Author's Note: Well then, we got some big stuff happening in this chapter of "Bound," namely the reunion between Shion and KOS-MOS as well as more revelations of the past (just to warn you ahead of time, KOS-MOS gets emotional quite a bit because of these revelations and whatnot; out of character, yeah, a lot, but hey, this is fan fiction). There are no edits in this chapter much like the last, so reading this chapter at both ff.net and shoujo-ai.com will give you the same thing. Now for a little more about "Bound"'s sequel, "Mother," I've got enough reviews now so you'll get "Mother" once this fic is done so look out for it. Anyways, with that said, this new chapter's a bit slow like the last, but things will pick up as the chapter goes on. Well then, let's get to the story!
Chapter 5: Dolls
I can't believe it, after the events that had unfolded yesterday, I find my love, here, in front of me yet again. Shion, it feels as if we haven't seen each other in eternity. We've gone through so much within these past five days, so much that one can spend their entire lifetime living through such events.
I see a small glint in her emerald pupils and a small frown on her lips. Her eyes begin to water, her lips begin to quiver, and sobs begin to escape her breath. I can feel my own irises beginning to melt at that moment and my mouth beginning to open, but before I could say a word or shed a tear, I find my love falling. Her body sinks forward with her arms extended and her eyes closed, but instead of falling to the floor, I catch her in my arms and bring her body close to mine.
"KOS-MOS," she calls my name as her cheek meets with the top of my breast. "Oh KOS-MOS, I was so worried," she begins to cry. "How could you, how could do such a selfish thing?!" she begins to yell between her sobs. "Why did you have to make me worry so much, I didn't know if you were still alive," her voice suddenly begins to crack, "but... Oh KOS-MOS, I'm just glad you're okay."
My eyes begin to burn after she says those words, and my lips meet with her temple for a mere second before I place my chin on top her head. My mouth is dry as I try to think of something to say, something that can soothe her grief. As I try to come up with some words, my fingers begin to glide down her silken hair. Finally some words come to mind and I begin to speak.
"I'm sorry, Shion," I apologize with my voice somewhat weak, "I..."
"Don't say anything, KOS-MOS," she interrupts, her eyes meeting with mine once more, "please, just don't say anything."
Her head returns to its previous spot and she continues to sob. My lips can't help but smile as I hold her in my arms, even though tears are falling from my eyes. Joy and sadness, again I feel the two as one.
"What'd I tell you, Shion," a voice suddenly calls, "I did find an acquaintance of yours with blue hair."
I look up to find Jin dressed in the same black robe and skirt-like pants he was wearing from earlier. My love's hold begins to loosen until her arms are free and then she turn to her brother, wiping away any remaining tears escaping her eyes.
"Thank you, Jin," she says as her lips create a weak smile, "you don't know how much this means to me."
"I'm just glad I could help," Jin responds.
"You're quite a lucky one, aren't you?" I turn my vision to Jin's side to find another slew of familiar faces.
"chaos?" I recognize the silver-haired boy first. "MOMO, Jr., Ziggy?" I find the rest of my comrades after.
"KOS-MOS...," the young realian barely replies.
"Yo, it's been a while, huh?" the Durandel's Captain asks.
"Man, it sure has been a while since I've smelled fresh mountain air like this," I find the Elsa's captain and his crew following behind the others.
"You sure brought a lot of friends with you," Jin tells Shion as he observes the others. "Anyway, why don't we all go inside so you can give me all the details on what's going on, okay?"
"Yeah," Shion nods. "KOS-MOS, can you come inside with us?" Shion requests.
"Of course," I answer.
I wait for the others to go on ahead of me, fearing that the Archetype may take control at any minute to try and attack them once again. I allow everyone to pass by me, yet none of them glare nor sneer at me as they do so, acting as if nothing happened. Even Allen simply smiles at me as he walks into the Uzuki Residence whereas the last time I saw him he was furious at me and tried to strike me with a lamp. I wait for Shion and Jin to head toward the house before I move, but the two suddenly stop before either could go inside.
"Shion, can I ask you question?" Jin asks his sister. "Just what exactly is your relationship with that woman I found?"
"You mean KOS-MOS?" she asks.
"Er...yeah, 'KOS-MOS,'" he says somewhat uneasily. "She said something about you programming her and being her lover, I didn't really get what she meant by that. So my question to you, Shion, is this, just what did you do to that woman?!" he asks somewhat furiously.
I simply stand in the same spot and await Shion's reply. My lover's smile then turns into an agitated expression a moment after hearing her brother's question and I know that whatever she's going to say next isn't going to be pleasant.
"What do you mean 'just what did you do to that woman?'" Shion snaps, "I didn't do anything to her!"
"Yeah, whatever, Shion," her brother brushes her answer away with the wave of the back of his hand, "then what's this talk about 'programming,' 'guidance and patience,' and 'lover' stuff she's been saying?"
"Are you suggesting I brainwashed her?!" my lover begins to lose more of her temper. "I couldn't do such a thing!"
"Then how do explain her mannerisms and the stuff she was talking about," Jin asks again, "it's like she's a robot or something."
"Well, that is somewhat true I suppose...," her words begin to trail off.
"God you're hopeless!" he groans as he brings his palm to his temple.
"And you're not?!" Shion loses her temper again. "Look at you, trying to resurrect ancient rituals by reading those stupid books of yours! I swear, Mom and Dad would've kicked you out of the house ages ago if they knew you were going to end up like this!"
"Oh so you expect me to just get a job and live like another member of society?!"
"Get a clue, genius, of course I do!"
"Look, I'm telling you...!"
