you want your hair done?" Shion asks me as she slides a brush between several strands.
"What do you mean? Is something wrong with my current hairstyle?"
"No, no, that's not it," she assures me, "it's just that we're going to a special occasion and I want you to look your best, that's all."
"I think my current style is just fine," I answer.
I do not understand why this is considered a special occasion, this is merely a get together for MOMO. Humans, always celebrating selected dates on their calenders, I suppose they do need an excuse to relax and have fun.
The dress Shion gave me is rather in comfortable, maybe more so than my usual attire. A red satin dress made of silk is what she gave me, it clings onto my skin via straps that go around my shoulders. Shion does not want me to wear gloves with this outfit, she says it does not go well with it. I suppose it doesn't matter, she's the one who knows how to dress for occasions such as this.
"Is it lust that drove her into your arms?" my thoughts begin to linger to my conversation I had with my unknown guest.
Again I cannot really answer the question, even when I was given a moment to think. I cannot delve into the situation any further, and again, for the second day in a row, I feel helpless.
"If this is supposed to be a surprise party, how do we prevent the young realian from finding out about it?" I ask Shion, trying to brush the thoughts away from my head.
"Jr. will be taking care of that," she answers, "he'll be talking with her as we get things ready at the diner."
"I see."
Shion, you're acting as if nothing happened between us two nights ago. You act as you did before arrived on Second Miltia. I wish I could say this to you right now, but it would be rude for me to ask, but still, I...
"You've been very quiet, KOS-MOS," my love suddenly brings up, "is something the matter?"
I suppose this is the perfect opportunity to ask her.
"Shion, why do you act as if nothing happened between us?" I ask.
"What do you mean, KOS-MOS?" she responds, puzzled.
"Since yesterday, you've acted as if nothing happened between us two days ago," I explain, "why is that? Why do you not hold me close anymore? Why is it that you don't make love to me? Why do you not tell me that you love me anymore? Is it something I've done, or...," my voice begins to crack.
"I'm sorry, KOS-MOS," she apologizes. "I must've put my thoughts ahead of your own. I've been busy helping plan out MOMO's party that I..."
"Is this how relationships are supposed to be?!" the tears can't help but flow. "Are we just supposed to ignore each other now?"
"KOS-MOS, how could you say such things?!" she practically yells with her voice breaking. "Do you think that I don't love you anymore? How could you...," her eyes begin to water.
"I know you don't love me anymore!" I spit. "You don't spend any time with me! You're only dressing me up now for that party you've been planning on so much!"
"That's a lie, KOS-MOS! You know more than anyone else that I..."
"No Shion, your words are lies!" I retort. "You were only using me, I know it! Why else haven't you spent any time with me? Your planning for this party is an excuse!"
"KOS-MOS, how could you say such hurtful things?" her palms begin to cover face.
"It's because of what you do, Shion!"
At that very instant, my face suddenly turns to the side just as burn begins to sear my cheek. My palm places itself over my cheek after, trying to cool the sting that was inflicted upon me. A sneer is now worn on my love's face; her eyes narrow and her lips straight. My eyes can't help but widen for a moment, only to cover themselves from the world as more tears begin to travel down my cheeks.
"Shion...?"
It was the same strike from three days ago, the one she gave me when I was ignoring her that day. The same tears are traveling down our faces once more. Again I find my body trembling, my breath short, and my heart broken. Her sneer begins to melt, reverting back to the face she wore before, with tears streaming more rapidly. Her hand begins to fall to her chest, curling as they touch her skin. She begins to look toward the floor, shutting her eyes as her mouth begins to quiver.
"KOS-MOS...," she barely speaks, "I..."
My feet begin to turn my entire body suddenly, pushing me forward without allowing me to look back.
"KOS-MOS, wait!" I hear her yell my name once more, with the clacking of my shoes drowning her cries. "KOS-MOS!"
I do not even bother to look back, nor forward, all I can do is close my eyes and let my feet take me somewhere, anywhere... By the time I open my eyes once more, I find myself in one of the ship's corners, alone.
"Shion...," I begin to sink against the wall.
My eyes are still burning, the streams still washing my cheeks before falling onto the floor. Another sting falls upon my face, this one from my own palms. I try to hold the tears back with them, but they refuse to stay. I try to regain my breath, but I can only sniff and whine. My legs begin to curl toward my body, pulling them close enough so that they could support my elbows. Pain, it was what I longed for not too long ago, yet now...
"KOS-MOS...?"
It is the voice of the young realian, MOMO. I cannot bear to look at anyone at the moment, nor can I bear to hear their voice. I sink my palms further into my eyes once more, my nose still sniffling, and my breath coming in hiccups. A hand slowly falls unto my shoulder, but my body pulls away in the next instant. Sadness, it has only been three days and I have already felt it twice.
"Why are you crying, KOS-MOS?" the young realian asks.
"Please, just leave me alone," I request between my tears.
"Did something happen?" MOMO continues to ask. "KOS-MOS, please talk to me."
"I don't feel like talking."
"Come on, let me cheer you up," her hand falls upon my shoulder once more, "you helped me out when we first came onboard the Durandel, let me do the same."
I don't want to tell her what happened, just sitting here thinking about what happened makes my heart ache. Yet there is still a part of me that wants to tell her about the events that just occurred, regardless of how much it hurts. My tear-filled pupils turn to her for a moment, glancing into her amber-colored eyes. Her eyes, and the rest of her face for that matter, they show concern, just like chaos when he tried to comfort me. It's that feeling once again, yet I can't help but worry that I might do the same to this child just like what I had done to the boy. Still, I don't think I can keep it in much longer...
"...it's Shion," I give in.
"Shion?"
"She doesn't love me anymore."
"Why do you say that?" the child asks. "She's taken very good care of you so far, I don't see why..."
"Not that kind of love," I inform her.
"Huh?"
The child is oblivious to the truth, her basic algorithms probably can't comprehend the situation in the same manner as me. Shion said not to tell the others about our relationship, but...
"She said she loved me as more than a mother, and more than a friend," I explain, "in other words, she loves me as..."
She gasps before I could finish my sentence. The realian begins to pull away from me, and again my eyes begin to fill with tears which drag them toward my knees once again. Before they could escape my eyes, however, a pair of arms suddenly wrap around my shoulders, pulling my body so that it rests against its owner's. I do nothing but sit here with my eyes blank and my mouth open. I want to do the same to her, to have her wrapped in my arms, but again I fear the result will not be good, that my lips may fall onto hers and that Shion will walk in on us. Happiness, sadness, why is it that I feel these both at the same time, I don't know how to react.
"You had a fight, didn't you?" MOMO asks.
"...yes," I nod.
"What happened?"
"She hasn't spent any real time with me since two nights ago," I tell her, "and when I confronted her about it, I was yelling at her. I told her that she was only using me for her own needs, and that she didn't love me anymore. She struck me after I said that, and it drove the both of us to tears. Before she could say anything more, I ran and then...," my voice begins to break once more.
"Sh, it's all right," she stops me, tightening her embrace as she does so. "I know Shion wouldn't just use you like that, look at what she's done for you so far. She loves you, KOS-MOS, she really does, it's just that she's been forced to focus her efforts on that party she's planning for me."
"You already know about that?" I ask.
"Uh huh, I overheard the captain talking about it over breakfast this morning," she begins to giggle. "Don't worry, I'll still act surprised once I come in. But still, once the whole thing is over, I know she'll be spending time with you again, KOS-MOS. From what I understand, relationships are all about sacrifice, at least that's what Daddy used to say to me before I was born. I remember him talking to me about his relationship with Mommy, how he would spend some days on his research and others on his relationship with Mommy. He regretted having to leave Mommy behind, but he always made up for it somehow. He told me that when I get married I should have a lot of patience. My husband would be busy with work, but when he comes home, I should welcome him with open arms and cherish what short time we would have together before he has to return to his duties. KOS-MOS, maybe you should do the same with Shion, welcome her with open arms and cherish what little time you can have together. Lovers can't always be together all the time, Daddy said that's just a fairy tale. One can't always focus on their lover, they have other matters to deal with in the world unfortunately. But I'm sure if you follow Daddy's words, the time you and Shion spend together may become a fairy tale in itself."
"MOMO...," my eyes begin to water once again.
Such profound words spoken by a child, they can't help but make me cry once again. But these tears are different, they aren't filled with sorrow, they're filled with joy. Human emotions, again they baffle me, yet fascinate me at the same time. There is an urge for me to return the kindness of her words, but there is only one way that I can think of that can return that affection. I do not want to bring Shion tears again, so I can only hope that I can return her feelings without breaking Shion's heart by doing this...
"Thank you," my arms begin to wrap around her body.
"What are friends for?" she responds.
"Hey MOMO," the voice of the Durandel's captain begins to echo within the vicinity. "There you are," the red-haired U.R.T.V. appears a moment later.
"Hi Jr.," the child returns the greeting, gently pushing away my embrace.
"Come on, I got something for you," Jr. waves her forward.
"I wonder what it is," MOMO begins to follow, acting as if she doesn't know what the surprise is.
"Hey KOS-MOS, why don't you come with us?" the U.R.T.V. invites me.
"Yes," I nod, wiping away the remaining residue from my eyes.
"Come on, I can't wait to see what it is!" the child takes hold of my hand.
Friendship, another thing I cannot describe with words.
"Surprise!" that was the word that escaped everyone's mouth the moment we had entered the diner. "Happy Birthday, MOMO!"
"Oh my gosh!" MOMO reacted, pretending to be surprised. "Thanks you guys."
