Oh great, BJ.

"Hey, you're up!"
"So? I'm always up at this time."
"It's the army way of life."
"I'm not army."
"Coulda fooled me. Where've you been?"
"What are you Hawkeye? I've been for a run what's wrong with that?"
"Nothing, I was just..."
"Playing concerned parent?"
"No, playing concerned friend."
"Well Hawkeye's playing concerned parent so I guess you gotta play a role somewhere."

Patronising Hypocrite

"What's this about not army?"
"Oh, didn't he tell you? I thought you people would know more than I do by now. I quit, that's what."
"WHAT?"
"You deaf? I said I quit."
"Why?"
"I hated it. I hated all the damn rules. I'm allowed to hate it aren't I? You and Pierce certainly were."
"I'm not saying you're not allowed to hate it...why are you asking me? You don't need my permission."

Don't need permission? HA!

"Oh don't I? Seems everything I do is wrong...I just don't want to UPSET anyone."
"Why, what's so wrong about that. People do it all the time it's a part of human nature."
"Oh ho, don't go all Sigmund Freud on me, you just step back and play your role...humble DAMN lackey!"

Poor, Poor BJ, going to miss people the most, deserves to be out the most...LIKE HELL!

"Fine Margaret, you want to be disagreeable, then you do that. I'm not going to play Hawkeye, I'm not going to yell and scream back...so you can just deal. I agreed to help and that's what I'm going to do."
"Oh it's a damn good thing you're not him."
"Don't try and threaten me, now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to find my family. Goodbye."

Good riddance. I haven't been here a day and this place is ALREADY getting to me.

"Knock, knock."

Oh joy –Potter's here! Lets all have a pick on Margaret because she's a psycho party!

"It's open."
"Margaret, you're..."
"If I here one more 'you're up...'"
"I was going to say you're here."

Yeah right.

"It's not like I have the chance to run away. Now please, if you're going to yell at me or say anything, you better get it over with. Or even better, don't bother."
"Margaret, I'm...we're all here to help you. You do know that?"
"How can I not? EVERYONE keeps reminding me."
"But do you REALLY know it?"
"Yes, sure I do."
"You do know that you have a problem?"

Didn't I just answer that...or are you a little thick?

"Again everyone..."
"NO, honestly."
"Honestly, from where I see it there's nothing wrong with me. I'm here because Hawkeye wants me to. And if he thinks there's a problem he can. And if by a large chance there is, he can fix it."
"What do you mean large chance?"
"Colonel please, you know I'm not the most stable person you've met."
"No, you're not."
"So I'm bound to be screwed up somehow."
"So you're admitting it?"

WHAT?

"NO, I'm not saying that at all."
"But you just..."
"I'm SAYING that...oh don't worry about it."
"No I will...why do you think I would drag me and the missus down here if I didn't think this was serious?"
"Miss me?"
"Besides that. No, more than that. I think of you as my daughter, and I don't want...I don't like to see my children sick."
"Sick? WHAT DOES EVERYONE THINK I AM?"
"Whoa, Margaret calm down."
"No I will not calm do...down."
"What's wrong?"
"Just a...it's nothing okay? BJ's up, go bitch to him."

Oh God Oh God Oh God...headache go away! 'Wow...I can see her brain!'

'Hmmm...hasn't been used in a while.'

'No wait...look, that parts glowing!'

'Crazy central...yeah you're right...that part is being used...overused.'

"Haven't you two got tired of giving me a headache?"

'Watch out...she's using another part.'

"I'm surprised that you haven't figured out the sicker I get...the closer I get to dying?"

'Hey, she's got a point there.'

'You know...she's right. Well done Margaret...'

"Margaret?"
"Hmmm?"
"Are you okay? I thought I heard you say something?"
"No, I'm fine Colonel, how are you and Mildred?"
"We're...okay."
"Where's BJ, I thought I heard him come in?"
"Uhhh, yeah you said he was up."
"I thought I heard him. Where's Mildred?"
"Still at Dan's place. Margaret...are you feeling alright?"
"A little hungry."
"How about I get you something?"
"Toast and jam would be great thanks."
"Coffee?"
"Yeah...white"
"One sugar, I remember."
"So how was your trip?"
"Oh, we flew, nice scenery Maine has...I could live here if mother wasn't so found of Missouri."
"Yeah, this place does grow on you a bit...I've only been here a day."
"Okay, why don't I go see if anyone else is up?"
"I'll just go watch some television."