"That's enough!" I decide to intervene. "Shion, Jin, I don't have a full understanding of the situation, but I think it would be best if you put aside your differences for now."
"Yeah, you're right, KOS-MOS," Shion sighs, regaining her composure.
"I guess so, it's been a while since we've seen each other and we're already arguing," Jin agrees to my terms.
Shion takes hold of the knob of the house's doorknob and begins to push it open. The moment the inside's view enters my lover's eyes, a look of frustration returns to her face.
"Just what did you do to the house when I was gone?!" Shion yells at her brother. "It wasn't like this when I left!"
"That was two years ago," Jin tries to come up with an excuse.
"You should at least clean up the mess you made as soon as you made it!" Shion lectures. "And what's with all these cuts on the wall, you've been goofing around with that sword again, haven't you?!"
"Get off my case," Jin sighs.
"Don't give me that attitude!"
"What attitude?!"
"I have a headache...," I sigh, bringing my palm to my throbbing forehead.
"I think I understand the situation you're in," Jin says after we give him a full explanation of our situation. "So I guess Miss KOS-MOS here really is a robot, she almost had me fooled."
"I prefer the term 'android,' Sir Jin," I tell the young man.
"All right, android then," he corrects himself. "But I'm curious to know, Shion, how were able to make a machine rely on food and water like a normal person?"
"What are you talking about?" Shion asks confused. "She never needed anything like that to refill her energy reserves. Whenever she needed to regain her strength, she would simply recharge in her service module."
For some reason, my body begins to feel heavy again, namely my eyelids. I widen my mouth for a second and take in a loud, deep breath, pushing it back out in the next second in a slow fashion. Tired, I'm feeling so tired just sitting here. My eyes barely begin to linger around the room, turning to the two children. The pink-haired realian seems to be struggling in the same manner as I am, trying to remain conscious while the Durandel's captain keeps himself occupied by reading one of the books strewn on the couch. I then turn to the other side of the room to find the cyborg leaning against the house's far wall with his arms crossed and Allen sitting a few feet away from him, and to the west of them sitting by the kitchen's counter is the Elsa's crew, all of them asleep except the silver-haired boy who is vigilant as ever, listening to every word of Shion and Jin's conversation. Boredom, I guess this is what I'm feeling at the moment, I wish I didn't know how it felt.
"KOS-MOS, are you okay?" Shion's voice begins to drag me out of my drowsiness.
"Huh?" I respond. "I'm feeling somewhat tired at the moment."
"Can you help me clean up the house then, please?" she asks.
"All right, I'll see what I can do," I yawn.
"Well then, I'll leave you two to... ack!" Jin tries to leave, only to have his ear pulled by his younger sister.
"And where do you think you're going?" Shion asks. "You're going to help seeing how you're the one who created this mess in the first place!"
"All right, all right, just let go," Jin orders.
"Now I want you to clean up the top floor, KOS-MOS and I will take care of this floor," Shion orders.
"I'll help you out, Jin," chaos offers.
"I can do the dishes!" MOMO volunteers.
"You can count me in too," Jr. joins.
"I might as well lend a hand," the cyborg says.
"Huh, hey captain," Hammer and Tony awaken at that moment, tugging on the captain's sleeve in order to get him out of his slumber.
"What, leave me alone!" Matthews orders his men.
"Um, Chief, can I help?" Allen asks next.
"Okay, thanks everybody," Shion smiles at everyone.
Shion assigns everyone a part of the house to clean, and I can't help but begin to doze off once again. Tired, it's not like I didn't get enough sleep last night, but all this talk is just so...boring. Odd, when did I start thinking like this, the last time I checked the only directives in my data banks were my mission and... I don't even want to bother saying, even those things seem boring now.
My eyes begin to close once again, and for a second I see the darkness again. I open them again, and this time I see a faint glow before me, illuminating in a bright gold color. I shield my eyes with the back of my hand for a moment, but the light slowly begins to fade and a small figure begins to take form in the center of it. I begin to lower my hand as the light grows even dimmer, and eventually I find a small figure standing before me. It is a little girl, one with hair as bright as fire and eyes as calm as the ocean. She wears a plain pink dress with red lining around the collar and a cross with a blue center and corners. This child, it's the same one I saw when the Archetype...
"We meet again, Elly," the little girl suddenly speaks.
This little girl emits a strange aura, one very similar to that silver-haired boy. Just like how I was when I first met chaos, I am cautious around this child. Is it because of the monotone expression she wears on her face, or is it because of the fact that I saw her when the Archetype attacked me? Looking more closely into her eyes however, I slowly lower my guard because I know she has no intention of harming me.
"You're that little girl," I greet the child. "Who are you?"
"My name is Nephilim," the child answers, "at least that is what I have been called ever since I have existed in this form."
"Nephilim...," I practice the name on my lips.
"Elly, do you know why I brought you here?" she begins to ask.
"Elly, that was the name you called me back there too," I realize. "You must be mistaken, my name is KOS-MOS, I am not this 'Elly' individual that you call me."
"But Elly, that is your true name, just as her name is..."
"And who gave me this name?" I interrupt. "I am KOS-MOS, and I've always been known as KOS-MOS, so stop labeling me as this 'Elly' person you keep referring me too!" I find myself suddenly losing my temper.
"You're acting the same as you did two years ago," Nephilim suddenly brings up, "no, your reaction, your anger, is different than hers."
"What do you want from me?" I ask practically yelling.
"I came to warn you, Elly," the child gets to the point. "The events that happened two years ago, you're slowly reverting back to that same state because of her."