The diner looks quite different than how it normally looks. Rubber spheres filled with helium are tied to every seat and random sections of the wall, streams of various colored material run across the diner's roof, and a banner with the words "Happy Birthday" clutters over the logo of the diner. Numerous forms of food and drink rest on the main bar table, all of which can be identified as products pre-cooked and imported by the U.M.N.
Even the ship's crew looks different, they no longer wear their usual uniforms. For once, Captain Matthews does not wear his baseball cap and his normal attire consisting of a navy blue t-shirt and denim pants, instead he wears something of a suit with buttons running down the middle of his shirt. Hammer and Tony wear similar uniforms as well, though the colors of their clothing are gray and black respectively, as opposed to Captain Matthews who wears a blue suit. Allen's Vector uniform is replaced as well; instead he wears a white suit and jacket (it appears to make his shoulders look very broad, he looks like a penguin of sorts) with what appears to be a clip-on tie. The silver-haired boy, chaos, wears a similar shirt and jacket, but he wears a real bow-tie and black pants. The cyborg, Ziggy, he doesn't look very different, he wears his usual attire but with a blue-colored tie wrapped around his neck. And then there is Shion, wearing an emerald green dress with spaghetti straps with a shawl hung over the crooks of her arms. The only ones who dressed in their usual attire are the Durandel's captain and the young realian.
"You always said you wanted a ballroom party, right?" Jr. asks the young realian. "Well what better day to have one than on your birthday?"
The lights begin to dim suddenly, but another light begins to shine. It is somewhat faint as it appears in dots circling around the area. I look toward the center of the roof to find a metallic-covered sphere with numerous panels of aluminum plated over every inch. The sphere rotates in a non-stop fashion, the dotted lights it creates follows the device's path. Music begins to fill the room; the sounds of guitar and bass strings, piano keys, saxophone tunes, and a person's vocals all simultaneously escape the nickelodeon on the south side of the diner.
"Thank you, everybody," the young realian smiles, "this really means a lot to me."
"We're glad to have made this day special for you," the silver-haired boy says, "after all, we're all here for each other, aren't we?"
"All here for each other, are we really?" I ask myself as I look to my love who stands on the other side of the room speaking with her co-worker.
"Come on, Ziggy," I look to another side of the room to find MOMO tugging on the cyborg's arm, "dance with me."
"I'm sorry," he apologizes, "but I'm not much of a dancer."
"Oh come on," the realian continues to tug, "please!"
"Go for it, cyborg," the Durandel's captain encourages him, "but I got the next dance, okay?"
"...all right," Ziggy gives in, "but I'm not very good at it."
"Yay!" MOMO cheers as she tries to drag her partner to the dance floor.
It's somewhat odd to see those two on the dance floor, the girl isn't even half his height. She stands on feet with her toes pushing against them, but she still isn't his equal in stature. She brings his right arm to her side and his left hand to her right while bringing her left arm to his shoulder. The cyborg begins to glide his feet against the diner's floor, his legs gliding with the rhythm of the song. The child naturally follows his every step as she keeps her feet on top of his own, her face smiling and her voice giggling as they glide across the floor. My attention turns to the occupants of the room, all of the wearing smiles on their faces as they observe the two. I do not understand what everyone is so happy about; the two look rather awkward moving about the floor like that mainly because of their difference in height, yet for some reason, part of me wants to smile at the image as well.
Cute, is that the word humans would use to describe this situation? Or is it adorable? I am at a loss for words to describe the situation, but all I really know is that I can't help but smile as I watch the two. The cyborg, he cares for the young realian, but in a way I can't quite understand. It's similar to the way I feel for Shion, yet it is very different at the same time. Again I am left baffled by human emotions, but for the moment, I can simply brush the thought away.
The music comes to a close at that moment, and suddenly the rapping of palms begins to engulf the air. Everyone in the room applauds the two with their smiles as wide as ever. I am yet again at a loss for what is going on, so I do nothing but join the commotion, striking my palms against each other in a somewhat gentle manner. As the clapping draws to a close, the sound of more piano keys begins to emit from the nickelodeon.
"MOMO, may I have this dance?" the Durandel's captain asks the young realian afterward.
"Is it okay, Ziggy?" she looks up to the cyborg.
"Of course," he answers with a nod, "go have fun."
"Okay! Come on, Jr.," she orders as she takes his hand.
My lips begin to curl once more as I watch the two wrap their arms around another. Their smiles are so bright, so tender, I might as even go as far as to say cute. But standing here, doing nothing but watching, it makes my smile melt away a second later. Watching those two being happy, it also makes me sad. Those two, I'm sure they would never have problems like Shion and me. Shion, she's probably already moved on, hasn't she?
"So Chief, would you like to...?" I turn to the other side of the room to find my lover being spoken to by her co-worker.
I cannot even bear to watch her fall into the arms of another. With a sigh, I begin to turn my head, my legs pushing me toward the exit of the diner. The doors begin to pull to the sides, and just before my foot could step into the main corridor of the ship, I feel a slight tug on my left arm.
"KOS-MOS...," the person who stops me calls, "would you like to dance?"
"Shion...?"
My eyes begin to water once again today, my body suddenly growing hot, and my lips smile once more. Closing my eyes so that the water could fall down my cheeks, I bring my right hand to hers as it rests on the crook of my arm.
"I'm sorry," I answer, "but I do not know how."
"It's okay," she assures me, "I'll teach you."
Again she tugs at my arm and my body follows in her pull's direction. Our shoes clack drown out the rhythm of the music but stopping once I find the eyes of everyone in the room focusing on us. My vision can't help but wander around the room, peering into the pupils of all those who watch. It stops wandering seconds later as I find my left arm suddenly being pulled once more, stopping as my palm meets with Shion's. My knees begin to shake suddenly, my breath becoming short; I feel uneasy, yet curious at the same time. She then takes my right hand and places it on her shoulder while bringing her left hand above my hip. Her feet suddenly begin to glide across the floor and mine begin to follow shortly after but in a more swifter movement. The timing of our steps isn't in sync at first, but after another second or so, my feet begin to glide with the exact same timing as hers. At that very moment, a voice begins to sing above the notes of the piano and its melody begins to echo throughout the room.
Why do birds
Suddenly appear
"KOS-MOS, I'm sorry," Shion begins to apologize.
Every time
You are near
"There is no need to apologize," I assure her, "I was the one at fault."
"No, KOS-MOS, you were right," her head falls upon my shoulder, "I haven't been spending much time with you since..."
Just like me,
They long to be
Close to you
"I was being greedy," I interrupt her, "I shouldn't have said such things when you were planning all this for MOMO. Please forgive me."
"KOS-MOS, of course I forgive you," she whispers, placing her lips against my neck.
Why do stars
Fall down from the sky
Every time
You walk by?
"This song, I can never grow tired of it," her cheek begins to nuzzle against my shoulder.
"It means a lot to you doesn't it?" I ask.
Just like me,
They long to be
Close to you
"Yes," she answers, "it was...our song."
"I'm sorry," I apologize, "I did not realize..."
"It's all right," she assures me, "that was...a long time ago. Kevin and I shared this song long ago, before you were born, and when he was still alive. Up until now, I could never listen to this song and not be driven to tears, but now that you're here with me, I can finally listen to this song again and smile when I hear its lyrics."
"Shion...," I barely call her name.
On the day that you were born
The angels got together, and Decided to create a dream come true
She spoke with the very verses of the song, her mouth moving perfectly with the singer. Another brush of warmth began to crawl through my body at that moment, another inch felt the stroke with every word that had escaped her lips. My body began to loosen at that moment, my legs about to give out. Instead of falling, my arms pulled my love in closer, pressing her body against mine. I could feel her heart, beating against mine, pumping with the very same rhythm as the song. My chin began to fall, barely stopping at the top of her head. The aroma of her hair, how strong it was, how sweet it smelled. My arms continue to rock her as I adore her scent, and the melody of our song continues to play.
So they sprinkled moon dust
In your hair of gold
And starlight in your eyes of blue
Again her lips moved perfectly with the lyrics, but her eyes peeling away from my shoulder and falling upon my own. Her fingers begin to run down my hair with the next verse, pulling away only to have them travel down my cheek and point at my eyes with the verse that follows. Again I smile, this time wrapping my arm so that my hand could hold the back of her head, bringing it closer to my cheek. My lips plant themselves on her forehead for a mere second, pulling them away in the next so I could rest her head below my chin once more.
That is why
All the boys in town
Follow you
All around
"I love you, KOS-MOS," she whispers into my ear.
Just like me,
They long to be
Close to you
"And I love you, Shion..."
And with that, the keys of the piano begin to die and our feet stop gliding against the floor. I continue to rock her in my arms until the very last note, but continuing a step once more after the final play. Another rapping of hands follows with the close of the song and the individual cheers of all those who had watched.
"Way to go, guys!" the Durandel captain applauds.
"That was very lovely," MOMO cheers.
"Very well done," chaos says.
"Not bad," Tony claps, "not bad at all."
"You gotta be kidding me, that was horrible!" the Elsa's captain says in his unique way of complimenting.
"Like you can do any better?" Hammer asks Captain Matthews.
"What's that supposed to mean, ya moron?" he retorts to the navigator.
"Chief, that was very nice," her co-worker suddenly approaches my love. "I didn't think..."
"No, it wasn't really me who did anything," Shion tries to brush his comments away, "it was mostly KOS-MOS's part."
"I thank you for the compliment, Shion," I tell her.
