Disclaimer- Lets get this straight, you all know I don't own a bloody thing….bugger…. so instead of saying all that crap I usually say I've decided to place the facts of life (no not those you perve) here.
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
MMMMM apples, I like apples *starts to quote Barbossa* you know the first thing I'm goin' to do after the curse is lifted? Eat a whole bushel of apples.
~*Previously of ASBAON*~ Having fun, fun, fun, in the sun, and Sam got hot giving Jack a big ole snog.
~*Final Line*~ - "Neither do I" she smiled up at him and enveloped him in a kiss.
Ok so my spelling SUX!! but there might be a language thingy going on, me being Australian and you… all being form other countries, so I might be writing the right in my tongue but writing wrong in your tongue. But if that is not the reason I will go and fix it all up just to make you all happy, so tell me where and I'll fix it. Okey Dokey Pokey!?!
To my wonderful reviewers
Dimonah Tralon - Thanks, I think the sun-burns has worn off now, bugger no more moisturising the elves, I suppose I could tell them that it they still need the moisturised or their skin will peal…which is true.
Serilia – Yeah, I know, I just had a look at it and it is very long…I am proud, I was having second thoughts about the angels, but I thought do I really care… and the answer was NO, so there they are and there they will stay. Wow was it that good. YAY …hmm I rhymed.
Cecilia Gray – Hyper is good! I know my spelling sucks, *please see the bold writing at top of page*, when I write my mind does this thing…I'm not sure what it is but I don't think and the words just type themselves…too bad my fingers don't know how to spell…oh well as long as you know what I'm saying. Yay I'm glad you've confirmed my thought because I really want to do a sequel, because I think I have an ending already for this one and the sequel will be needed besides I think the other will be fun to write because I can make it up as I got and not sort of stick to a story line.
Lightning Rain – Yes, there had to be romance, I kinda promised it. WOW really, man they have got their connections don't they? Yeah I luv that website, its on the top of my list in my favourites in the ORLANDO BLOOM folder…hehehe, when FFN doesn't work then I go to my trusty OB websites. WWWWWWOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOO I GET CHOCOLATE *starts to wack the elves and Jack away with a stick* no mine, mine. IT'S ALLLLLLL MMMMIIIINNNNEEE MMMWWWAAAHHAHAHAHAHA!! *cough, cough* um sorry, chocolate has that effect on me *Smiles*
Sugaricing – OK, OK, OK…MY SPELLING SUCKS!! *please see the bold writing at top of page* AJ and DJ are coming back, I'll make sure of that, Jack kinda needs all the help he can get, sure you can help give them a bath Give who a bath ummm…uhh…You NO ONE IS GIVING US A BATH, STOP SELLING US TO PEOPLE hehehe *emphasises words* Oh…it…looks…like…you…can't *in a whisper* yes you can *Legolas hits the back of her head* alright that's it, where's the Dencorub? You're in trouble now.
Amanda – Really? Wow I was trying to make them as less noticeable, apparently it didn't work…hmm…oh well, and at least only you saw us and not some psycho fan girls *checks cupboards* yep it's still safe. Hmmm massages huh…yes um *shouts to elves* YOU NEED TO HAVE SOME MASSAGES TO GET RID OF THE SUNBURN FULLY, hehehe Top idea! Sure why not, you can have the fling with Jack, if it makes you happy; I am only here to please.
LegolasGreenleafGil-Estel – Well since there are cherries involved, here ya go.
BRITNEY MURPHY TRIED TO KILL ME!!!! Ok so it was a dream and she WAS a zombie (i.e. like the girl in 'The Ring') but I thought it was sssssssoooooo funny. She chased me through this huge mansion chucking flat fat mice at me…I'm not kidding it was an actual dream. I think it is hilarious…although I'm not that right in the head apparently…at least that's what people say, I mean just because you're rolling around on the ground with laughter during 'The Ring' and almost pissing yourself with laughter while watching ' The Exorcist' it doesn't mean your insane…does it? ...*crickets*…anyone? …* tumble weed goes by* FINE, I must be insane then!!