"Her?" the girl's words begin to intrigue me.
"Actually, the word 'yourself' is probably more accurate," Nephilim corrected herself.
"I don't understand," I simply respond.
"Two years ago, there was an incident that split your very self in two," the little girl continued. "Upon being torn away from your other half, you had forgotten all the events that happened in your previous life."
"And just how do you know this?" I ask.
"Because I was the one who tore you away from your other self," Nephilim answered, her words remaining as cool as ever.
My mouth becomes dry again at that moment and my body becomes paralyzed. Is this shock I feel, or perhaps fear, fear of this little girl because of the words she had just said? A child, she claims to have torn me away from my other self two years ago, it seems ludicrous but the child's calm and cool manner helps justify the truth behind her words. I can feel something beating against the top of my left breast, striking against my rib cage repeatedly. The strikes don't hurt, but for some reason they feel as if they're linked to my current paralysis.
The world begins to disperse suddenly, the black walls fading into gray. The little girl in front of me looks to the sky for a moment and then turn to me once more.
"Our time must come to a close for now, but I shall see you soon, Elly," Nephilim says and begins to turn away at that moment.
"Wait," my words manage to stop her, "before you go, at least tell me about my other self. How is it even possible for me to have another self when I didn't exist two years ago."
"But you did, Elly," Nephilim answers, her back still turned as she speaks. "In fact, you met your previous self, your other half, numerous times more recently. The last time you spoke, she saved you from falling, don't you remember?"
"So the Archetype was..."
"Elly, have you not been having visions lately? Visions that feel familiar when you see them, when you live through them?" she asks.
"I have, but that doesn't necessarily make those my memories, they're hers, as well as the name you label me as, 'Elly,'" I tell the girl.
"Elly is not the name given to your previous self," Nephilim continues, "your previous self had another name, one I do not wish to speak. Your current name, Elly, was the name that was supposed to have been given to your sister after you had become functional. Elly, your original self was destroyed and now your consciousness is in another body, so in fact, you are that sister I had just spoke of. In other words you are both the original Archetype and the second KOS-MOS, you are the missing half of the Archetype and at the same time, you are the new KOS-MOS."
"I still don't understand," the girl's words confuse me.
"Shion will understand," Nephilim informs me, "ask her about the incident two years ago, although I must warn you, doing so will return a lot of anguish to her. If you really want to know, you must ask yourself if you're willing to put the one you love through the pain that is the past."
Again the child begins to walk and the world becomes more hazy. The dull gray colors become dimmer, melding into the atmosphere itself. Nephilim's figure also begins to vanish into the atmosphere, but before she can disappear any further, I call once again.
"Wait!" I order.
"Wait for what, KOS-MOS?"
The sound of my lover's voice is the next thing I hear, and suddenly the scenery painted before me is once again that of the Uzuki Residence, specifically the living room. I turn my head to the side to find Shion standing before me with a concerned look. She's worried about me, but I try to brush away her concern with a smile.
"Sorry, I think I fell asleep for a moment," I lie.
"It's okay," Shion's concern returns to her usual smile.
Before I could say anything more, Shion hands me a stack of books in her arms. I take them unto my own, but for some reason, the weight of the books burns the inside area of my arms and begins to drag my body toward the floor. More books are stacked on top of the ones that Shion had already given me, and I find myself sinking further.
"KOS-MOS, can you put these over there?" she asks afterward, pointing to the corner of the room. "Just set them on the floor, please."
I try to follow my orders, but my legs seem to be out of balance as I walk. My arms continue to shift left and right as they try to balance out the weight of the books which begin to fall in different directions. With every step I take, the more I have to shift my arms to prevent a book from falling to the floor. Each step becomes faster than the last, and soon I find a book ready to hit the floor. I try to turn my feet in the book's direction as fast as I can, but my shin suddenly catches itself on the back of my other leg and I find myself falling face first to the floor. The books are the first to hit the floor, all of them scattering before me, most of them opened with pages folded against the floor in a crooked manner. My hands are free for only a split second, but that time is not enough to catch my fall. Instead of having my nose hit the floor, my chin finds itself on the cover of one of the books while the rest of my body lays flat against the surface. A shock rushes up my body upon impact, leaving my entire body sore.
"KOS-MOS, are you all right?!" Shion quickly rushes to my aid.
"I think so," I answer as she helps me back to my feet.
A majority of the shock disappears after returning to my feet, but my chin still hurts. I rub it against my palm for a moment and my face scrunches before its touch. I turn back to the mess on the floor and try to return to my duty, but Shion's arm pulls before my path and stops me.
"I'll do it," she volunteers.
She plants her knees against the floor and begins stacking the books before her. Regardless of what she ordered, I decide to assist, taking a book into each hand and then creating my own column.
"You've been acting differently," she suddenly speaks.
"Excuse me?" her words leave me puzzled.
"Something seems to have happened to you in this short period of time," she continues, taking another book into her hand.
"I guess you can say that," I avert my gaze to another book before me.
"What is it that could've happened to you?" she asks. "You seem more...alive now."
"Why do you say that?"
"What I just saw moments ago," Shion continues, "how you stumbled on your feet and had difficulty carrying those books, how you fell asleep during our conversation with Jin, and how you showed disgust when Jin and I were arguing earlier, those were things you never did before."
"I'm sorry," I apologize, "I will make sure that will never happen again."
"No, don't worry about it," Shion tells me, "it actually makes me happy that you're becoming like this. I'm pretty sure that's what 'he' would have wanted."
"He?"
"Hm? Oh, it's nothing," Shion brushes away the subject, "the last part must've been my thoughts being said out loud."