"What the hell?!" I hear the Elsa's captain curse afterward. "Piece of junk, come on!" he continues by banging his foot against the record player.
"Not again," I hear the navigator sigh.
"I told you we should've bought a new one for the party, this thing's been in here before we even got the ship," Tony adds.
"Um, sorry folks, but it looks like the jukebox is broken," the silver- haired boy announces, "I'm afraid we won't have any more music for this evening."
"Oh well, that's okay," the young realian assures him, "it was nice to have you plan all this in the first place, it's really not that big of a deal."
"Well, we might as well help ourselves to some of this food then," Jr. turns his attention to the main bar table.
Everyone begins to hurry toward the table except for me and Shion, who remain in the very same spot when our dance came to an end.
"Shion, aren't you going to join the others?" I ask.
"No thanks, I'm not hungry actually," she smiles. "To tell you the truth, I'm actually pretty tired, I didn't get much sleep last night."
"Shall I accompany you then?" I ask.
"No, that's fine, just have a good time here, okay?" she orders.
"I see," I nod, "have a good night's rest then."
"All right, see you later," she says.
Shion, again she walks away as if nothing happened. No, something did happen, that song, it was able to make her smile again. After all I've put her through this past week, she continues to smile. But now that she's gone, I can't help but feel a small chill crawling down my spine. The heat of passion that warmed me on the dance floor begins to die and my smile begins to melt once more.
"Is something the matter?" the chaos's voice interrupts my thoughts.
"Shion is gone," I tell him. "Everything just feels so...cold now that she isn't here, why is that?"
"You're lonely, aren't you?" he suddenly asks.
"Lonely?"
"Humans feel lonely even if they have others around to accompany them," the boy explains, "whenever a certain someone is not around, they hurt somewhere. Do you feel that pain anywhere on your body?"
"All systems, both internal and external, are functioning properly," I inform.
A small chuckle begins to escape the boys lips for a moment, his shoulders moving with his laugh. He then puts his hand on my shoulder and begins to speak once more.
"That's not what I meant," he explains, "what I'm asking is do you, yourself as an individual, hurt anywhere when Shion is gone?"
Pain, an essential part of being complete. I know how it feels now, and it is not a pleasant feeling. I can feel its pierce at this very moment, but my body does not experience its wrath. I feel it, but at the same time, I don't. It hurts somewhere, not in my body, but a part of me that I cannot explain in words.
"It hurts...," my hand begins to brush down my shoulder, "here."
My palm stops above my left breast and my fingers take what little hold they can of its skin. I can feel something pounding beneath the flesh, beneath the skeleton and all the circuitry, I can feel something breaking. Broken, despite whatever is broken, I am functioning properly yet I somehow feel...ill at the same time.
"Do you always feel like this when she's not around?" he asks again.
"Yes," a tear begins to escape my eye.
"Do you feel this way when she feels ill?"
"Yes."
"You love her deeply, I can see that," his finger wipes away the stream traveling down my cheek. "Go to her then," he tells me, "if that's what really makes you happy, then nothing else matters."
"Thank you, chaos," I tell the boy, "I shall be on my way then."
Without wasting another second, I begin to make my way out of the diner and toward Shion's room. The diner's doors slide to the sides quickly, revealing to me the main corridor of the Elsa. The moment my foot steps on the corridor's floor, the scenery suddenly begins to fade. The vanilla walls and boxes begin to melt away, seeping downward, and the neon colored maps and vending machines begin to strip away from my eyes. The corridor is suddenly replaced with black; the floor, the walls, everything is black. I am in that world again, that world I have been brought to in my last two recharges.
"That song...," a familiar voice echoes. "That was their song..."
"You again?!" my yell echoes throughout the darkness. "Who are you? Why do you continue to torment me?"
My eyes begin to scout the entire area, finding nothing but black. A brush of dull blue enters my vision for a mere second, but before I could turn to the source, I find my body suddenly pulled backward and my arms bound by another.
"Pain is a vital part of realizing one's existence," her fingers begin to travel down my shoulder, "but joy and pleasure are as equally significant!"
"Ugh!" a brush of heat suddenly flows through my arm.
The brush begins to flow into my body, tingling as if several appendages were moving about inside my arm. Another rush of energy enters my arm suddenly and it suddenly begins to move to on its own. My fingers curl for a moment, and then taking hold of my chin soon after. A fourth surge follows, this one in my other arm and it begins to move on its own accord as well.
"What are you doing to me?!" I ask, practically yelling.
"You and I are one, remember?" she whispers into my ear.
"Uh...!" the next wave suddenly flows into my legs.
"My body is your body," her lips begin to travel up my neck, "and therefore..."
A scream escapes my lips with the final surge, and suddenly I find myself back on the Elsa's main corridor. My eyes begin to survey the entire area only to find no abnormalities, everything was just how it was prior to what just happened.
'A system error?' I ponder. 'I must request a system check as soon as pos..."
My legs begin to move suddenly and my arms following with the flow of the steps. My body, it is acting without my input, acting upon its own accord. I try to move my limbs, but they do not respond to my command. My body continues forward, its destination, unknown at this point. Again I try to move my limbs in another direction, but my commands fail. A smile suddenly curls upon my lips and my body stops before a door I know too well.
'Shion's quarters?' I think to myself. 'Why...?'
My body begins to move again and the door to her room opens. It is empty at the moment, but the sound of water constantly trickling in the bathroom can be heard. My body turns to Shion's bed and then begins to approach it. My side is the first to meet with the mattress while my elbow supports the rest of my body as it lays there. At that very moment, the door to the bathroom opens, and with it, my beloved Shion in her Vector shirt and towel in hand appears.
"Well that was refreshing," she speaks to herself as she brushes the towel against her hair.
"Shion, there is a problem with..."
My voice does not escape my lips, it remains in my mouth instead. The smile on my face suddenly widens and my lips begin to move once more on their own accord.
"Hello, Shion," it speaks.
"Huh? KOS-MOS, what are you doing here?" Shion asks.
"Have a seat," my left finger begins to circle around the bed's covers.
"Um...all right," Shion says, uneasily.
"She's so easily swayed," I hear the mysterious person's voice once more.
"You're doing this?!" I finally realize. "Just what are you up to? What do you plan to do with..."
She leads my eyes back to Shion, who now sits next to my body. My right hand lifts itself from the mattress after, bringing it to her cheek and stroking it gently.
"You're so beautiful," my voice speaks without my input.
"Thank you, KOS-MOS," Shion smiles.
My arm then takes hold of her shoulder and pulls her entire body to the mattress and my mouth dives upon hers. A smile gasp escapes Shion's lips the moment they touch with mine, her eyes wide from shock. Seconds begin to pass, and her gasp becomes a gentle moan and her eyes begin to close. My tongue begins to wrestle with hers, both of them fighting for the sweet liquid that resides within our mouths. I want to taste the ambrosia, but I taste nothing, nor do I feel the heat of passion in our lips. Again, I try to move my body, but it once again ignores my command. Our mouths begin to peel away after an eternity of torture, and a brush of red paints itself on her cheeks.
"Shion...," my face smiles once more.
"KOS-MOS...," my lover smiles.
"So beautiful... but I still do not see why he chose you over me!"
The next thing I know, my right arm suddenly reaches for her neck and my fingers begin to close. A gasp escapes Shion's mouth before my hand takes hold, only to have it cut out with the tightening of my fingers.
"K..KOS-MOS...?"
The look of shock replaces the serene smile she wore on her lips. Her arms no longer try to caress my body, instead, they try to pull mine away. My face is left blank as my eyes record her struggle, and again, my body does not act to my own accord.
"You two were both so happy back then," my voice suddenly speaks. "So happy that it made me sick!"
"KOS-MOS...," her voice called weakly, "what...what are you...?"
"Silence!" my body spat as it tightened my fingers' hold once more. "Just what was it that he saw in you? Tell me!"
"I...I have no idea what..."
My free palm sprang forward after, sliding across her cheek in a swift motion. A reddish mark was now painted across her face, painting over her the canvas of skin. Her eyes began to shut, tears barely escaping the slits in her eyes.
"STOP IT!!!!" I try to scream. "Why are you doing this to her? What has she ever done to you?!" I yell at the other consciousness within my body.
"You really have forgotten everything," the voice responds, "the pain and suffering this woman put us through! If pain really is vital to realizing one's existence, what about pleasure?"
"You wouldn't!" I realize what she plans to do.
My arm begins to bend inward, pulling my love toward my lips. My lover's lips try to pull inward, but they can do nothing as they fall prey upon my own. The device within her mouth tries not to fight back this time, for the first time she does not indulge in the meeting of our mouths. My lips, how rough they pull and push against hers, tugging at them so roughly and quickly moving to another area of her face while leaving a trail of saliva wherever it passes. Her eyes remain shut during her whole ordeal, but her body still feels the actions that fall upon her. I want to stop this, I want my lips to pull away from her face, I want my hand to stop clutching her throat, and most of all, I want to shut my eyes so that I cannot see the damage being done.
"I still don't understand," my body says without my input as it pulls my lips away from her neck. "Perhaps it is something else that he saw in you, in a region you often shield from the world."
"Please stop...," my voice begins to crack, but cannot be heard in the realm of reality. "Stop it! FOR GOD'S SAKE, PLEASE STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The next thing I know, I hear the sound of a click, followed by a wind's whistle. A piece of metal meets with my arm the next second, only to ricochet away upon impact. My body begins to turn to the source to find a gun being pointed at me, that gun being held by none other than the Durandel's captain. The grip my hand has on Shion's throat finally begins to loosen as the others begin to enter the area.