Hmm, this is nice. Just like breakfast in Korea...except made in 1954 not 44. News, news, news...ahhh, finally some entertainment.

"Margaret?"
"In here Hawk!"
"How was your run?"
"Cold to say the least...but refreshing."
"Toast and Coffee coming right up."
"Did Potter wake you?"
"Yeah, that's okay...I was sick of sleeping anyway."
"Yeah, nothing gets done...life's been pretty boring lately."
"Why do you say that?"
"Well, I tried working for a few months...I just got sick of being treated...like a nurse. I want to do more...I'm too old to go back and do something else. I'd be happy settling down, getting married...you know, all that."
"I had a few thoughts about that myself. What are you watching?"
"Fantasia...I love this movie."
"The Disney one?"
"Yeah...it's wonderful, how Mickey and the brooms...and I love the mushrooms at the beginning...they're kinda like you."
"Me? How?"

Oh Pierce! I figured you would know this movie off by heart!

"Just how mischievous the odd one out is...you're so easy to spot in a crowd."
"So uh...you feel up to eating?"
"I'm starving...It's like I haven't eaten for days."
"Uh...Margaret, do you remember this morning?"
"I got up, had a shower, said good morning to you and went for a run."
"Where did you get those pants from?"
"I really can't rem...you gave them to me I think...didn't you?"
"Toast and coffee, some for you too Pierce...I'll go find BJ."
"Do you remember when?"

Hmmm, what's wrong?

"Sometime this week...what's with the 20 questions?"
"Nothing, come on, the toast is getting cold."
"Mmm, this is nice."
"It's all in the jam. My grandmother spends 2 months just making jars and jars of it, all different varieties. Then at thanksgiving, she gives us 14 or so jars each."
"14?"
"I have a large family so she ends up making well over 200."
"200 JARS?"
"Yeah, but she loves it...and it's not half bad either."
"I'll say."

This is great!

"Hey Hawk you're up."
"You were right Margaret, he was up earlier."
"Of course I was didn't you...never mind."
"Where's Peg, I'm dying to meet her."
"Right here. Hello Margaret, nice to finally meet you."
"You too...and this must be Erin?"
"Hiya!"
"Your daddy was wrong...you're even more cuter than he said you were."
"Were you really with my daddy and uncle Hawkeye in a war?"
"I was...but I was with Hawkeye for longer."
"Was she Uncle Hawk?"
"That's right. Remember Uncle Trapper was there before your daddy was."
"Oh yeah! Did you know my uncle Trapper too?"
"Yes and your Uncle Charles."
"Wow...I thought only men could be doctors!"

She's sooo cute!

"Well I was a nurse you see."
"Like Melissa at your work daddy?"
"Not quite...she's my secretary...like Aunty Kate. My sister."
"She's a nurse?"
"3 Generations of doctors kinda made up her...yeah she is."
"Do you have anymore Uncles?"
"Of course I do! There's uncle Max and uncle Radar...though his fianc fianc..."
"Fiancée"
"She calls him Walter...I think that's funny!"

MARRIED? RADAR?!

"Radar's getting married? Since when?"
"A couple of months ago. Emma's really nice."
"You met her?"
"Uh, yeah...a month ago they came down."
"I wish I could have seen him."
"We wish you could have too."
"So mommy...can I have a brother?"
"Daddy and I are still talking about it."
"If we do...what happens if it's a sister?"
"Can I name her then?"
"Anything you want!"
"YAY! How about...Margaret!"
"Oh I think we have enough Margarets for now."

Certainly has the influence of Hawkeye.