You're insane
I just said that Leggy, didn't ya hear me?
I just wanted to emphasise it
Shuddup …hmm…what's that dear Leggy? *points to shoulder* it looks like you are peeling.
*looks at his shoulder* AAAAHHHHHH my poor skin, what's happened? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? *points at AUS*
I ain't done nothin, that's what ya get from being in the sun, don't worry I can fix it *gets out moisturiser* this will fix everything, just a little massage with this for about…ooohhhh…*smiles* 6 months and you should be alright
6 months!
Yes …sorry but unless you WANT your skin to fall off I suggest you let me do what has to be done…now strip off to your jocks
JOCKS?
How do you say……undergarments?
Is that entirely necessary?
Legolas, I am only trying to help you, don't you trust me? *gives puppy dog look*
Very well *Walks away taking off his shirt*
*smiles at rabid fan girls* Ner, ner, ner, ner…I get to *smiles menacingly and emphasising EVERY word* rub…him…all…over
BYE ALL and here's your update…Guess what I made up a song!! It will be posted in my next fan fic, the song is called…dun, dun, DUN…Leggy's bum Song. Here's a little taste.
Ooohhhh leggy's bum is so firm,
It's so hot it makes me burn.
But no more until I write the story, which will be quite soon I imagine… actually I've gotta think up a tune for it to go to.
Are you coming?
*smiles and yells in a sing song voice* coming!!!
A STORY BY ANY OTHER NAME
The morning sun blazed down on Jack's face, but that was not what woke the sleeping pirate, the sound of arguing and the smell of smoke made him wake up groggily.
"Let go, Liz, drop it"
"No, give it here, Sam I'll chuck you in the fire with it if you're not careful"
"Oh, yeah? I'd like to see you try"
Jack sat up and came face to face with a very interesting scene. Half the island was on fire and Sam was trying to pull a barrel out of Elizabeth's arms.
'Hmmm I know that smell, smells like that time my clothes caught on fire because of that stupid bartender who knocked over the candle just after I knocked over my rum………………Hmmm Fire………+ Rum…………=………AAAAHHHHHH'
"No! Not good! Stop! Not good! What are you doing? You burned all the food, the shade! The rum!" Jack shouted running over to the pair, who had stopped their arguing now to watch the pirate stagger/run over to them.
"Yes, the rum is gone" Elizabeth Said yanking the barrel out of Sam's hands and chucking it into the fire.
"Why is the rum gone?" He asked once again.
"Because she's BLOODY INSANE!" Sam shouted, taking a bottle out of the crate that was about to be thrown in to the growing fire.
"No, I am not insane; the reasons are: One, because it is a vile drink that turns even the most respectable men into complete scoundrels. Two, that signal is over a thousand feet high. The entire Royal Navy is out looking for us, do you really think that there is even the slightest chance that they won't see it?"
"I wouldn't really say they are looking for both of us, they might be looking for you. I don't think Nozza really cares if I die or not" Sam said walking towards the other end of the island away from the growing heat of the fire.
Jack watched her go and turned back to Elizabeth "But why is the rum gone?"
"Just wait, Captain Sparrow. You give it one hour, maybe two, keep a weather eye out and then you will see white sails on that horizon." Elizabeth said sitting down on a small sand bar. Jack got his pistol out when he heard a *POP* he noticed a certain little figure (D.J) sitting upon his shoulder.
"Do it, we don't need her. She is nothing but trouble. Just say your finger slipped. Then you get to comfort Sam afterwards and you will be all aallloonnneee"
Another little *POP* sounded and he saw the new figure (A.J) start to hit D.J with a rolled up newspaper.
"Stop that, Jack ignore him, he isn't on his medication.*hits D.J after every word* Get...Back...In...His...Head....Right...Now!" a slightly louder *POP* sounded and they were both gone. Jack put his pistol back and stalked off imitating Elizabeth.