"It's just as you said, MOMO," Jr. tells the young realian. "I don't wanna believe it, but..."
"What are you all doing here?" the one hiding behind my body asks. "You're all getting in the way of, what do you humans call it? Fun?"
"KOS-MOS, how could you do such a terrible thing?" MOMO asks with tears streaming down her face. "I know that Shion hasn't been paying much attention to you lately, but..."
"Save your tears for more excruciating pain, child!" my voice spits.
"Oh my God, Chief!" Allen cries from the crowd.
Her co-worker begins to push through the crowd, running to her aid. My body begins to move once more, this time pointing my palm at Allen. A light suddenly begins to emit from my fingertips, collecting before the air before me. After a second of holding in place, the energy suddenly shoots forward, putting a hole through the wall while knocking Allen off his feet.
"Don't move!" I unwillingly order the man afterward.
By the time I turn around, I find a metallic fist suddenly hurling itself at me. The impact of the punch does not push me back, nor do I cry out in pain. Instead, I find my head now turning to the source to find the cyborg, Ziggy, in shock.
"Pathetic."
My own fist launches forward at the moment, the impact knocking the cyborg across the room and through the wall. Another bullet escapes Jr.'s pistol afterward, again it has no effect like it normally would.
"Damn child!" my arm suddenly waves to the side and another blast of energy escapes.
"Argh!" the surge knocks the boy back the moment it touches his skin.
"Jr.!" the young girl cries.
"You wish to join him?" I find myself standing over the pink-haired girl afterward.
My fingers begin to curl into a fist and my arm begins to bend upward. As soon as it reaches its pinnacle, the arm begins to push downward, only to stop with a touch of my shoulder. The moment another's hand touches it, my arm begins to change course, only to stop before its user's face.
"This isn't like you, KOS-MOS," chaos says calmly, "just why are you... No wait," he begins to pause for a moment, "you're not her, you're..."
Clank! Another object finds itself striking my skull, only to dent itself upon meeting with my head. My head begins to swerve to the source to find my love's co-worker with a dented lamp in hand. My fingers straighten at that moment, and they quickly lunge at my attacker. A warm flood escapes as my appendages meet with his stomach, the blood trickling to the floor.
"ALLEN!!!!" my love screams.
My eyes turn back to the silver-haired boy who now stands ready to fight. My hand quickly leaves the flesh of her co-worker at that instant only to curl into a fist once more. The punch my arm throws itself toward the boy, but his palm catches it instead.
"What do you think you can accomplish by doing all this?" chaos suddenly asks. "Is this what your entire existence is about, pain and suffering?!"
"You're no ordinary human, are you?" my voice asks the boy.
"KOS-MOS...?" my love calls, confused.
"Leave everyone alone, now!" he orders. "Stopping bringing such pain unto others!"
"Pain is a vital part of realizing one's existence," my body says, "even she knew that. I'll abide to your wishes for now, but..."
My body begins to grow limp at that moment, the floor growing closer with every second. I begin to shut me eyes, but then I move my foot forward to regain my balance. Wait, I moved my foot, I closed my eyes, it appears I have regained control of my body, however...
"Hold on, I'll go get some nano-spray!" I find the young realian at Allen's side.
The entire area and everyone..., why is it now that I can control my own body?! Ziggy, he rests in a crater on the far wall with sparks escaping his metallic limbs. Jr., he lies on the floor with his body curling inward. Allen, his spine is rising upward with his palm pressing against the source of his wound. I then begin to survey the rest of the room. Walls, tables, chairs, and beds, all now marked with holes, splinters, or pieces of other furniture. I finally turn to the corner of the room where my beloved Shion is huddled. Her mouth is quivering, her hands shielding as much of her body as they can cover, and tears rapidly streaming down her face. Just seeing her like this, and everyone else injured, it makes my eyes burn.
"KOS-MOS...," she slowly begins to rise from the floor.
"Shion...I...," a tear begins to crawl down my face.
My nose begins running and my legs start to tremble. The tears and the burning, they just won't stop. I want Shion to strike me as she did earlier, strike me as hard as she ever did, no, I want her to follow with more strikes. Strike me with more than a fist, strike me with a knife, a hammer, anything, just make the pain go away. End my misery now, end it by taking my life! No one will end it, so I...
"KOS-MOS, wait!" I hear my love scream.
My legs push me faster than I've ever ran before. I leave my eyes shut, allowing the tears to fall as fast as they've ever been. My mouth is parched, my throat is dry, and my entire being feels just like it's about to collapse. I do not know where I run, all I can do is keep moving forward. By the time I open my eyes, I suddenly find myself in the very same diner where we had our first dance. I take a moment to look at the starlit night that rests before my eyes, observing the never-ending darkness.
"KOS-MOS!!!!" I hear her call getting closer.
The doors to the diner suddenly slide open and my Shion appears. She brings her palms to her knees for a second, her body panting as she tries to regain her breath. Her emerald eyes meet with mine as she continues to breath and then her body straightens.
"KOS-MOS, stop, please," she pants.
"Shion, I'm sorry," is the only way I could respond, "I'm so very sorry."
"KOS-MOS, it...it's not your fault," she hesitates for a moment, "there...there must be something wrong with your OS. Yeah, that's it, I'll just fix it and..."
"There is nothing to fix," I begin to step toward the black before me. "I am a weapon, Shion, I can never be anything more. What happened back there was...part of my battle algorithm. That's all I can do, Shion, fight and destroy people things, all other things are irrelevant."
"Don't say that, KOS-MOS!" she yells at me. "You're not just a weapon, you're the woman I love, that's what, no, who you are. I know you can do more than destroy," her voice begins to grow calm, "you can smile, cry, feel pain, feel joy, and most of all, love and be loved."
"Shion, you have nothing but good intentions in your heart, I know you wished for me to be more than just another machine," I can't help but sniffle after my sentence. "Is the love we share real, or is it another function I have been programmed with? I don't want to hurt you with this artificial programming just as much as I never wanted to hurt you or the others, but now that that's happened, I..."
"KOS-MOS, what are you doing?!" she asks as I step even closer to the starlit sky.
The stars, so beautiful. I never appreciated their elegance until this moment. So small, so bright, it almost makes me want to smile at this moment. Are those tiny little lights really nothing but gas, or are they something else? Could one of those stars be Heaven? I do not know, I doubt a machine such as myself could even go to such a holy place. Would I be eligible for Hell? I do not know, even one as sinful as myself cannot qualify if I am not human. Darkness, the color of black, that is everything that fills the sky. Machines, where do we belong? I doubt we can even go anywhere, we cannot die, we simply stop functioning. Darkness, this is the color I will be seeing from now on.
"Goodbye forever, Shion," I take one last moment to gaze upon her beauty, "I wish you a better life that I could never give you."
"KOS-MOS!!!!!!!"
A loud crash enters my ears and the shards of glass whistling with the wind accompanies me as my body begins falling toward the shadowy abyss that will be my grave.
Shion, you have given me such happiness in my short time that I was alive. I cherish every second we have spent together, from the first time you activated me, to our first kiss, to our first dance, I cherish all of it. I will think of nothing but you while I am in the dark, Shion. Your jewel green eyes sparkle more than any gem, your smile is bright enough to light the darkest of cities, your chocolate brown hair is so soft that it could only fit a king, and your lips rival the taste of the legendary ambrosia itself. I will miss all these things, Shion, but most of all, I will miss your love.
"I love you, Shion," I begin to mouth my last words. "For as long as the universe exists, and even longer than that, I will always love you..."
Author's note: Well, pretty sad huh? This chapter was really hard for me to write, namely the attempted rape scene, I just don't think any woman should go through that. I hope all of you have enjoyed this one. Reviews are welcome, as long as their not flames. Anyway, for those who read this on ff.net, there was a small scene removal from the Shion and KOS-MOS scene, its nothing big, and it's not something I'm proud of writing because I felt bad writing it. The uncut version of this chapter will be posted on www.shoujoai.com as usual. Well, the story's not over yet, we can't let the archetype KOS-MOS get away with this. So in the meantime, I'm afraid that's it for now, later people!
Author's Note: Hey guys, thanks for reading, I really appreciated the reviews and stuff. Let's see, in this chapter we have a scene that was shortened for the ff.net version of this story because of its adult content. Things will get pretty depressing soon just to let you readers know, so that means a lot more edits for the ff.net version unfortunately. As I've mentioned many times before, the uncut version of this fic is posted on www.shoujoai.com in the Xenosaga section under my other pen name, "cbman." This chapter's slow at first like the last chapter unfortunately, but it'll get pretty exciting in the end. The mushiness between Shion and KOS-MOS will really die down after this chapter so it can give way to the real seriousness of this fic. My computer's being a real pain too, so unfortunately the song lyrics for "Close to You" in this chapter aren't written in italics like how I intended it to be, but oh well. With that said, I give you the second chapter of "Bound."
Chapter 2: We Love and We Hate
"Does she really love you?"
It is the voice that had visited me yesterday. Again I find myself in a world of pitch black as I lie here in my service module. Again, I cannot move my body, only my mouth and voice.
"Yes, she loves me," I answer.
"How do you know?" she asks.
"She professed it two nights ago, in both words and action."
"But has she professed that 'love' since?"
"...no."
"Has she acted upon this 'love?'"
"...no."
"Has she spoke of this 'love?'"
"...no."
"A love such as that does not last forever," her fingers begin to glide across my face. "A love that does not last for eternity, is that even worthy of being called 'love?' Is it 'love' when the other spends time with the other only to achieve a certain goal? Is it 'love' when the other cannot profess that love? What is 'love', KOS-MOS, can you tell me?"