"No, you're Aunty Margaret...not baby Margaret."
"How about it BJ?"
"And what if it's a brother?"
"HAWKEYE!"
"HA! Now we DEFINITLY have more than enough Hawkeyes in the world."
"Hey! I take that as an offence!"
"Well it's all in how you inter...pret it."
"Hey, you okay?"
"Just a slight headache..."
"Still bad?"
"Still?"
"You were holding your head before...just before I found Hawkeye."

'They're onto you Margaret'

'Yeah, gotta get out of there.'

"Margaret how about some fresh air?"
"Yeah."
"Is Aunty Margaret okay?"
"Remember honey, she's a little sick but I think we can make her better."
"Aunty Margaret's really skinny..."
"I know sweetie. I know."

'See...now the kid knows somethings wrong...'

"You okay?"
"What the hell just happened?"
"What do you mean?"
"In there...I blanked out...what did you give me?"
"Nothing...just coffee and toast."
"TOAST? What...how...when..."
"It's just some toast, not like anything's going to go wrong."
"No Hawkeye...something will go wrong...something bad...something VERY bad."
"Margaret...MARGARET STOP!"
"What is it Hawk?"
"She's doing it."
"Come on Erin...let's go get you..."

And that's all I can hear.

cough cough

'Thatta girl Margaret, get it all out of your system.'

"Margaret stop it STOP IT!"
"Hawkeye..."
"She's doing it...I can't stop her...I CAN'T STOP HER!"
"Hawk...what are you doing?"
"Breaking down the fucking door...she's got to stop this...Margaret STOP! Don't you see what you're doing to yourself...DON'T YOU SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING?"
"Hawkeye...I..."
"Come on, come on, don't black out on me. Come on..."
"It was just a piece of toast..."
"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"
"Shhh, Margaret...Margaret it's okay, it's alright."

And now...here I am. Sitting on Hawkeye's lap, crying like a baby, him rocking me back and forth...kinda like sea-sickness.

"Don't Hawkeye I think I'm gonna..."

Don't throw up on the floor, don't throw up on the floor, don't throw up on the...

"It's okay...it's okay. Everything's going to be alright."

Here he is again...holding my hair back while everything else goes forward and...

"I'm calling Sidney Hawk..."
"Beej"
"Hawkeye it's for the..."
"Tell him to hurry."
"Right."
"Hawk...Hawkeye..."
"Shhh, don't talk right now...come on, let's get you cleaned up."
"I...I don't think I can move..."
"What?"
"Has this happened before?"
"A...A few times. Just lately though."
"Are you sure?"
"Of course I'm sure...don't you think I wouldn't know if I couldn't?"
"Come on...just lie down."
"Hawkeye..."
"Hmm?"
"I...I don't wanna be left alone."
"Sherman, could you tell dad what's happened and everything?"
"Okay son."
"Come on, I'll carry you."

I'm going to cry...I DON'T CARE ANY MORE!

"I just feel so out of control..."
"I know...we can tell..."
"I really don't want to feel like this...but..."
"But what?"
"I...deserv-ve this."
"NO, no no no Margaret don't say that please. You don't deserve this. You don't deserve to be alone...you deserve to be loved...you deserve to be better."
"I don't deserve to be helped."
"Margaret...how can you even think that?"
"I just don't want to be alone."
"I'll stay with you."
"I've been alone for so long Hawkeye."
"Shhh, don't talk. We'll just lie here."
"We?"
"Come here."
"Hawkeye..."
"I won't try anything, I promise."

And so I'm letting him. Letting him put his arms around me, lying down on his bed.

"I miss being held by someone."
"What?"
"I...I miss being loved."
"I do too."
"You don't understand."
"What don't I understand? I want to, but you have to tell me. Please Margaret...let me help you."
"Just don't let go."
"I won't...ever."
"You say you haven't been with anyone since me."
"That I did and it's true."
"I have."
"That's okay Margaret."
"But not like that last night in Korea. I...I...I don't feel anything. I don't feel the love, not from them, not from me."
"Them?"
"Everyone I've been with...I don't want to do it anymore...when I do I just feel so...I feel like a..."
Slut, Whore...take your pick!

