Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.
3. Forget-me-not
Tony turned the key in the ignition and listened as the engine sputtered to a halt. The headlights dimmed and died and suddenly he was immersed in darkness. The night outside his windshield was black, with even the stars hiding behind the gray clouds that loomed in the sky. He couldn't help but feel a bit of pleasure in finally finding something that matched the current state of his mood. He'd driven for hours along the winding roads of Fairfield. Then, having tired of passing the same buildings and spots that all seemed to remind him of Angela, he headed out of town and onto the highway. Of course, he should have known better, because here he was, sitting up at Inspiration Point, thinking of her again. All roads in his life eventually led back to Angela. At least the drive had managed to tame the fury he had felt before leaving the house. It had done nothing to calm the embarrassment, or the disappointment, or the intense jealousy he was feeling. These things had only grown during the drive, as they sat and festered in the pit of his stomach.
He cared about Angela more than he cared about anyone in this world, except Sam. He wanted to be the man she was out with tonight, the man who held her in his arms and heard her laughter in his ears. What he wanted was a lifetime of moments with her. What he had was a job, a friend, and a dark and starless night. The wanting never stopped. All of his life he wanted things that were just out of his reach. He'd come close a couple of times, like when he'd realized his dream of playing for the majors. There had been more to that dream though. It was his chance to give Sam and Marie everything they deserved, his chance to show the world what you could do if you followed your heart. A moment of stupidity and youthful abandon had ended it all. Then Marie had got sick and all he wanted was for her to get better, but he didn't get that wish either. Rain began to pound on the tin roof of the jeep as Tony sat and brooded. At least he'd got one thing right – he got Samantha out of Brooklyn and found a better life for her, a better life for both of them really. With Angela, Jonathan and Mona they'd found a home, love, and laughter; things he never dared to dream for again. Unfortunately, gaining all of this wasn't enough for him, because over the years he found himself wanting more and more. Sometimes he wanted so much that it physically hurt. He loved Angela and now it looked like he was losing her before he even had a chance to try.
A sharp crack of thunder reverberated through the valley below, bringing him out of his melancholy state. It suddenly occurred to him that this was Angela and that whatever else she may be; she was always overly cautious and reserved when it came to matters of the heart. It wasn't as if he was going to lose her from his life in one evening. It was just one date, and although he still wished it wasn't happening, it would probably come to nothing in the end. Relief washed through his system, as he decided that all he had to do was wait it out. There was still a chance to tell her what she meant to him.