***

Part 4

Willow woke from scattered dreams shortly after dawn. She lay in bed as the room grew brighter, drifting in the nebulous territory between sleep and consciousness. Fragmented images skittered through the landscape of her mind until she abruptly found herself reliving the day Spike 'died'--reliving it from his perspective. Cold sweat blanketed her body as she felt his death all over again and she shuddered, wondering how she could ever have forgotten.

Now, free of distractions, she explored every detail of the memory. She recalled everything, including wishing she could save Spike. Willow snuggled under the sheets, shaking her head in confusion. She may have had the intent, but as spaced out as she was at the time there was no way she could have pulled it off. Which meant... Rolling over, Willow groaned into the pillow; she didn't have a clue what it meant.

After dozing a while longer she got up and dragged herself into the bathroom. Leaning heavily on the vanity, she stared at her pale reflection. Part of her wanted to get right back into bed and mope the day away, but she knew the sooner she fixed Spike, the sooner she could get out of Los Angeles. But although she remembered witnessing his death, she remained unclear about what had happened to Spike or the part she'd played; which left her with only one option. Looking herself in the eye, she nodded decisively and set about getting washed and dressed.

The morning was sunny and not too hazy so she strolled to the office, stopping for a hasty breakfast of blueberry muffins and decaf on the way. By the time she arrived at Wolfram & Hart her mood had lightened, and she strode through the lobby eager to put her plans into motion. After asking for directions to Wesley's office she headed straight there, and found him engrossed in a huge leather-covered tome.

"Wesley, hi."

"Willow, how lovely to see you again," he said, getting up from his desk to greet her. Judging from his stubble he was still in his Marlboro Man phase, despite the corporate environment. As he grasped her hand he frowned. "Are you all right? You look a little..."

"Hag-like?" she said dryly.

"I was going to say under the weather."

She flicked her hand. "I'm fine. Just didn't get much sleep last night, strange bed and all."

"Hmm," he said, looking sceptical. But he dropped the subject and steered her to a comfy couch by the transparent wall. "What can I do for you?"

"Fred tells me you've gotten bupkus from researching the amulet."

Wesley sank onto the armrest of the couch and looked down at her. "That's correct."

She cocked her head. "That's a little strange, isn't it? Considering your many minions and all the mystical resources at your disposal."

"I suppose it is," he said evenly.

Reaching out with her magic, she established a link between their minds, just deep enough that she could read his surface thoughts. She was skating on thin moral ice here but she needed to know if she could trust him. Willow took a deep breath. "So is Wolfram & Hart holding out on you, or are you holding out on me?"

He flinched, but met her gaze. "I'm not holding out on anyone."

She sensed with relief that he was telling the truth and nodded. "Good, cause I'm gonna need your help."

Wesley seemed surprised she'd accepted his assurance so easily, but said only, "I doubt my magical ability is anywhere near your level."

"That doesn't matter. I just need to know if I can count on you."

He studied her for a long moment as though he could read her thoughts--had he shared her magical talents he could very well have used the link to do so--and squared his shoulders. "You can."

Satisfied, she pared down the link so she was no longer intruding on his mind and projected her mind voice into his psyche. Wesley?

His eyebrows twitched in response and Willow smiled.

This is what I need you to do...

***

Harmony beamed as Willow approached her desk. "Willow! I was just thinking we should get together and catch up. You know, reminisce about the good old days."

Willow blinked. "Oh, yeah, they were...fun times." If you weren't me.

"Great. How about tonight?"

"Er, Harmony, I'd love to take that rollercoaster down memory lane with you, but I'm busy tonight. Maybe some other time?" Like never.

The vampire's enthusiasm diminished. "Sure, whatever." She began shuffling files on her desk in a half-hearted fashion.

Geez, how insane is it that I'm feeling guilty about hurting Harmony's feelings? Willow hurried into Angel's office before she gave in to the urge to apologise. She stopped short when she saw he wasn't alone.

Eve turned and chirped, "Hey, there. Sleep well?"

Willow shot her the dirtiest look she could summon.

"Willow," said Angel, rising from his chair, "this is--"

"We've met," Willow said, advancing into the office but keeping her distance from Eve.

His eyes narrowed. "When?"

"It's okay, Angel. I handled it."

Eve stage whispered, "You know, she really did. You should reconsider; she'd be a great addition to the team."

He growled. "This meeting is over."

Unruffled, Eve tossed her hair and left the office swinging her hips.

Willow watched her go. "I'm gonna go out on a limb and say she's evil."

Angel came over to her and rested his hands on her shoulders. "What happened?" His perceptive gaze lingered on her features, no doubt noting the tangible signs of her encounter with Eve.

She knocked his hands away and paced to the window, staring at the neighbouring skyscrapers. "Nothing for you to get all grrr about."

"But, Willow--"

The rage and frustration she'd suppressed broke loose and she whirled. "Angel, cut it out! You said it yourself--I can take care of myself--so stop with the helping the helpless routine, okay?"

Hurt flashed in his eyes and her anger morphed into shame, but no matter how much she regretted lashing out at him she couldn't bring herself to apologise; she was tired of being mollycoddled.

Spike materialised through a wall and drawled, "Score one for the witch." Angel's jaw clenched.

"Not now, Spike," she said wearily.

"What's the matter, luv? Is it that special time of the month?" he said with mock sympathy. Then he sniffed.

Ewww! Gritting her teeth, Willow glared at him. "Spike, you might wanna remember I'm here to help you."

He pouted. "Just having a bit of fun, is all. Not like I can actually smell anything."

"Well, a cranky witch is a sloppy witch, so quit it."