"Don't say it...you're NONE of those. You are Margaret Houlihan, a beautiful, magnificent, wonderful, loving woman. Who I care for more than anything else in this whole world."
"Just like the letter."
"Exactly."
"But I'm not...I'm NOT Margaret Houlihan...she's dead...she died back in Korea."
"No she didn't. She's alive. As alive as I am. She's just lost. You want her back?"
"Of course I do, like you even have to ask."
"You need to tell me when you started to feel like this."
"You didn't know me when I started feeling like I do now."
"When then? When did all this start?"
"When I started vomiting...I've been unhappy half my life Hawkeye. I'm just so tired...I want it to be over."

I HATE IT I HATE IT HAAAAATE IT!

"It will be...I will always be here to help you. Whether it takes 5, 10 or 50 years."
"But you can't Hawkeye...not by yourself."
"That's why I called BJ and everyone. I knew I couldn't handle this...handle seeing you like you are."
"I know...I'm really scaring you."
"Yes you are...and I'm scared what will happen."
"I'm scared too."
"But they've all agreed to stay as long as you need."
"They all hate me."
"No they don't."
"Yes they do. I yelled and screamed at BJ and Potter and Trapper thinks I'm nuts. Charles...probably both. And you...I nearly hit you."
"It wouldn't be a first."

Hawkeye...please DON'T

"Please don't bring that up."
"Okay, I'm sorry. Like I said before, you can scream, you can yell, you can swear your head off at me, you can sock me, but I am NOT giving up on you."
"It's not that simple..."
"Look, I understand this is going to be hell for you. It's going to be hell for me too...nothing is simple. I don't know the full story."
"I don't either."
"You remember when I got sent to Seoul near the end?"

I hated those 2 weeks. Slowly nod.

"Well I was just like you. I had no idea what was wrong with me...as far as I saw it there was nothing wrong. Sure I acted crazy...but I do that all the time."
"So what happened?"
"You know why I went nuts..."
"Yes"
"It took Sidney 2 weeks to literally pull the truth out of my mind. First on the bus, there was a party, then a chicken, then...the baby. I blamed myself for his death..."
"You know it wasn't."
"I do now...I sat there on the bed crying my eyes out at...the memory."
"We don't have to talk about this..."
"No, I'm okay. But I had only been that way for 2 weeks..."

I've been sick for 15 years.

"I've been like this for 15 years."
"So, I don't know how long this is going to take, but I'm here for the whole ride."
"You sure you don't want to get off before it starts?"
"I've got my seatbelt strapped tight...I'll be fine."
"Maybe after we can get some candy floss."
"It's a deal!"

Or lobster...this is Maine after all. I...I have to ask him...I can't do this alone...

"Will you sleep with me?"
"Uh..."
"I mean sleep...nothing else."
"Now...okay."
"No...I mean at night."
"Margaret..."
"It's just...I don't trust myself. And I feel better knowing I have someone close. Please?"
"Since you asked so well...of course. Whatever YOU Margaret, want."

Me, Margaret...I like that. Still...

"I'm sorry about everything...getting you involved in my fucked up life."
"I got involved in it a long time ago..."
"I mean now...now I look and act like a freak."
"Margaret, don't cry please...you're not yourself, you haven't been for a long time. When you feel better...then you can talk."
"So you agree I am?"
"Not a freak...just sick."
"Hawkeye...I'm cold..."
"Cover yourself up."

WHAT? Don't leave me! PLEEEEASE!?

"Where are you going?!"
"Dad just called."
"I didn't..."
"He did...I'll be back in a minute...I promise. Dad!"
"HAWK! What happened?"

Mmm this is nice...and cosy. I could fall yawn asleep.

"All's calmer."
"Mmm...don't go."
"I'm still here, not going anywhere."
"I don't want you to go."
"I said I wasn't..."
"Just stay here...I'll be good."
"Shhh...Margaret, you're dreaming. Go to sleep."

So I did. I've been sleeping the rest of the day away...I know he'll want me to eat soon...I want to do what he wants...but I can't. Why? I don't know...Hawk, you can't help me on this one...I need Sidney's help.

