Chapter 32

A/N:  It's not as long as the last one, but it's a lot longer than some of our other chapters.  We've reached the climax of the story, so it should get very interesting soon.

Disclaimer: I wish.

STUPID!  STUPID!  STUPID!  Of all the stupid things I've done in the past, this is by far the worst..  So when you consider that I once told Ginny that I loved her you know it has got to be pretty bad.  And it was.  The only word to describe it is stupid.

You see, Stella and I were making the polyjuice and love potion in a large walking closet that it seemed Filch used for supplies.  However, it was mostly empty so we figured it had been out of use for a while.  No one would interrupt us.

Now I only wish we could have been caught, yelled at and thrown into detention for the rest of the year because it  would be better than this.

Anyway, we were each seated by a cauldron, me working on the polyjuice potion as it is far more complicated than the love one.

"Can you hand me the pixie wings?" she asked absently without looking up.

I handed them to her.  It wasn't until a few minutes later that I realized I had been staring at her for a while and neglecting my potion.  Her face was filled with utter concentration as she worked with the potion.  A strand of blue hair fell into her face.  Her hazel eyes framed with dark eyeliner stared intently down at the bubbling mixture.

I didn't even realize I'd been doing it until she commented without looking up again, "I really am horrible at potions.  I don't see how you do it."

I shrugged.  "It's just following directions," I replied tonelessly forcing my gaze pack to the cauldron.

"I'll probably screw this up too.  Colin will end up hating me instead."

"On the plus side, you could threaten to kiss him unless he tells the whole school about Draco and Ginny.  And he already hates you."

Stella chuckled.  The smile was mesmerizing.  As though suddenly realizing she was laughing at something I had said she turned the conversation to something much less pleasant.  "So when did you know you were in love with Ginny?"

It was really interesting to think that I hadn't thought about Ginny all day.  I was making this potion to break her and Draco up so I could be with her, and she hadn't even crossed my mind.  "Third year."

"Wow.  I can't imagine having those feeling that young."

"Well, when did you start liking Draco?" I asked defensively.

"Third year, but that was liking.  Being in love is something completely different."

"Are you in love with him now?" I asked suddenly aware that if I could have one wish, it wouldn't be that Ginny would love me, it would be that Stella would say no.

She just sighed looking confused and stood up as if to stretch her legs.  "I don't know..." she answered unsurely.  I stood up as well, not liking feeling so much smaller than her, when in reality I was a good four inches taller than her.  "How do you know when your in love with someone?"

I shrugged.  "You just... know."

"That's not an answer," she said slightly aggravated.

"When your in love with someone, you just get this feeling.  You can't explain it.  If you were in love with him, you'd know."

"Then I guess I'm not in love with him," her tone unchanging.  The incredible feeling of relief that exploded in my chest is indescribable.  I don't know why those words made me so ecstatic, but they did.  "Yet." she added slightly.  The relief disappeared.

I guess this is when the stupid part begins.  I don't know what I was thinking particularly.  Maybe it was just how beautiful she looked, or maybe it was just how she stood there as if unsure what to say next.  Perhaps it was because I finally realized why I was so relieved.

Of course what I was about to do was something I had never done before.  Not exactly sure how one goes about doing it, I acted on impulse instead of brains.  Without hesitation I lowered my lips to hers and kissed her.

STUPID!  STUPID!  STUPID!  STUPID!  STUPID!  STUPID!  STUPID!  STUPID!  STUPID!  STUPID!  STUPID!  STUPID!  STUPID!  STUPID!  STUPID!  STUPID!  STUPID!  STUPID!  STUPID!  STUPID!  STUPID!  STUPID!  STUPID!  STUPID!  STUPID! STUPID!   STUPID!  STUPID!  STUPID!  STUPID!

Sorry, I just had to vent.

Of course, kissing her had been immensely stupid.  It  was that even more so as I had no idea what to next.  Now this was in addition stupid as I had read plenty of articles on the subject.  When I kissed her it was little more than a brush.  I was about to pull back when her lips pressed themselves against mine firmer.

The moments seemed to blend together.  I'm not exactly sure how long we stood there, our lips connected with one of my hands nervously placed on her waist.  It felt like forever, however when she pulled away, it was all to soon.

She stood there staring for a moment.  The silence was intoxicating.  The very air felt dormant.  The only sound was the sound of the light fire under our cauldrons and the light bubbling of potion ingredients.

Her eyes were full of confusion and then they showed a feeling much worse.  Regret.  I opened my mouth to apologize, but no voice came.  I was not sorry.

Her eyes looked as though she was trying to decide something, and then as though reaching a conclusion, she rushed past me and out the door.  I followed.

I could see her running down the hall.  "Stella, wait!" I shouted not caring if anyone else heard.  "Stella!  Stella!  STELLA!"  Yes, if you were a muggle you would be laughing at how silly it sounded but I did not laugh.

I turned and walked numbly back to my dorm, where I pulled you out and began to write.  I'm just so stupid.  What possessed me?

Nothing did.  I wanted to kiss her.  But it was stupid.  Talking to her about love was stupid.  Talking to her at all was stupid.  Getting involved in this whole bloody mess was stupid as well.

And you know, the stupidest part of all was:

Up until now, I still thought I was in love with Ginny.

A/N:  Don't you all love it? What was that? I can't here you, you probably don't live anywhere near us. So you can either drive to where we live, which would be difficult because we're not telling you were we are, or you can leave us a review. See, a review is a helpful little message that will show up on our computer. It would be very helpful because then we will know that you love our story.

And now, our messages for our reviewers (Drum roll please).  If you aren't here it's because you didn't review to the last chapter.  Don't make the same mistake twice.

beb: Don't worry.  I write in all caps in reviews all the time.

Spordelia Chase:  Sorry, we ended with "Okay, that's enough.  I feel like I'm having a conversation with myself."

Hplova4eva: Thanks!

cel:  Yeah, we have lots of trouble making people sound like themselves.  Which characters do you think are the worst so we can work on them?

Yami Hitokiri: I hope I spelled that right.  Hi Reen!  How are you?  Don't worry, everyone will get along in the end.  Just give it a while.