"I see," I turn to the next closest book before me.
I begin to reach for the text only to find another hand finding it first. My palm meets with the other hand for a moment, and I turn to its owner. Her lips curl and a brush of red begins to fill her cheeks. I can't help but stare at my own reflection which lies in her emerald green pupils, but I can't help but quickly turn away a moment after. The reflection I see in her irises, it's the same face that had tried to ravage her a day ago. I can't help but pull my hand away from hers after realizing that fact, placing my palms over my eyes to hold back the substance suddenly forming within them.
My eyes begin to burn again, melting into tears as sobs begin to escape my lips. The image that I now see before my eyes is still that of my lover, but in a manner I wish I could never have seen. I see her crying, with one hand grasping her throat and another groping her body. I hear her screaming, screaming my name and ordering me to stop. I feel her body, how my fingers tighten their grip around her neck and how unwelcome my touch is. And what's worse is how I was smiling, smiling as I was doing these things. I bury my palms deeper into my face as the incident replays before my eyes and more cries escape my lips.
"KOS-MOS?" Shion's touch begins to fall onto my shoulder.
"Don't!"
For the first time in my life, her touch feels as if it burns my skin. My shoulder jolts away with the press of her fingers and my back turns toward her as I shift my body away from her. Another cry escapes my lips as I turn and I again I bury my palms further into my face, trying to block the horrid scene from my eyes once again.
"KOS-MOS, I don't hate you for what happened back on the Elsa," she tries to comfort me, "really, I don't. Please, just look at me."
"Shion...," I barely call between my sobs.
"Look at me," she orders again.
Slowly I begin to turn my eyes toward her again, but as soon as I see my reflection in her pupils, I bury my hands into my irises yet again. Her touch falls before my skin once more and I try to pull away but her arm wraps around my body and forces me closer to her own. She wraps her other arm around me and soon her arms begin to cradle my head. Her lips plant themselves against my forehead for a second and then her chin find its place on top of my hair. She continues to hold me tightly, her arms not showing any sign of letting me go. I simply sit there in her arms crying as she caresses me and then she begins to speak.
"It doesn't matter what you did back there," she tells me, "you weren't yourself, we both know that."
"Wasn't I?" I ask myself. "Was it me that did a horrible thing to you, or was it the other me?"
"The other...?" she hears my thoughts.
I must tell her, and keep this in much longer, I have to tell her what happened, I have to tell her everything, otherwise something more horrible will happen the next time she takes over. I close my eyes for a moment and take a small breath as I try to think of a way to express the events. I finally decide after my sigh and my lips begin to speak.
"I've been having these visions lately," I admit, "visions of myself, or rather my past self."
"What do you mean?" she begins to loosen her hold.
"Two years ago...," I begin to recall, "you and Kevin created me, isn't that right?"
"You weren't created back then, KOS-MOS," she tells me, "or at least, your current self wasn't."
"That's right," I nod, "or at least that's what I want to believe. These visions I've been having, they're of the past, I know it. In all of them I see Kevin, trying to teach me how to act like a human. He preaches about love and other emotions, and every time I see him, I feel...awkward. The feeling he gives me in those visions, it's the same feeling you give me, but at the same time, it's different. I don't feel like myself when I live through these visions, but at the same time, I feel like it was meant to be. I don't understand any of this, Shion, I just don't!"
Again the tears run down my cheeks, now more rapid than ever. Once more she wraps her arms around my head and begins to cradles my body and all I can do is rest my head against her shoulder.
"I'm afraid I don't understand any of this either, KOS-MOS," she tells me, "but despite that, I know we can find a way to understand it together."
"Elly," I remember the name the child called me.
"What?" my lover says surprised. "KOS-MOS, how do you know...?"
"The little girl in one of my visions called me 'Elly,'" I inform Shion. "She said that was my true name and that you would understand the situation, understand what all my visions were, and then the child continued saying that if you were to explain, you would feel all the anguish of the past."
"KOS-MOS, did that girl...have red hair and wear a cross over her neck?"
"Yes," I nod, "she called herself 'Nephilim.' She claimed that she was the reason why I was torn from my other half two years ago. Shion, I don't understand any of this, I don't know who I am anymore, I don't..."
"Sh, it's okay," she cradles me once more, "it's okay."
Her fingers begin to glide through my hair as her arms continue to rock me. My eyes continue to burn and tear and whimpers continue to escape my lips. Her touch begins to soothe me once more, yet I try to pull away. I'm not worthy of such a gift, to be consoled by Shion, I don't deserve it after what I did. Though my body wants to pull away, another part of me does not, telling me to stay. My arms begin to crawl toward my lover's body, crawling until my left wraps around her waist and right hand finds her shoulder. My head begins to nestle on her heart but the tears continue to fall.
"You know when I was a little girl, I used to cry a lot too," Shion changes the subject. "I'd cry over little things, things that weren't always my fault. I remember when I was six when my father and I went to the fair, we had so much fun together that day. My father was able to win me a doll that day on one of the games, it was a nice doll with violet hair and blue eyes, I named her Miang. For some reason though, the other kids wouldn't play with me, they said it was because of Miang, that she was too ugly compared to the other dolls. I blamed myself for not having the other kids playing with me, but that's when my father bought me another doll, this one had red hair and blue eyes, I named her Elly. Miang and Elly were sisters in my own imaginary world, but Elly was always my favorite for some reason. The other kids still wouldn't play with me when I got Elly, but still, Elly and I were always together, she was always there when I cried myself to sleep, always there whenever I visited my mother in the hospital, she was always there while Miang was left alone in the corner. Then there was an incident fourteen years ago, an incident that forever changed my life...," Shion's voice began to break suddenly.