"...I cannot."
"You poor thing," her breath falls unto my lips. "Can a thing that cannot be explained in words even exist at all?"
"I do not know."
"Is it 'lust' that drove her into your arms?" she asks.
"...I do not know."
"Love and lust, it is so difficult to differentiate the two. But is there really a difference between love and lust? Love, lust, opposites that somehow end up having the same goal, do you know what that goal is, KOS- MOS?"
"It is..."
"KOS-MOS," the voice of my love calls from reality, interrupting my answer.
"You are going to her?" she asks.
"I am," I answer.
"Do you love her?"
"I do."
"But has she returned that love lately?"
"...no."
"Can machines even fall in love? Can machines even be loved?"
"They can."
"Is that love real, or is it another part of your programming?"
"...I don't know."
"KOS-MOS, poor disillusioned KOS-MOS," my unknown visitor breathes. "Why do you continue to try and fit in the humans' world? Desire, love, everything of that sort is irrelevant if it is not in your original programming, so why do you continue to strive to become human?"
"It's because I..."
"KOS-MOS," the visage of reality peels away at the world of darkness before I could answer. "KOS-MOS."
"Hm?" I find myself staring into the ceiling of my room.
"Come on now, KOS-MOS," Shion greets me, "it's almost time for MOMO's party, we better get ready."
"Understood," I respond without question.
"How do you want your hair done?" Shion asks me as she slides a brush between several strands.
"What do you mean? Is something wrong with my current hairstyle?"
"No, no, that's not it," she assures me, "it's just that we're going to a special occasion and I want you to look your best, that's all."
"I think my current style is just fine," I answer.
I do not understand why this is considered a special occasion, this is merely a get together for MOMO. Humans, always celebrating selected dates on their calenders, I suppose they do need an excuse to relax and have fun.
The dress Shion gave me is rather in comfortable, maybe more so than my usual attire. A red satin dress made of silk is what she gave me, it clings onto my skin via straps that go around my shoulders. Shion does not want me to wear gloves with this outfit, she says it does not go well with it. I suppose it doesn't matter, she's the one who knows how to dress for occasions such as this.
"Is it lust that drove her into your arms?" my thoughts begin to linger to my conversation I had with my unknown guest.
Again I cannot really answer the question, even when I was given a moment to think. I cannot delve into the situation any further, and again, for the second day in a row, I feel helpless.
"If this is supposed to be a surprise party, how do we prevent the young realian from finding out about it?" I ask Shion, trying to brush the thoughts away from my head.
"Jr. will be taking care of that," she answers, "he'll be talking with her as we get things ready at the diner."
"I see."
Shion, you're acting as if nothing happened between us two nights ago. You act as you did before arrived on Second Miltia. I wish I could say this to you right now, but it would be rude for me to ask, but still, I...
"You've been very quiet, KOS-MOS," my love suddenly brings up, "is something the matter?"
I suppose this is the perfect opportunity to ask her.
"Shion, why do you act as if nothing happened between us?" I ask.
"What do you mean, KOS-MOS?" she responds, puzzled.
"Since yesterday, you've acted as if nothing happened between us two days ago," I explain, "why is that? Why do you not hold me close anymore? Why is it that you don't make love to me? Why do you not tell me that you love me anymore? Is it something I've done, or...," my voice begins to crack.
"I'm sorry, KOS-MOS," she apologizes. "I must've put my thoughts ahead of your own. I've been busy helping plan out MOMO's party that I..."
"Is this how relationships are supposed to be?!" the tears can't help but flow. "Are we just supposed to ignore each other now?"
"KOS-MOS, how could you say such things?!" she practically yells with her voice breaking. "Do you think that I don't love you anymore? How could you...," her eyes begin to water.
"I know you don't love me anymore!" I spit. "You don't spend any time with me! You're only dressing me up now for that party you've been planning on so much!"
"That's a lie, KOS-MOS! You know more than anyone else that I..."
"No Shion, your words are lies!" I retort. "You were only using me, I know it! Why else haven't you spent any time with me? Your planning for this party is an excuse!"
"KOS-MOS, how could you say such hurtful things?" her palms begin to cover face.
"It's because of what you do, Shion!"
At that very instant, my face suddenly turns to the side just as burn begins to sear my cheek. My palm places itself over my cheek after, trying to cool the sting that was inflicted upon me. A sneer is now worn on my love's face; her eyes narrow and her lips straight. My eyes can't help but widen for a moment, only to cover themselves from the world as more tears begin to travel down my cheeks.
"Shion...?"
It was the same strike from three days ago, the one she gave me when I was ignoring her that day. The same tears are traveling down our faces once more. Again I find my body trembling, my breath short, and my heart broken. Her sneer begins to melt, reverting back to the face she wore before, with tears streaming more rapidly. Her hand begins to fall to her chest, curling as they touch her skin. She begins to look toward the floor, shutting her eyes as her mouth begins to quiver.
"KOS-MOS...," she barely speaks, "I..."
My feet begin to turn my entire body suddenly, pushing me forward without allowing me to look back.
"KOS-MOS, wait!" I hear her yell my name once more, with the clacking of my shoes drowning her cries. "KOS-MOS!"
I do not even bother to look back, nor forward, all I can do is close my eyes and let my feet take me somewhere, anywhere... By the time I open my eyes once more, I find myself in one of the ship's corners, alone.
"Shion...," I begin to sink against the wall.
My eyes are still burning, the streams still washing my cheeks before falling onto the floor. Another sting falls upon my face, this one from my own palms. I try to hold the tears back with them, but they refuse to stay. I try to regain my breath, but I can only sniff and whine. My legs begin to curl toward my body, pulling them close enough so that they could support my elbows. Pain, it was what I longed for not too long ago, yet now...
"KOS-MOS...?"
It is the voice of the young realian, MOMO. I cannot bear to look at anyone at the moment, nor can I bear to hear their voice. I sink my palms further into my eyes once more, my nose still sniffling, and my breath coming in hiccups. A hand slowly falls unto my shoulder, but my body pulls away in the next instant. Sadness, it has only been three days and I have already felt it twice.
"Why are you crying, KOS-MOS?" the young realian asks.
"Please, just leave me alone," I request between my tears.
"Did something happen?" MOMO continues to ask. "KOS-MOS, please talk to me."
"I don't feel like talking."
"Come on, let me cheer you up," her hand falls upon my shoulder once more, "you helped me out when we first came onboard the Durandel, let me do the same."
I don't want to tell her what happened, just sitting here thinking about what happened makes my heart ache. Yet there is still a part of me that wants to tell her about the events that just occurred, regardless of how much it hurts. My tear-filled pupils turn to her for a moment, glancing into her amber-colored eyes. Her eyes, and the rest of her face for that matter, they show concern, just like chaos when he tried to comfort me. It's that feeling once again, yet I can't help but worry that I might do the same to this child just like what I had done to the boy. Still, I don't think I can keep it in much longer...
"...it's Shion," I give in.
"Shion?"
"She doesn't love me anymore."
"Why do you say that?" the child asks. "She's taken very good care of you so far, I don't see why..."
"Not that kind of love," I inform her.
"Huh?"
The child is oblivious to the truth, her basic algorithms probably can't comprehend the situation in the same manner as me. Shion said not to tell the others about our relationship, but...
"She said she loved me as more than a mother, and more than a friend," I explain, "in other words, she loves me as..."
She gasps before I could finish my sentence. The realian begins to pull away from me, and again my eyes begin to fill with tears which drag them toward my knees once again. Before they could escape my eyes, however, a pair of arms suddenly wrap around my shoulders, pulling my body so that it rests against its owner's. I do nothing but sit here with my eyes blank and my mouth open. I want to do the same to her, to have her wrapped in my arms, but again I fear the result will not be good, that my lips may fall onto hers and that Shion will walk in on us. Happiness, sadness, why is it that I feel these both at the same time, I don't know how to react.
"You had a fight, didn't you?" MOMO asks.
"...yes," I nod.
"What happened?"
"She hasn't spent any real time with me since two nights ago," I tell her, "and when I confronted her about it, I was yelling at her. I told her that she was only using me for her own needs, and that she didn't love me anymore. She struck me after I said that, and it drove the both of us to tears. Before she could say anything more, I ran and then...," my voice begins to break once more.
"Sh, it's all right," she stops me, tightening her embrace as she does so. "I know Shion wouldn't just use you like that, look at what she's done for you so far. She loves you, KOS-MOS, she really does, it's just that she's been forced to focus her efforts on that party she's planning for me."
"You already know about that?" I ask.
"Uh huh, I overheard the captain talking about it over breakfast this morning," she begins to giggle. "Don't worry, I'll still act surprised once I come in. But still, once the whole thing is over, I know she'll be spending time with you again, KOS-MOS. From what I understand, relationships are all about sacrifice, at least that's what Daddy used to say to me before I was born. I remember him talking to me about his relationship with Mommy, how he would spend some days on his research and others on his relationship with Mommy. He regretted having to leave Mommy behind, but he always made up for it somehow. He told me that when I get married I should have a lot of patience. My husband would be busy with work, but when he comes home, I should welcome him with open arms and cherish what short time we would have together before he has to return to his duties. KOS-MOS, maybe you should do the same with Shion, welcome her with open arms and cherish what little time you can have together. Lovers can't always be together all the time, Daddy said that's just a fairy tale. One can't always focus on their lover, they have other matters to deal with in the world unfortunately. But I'm sure if you follow Daddy's words, the time you and Shion spend together may become a fairy tale in itself."