Spike levelled an unrepentant stare at her. "In light of the fact that you've done jack since you got here, frankly, I'm not all that bothered."

Willow's temper flared, and pins and needles ran up her spine and down her arms as her magic responded to her subconscious call. Spike's eyes widened and he fell back a step.

"Hey, time out, guys," Angel said as he imposed himself between them. "Let's all just...take it down a notch, okay?"

Taking a deep breath, she reminded herself Angel and Spike were her friends. Lately it seemed as if everyone, friend and foe alike, was pushing her buttons. "Right, cause we've got more important things to fight about."

Smiling slightly, Angel said, "Such as?"

She looked at him. "For one thing, I need the amulet."

He stared at her, then rounded his desk and opened a drawer to retrieve a medallion on a chain. Retracing his steps, he tossed it to her as he perched on the edge of his desk.

Spike perked up. "You've found a way to make me solid again?"

"Not exactly."

He frowned. "Then what..."

Avoiding his gaze, Willow examined the amulet, tracing the ornate design with her fingertips. "See, the thing is, technically, you're dead."

Smirking, Spike shoved his hands into his pockets. "Hate to break it to you, Willow, but that's nothing new."

"You know what I mean--not vampire dead, poofy dead."

"I'm not a poof!" Spike's eyes flashed yellow.

Angel chuckled. "I beg to differ."

"Sod off."

Willow cleared her throat. "What I'm trying to say is, your body was dusted. I can't bring you back."

"Course you can, luv. Powerful witch like you. All you have to do is wiggle your nose."

"It's not a question of power, Spike. It's just wrong. Look at all the badness that happened when I brought Buffy back from the dead."

Frowning, Spike slunk over to stand in front of her. "Buffy was in heaven. I, clearly, am not," he said, glaring at Angel.

Peering up at Spike, Willow saw the panic lurking in his blue eyes and bit her lip. Spike had a point--he was a unique case. On the other hand, she was only human and she didn't have the right to decide who lived or died. It had been a painful lesson--one learned at the expense of her best friend--but it was now ingrained in her as deeply as her magic. She didn't think she could restore Spike even if she wanted to.

"I'm sorry, Spike."

He spun away from her, his duster twirling up and ghosting through her legs. "Oh, now you decide to get all righteous. Well, what about me? You can't leave me like this."

"I'm not going to."

Spike froze in mid-tantrum. "What?"

"I may not be able to make you corporeal, but there are others who can," she said.

"Oh, yeah?"

Angel's forehead crinkled. "What do you mean, others?"

"I mean...a higher power."

"A higher power? Like, say, the Powers That Be?" said Angel, levering himself off his desk.

With growing trepidation, she watched his face light up. Darn it, I should've skedaddled as soon as I had the amulet. "It's, er, probably better if you don't know too much."

Angel continued as if he hadn't heard her. "This is great. I can get a little one on one time with them too, right?"

"Lay off, you wanker," said Spike. "This is my party, remember?"

Willow held up a hand. "Spike, why don't you wait for me in Wesley's office?" He began to protest but she displayed her resolve face and he subsided. Hah! I've still got it. With a sniff he disappeared through a wall.

Awkward silence ensued, then she sat on the leather couch and beckoned Angel to join her. Once he was seated beside her, Willow closed her eyes and focused, shaping and directing her magical energy to create a cocoon around them. "Sonor. Saeptum. Aedifico." The words gave her power form and the barrier crystallised, cutting off the bustle of the outer office. Opening her eyes, she saw Angel shiver and scrub the back of his neck.

"What'd you do?" he asked.

"Made sure no one can spy on us." Common sense dictated she try to conserve as much energy as possible, but knowing he was likely to be upset, Willow wanted to keep this conversation private.

Squinting, Angel scanned the room as if he could see the spell. "You sure you don't want a job?" She scowled and he muttered, "No one appreciates my sense of humour."

Willow placed a hand on his arm. "I'm sorry, Angel, but you can't be there when I make contact."

"What? Why?"

She hesitated. "Spike's right. I need to focus on him. I'm going to be invoking a lot of power, and I can't afford to be distracted just because you're having a Dear Abby moment."

Angel looked as though he'd swallowed spoilt blood. "You could at least think about it for a microsecond before you shut me down."

"I have thought about it, and if I could help you both I would, but..." She gave him a helpless shrug.

Dejected, he turned his back on her. "So he's more important than I am, is that it?"

"No, that's not it." Exasperated by his woe-is-me attitude, Willow grabbed his lapel and yanked him around to face her. "Angel, I'm somehow responsible for Spike's second coming. I have to help him."

Doleful brown eyes gazed at her. "What about me?"

Damn it, he was going to make her say it. She swallowed but didn't look away. "You had a choice. Spike didn't." There was that look again. God, I hope he doesn't barf on me. Does blood come out of suede...

"He put on the amulet," Angel said, with a touch of desperation.

"But he didn't choose to come back," she said gently.

His shoulders slumped and he inched away from her. "But I need to know what to do...I need guidance."

"No, you don't." Willow ducked her head so she could look him in the eye. "Angel, you're one of the strongest people I know. Heck, you survived hell. Trust me, you don't need anyone to tell you what to do. You just need to remember who you are."

He didn't react.

With a heavy heart she stood and patted his shoulder. "I have to go--errands and research and...stuff you really don't care about. I'll see you later, okay?" He said nothing. After a moment's hesitation she dispersed the spell and headed for the door.

"Willow?"

She paused and glanced over her shoulder.

Angel attempted a smile. "Good luck."

Willow smiled back. "Thanks."

***