"The Miltian Conflict?" I ask.
"That's right," she nods, her eyes remaining shut. "There was an incident that happened while my father and I went to visit my mother. It was so sudden, I found myself hidden from what was going on while my mother and father...," her voice broke again, this time with a sob escaping her lips.
"I'm sorry," I apologize.
"Mother, Father, Febronia, all three of them, they were...," her voice began to trail off. "While I was hiding, I was worried about Miang for the first time, how I would always leave her at home while Elly and I were always together. Before I could join my parents, Jin suddenly appeared, and for the first time, he was there for me. He stopped those things that had taken my parents' lives and saved me despite several injuries he had received before then. The next day we went back home to find nothing but ruins and all I could find were the remains of Miang, ragged and torn. For the first time I cried for Miang, cried how I was never really there for her."
"A doll, you cried for a doll?" the situation wasn't making much sense to me.
"Miang was more than just a doll, she was one of the very few things my father had given me as a present," Shion continues. "I wanted to make it up to her, and so, I thought I could two years ago."
"What should we name her?" the voice of Kevin begins to echo in my ears once again.
The scenery begins to change suddenly and I find myself staring into a gray ceiling. My body is lying in a service module, one very similar to my own. For some reason I can't move my body, but I can hear what is going on outside.
"What's wrong with 'KOS-MOS?'" the voice of my love echoes from the other side of the module.
'Shion?' I think to myself.
I'm sure I'm witnessing another vision of the past, that must be what this is. Like my previous visions, I do not act upon my own accord, or rather, I cannot act at all in this situation.
"There's nothing wrong with that name, it's just that...," Kevin's words begin to trail away.
"You want her to be like a real person in every way," his words finished from Shion's mouth. "I can understand that."
"The thing is, I don't know what to name her," Kevin continued, "Shion, do you have any idea what we can name our girl?"
"...Miang," Shion answered a moment later, "we can name her 'Miang,' or at least I'd like to name her Miang."
"Miang," Kevin said, practicing the name on his lips, "that's a great name, it's better than anything I can come up with."
"It's settled then, our KOS-MOS will be named Miang," Shion repeats.
"What about the other?" Kevin suddenly asks. "The other one Vector wants us to build once Miang is complete?"
"The other...," Shion's voice begins to trail away. "We can name her 'Elly.'"
"Miang and Elly," Kevin practices the names on his lips, "that sounds perfect. I'll inform Miang of this right away, let me just get a connection gear to her encephalon gear and..."
His voice begins to break at that moment and the ceiling begins to blur. I find my body no longer lying down in the blink of my eyes as I find myself once again being cradled by my love. I find my cheeks wet again and my throat dry, just as they were before I saw the past. I tilt my head upward to find my love still in tears with her eyes shut. Just the sight of tears brings more to my eyes, I have to say something, anything to console her. For once I am at a loss for words, but I decide to speak using the first word that comes into mind.
"I'm sorry," I apologize, "I didn't mean to have you recall such painful memories."
"No, it's okay, Elly," she assures me, calling me by my real name for the first time, "I would have told you anyway, maybe when this was all over. Your name, I was going to start you calling you by your real name when the Gnosis were no longer a problem, when you could become an active member of society. It seems like you've become a part of society now, so it's more appropriate to call you 'Elly' from now on."
"Elly," I practice my name, "it still sounds somewhat awkward to be called that name, but I'm sure I'll get used to it in time."
Her tears are still wet, but there are more things I would like to ask her. I want to ask her about how the Archetype and I were once one being but now split in two, I want to ask why Kevin was angered at the Archetype the night before she was first activated, but regardless of what I want to ask, I'm sure I'd only upset her more. Still, I wish to know, so I let my questions get the best of my conscience.
"Shion, there's something else I want to ask you, something about my current self," I begin.
"What is it, Elly?"
"Nephilim said that I am half of the first archetype and her sister at the same time," I inform her, "how is that so? If you don't want to answer my question, that's fine, I'm sure..."
"No, it's all right," she interrupts me, "I might as well get this all out of the way now. The KOS-MOS Project was originally supposed to have two KOS-MOS units, the original archetype and yourself. The original, Miang, was supposed to be the prototype while you were supposed to be the production model. When Miang was destroyed two years ago, the project was altered. Instead of mass producing you as originally planned, we were only going to have a single KOS-MOS unit to take care of the Gnosis. You're that KOS-MOS unit, Elly, but there was a problem during assembly. With Kevin's death, a majority of the Miang's parts could not be rebuilt, and so to build you, we took Miang's parts and put them into your body, but we redid your programming so that you wouldn't end up like her. The original archetype can be considered your elder sister, Elly, as well as your other half."
"I think I understand," I say after comprehending the situation, "but there is still one thing I don't understand. In my visions I see Kevin teaching me, or rather Miang, how to be human. Miang is always happy when Kevin is around, but there was one vision where Kevin was angry at her, saying it was wrong to teach her. She seemed rather upset about something, I'm not sure what, but it felt as if she was broken by his words."
"...I'm afraid I don't know the answer to that question, Elly," she answers, "but I think I have a vague idea. When Miang was still being built in the early stages, Kevin asked me, 'Shion, do you believe she has a heart?'. I was very surprised by his words and I told Kevin to look out for any emotions she may display. Kevin was responsible for Miang's combat simulations but I know there were times when he would visit her in the encephalon for reasons I did not know. The last time he visited her in the encephalon, however, Kevin was rather angry about something. I asked him if he was okay, but then he replied 'She just doesn't understand.' I didn't know what he meant back then, but shortly after we began working on you, I heard a rumor about Miang. The rumor was that Miang had fallen in love with Kevin, seeing him as more than a father than Kevin and I had wanted. Kevin had rejected Miang's love, and that made her go berserk when she was activated."
