Knives got in the passenger seat and began giving me driving directions.
Except for that he was silent and he had a look on his face that I couldn't
interpret.
Finally I saw a town and drove down the main street. It looked like an ordinary small town with houses, a café, and a gas station but there were no people in sight.
"Pull over and get out," Knives said.
I stepped out of the jeep and approached a house with an open door. The table had been set for a meal a long time ago, the desiccated remains of the food still on the plates. There was no one inside. I began to realize what Knives was showing me, and I began to feel sick. I couldn't stop looking into the houses, seeing all the beds that would never be slept in, all the books that would never be read, all the emptiness.
"They left their houses on their own," Knives began in a low voice. "Legato called to them and they just left. Some of the small children escaped, they always did. The people walked to a field outside the town. And the Gung-Ho guns killed them. With guns, mostly, Dominique was a good shot. Legato didn't need a weapon. All those men and women, those human men, women, and children, gone in minutes. No fighting back, no chance for final regrets. Bodies to be buried. I can show you the graves."
I shook my head. I was picturing all those people, going on with normal lives until being called out to their deaths.
He turned to look at me, and I recognized the expression on his face. It was sadness. "I could kill all those people, those humans, but I can't make this town again. And if humans are so many insects to be exterminated, it doesn't really matter. A living town, or a bunch of graves, it's all the same."
He turned, and gripped me by the shoulders, and looked into my eyes. "But if my brother is right, then every human life is as important as his life, as mine, as the life of that sad plant we buried. Every single one. If I believed that, what would that make me? I can't believe it; do you see? Because that way lies the abyss!"
He had raised his voice practically to screaming level. And I found myself with nothing to say. I always want to comfort people, to reach out to them somehow. But how could I reach out to Knives as he confronted me with what he had done?
He dropped his hands and sat down in the dirt.
"My brother has never forgiven himself for the death of one human, my pathetic Legato Bluesummers. No matter what crime I inform him that Legato was guilty of, no matter how often he reminds himself that he was saving someone's life, he simply cannot forget it. Every time he looks at that woman, I see it in his eyes; he thinks 'there stands the woman for whose sake I killed.' And it has ruined his life.
"That's why I can't listen to him any more. If I keep listening; if I start to believe him, I'll go insane. If killing one Legato Bluesummers is beyond forgiveness, where would I be?"
At the mention of Vash I felt I could say something after all.
"I don't know. I don't know if there are any things beyond forgiveness. But I know Vash didn't kill you. He kept you alive for a reason. And I know you have some confidence in him."
Knives shook his head. He didn't look sad anymore, just tired.
"I have never told anyone any of this, not even Vash. Especially not Vash. I wouldn't want him to think he's getting through to me. I always remember what humans have done to plants, and what was done to me. The hatred is still there, and I can go on."
"So why are you telling me?"
"I know you, Milly. I know what I've seen, and I know what I've heard Vash and Meryl tell each other when they think I'm not listening. You do what people need you to do. If Meryl needs a partner to chase down Vash the Stampede, you're there. If Vash needs you to help take care of his sick brother, the genocidal maniac, you're in. Even with Wolfwood."
"Don't say it," I whispered, though I knew it was true.
"So maybe you can give me what I need."
I sat in the dirt next to him. I wondered why someone who hated humans so much had taken so much time to analyze me.
"Please let's get out of here," I said, standing up. The magnitude of the loss here was too great, and I couldn't think straight. I was just a human, just like the people here were, and I had no idea what Millions Knives needed or how I could give it to him.
Without thinking, I reached a hand out to help him get up. He took it and rose. Then he stood in front me, looking tired and lost like a child. Wordlessly, I embraced him, as if he were a fellow mourner of this crime and not the perpetrator. He returned the embrace, and then we walked on.
Vash believed his brother was redeemable, and who was I to argue. Knives had uncertainty, and maybe that was enough. Or maybe that was just my own optimism coming through again.
(A. N. OK this was a bit dark, but it was going to be even darker and justify the R rating and I changed my mind. And Milly is acting not quite like Milly, but I justify that to myself on the grounds that she would probably tone down her natural cheerfulness significantly around Knives, simply because it would get on his nerves too much, and in this chapter there's not much room for cheer. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this even though it was a bit sad, things will go uphill from here.)