"'Must've been terrible for you to be trapped here, Jack; must've been terrible for you.' Well it bloody is now!" he didn't notice Sam until he walked past and heard her call out to him.
"You do a wonderful Liz, but you need to sound more……umm……prissy" he stopped and turned around.
"Really?" he asked with a hint of amusement in his voice.
"Yeah, she doesn't sound as ruggedly handsome as you make out" she laughed; Jack turned and looked out to sea spotting The Dauntless and the small boat slowly rowing to shore.
"Yep, the Uptights shall be here, in about ooohhhh 20 minutes" She took a swing of rum and patted the ground next to her. Jack made his way over and sat down putting an arm around her waist and started kissing her neck.
"I wonder what they would say if they found us in this position" she giggled.
"Who cares" Jack said taking the rum from her hand and taking a big swig.
"Not me, Careful that may be the last bottle of rum you get in a while. And since I am such a gentle soul, *GAG* I will allow you to have the rest of the bottle" Sam lay back on the sand enjoying the sun.
"Thanks Luv" he said taking a slightly smaller swig then turning to her and asked "How come she ain't crying bout losing Will…actually how come ye ain't either?"
Sam turned to him with a smile and said "She doesn't cry because she's got some big plan or something and I don't because I know EVERYTHING"
"Whatchya Mean?" he asked with a quizzical look.
"Well, I have decided that I am psychic." She said with a defiant nod and lay back down.
"OK, no more rum for ye" Jack laughed.
"Hey I'm not the one who talks to himself" she said closing her eyes with a smile tugging at her lips.
"What? I don't talk to me self" Jack defended.
"Oh really?" She asked opening one eye and cocking and eyebrow. "I AM NOT A EUNUCH" She yelled.
"Indeed you are not" Said a voice from behind them.
"AHHHH GHOSTS" Sam screamed jumping up. Jack looked at her with amusement.
"Ye'll fight demon skeleton pirates but ye are afraid of ghosts?" he laughed.
"It's not funny, ghosts can't die" she defended
"Neither can demon skeleton pirates" Jack pointed out.
"EXCUSE ME" the voice yelled. Sam turned and found the owner of the voice behind her.
"What? …… Oh…uhh…Heya Commodore. Fancy seeing you here" Sam smiled sweetly. Norrington merely looked at the two with a quizzical expression.
"Where is Miss Swann?" He asked.
"Oh I am fine and how are you this fine day?" Sam responded with a smile.
"I am fine…Where is Miss Swann?" Norrington sighed, starting to get irritable.
"Hmmm Jack do you know where Miss Swann is?" Sam smiled at Jack who was now standing next to her.
"I have no idea" He gave a sly smile as he watched Norrington's eye start to twitch.
"Hmmm she may be over at the giant fire; then again she may also be in the giant fire." She again smiled sweetly at Norrington who looked like he was about to wallop them with his enormous hat.
"Men, please escort Miss Turner and Captain Sparrow to the boats and make sure they stay there. You men come with me" Norrington ordered.
"What aren't you going to escort us, commodore?" Sam blinked at him as he started to turn and walk towards the growing fire.
"No" he sighed "I think my men are quite able to escort you two" and with that he strutted off in the other direction.
"Hehehe poonce" Sam giggled as she walked over next to Jack who was standing next to the boat.
"After you, milady" Jack said in a stretched noble voice, gesturing towards the boat and offering her a hand
"Why thankyou kind sir" She said also talking with proper language, taking his hand and hopping into the boat.
"Oh no, no, no this will not do, these seats are much too hard. Captain may I please sit on your lap, these seats, they are just too hard, they hurt my behind"
"Why of course, milady" He said with a sly smile "T'would be an honour" With that Sam sat down in his lap and Jack wrapped his arms around her waist. The crewmen in the meantime were watching the scene unfold with confused expressions.