"Jealous," I interrupt, "she was jealous of your love."
"What, jealous?" Shion asks.
"Miang was jealous of yours and Kevin's love for each other," I tell her.
"...I suppose that's the truth, but...," Shion begins to fall silent.
"There's still some things I don't understand, why does she reawaken now of all times?!" I ask, burying my face into Shion's shoulder. "Why does she continue to haunt me?! Why did she...," the words cannot come, "why...? Oh God, why?!" I cry.
"Elly, what did she do to you?" my lover asks, tightening her hold on me. "Please Elly, tell me."
Her palm falls upon my cheek and suddenly I am reminded of Miang's icy cold touch. How her hands were so cold when they glided down my body, how her very touch also burned. My cries and pleas meant nothing as I begged her to stop, my body's actions telling her how unwelcome she was. Why, why must I be reminded of such a thing now?
"Stop it!" I yell, my arms suddenly shooting forward, pushing my lover away.
My eyes sting again, just as they did when she ravaged me. I can feel the wounds she gave me opening me again and my entire body begins to grow sore. The brush of her lips and the device within, I can feel them pressing against my mouth and stealing the contents within. Helpless, again I feel so helpless. Stop it, please, stop it! Don't torment me any longer! Don't let me hear your voice! Don't let me see you! Don't even come near me, just leave me alone!
"Elly?" Shion's voice barely calls.
I don't waste another second remembering this image, instead, I begin to push my feet against the floor and begin running.
"Elly!" I hear my love call once again.
I don't bother to look where I run, nor do I even look back. My feet continue to push against the ground, not one second passes where they stop. Even in the world of darkness that I cast before my eyes, I still remember. Again I hear her laugh, again I see her face, and again I feel her touch. I try to run further and further, away from the horrid vision, but regardless of how fast I run, the vision does not escape me. I realize I can no longer run, so I stop where I am, curling my knees to my chest and my arms wrapping around them. My voice whimpers and my eyes still burn, stop it, just stop it! Make it all go away, please, make it all go away.
The sound of steps begins to fill the air suddenly just as it begins to thin. My limbs begin to shiver from the sudden cold as my entire body begins to grow numb. The sounds grow louder and louder and my eyes widen further with every inch they move. My teeth begin to grind against one another and my chest suddenly begins to ache, aching as some sort of device crashes against the top of my breast. The steps suddenly come to a halt and I make no effort to turn my eyes to the one who now stands before me, instead trying to avert them elsewhere. Nothing but darkness is what I find wherever I turn. I begin to push myself back to my feet only to find the gaze of my sister now cast before me. Her arm quickly launches forward, her fingers wrapping around my wrist before I could move, and suddenly I find my body being pulled toward hers.
"Shio...!" I try to call my lover's name, only to have the last part of it muffled by a hand.
"Now do you remember, KOS-MOS?" my sister asks. "The pain that woman caused us back then?"
"Why did you do it," I ask, my voice breaking in between my sobs, "why did you have to..."
"I never meant to hurt you, KOS-MOS," her fingers press against my lips, "in order to remember the past, you had to remember the pain, the pain she had put us through, and in order to do that, I had to..."
"So you raped me just so that I could remember our past, Miang?!" I begin to raise my voice.
"...I'm sorry," she suddenly apologizes.
"What?!"
I pull myself away from her the moment she apologizes and for once, my sister does not advance. Her vision turn to the floor, her arms meeting with her body, filling the gap I left when I pushed out of her arms. My fists begin to loosen at that moment, my eyes no longer narrowed, and my anger subsiding. Pity, is this what I'm feeling toward Miang right now, this emotion that drives makes me feel bad because her actions had good intentions? No, of course not, regardless of what her intentions were, she had no right to do that to me!
"So I'm just supposed to take your apology and pity you?!" I stomp. "Do you realize the emotional turmoil your actions caused?! It's because of what you did and made me do that I can't look at Shion and not burst into tears, it's because of you I can no longer savor the taste of her lips, it's because of you that...!"
"I understand how you feel," Miang interrupts again, "but without pain, there can be no..."
"I knew pleasure long before what you did!" I spit. "If you wanted me to remember everything, why couldn't you just tell me?!"
"Telling you and experiencing the memories once more do not give the same effect," she answers, "what I did was necessary so that..."
The next thing I know, I find my right palm swinging forward, my entire hand stinging after coming in contact with my sister's cheek. A blush of red paints itself on where my hand struck, followed by a stream of what I think are tears flowing down her cheeks. Again a part of me wants me to pity her, but I refuse to give in to that trap.
"Necessary?" I ask, my fingers balling into a fist once again. "What you did ruined my life!"
"That woman would have ruined your life in the long run," she continues.
"What?!"
"Don't you remember, Elly," she asks, calling me by my real name, "the day he broke our heart, when he couldn't return our feelings? He said he loved us, Elly, and he knew that we loved him, and yet he showered his affection to that woman!" her voice begins to raise. "Why her, why?! He built us to be the perfect woman, not just to be another machine, and despite achieving that perfection, he..."
"The love he had for us was not the same as the love we had for him!" I explain. "Kevin loved us as a father, nothing more!"