"MOMO...," my eyes begin to water once again.
Such profound words spoken by a child, they can't help but make me cry once again. But these tears are different, they aren't filled with sorrow, they're filled with joy. Human emotions, again they baffle me, yet fascinate me at the same time. There is an urge for me to return the kindness of her words, but there is only one way that I can think of that can return that affection. I do not want to bring Shion tears again, so I can only hope that I can return her feelings without breaking Shion's heart by doing this...
"Thank you," my arms begin to wrap around her body.
"What are friends for?" she responds.
"Hey MOMO," the voice of the Durandel's captain begins to echo within the vicinity. "There you are," the red-haired U.R.T.V. appears a moment later.
"Hi Jr.," the child returns the greeting, gently pushing away my embrace.
"Come on, I got something for you," Jr. waves her forward.
"I wonder what it is," MOMO begins to follow, acting as if she doesn't know what the surprise is.
"Hey KOS-MOS, why don't you come with us?" the U.R.T.V. invites me.
"Yes," I nod, wiping away the remaining residue from my eyes.
"Come on, I can't wait to see what it is!" the child takes hold of my hand.
Friendship, another thing I cannot describe with words.
"Surprise!" that was the word that escaped everyone's mouth the moment we had entered the diner. "Happy Birthday, MOMO!"
"Oh my gosh!" MOMO reacted, pretending to be surprised. "Thanks you guys."
The diner looks quite different than how it normally looks. Rubber spheres filled with helium are tied to every seat and random sections of the wall, streams of various colored material run across the diner's roof, and a banner with the words "Happy Birthday" clutters over the logo of the diner. Numerous forms of food and drink rest on the main bar table, all of which can be identified as products pre-cooked and imported by the U.M.N.
Even the ship's crew looks different, they no longer wear their usual uniforms. For once, Captain Matthews does not wear his baseball cap and his normal attire consisting of a navy blue t-shirt and denim pants, instead he wears something of a suit with buttons running down the middle of his shirt. Hammer and Tony wear similar uniforms as well, though the colors of their clothing are gray and black respectively, as opposed to Captain Matthews who wears a blue suit. Allen's Vector uniform is replaced as well; instead he wears a white suit and jacket (it appears to make his shoulders look very broad, he looks like a penguin of sorts) with what appears to be a clip-on tie. The silver-haired boy, chaos, wears a similar shirt and jacket, but he wears a real bow-tie and black pants. The cyborg, Ziggy, he doesn't look very different, he wears his usual attire but with a blue-colored tie wrapped around his neck. And then there is Shion, wearing an emerald green dress with spaghetti straps with a shawl hung over the crooks of her arms. The only ones who dressed in their usual attire are the Durandel's captain and the young realian.
"You always said you wanted a ballroom party, right?" Jr. asks the young realian. "Well what better day to have one than on your birthday?"
The lights begin to dim suddenly, but another light begins to shine. It is somewhat faint as it appears in dots circling around the area. I look toward the center of the roof to find a metallic-covered sphere with numerous panels of aluminum plated over every inch. The sphere rotates in a non-stop fashion, the dotted lights it creates follows the device's path. Music begins to fill the room; the sounds of guitar and bass strings, piano keys, saxophone tunes, and a person's vocals all simultaneously escape the nickelodeon on the south side of the diner.
"Thank you, everybody," the young realian smiles, "this really means a lot to me."
"We're glad to have made this day special for you," the silver-haired boy says, "after all, we're all here for each other, aren't we?"
"All here for each other, are we really?" I ask myself as I look to my love who stands on the other side of the room speaking with her co-worker.
"Come on, Ziggy," I look to another side of the room to find MOMO tugging on the cyborg's arm, "dance with me."
"I'm sorry," he apologizes, "but I'm not much of a dancer."
"Oh come on," the realian continues to tug, "please!"
"Go for it, cyborg," the Durandel's captain encourages him, "but I got the next dance, okay?"
"...all right," Ziggy gives in, "but I'm not very good at it."
"Yay!" MOMO cheers as she tries to drag her partner to the dance floor.
It's somewhat odd to see those two on the dance floor, the girl isn't even half his height. She stands on feet with her toes pushing against them, but she still isn't his equal in stature. She brings his right arm to her side and his left hand to her right while bringing her left arm to his shoulder. The cyborg begins to glide his feet against the diner's floor, his legs gliding with the rhythm of the song. The child naturally follows his every step as she keeps her feet on top of his own, her face smiling and her voice giggling as they glide across the floor. My attention turns to the occupants of the room, all of the wearing smiles on their faces as they observe the two. I do not understand what everyone is so happy about; the two look rather awkward moving about the floor like that mainly because of their difference in height, yet for some reason, part of me wants to smile at the image as well.
Cute, is that the word humans would use to describe this situation? Or is it adorable? I am at a loss for words to describe the situation, but all I really know is that I can't help but smile as I watch the two. The cyborg, he cares for the young realian, but in a way I can't quite understand. It's similar to the way I feel for Shion, yet it is very different at the same time. Again I am left baffled by human emotions, but for the moment, I can simply brush the thought away.
The music comes to a close at that moment, and suddenly the rapping of palms begins to engulf the air. Everyone in the room applauds the two with their smiles as wide as ever. I am yet again at a loss for what is going on, so I do nothing but join the commotion, striking my palms against each other in a somewhat gentle manner. As the clapping draws to a close, the sound of more piano keys begins to emit from the nickelodeon.
"MOMO, may I have this dance?" the Durandel's captain asks the young realian afterward.
"Is it okay, Ziggy?" she looks up to the cyborg.
"Of course," he answers with a nod, "go have fun."
"Okay! Come on, Jr.," she orders as she takes his hand.
My lips begin to curl once more as I watch the two wrap their arms around another. Their smiles are so bright, so tender, I might as even go as far as to say cute. But standing here, doing nothing but watching, it makes my smile melt away a second later. Watching those two being happy, it also makes me sad. Those two, I'm sure they would never have problems like Shion and me. Shion, she's probably already moved on, hasn't she?
"So Chief, would you like to...?" I turn to the other side of the room to find my lover being spoken to by her co-worker.
I cannot even bear to watch her fall into the arms of another. With a sigh, I begin to turn my head, my legs pushing me toward the exit of the diner. The doors begin to pull to the sides, and just before my foot could step into the main corridor of the ship, I feel a slight tug on my left arm.
"KOS-MOS...," the person who stops me calls, "would you like to dance?"
"Shion...?"
My eyes begin to water once again today, my body suddenly growing hot, and my lips smile once more. Closing my eyes so that the water could fall down my cheeks, I bring my right hand to hers as it rests on the crook of my arm.
"I'm sorry," I answer, "but I do not know how."
"It's okay," she assures me, "I'll teach you."
Again she tugs at my arm and my body follows in her pull's direction. Our shoes clack drown out the rhythm of the music but stopping once I find the eyes of everyone in the room focusing on us. My vision can't help but wander around the room, peering into the pupils of all those who watch. It stops wandering seconds later as I find my left arm suddenly being pulled once more, stopping as my palm meets with Shion's. My knees begin to shake suddenly, my breath becoming short; I feel uneasy, yet curious at the same time. She then takes my right hand and places it on her shoulder while bringing her left hand above my hip. Her feet suddenly begin to glide across the floor and mine begin to follow shortly after but in a more swifter movement. The timing of our steps isn't in sync at first, but after another second or so, my feet begin to glide with the exact same timing as hers. At that very moment, a voice begins to sing above the notes of the piano and its melody begins to echo throughout the room.
Why do birds
Suddenly appear
"KOS-MOS, I'm sorry," Shion begins to apologize.
Every time
You are near
"There is no need to apologize," I assure her, "I was the one at fault."
"No, KOS-MOS, you were right," her head falls upon my shoulder, "I haven't been spending much time with you since..."
Just like me,
They long to be
Close to you
"I was being greedy," I interrupt her, "I shouldn't have said such things when you were planning all this for MOMO. Please forgive me."
"KOS-MOS, of course I forgive you," she whispers, placing her lips against my neck.
Why do stars
Fall down from the sky
Every time
You walk by?
"This song, I can never grow tired of it," her cheek begins to nuzzle against my shoulder.
"It means a lot to you doesn't it?" I ask.
Just like me,
They long to be
Close to you
"Yes," she answers, "it was...our song."
"I'm sorry," I apologize, "I did not realize..."
"It's all right," she assures me, "that was...a long time ago. Kevin and I shared this song long ago, before you were born, and when he was still alive. Up until now, I could never listen to this song and not be driven to tears, but now that you're here with me, I can finally listen to this song again and smile when I hear its lyrics."
"Shion...," I barely call her name.
On the day that you were born
The angels got together, and Decided to create a dream come true
She spoke with the very verses of the song, her mouth moving perfectly with the singer. Another brush of warmth began to crawl through my body at that moment, another inch felt the stroke with every word that had escaped her lips. My body began to loosen at that moment, my legs about to give out. Instead of falling, my arms pulled my love in closer, pressing her body against mine. I could feel her heart, beating against mine, pumping with the very same rhythm as the song. My chin began to fall, barely stopping at the top of her head. The aroma of her hair, how strong it was, how sweet it smelled. My arms continue to rock her as I adore her scent, and the melody of our song continues to play.