"Mmmmm that is Much Better" she murmured. They sat that way for about 5 minutes, until they heard a disgusted grunt followed by an amused voice.
"You two" Elizabeth sighed getting into the boat and sitting across from them. Jack looked at her with an amused glance,
"The seat hurt my bottom, Lizzy, this was the only other option" Sam smiled; Elizabeth only laughed as they started to row towards The Dauntless.
***********************************************************************************************
They boarded the ship easily enough, but once they were all aboard the ship a familiar screech filled the air.
"ELIZABETH" they turned and saw Gov. Swann come blundering over to them and envelop Elizabeth in a bone crushing hug.
"I thought we lost you" he said into her hair, Sam noticed that Elizabeth was now turning a nice shade of purple.
"Oh Lizzy, purple doesn't suit you" Sam said looking at her face then looking at Gov. Swann "Uh sir, I do believe that she does need to breath"
"What are you talking about?" He asked still not letting go of Elizabeth who was now turning blue.
"Well, it looks like Elizabeth, dear, has a corset on her face" she said pointing to Elizabeth; the Gov. looked down at his daughter in alarm.
"Oh my dear I am so sorry" he said letting go.
"Tis…quite…alright" Elizabeth gasped, and mouthed 'thank you' to Sam who was watching this with great amusement.
"Ready the ship, make
way for Port Royal" Norrington shouted the orders to his men. Sam saw
Elizabeth's face drop as she turned to Sam.
Sam gave her a sad smile and mouthed 'it will be ok' Elizabeth shook her head
and charged after Norrington. Sam shook her head and looked around for Jack who
had been pulled away by two guards; she noticed that Gillette was staring at
her.
"What!" She shouted putting her hands on her hips. Gillette jumped a little and looked away. Sam walked over to where Elizabeth and Norrington.
"But we've got to save Will" Elizabeth said walking after Norrington, Sam noticed Jack standing between the two guards; he wasn't paying any attention to what was going on around him. Sam watched him while the others argued, He reminded her of a little child that was being punished and was proud of what he'd done. Jack caught her eye and they shared a smile, Sam gave Jack a look as if to say 'Well-aren't-you-going-help-her?' and he nodded and stepped forward.
"If I may be so bold as to inject my professional opinion; The Pearl was listing near to scuppers after the battle. It's very unlikely she'll be able to make good time. Think about it. The Black Pearl. The last real pirate threat in the Caribbean, mate. How can you pass that up?" Jack said sidling up and nudging Norrington.
"By remembering that I serve others, Mr. Sparrow, not only myself." Norrington said dismissing him and continued to walk up the stairs.
"Well ain't you just the most unselfish 'man' I've ever seen" Sam cooed sarcastically, Norrington gave her a strange stare and started to yell at her but Elizabeth interrupted before he could say anything.
"Commodore, I beg you, please do this. For me. As a wedding gift" She said stepping between them.
"WHAT!" Sam screamed clutching Elizabeth's arm.
"Elizabeth. Are you accepting the Commodore's proposal?" Gov. Swann asked.
"I am" She whispered, Norrington looked quite shocked but still didn't even smile.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, SAY IT ISN'T TRUE" Sam screamed crumbling to the ground, in a fit of giggles.
"A wedding! I love weddings…drinks all around!" Jack said as he slapped the guard's chest
"Not helping Jack" Sam said looking up at him with a grin. Jack returned the grin and looked up only to find Norrington looking sternly at him.
"I know. "Clap him in irons," right?" Jack said extending his arms, making Sam laugh even more. Norrington looked at her in disgust and said to Jack
"Mr. Sparrow, you will accompany these fine men to the helm and provide us with the bearing to Isla de Muerta. You will then spend the rest of the voyage contemplating all possible meanings of the phrase "silent as the grave." Do I make myself clear?"
"Inescapably clear" He smiled as he was dragged away.
"Elizabeth…" Norrington looked at her and noticed that she was in her underclothes. "Please put this on" he said handing her his red coat, while she was putting this on he turned to Sam.