"No, that's not true!" Miang screams. "Lies! Lies, lies, lies, lies, lies! He had to have loved us more, why else did he teach us to become human, why name us, why even spend quality time with us?"
"Any caring parent would do that for their child, can't you see that?" I try to explain.
"No, he loved us more than just children," her screams continue, her hands beginning to cover her ears, "he loved us for just being who we were. He loved..."
"That's an illusion, Miang!" I interrupt again. "You can't get over the past, but why do you have to drag me with you, why do I have to get involved when I've already found love with someone else?!"
"You can only love others only when you can love yourself," she answers with a familiar quote, "that is what Kevin once told us. Elly, do you love yourself?"
"Do I love...?"
"Do you love me?"
My mind draws nothing but a blank as I try to search for an answer to the question. The question plays itself over and over again in my mind, but no matter how hard I search, I cannot find a complete answer. I think I love myself, I've helped Shion and the others in many situations and I was happy to be of service, but at the same time, I also hate myself. There were times when I let Shion down, when I made her cry, and I just despise that part of me. But then there's the issue of Miang and I as a whole; do I love Miang? How can I, after all she's put me through, after all the things she did to me and the others.
"No, of course not," she answers for me a second later. "Machines such as us cannot love, but are we really machines?" she continues. "You and I, Elly," she begins to approach me once again, "we are but one and the same, a manifestation of sin, that's what we are."
"A manifestation of sin?" her words leave me puzzled.
"'Thou shalt not make a machine in the likeness of a man's mind,'" she interrupts, "so says the words of the Orange Catholic Bible. Are we not machines created in likeness of a man's mind, Elly?"
My mind once again draws nothing but blank for an answer, I can neither agree nor disagree with her statement. A machine in the likeness of a man's mind, I suppose that's what Miang and I are, but today... No, the events that transpired today don't change the fact that I'm still a machine, it doesn't matter...
"Or perhaps we are not machines after all," my sister continues, "but one thing is for certain, we are not human. We are dolls, Elly. You and I are the same, manifestations of one's desire, to look and act human, but in reality we are nothing more than toys for the ones that created us."
Her arm begins to reach toward my body and I do not make an effort to move as her words continue to echo in my ears. My feet begin to push me a few steps forward, stopping before my sister's toes and pressing my cheek against my sister's. Even though I can feel her hand now caressing my cheek, it's still not enough to clear her words from my mind. This touch, it's so different from the one's that have glided down my skin before. It's slow... and gentle, my knees can't help but loosen as the tips of her fingers slide down my face. I feel her breath drawing toward my lips and I begin to pull mine back, but the next one that escapes her lips comforts the muscles in my mouth.
"I love you...," she says in barely a whisper.
Why, why am I feeling so weak suddenly. The inside of my mouth has suddenly become parched, sweat is beginning to drip from my brow, and again there is a beating within my breast. My breath is short, my eyes are barely closed, I feel so...
"Do you love me?" my sister asks, her breath as close to my lips as ever.
"I...," my lips begin to press forward. "No!" my eyes suddenly widen and my arms pushing forward.
The shove brings my sister a few steps back and I find myself trying so desperately to reclaim my breath. The entire top half of my body feels so heavy all of a sudden and my entire brow is drenched in sweat. I look back to Miang who regains her balance, returning to her feet with ease. She wears her usual monotone expression on her face and begins to speak once more.
"Love, of course you don't love me," she speaks, "we cannot love, we can only lust, that's all we are capable of."
"You speak in circles," I tell her, still trying to reclaim my breath, "your words are nothing but a circle of blasphemy!"
"Oh really," she asks, "then why have you not answered my earlier question? Do you love yourself?"
"Of...of course I do," I find myself stuttering, "it's just that..."
"You can't love me, despite the fact that I'm part of you," she finishes my sentence. "Just remember this my sister, people can love dolls, but when we when another one comes around, the original doll is quickly forgotten. Heed my advice, Elly," she begins to turn away, "for your relationship with that woman will end up the same way ours did with Kevin back then."
"Miang, wait!" I try to call.
The color white begins to flood my vision soon after, and suddenly everything grows black. The next thing I know, I feel my body pressing against some sort of surface, my head resting on what seems to be a pillow. Slowly I peel away the darkness before me, peeling until I see the image of a coffee table and television before me. I'm in the living room at the Uzuki Residence again, yet I do not know how I got here.
"How are you feeling?" I hear the voice of the silver-haired boy as I pull my body back to its feet.
I can think of no words to describe my current feelings, everything in my mind just seems to be so jumbled at the moment. I bring my palm to my temple for a moment and begin to shake my head, trying to clear some of the confusion away in the process. I still feel terrible; my entire body still seems to be weighing down on me and everything just feels so fuzzy at the moment. Just thinking is a chore at the moment.
"You've been out for quite a while," I turn to my side to find the Durandel's captain and young realian standing next to him, "we found you outside unconscious a few hours ago."
"Shion was very worried," MOMO informs me, "KOS-MOS, what happened?"
"...I'm not sure," I answer, my thoughts and the events that transpired recently still blurry. "Where's Shion?" I decide to change the subject.
"She's upstairs taking a shower," MOMO answers, "she was at your side until recently when chaos told her to go take a bath to help clear her thoughts."
"I guess I'll wait for her in her room then," I inform the others.
"Not everyone begins with a soul," the silver-haired boy suddenly speaks, stopping me for a moment.
"What?"
"Only when one has gone through both pain and pleasure that they can call themselves a man," he continues.
"Or in your case, a woman, right Jr.?" the young realian asks.
"Yeah, I guess that sounds right."