So they sprinkled moon dust
In your hair of gold
And starlight in your eyes of blue
Again her lips moved perfectly with the lyrics, but her eyes peeling away from my shoulder and falling upon my own. Her fingers begin to run down my hair with the next verse, pulling away only to have them travel down my cheek and point at my eyes with the verse that follows. Again I smile, this time wrapping my arm so that my hand could hold the back of her head, bringing it closer to my cheek. My lips plant themselves on her forehead for a mere second, pulling them away in the next so I could rest her head below my chin once more.
That is why
All the boys in town
Follow you
All around
"I love you, KOS-MOS," she whispers into my ear.
Just like me,
They long to be
Close to you
"And I love you, Shion..."
And with that, the keys of the piano begin to die and our feet stop gliding against the floor. I continue to rock her in my arms until the very last note, but continuing a step once more after the final play. Another rapping of hands follows with the close of the song and the individual cheers of all those who had watched.
"Way to go, guys!" the Durandel captain applauds.
"That was very lovely," MOMO cheers.
"Very well done," chaos says.
"Not bad," Tony claps, "not bad at all."
"You gotta be kidding me, that was horrible!" the Elsa's captain says in his unique way of complimenting.
"Like you can do any better?" Hammer asks Captain Matthews.
"What's that supposed to mean, ya moron?" he retorts to the navigator.
"Chief, that was very nice," her co-worker suddenly approaches my love. "I didn't think..."
"No, it wasn't really me who did anything," Shion tries to brush his comments away, "it was mostly KOS-MOS's part."
"I thank you for the compliment, Shion," I tell her.
"What the hell?!" I hear the Elsa's captain curse afterward. "Piece of junk, come on!" he continues by banging his foot against the record player.
"Not again," I hear the navigator sigh.
"I told you we should've bought a new one for the party, this thing's been in here before we even got the ship," Tony adds.
"Um, sorry folks, but it looks like the jukebox is broken," the silver- haired boy announces, "I'm afraid we won't have any more music for this evening."
"Oh well, that's okay," the young realian assures him, "it was nice to have you plan all this in the first place, it's really not that big of a deal."
"Well, we might as well help ourselves to some of this food then," Jr. turns his attention to the main bar table.
Everyone begins to hurry toward the table except for me and Shion, who remain in the very same spot when our dance came to an end.
"Shion, aren't you going to join the others?" I ask.
"No thanks, I'm not hungry actually," she smiles. "To tell you the truth, I'm actually pretty tired, I didn't get much sleep last night."
"Shall I accompany you then?" I ask.
"No, that's fine, just have a good time here, okay?" she orders.
"I see," I nod, "have a good night's rest then."
"All right, see you later," she says.
Shion, again she walks away as if nothing happened. No, something did happen, that song, it was able to make her smile again. After all I've put her through this past week, she continues to smile. But now that she's gone, I can't help but feel a small chill crawling down my spine. The heat of passion that warmed me on the dance floor begins to die and my smile begins to melt once more.
"Is something the matter?" the chaos's voice interrupts my thoughts.
"Shion is gone," I tell him. "Everything just feels so...cold now that she isn't here, why is that?"
"You're lonely, aren't you?" he suddenly asks.
"Lonely?"
"Humans feel lonely even if they have others around to accompany them," the boy explains, "whenever a certain someone is not around, they hurt somewhere. Do you feel that pain anywhere on your body?"
"All systems, both internal and external, are functioning properly," I inform.
A small chuckle begins to escape the boys lips for a moment, his shoulders moving with his laugh. He then puts his hand on my shoulder and begins to speak once more.
"That's not what I meant," he explains, "what I'm asking is do you, yourself as an individual, hurt anywhere when Shion is gone?"
Pain, an essential part of being complete. I know how it feels now, and it is not a pleasant feeling. I can feel its pierce at this very moment, but my body does not experience its wrath. I feel it, but at the same time, I don't. It hurts somewhere, not in my body, but a part of me that I cannot explain in words.
"It hurts...," my hand begins to brush down my shoulder, "here."
My palm stops above my left breast and my fingers take what little hold they can of its skin. I can feel something pounding beneath the flesh, beneath the skeleton and all the circuitry, I can feel something breaking. Broken, despite whatever is broken, I am functioning properly yet I somehow feel...ill at the same time.
"Do you always feel like this when she's not around?" he asks again.
"Yes," a tear begins to escape my eye.
"Do you feel this way when she feels ill?"
"Yes."
"You love her deeply, I can see that," his finger wipes away the stream traveling down my cheek. "Go to her then," he tells me, "if that's what really makes you happy, then nothing else matters."
"Thank you, chaos," I tell the boy, "I shall be on my way then."
Without wasting another second, I begin to make my way out of the diner and toward Shion's room. The diner's doors slide to the sides quickly, revealing to me the main corridor of the Elsa. The moment my foot steps on the corridor's floor, the scenery suddenly begins to fade. The vanilla walls and boxes begin to melt away, seeping downward, and the neon colored maps and vending machines begin to strip away from my eyes. The corridor is suddenly replaced with black; the floor, the walls, everything is black. I am in that world again, that world I have been brought to in my last two recharges.
"That song...," a familiar voice echoes. "That was their song..."
"You again?!" my yell echoes throughout the darkness. "Who are you? Why do you continue to torment me?"
My eyes begin to scout the entire area, finding nothing but black. A brush of dull blue enters my vision for a mere second, but before I could turn to the source, I find my body suddenly pulled backward and my arms bound by another.
"Pain is a vital part of realizing one's existence," her fingers begin to travel down my shoulder, "but joy and pleasure are as equally significant!"
"Ugh!" a brush of heat suddenly flows through my arm.
The brush begins to flow into my body, tingling as if several appendages were moving about inside my arm. Another rush of energy enters my arm suddenly and it suddenly begins to move to on its own. My fingers curl for a moment, and then taking hold of my chin soon after. A fourth surge follows, this one in my other arm and it begins to move on its own accord as well.
"What are you doing to me?!" I ask, practically yelling.
"You and I are one, remember?" she whispers into my ear.
"Uh...!" the next wave suddenly flows into my legs.
"My body is your body," her lips begin to travel up my neck, "and therefore..."
A scream escapes my lips with the final surge, and suddenly I find myself back on the Elsa's main corridor. My eyes begin to survey the entire area only to find no abnormalities, everything was just how it was prior to what just happened.
'A system error?' I ponder. 'I must request a system check as soon as pos..."
My legs begin to move suddenly and my arms following with the flow of the steps. My body, it is acting without my input, acting upon its own accord. I try to move my limbs, but they do not respond to my command. My body continues forward, its destination, unknown at this point. Again I try to move my limbs in another direction, but my commands fail. A smile suddenly curls upon my lips and my body stops before a door I know too well.
'Shion's quarters?' I think to myself. 'Why...?'
My body begins to move again and the door to her room opens. It is empty at the moment, but the sound of water constantly trickling in the bathroom can be heard. My body turns to Shion's bed and then begins to approach it. My side is the first to meet with the mattress while my elbow supports the rest of my body as it lays there. At that very moment, the door to the bathroom opens, and with it, my beloved Shion in her Vector shirt and towel in hand appears.
"Well that was refreshing," she speaks to herself as she brushes the towel against her hair.
"Shion, there is a problem with..."
My voice does not escape my lips, it remains in my mouth instead. The smile on my face suddenly widens and my lips begin to move once more on their own accord.
"Hello, Shion," it speaks.
"Huh? KOS-MOS, what are you doing here?" Shion asks.
"Have a seat," my left finger begins to circle around the bed's covers.
"Um...all right," Shion says, uneasily.
"She's so easily swayed," I hear the mysterious person's voice once more.
"You're doing this?!" I finally realize. "Just what are you up to? What do you plan to do with..."
She leads my eyes back to Shion, who now sits next to my body. My right hand lifts itself from the mattress after, bringing it to her cheek and stroking it gently.
"You're so beautiful," my voice speaks without my input.
"Thank you, KOS-MOS," Shion smiles.
My arm then takes hold of her shoulder and pulls her entire body to the mattress and my mouth dives upon hers. A smile gasp escapes Shion's lips the moment they touch with mine, her eyes wide from shock. Seconds begin to pass, and her gasp becomes a gentle moan and her eyes begin to close. My tongue begins to wrestle with hers, both of them fighting for the sweet liquid that resides within our mouths. I want to taste the ambrosia, but I taste nothing, nor do I feel the heat of passion in our lips. Again, I try to move my body, but it once again ignores my command. Our mouths begin to peel away after an eternity of torture, and a brush of red paints itself on her cheeks.
"Shion...," my face smiles once more.
"KOS-MOS...," my lover smiles.
"So beautiful... but I still do not see why he chose you over me!"
The next thing I know, my right arm suddenly reaches for her neck and my fingers begin to close. A gasp escapes Shion's mouth before my hand takes hold, only to have it cut out with the tightening of my fingers.
"K..KOS-MOS...?"
The look of shock replaces the serene smile she wore on her lips. Her arms no longer try to caress my body, instead, they try to pull mine away. My face is left blank as my eyes record her struggle, and again, my body does not act to my own accord.
"You two were both so happy back then," my voice suddenly speaks. "So happy that it made me sick!"
"KOS-MOS...," her voice called weakly, "what...what are you...?"
"Silence!" my body spat as it tightened my fingers' hold once more. "Just what was it that he saw in you? Tell me!"
"I...I have no idea what..."
My free palm sprang forward after, sliding across her cheek in a swift motion. A reddish mark was now painted across her face, painting over her the canvas of skin. Her eyes began to shut, tears barely escaping the slits in her eyes.
"STOP IT!!!!" I try to scream. "Why are you doing this to her? What has she ever done to you?!" I yell at the other consciousness within my body.