"Hey...Hey Hawk?"
"Mmm?"
"Sorry to wake you Margaret."
"No...I've been sleeping more and more lately, that can't be healthy."
"Margaret, just go to sleep."
"Looks like someone hasn't though."
"The last year's been tough. He found everyone he wanted to..."
"But me, I know, I've been a real bitch to everyone."
"I wouldn't go that far. But I am glad you're...yourself at the moment."
"I enjoy being a little more Margaret and a little less...whoever."
"And I enjoy more sleep."
"Sorry."
"What's up?"
"Trapper and Charles called, they'll be back tomorrow."
"Already?"
"Armed with every bit of medical knowledge about it."
"BJ, it's not medical..."
"I know...it can't do any harm though?"
"MmmmHmmm."

Don't fall asleep...

"Did they mention anything in particular?"
"There have been quite a few cases...nearly all girls between 12 and 24. And similar ones between 22-35."
"That fits..."
"Not quite. Margaret, you show aspects of both cases...but not entirely every aspect. Unless there's something you're not telling us."
"Medically speaking yeah. But bound to be more mentally."
"Aspects like what?"
"Well the lack of weight – obviously"
"Gee thanks a lot."
"You generally gain weight after eating mess tent food, even Erin noticed."
"I know."
"What else?"
"Mood swings, lack of appetite. But that's general."
"And mine's at certain times."
"Which is a good thing because that's what's sustained you for this long."

Great – insanity does have an upside.

"Margaret, I said we had to do the tests remember?"
"Does it have to wait?"
"Why?"
"What mood am I going to be in tomorrow?"
"I really want the others there. 5 doctors are better than 3."
"Okay...no guarantees."
"Margaret...this is a rather personal question, but are you...lacking certain things? Medically speaking."
"Like what Beej?"
"Just say it BJ...we're all medical professionals."
"Speak for yourself."
"When was your last time of the month?"
"Oh...that."
"What is 'oh that?'"
"Not for about 6 months."
"MARGARET!"
"Well you try having it for 17 years and see how well you like it!"
"That was common in both cases. Though 98% of them were only young girls. I don't have much idea of how it'll affect you in the long run."
"But don't worry about that now, what else?"

Oh great, lack of cycle, lack of children. You've really fucked yourself now Margaret.

"The vomiting was in one case, which..."
"Which I do have big time."
"Which is not good. As you suspected Hawk, the stomach acid rots the teeth, but most of these girls were – as you are – hygiene obsessed. Stomach lining not that crash hot. Complications like that."
"What about the other things?"
"Well, as far as they can tell, these girls had a food obsession. Often gorging themselves and using any method to get rid of it. Also storing of food, making a lot of it, cooking for people but never eating it themselves."
"No, it's more of a food phobia than anything else."

Not like I didn't have enough things wrong to begin with.

"That was a big thing in both cases. Which is why yours is more concerning."
"How? Wouldn't it be better to have less wrong?"
"I never said it was less. The gap in this illness has to be filled by something else. The danger is, no one knows what it is?"
"Well, that's why you called Sidney."
"Oh, and to add more seriousness to the situation. A 35% increase of heart attack."
"Wonderful! I think I need some air. Any habits besides what you said?"

Of course there would be...it is an 'illness.'

"At random, drinking, gambling..."
"Smoking?"
"Some."
"Why?"
"Take a guess!"
"You want me to come with you?"
"If I brought the packet from home...What about sex?"
"What about it? Is it a habit? These girls were pretty young...but I can only guess so."
"Great!"
"What?"
"I'll tell you later."
"Yes...got em!"
"Oh, everyone's here too."
"How long is recovery?"
"The oldest record I think Charles said was 1947...happily married now."
"Great, seven years."
"The trend is the older, the longer."
"How old was she?"
"When it started, 17."
"That's a good sign, 2 years ahead."
"But 6 years younger now."
"Yeah, and Sidney?"
"He's busy at the moment. Told us to keep doing what we were and that he'd come up when he could. Probably next week sometime"
"Wonderful, but we'll have to change the table seating, 6 not 5 plus the nut."
"I'm sure our waiter can sort something out."

I think these people are crazier than I am! HA!