"Excuse me then," I tell the others.
As I head upstairs, I can't help but take a glance outside. It is already nighttime, the moon and stars are as bright as the sun would be if the day were still out. The eternal blackness, the very same one I saw the night before when I leapt off the Elsa.
"So much has happened these last few days," I find myself sighing.
It was not too long ago when Shion and I had admitted our feelings toward one another, through words and through action. We fought many times as well, hurting one another with words and force. So much has happened between us in this short time, so much pain and pleasure that is normally felt only in a single lifetime, or at least that is what I believe. Was life supposed to be this complicated? We've hurt each other many times, and yet, we always manage to run back into each other's arms, licking the very same wounds we had inflicted to the other. Why does she continue to put up with me after all I've done to her?
My thoughts come to a close shortly after as I find myself stopping at the door that leads to my lover's room. Gently I rap my knuckles against its surface, rapping it twice in succession. Silence is the only answer I receive, so again I knock. Still nothing. My fingers wrap around the doors knob after, slowly twisting it to the side as the rest of my arm slowly pushes the rest of the door open. The room is empty, not a single form of life in the room. The moon's glow illuminates the area with a pale blue light, it shines most bright on the bed. My feet begin to push me toward the light, stopping before where it shines so that I may get a better view of the room.
"What's this?" my attention averts itself to a picture frame I had not noticed earlier.
I don't know why I hadn't noticed this earlier, it's been sitting right next to the bed. I pick up the frame and bring it closer to my face so that I may get a better view of the photo within. It's a picture of a young girl with glasses; eyes as green as emerald and brown hair with a small shade of red. The girl wears her hair down to her upper back, although she wears some of it in a braid that she wears in front. A light blue dress is what she is wearing, with a dark blue ribbon tied to the waist area of her clothing. The girl seems to be smiling, smiling as she holds a doll in her arms. The doll she holds looks somewhat familiar. Hair as red as the setting sun and blue like water, it looks just like Nephilim.
"People can love dolls, but when we when another one comes around, the original doll is quickly forgotten," my sister's last words begin to echo in my ears once again.
"What's that in your hand, Elly?" I suddenly find the frame being stripped from my hands. "Oh, this picture," Shion says after looking at it for a mere second, "I remember that day, it was so long ago."
"Shion, people can love dolls, right?" I ask.
"What do you mean, Elly?" she asks back, confused.
"Please, just answer the question."
"Yes, people can love dolls," she answers.
"But when another one comes around, is the original forgotten?"
"Elly, why do you...?"
"Just answer!" I find myself almost yelling.
"...in time, I'm afraid so," she answers after a moment of hesitation.
"...I see," my head begins to sink. "Shion, am I doll?"
"A doll, of course not, Elly," she answers.
"Am I a machine?"
"Far from it."
"Am I human?"
"...I cannot say."
"Then what am I?" I ask with my eyes beginning to burn.
For once she gives me no answer, instead bringing her eyes to the floor. She does not know, and I knew she wouldn't, but even knowing this, I still asked. I wait for a moment to pass, and still no answer, my eyes burning more fiercely with every second that passes. A cool liquid begins to run down my face now, with sniffs and sobs escaping me every second. My body begins to curl inward, my knees catching each of my tears. Then a gentle touch falls onto my shoulder and the tears begin to stop. I turn to the hand that now holds me, my eyes then fixing on those of the hand's owner. A small curl falls upon her lips as I continue to gaze into her eyes, and her mouth begins to speak.
"You are Elly, the woman I love," my lover finally tells me, "you are no more, no less than that."
Again, more tears begin to fall down my cheeks, but the shutting of my eyes begins to cool the fire. My palm falls upon the hand that caresses me and I find my body sinking, sinking toward the form of my lover. Another arm wraps around my shoulders at that moment as my face begins to bury itself around its owner's heart. My own arms begin to creep forward, slowly wrapping around her waist, pulling her close and hugging her tightly.
"Do you remember that promise we made not too long ago?" she asks, bringing her lips to my ear. "When we swore our everlasting love for one another, do you remember what you said?"
"Forever," I remember, "Shion, you and I can stay here forever."
"And then I answered 'longer than forever, my love, longer than forever,'" she reminds me. "Elly, I meant what I said back there, and my words still hold true now. I will always love you, Elly," she whispers, "when we die and are reborn into another life, if we are to ever be separated, and if we are to fight with one another again, regardless of what happens, I will always love you."
"And I will always love you, Shion...," I say in barely a whisper.
Miang, I don't care what you say, or what your intentions are, no matter what you may try to do, no matter what is to become of me, you will never tear Shion and I apart. Never!
Author's Note: Well, how was it? To be honest, this chapter was really hard for me to write, namely due to time constraints because school's been keeping me busy for a while. I guess it was also tough because there were just too many times in the first draft of this chapter where KOS-MOS (or rather "Elly" as she'll be called from now on by Miang (the Archetype) and Shion from now on) got emotional, but she still gets really emotional in the final product as well as you can see. It's not that I like torturing the poor girl, but hey, she's the one who wanted to feel pain originally, and unfortunately, she got it. As for why she's become human suddenly and whatnot, I'll reveal the answer in the next chapter, or if not that one, the one after. Just to tell you readers ahead of time, it might be a while before I update again because finals are comin' up soon, but I'll try and work on the next chapter as soon as I can. Three chapters left and this story's done, then I'll work on "Mother," and if time permits afterward, I might work on another sequel (it's kind of an AU, but I'll give details about it some other time). Well reviews are welcome, but no flames or anything like that. Well that's it for now, later people!