"You really have forgotten everything," the voice responds, "the pain and suffering this woman put us through! If pain really is vital to realizing one's existence, what about pleasure?"
"You wouldn't!" I realize what she plans to do.
My arm begins to bend inward, pulling my love toward my lips. My lover's lips try to pull inward, but they can do nothing as they fall prey upon my own. The device within her mouth tries not to fight back this time, for the first time she does not indulge in the meeting of our mouths. My lips, how rough they pull and push against hers, tugging at them so roughly and quickly moving to another area of her face while leaving a trail of saliva wherever it passes. Her eyes remain shut during her whole ordeal, but her body still feels the actions that fall upon her. I want to stop this, I want my lips to pull away from her face, I want my hand to stop clutching her throat, and most of all, I want to shut my eyes so that I cannot see the damage being done.
"I still don't understand," my body says without my input as it pulls my lips away from her neck. "Perhaps it is something else that he saw in you, in a region you often shield from the world."
"Please stop...," my voice begins to crack, but cannot be heard in the realm of reality. "Stop it! FOR GOD'S SAKE, PLEASE STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The next thing I know, I hear the sound of a click, followed by a wind's whistle. A piece of metal meets with my arm the next second, only to ricochet away upon impact. My body begins to turn to the source to find a gun being pointed at me, that gun being held by none other than the Durandel's captain. The grip my hand has on Shion's throat finally begins to loosen as the others begin to enter the area.
"It's just as you said, MOMO," Jr. tells the young realian. "I don't wanna believe it, but..."
"What are you all doing here?" the one hiding behind my body asks. "You're all getting in the way of, what do you humans call it? Fun?"
"KOS-MOS, how could you do such a terrible thing?" MOMO asks with tears streaming down her face. "I know that Shion hasn't been paying much attention to you lately, but..."
"Save your tears for more excruciating pain, child!" my voice spits.
"Oh my God, Chief!" Allen cries from the crowd.
Her co-worker begins to push through the crowd, running to her aid. My body begins to move once more, this time pointing my palm at Allen. A light suddenly begins to emit from my fingertips, collecting before the air before me. After a second of holding in place, the energy suddenly shoots forward, putting a hole through the wall while knocking Allen off his feet.
"Don't move!" I unwillingly order the man afterward.
By the time I turn around, I find a metallic fist suddenly hurling itself at me. The impact of the punch does not push me back, nor do I cry out in pain. Instead, I find my head now turning to the source to find the cyborg, Ziggy, in shock.
"Pathetic."
My own fist launches forward at the moment, the impact knocking the cyborg across the room and through the wall. Another bullet escapes Jr.'s pistol afterward, again it has no effect like it normally would.
"Damn child!" my arm suddenly waves to the side and another blast of energy escapes.
"Argh!" the surge knocks the boy back the moment it touches his skin.
"Jr.!" the young girl cries.
"You wish to join him?" I find myself standing over the pink-haired girl afterward.
My fingers begin to curl into a fist and my arm begins to bend upward. As soon as it reaches its pinnacle, the arm begins to push downward, only to stop with a touch of my shoulder. The moment another's hand touches it, my arm begins to change course, only to stop before its user's face.
"This isn't like you, KOS-MOS," chaos says calmly, "just why are you... No wait," he begins to pause for a moment, "you're not her, you're..."
Clank! Another object finds itself striking my skull, only to dent itself upon meeting with my head. My head begins to swerve to the source to find my love's co-worker with a dented lamp in hand. My fingers straighten at that moment, and they quickly lunge at my attacker. A warm flood escapes as my appendages meet with his stomach, the blood trickling to the floor.
"ALLEN!!!!" my love screams.
My eyes turn back to the silver-haired boy who now stands ready to fight. My hand quickly leaves the flesh of her co-worker at that instant only to curl into a fist once more. The punch my arm throws itself toward the boy, but his palm catches it instead.
"What do you think you can accomplish by doing all this?" chaos suddenly asks. "Is this what your entire existence is about, pain and suffering?!"
"You're no ordinary human, are you?" my voice asks the boy.
"KOS-MOS...?" my love calls, confused.
"Leave everyone alone, now!" he orders. "Stopping bringing such pain unto others!"
"Pain is a vital part of realizing one's existence," my body says, "even she knew that. I'll abide to your wishes for now, but..."
My body begins to grow limp at that moment, the floor growing closer with every second. I begin to shut me eyes, but then I move my foot forward to regain my balance. Wait, I moved my foot, I closed my eyes, it appears I have regained control of my body, however...
"Hold on, I'll go get some nano-spray!" I find the young realian at Allen's side.
The entire area and everyone..., why is it now that I can control my own body?! Ziggy, he rests in a crater on the far wall with sparks escaping his metallic limbs. Jr., he lies on the floor with his body curling inward. Allen, his spine is rising upward with his palm pressing against the source of his wound. I then begin to survey the rest of the room. Walls, tables, chairs, and beds, all now marked with holes, splinters, or pieces of other furniture. I finally turn to the corner of the room where my beloved Shion is huddled. Her mouth is quivering, her hands shielding as much of her body as they can cover, and tears rapidly streaming down her face. Just seeing her like this, and everyone else injured, it makes my eyes burn.
"KOS-MOS...," she slowly begins to rise from the floor.
"Shion...I...," a tear begins to crawl down my face.
My nose begins running and my legs start to tremble. The tears and the burning, they just won't stop. I want Shion to strike me as she did earlier, strike me as hard as she ever did, no, I want her to follow with more strikes. Strike me with more than a fist, strike me with a knife, a hammer, anything, just make the pain go away. End my misery now, end it by taking my life! No one will end it, so I...
"KOS-MOS, wait!" I hear my love scream.
My legs push me faster than I've ever ran before. I leave my eyes shut, allowing the tears to fall as fast as they've ever been. My mouth is parched, my throat is dry, and my entire being feels just like it's about to collapse. I do not know where I run, all I can do is keep moving forward. By the time I open my eyes, I suddenly find myself in the very same diner where we had our first dance. I take a moment to look at the starlit night that rests before my eyes, observing the never-ending darkness.
"KOS-MOS!!!!" I hear her call getting closer.
The doors to the diner suddenly slide open and my Shion appears. She brings her palms to her knees for a second, her body panting as she tries to regain her breath. Her emerald eyes meet with mine as she continues to breath and then her body straightens.
"KOS-MOS, stop, please," she pants.
"Shion, I'm sorry," is the only way I could respond, "I'm so very sorry."
"KOS-MOS, it...it's not your fault," she hesitates for a moment, "there...there must be something wrong with your OS. Yeah, that's it, I'll just fix it and..."
"There is nothing to fix," I begin to step toward the black before me. "I am a weapon, Shion, I can never be anything more. What happened back there was...part of my battle algorithm. That's all I can do, Shion, fight and destroy people things, all other things are irrelevant."
"Don't say that, KOS-MOS!" she yells at me. "You're not just a weapon, you're the woman I love, that's what, no, who you are. I know you can do more than destroy," her voice begins to grow calm, "you can smile, cry, feel pain, feel joy, and most of all, love and be loved."
"Shion, you have nothing but good intentions in your heart, I know you wished for me to be more than just another machine," I can't help but sniffle after my sentence. "Is the love we share real, or is it another function I have been programmed with? I don't want to hurt you with this artificial programming just as much as I never wanted to hurt you or the others, but now that that's happened, I..."
"KOS-MOS, what are you doing?!" she asks as I step even closer to the starlit sky.
The stars, so beautiful. I never appreciated their elegance until this moment. So small, so bright, it almost makes me want to smile at this moment. Are those tiny little lights really nothing but gas, or are they something else? Could one of those stars be Heaven? I do not know, I doubt a machine such as myself could even go to such a holy place. Would I be eligible for Hell? I do not know, even one as sinful as myself cannot qualify if I am not human. Darkness, the color of black, that is everything that fills the sky. Machines, where do we belong? I doubt we can even go anywhere, we cannot die, we simply stop functioning. Darkness, this is the color I will be seeing from now on.
"Goodbye forever, Shion," I take one last moment to gaze upon her beauty, "I wish you a better life that I could never give you."
"KOS-MOS!!!!!!!"
A loud crash enters my ears and the shards of glass whistling with the wind accompanies me as my body begins falling toward the shadowy abyss that will be my grave.
Shion, you have given me such happiness in my short time that I was alive. I cherish every second we have spent together, from the first time you activated me, to our first kiss, to our first dance, I cherish all of it. I will think of nothing but you while I am in the dark, Shion. Your jewel green eyes sparkle more than any gem, your smile is bright enough to light the darkest of cities, your chocolate brown hair is so soft that it could only fit a king, and your lips rival the taste of the legendary ambrosia itself. I will miss all these things, Shion, but most of all, I will miss your love.
"I love you, Shion," I begin to mouth my last words. "For as long as the universe exists, and even longer than that, I will always love you..."
Author's note: Well, pretty sad huh? This chapter was really hard for me to write, namely the attempted rape scene, I just don't think any woman should go through that. I hope all of you have enjoyed this one. Reviews are welcome, as long as their not flames. Anyway, for those who read this on ff.net, there was a small scene removal from the Shion and KOS-MOS scene, its nothing big, and it's not something I'm proud of writing because I felt bad writing it. The uncut version of this chapter will be posted on www.shoujoai.com as usual. Well, the story's not over yet, we can't let the archetype KOS-MOS get away with this. So in the meantime, I'm afraid that's it for now, later people!