"And you…" he started
"Oh and what about me?" Sam asked with a smile playing at her lips, she stood up and looked him in the eye.
"You are the rudest young lady I have ever met…blah…blah…blah" Norrington set in for a long talk that Sam had already memorised from all the other talks that he had given her dating all the way back to the day when she "Accidentally" set his wig on fire. She had zoned out completely and it wasn't until Elizabeth started to poke her that she woke up.
"Huh where am I? When did you turn into a sailor?" Sam asked Elizabeth pointing to her coat.
"Oh Sam, you will never learn will you" Elizabeth sighed.
Sam gave her a cheeky grin. "Depends on what I'm learning, Dear Lizzy and anything coming from Ole Nozza there isn't worth learning" she laughed and turned to find Gillette staring at her again.
"What the Hell are you looking at? Does something strike ya fancy?" Sam asked walking up to him.
"Well…" Gillette started but stopped as if to think about what the consequences of his words might be.
"Well…spit it out" Sam said standing there with her hands on her hips
"You look quite nice that's all" Gillette said looking her up and down
"Hmmm really, the sea drenched look and sand in my hair must be such a turn on. Not to mention smelling quite bad." He looked at her and smiled
"Quite" he said.
"Grrrr" Sam turned around and marched off to find someone to talk to. Life was going so great, her brother was about to be killed by mega scary pirates, her best friend was about to marry a knob instead of her brother and now the most annoying person she ever met was cracking onto her.
"This is all bloody Will's fault" she yelled into the night air.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Well kiddies, is that a good enough dose so sooth your cravings. And for any who want to know, Legolas has 3 war wounds, Elladen has 5 (but he says that 3 are from pranks gone wrong) and Elrohir has 3 (Which are also apparently from pranks gone wrong). Hehehehehe they are also COVERED in muscles…*drools and goes into a coma like state*
What's wrong with her Legolas?
I don't know, Elladen. But I think she needs something.
I know lets give her that bag of sweet things we found, you know the ones that said 'Pixie Stix*'
Are we aloud, I mean they were hidden away.
Who cares, who's gonna get us into trouble, Jack? I highly doubt that he is capable of anything that doesn't involve rum.
That is true. Get Elladen and the bag. *Elrohir runs down corridor and comes back with a large bag and Elladen*
What are we doing?
We are going to fix her, with these *Holds up Pixie Stix*
Ahhh, ok, what will happen when we do so?
We are not sure
Ye all gonna get into trouble if ye do that
No one asked you Jack. Come on, give it to her *they pour a Pixie Stix in to her mouth, she swallows but nothing happens*
Nothing happened
Put some more in then. *they continually pour them into her mouth until she snaps out of the trance*
Oh…opps…hehehe sorry, thanks guys…um what are these? *points to about 15 empty Pixie Stix*
They helped to wake you up
Where did you find them?
Above the cupboard
*her eyes glaze over* PPPPIIIXXXIIIIEEE SSSSTTTTIIIIXXXXXX, Pixie stix, pixie stix, pixie stix *Starts to dance with Elrohir*
What was in those things!
*Picks up half empty one and tastes it* Tastes like that stuff we had the other week, you know suger
AHHHH I see
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH *grabs bag off Legolas* my pixie stix. GGGGGGRRRRRR
*Elves start to back away* Told ye ye'd get into trouble
*Spots elves*OOOOOOOHHHHHHH pretty *chases them around*
JACK; HELP US!!!!
UUUMMMMM NO
*spots Jack* MMMMM hotness *chases elves and Jack until they lock her in a room*
Where's the bag?
Oh NO she must have it *they all look at the door as a sound erupts from the other side*
MMMMWWWWAAAAHHHHAHAHAHAHA
*PIXIE STIX – plastic tubes that are full of different kinds of suger eg strawberry, banana, cherry, etc. I am very in love with pixie stix but unfortunately they tend to give me this kinda suger rush.