Finally I saw a town and drove down the main street. It looked like an ordinary small town with houses, a café, and a gas station but there were no people in sight.
"Pull over and get out," Knives said.
I stepped out of the jeep and approached a house with an open door. The table had been set for a meal a long time ago, the desiccated remains of the food still on the plates. There was no one inside. I began to realize what Knives was showing me, and I began to feel sick. I couldn't stop looking into the houses, seeing all the beds that would never be slept in, all the books that would never be read, all the emptiness.
"They left their houses on their own," Knives began in a low voice. "Legato called to them and they just left. Some of the small children escaped, they always did. The people walked to a field outside the town. And the Gung-Ho guns killed them. With guns, mostly, Dominique was a good shot. Legato didn't need a weapon. All those men and women, those human men, women, and children, gone in minutes. No fighting back, no chance for final regrets. Bodies to be buried. I can show you the graves."
I shook my head. I was picturing all those people, going on with normal lives until being called out to their deaths.
He turned to look at me, and I recognized the expression on his face. It was sadness. "I could kill all those people, those humans, but I can't make this town again. And if humans are so many insects to be exterminated, it doesn't really matter. A living town, or a bunch of graves, it's all the same."
He turned, and gripped me by the shoulders, and looked into my eyes. "But if my brother is right, then every human life is as important as his life, as mine, as the life of that sad plant we buried. Every single one. If I believed that, what would that make me? I can't believe it; do you see? Because that way lies the abyss!"
He had raised his voice practically to screaming level. And I found myself with nothing to say. I always want to comfort people, to reach out to them somehow. But how could I reach out to Knives as he confronted me with what he had done?
He dropped his hands and sat down in the dirt.
"My brother has never forgiven himself for the death of one human, my pathetic Legato Bluesummers. No matter what crime I inform him that Legato was guilty of, no matter how often he reminds himself that he was saving someone's life, he simply cannot forget it. Every time he looks at that woman, I see it in his eyes; he thinks 'there stands the woman for whose sake I killed.' And it has ruined his life.
"That's why I can't listen to him any more. If I keep listening; if I start to believe him, I'll go insane. If killing one Legato Bluesummers is beyond forgiveness, where would I be?"
At the mention of Vash I felt I could say something after all.
"I don't know. I don't know if there are any things beyond forgiveness. But I know Vash didn't kill you. He kept you alive for a reason. And I know you have some confidence in him."
Knives shook his head. He didn't look sad anymore, just tired.
"I have never told anyone any of this, not even Vash. Especially not Vash. I wouldn't want him to think he's getting through to me. I always remember what humans have done to plants, and what was done to me. The hatred is still there, and I can go on."
"So why are you telling me?"
"I know you, Milly. I know what I've seen, and I know what I've heard Vash and Meryl tell each other when they think I'm not listening. You do what people need you to do. If Meryl needs a partner to chase down Vash the Stampede, you're there. If Vash needs you to help take care of his sick brother, the genocidal maniac, you're in. Even with Wolfwood."
"Don't say it," I whispered, though I knew it was true.
"So maybe you can give me what I need."
I sat in the dirt next to him. I wondered why someone who hated humans so much had taken so much time to analyze me.
"Please let's get out of here," I said, standing up. The magnitude of the loss here was too great, and I couldn't think straight. I was just a human, just like the people here were, and I had no idea what Millions Knives needed or how I could give it to him.
Without thinking, I reached a hand out to help him get up. He took it and rose. Then he stood in front me, looking tired and lost like a child. Wordlessly, I embraced him, as if he were a fellow mourner of this crime and not the perpetrator. He returned the embrace, and then we walked on.
Vash believed his brother was redeemable, and who was I to argue. Knives had uncertainty, and maybe that was enough. Or maybe that was just my own optimism coming through again.
(A. N. OK this was a bit dark, but it was going to be even darker and justify the R rating and I changed my mind. And Milly is acting not quite like Milly, but I justify that to myself on the grounds that she would probably tone down her natural cheerfulness significantly around Knives, simply because it would get on his nerves too much, and in this chapter there's not much room for cheer. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this even though it was a bit sad, things will go uphill from here.)