Disclaimer- Lets get this straight, you all know I don't own a bloody thing….bugger…. so instead of saying all that crap I usually say I've decided to place the facts of life (no not those you perve) here.

Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.

*looks around at dusty shelves* uhh *disappears into a room and comes out wearing a plastic germ suit* I feel a little better now *notices dust on inside of suit* AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH *runs around in circle trying to get away from it*

~*Previously of ASBAON*~ Gillette's making trouble, Sam falls of boat but is saved by herself and much laughing.

 ~*Final Line*~ - "I…I…NO" Sam wheezed out, causing them to laugh even harder.

PEOPLES WE'VE MADE IT TO 20 CHAPTERS!!!!!!! WOOT, WOOT

To My Wonderful Reviewers who get free pictures of Jack and Legolas having a massage ;) *hint, hint* use your imagination!!!  

Sweet A.K – WOW you're a real quick reviewer…^__^ looky my first face thing…you should feel privileged now, YAY FOR SUGER RUSHES, MMMMWWWWAAAAHHHHAHAHAHAHA …*KNOCKS ON DOOR* WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE? I'm just testing the time that it takes for my voice to bounce off the walls…*whisper* he thinks I'm doing work hehehe. Sam will eventually do something about him…not sure what yet but I hope it's something good.  OOOHHHH SKIING…that's a good idea, yeah I found out that elven grace ain't all that its cracked up to be, picture Legolas surfing and then just NOT, he couldn't stand up on a board to save himself…maybe to save himself but you know what I mean. Ooohhhh broken leg…ow…give him my well wishes but don't worry cause they heal really quick, Jack broke Elladen's finger last week and its all good now…so don't worry, and when he is annoying you with his bell ringing, take his bell and pull the little thing inside it out then give it back to him, then tell him, if he does it one more time, your going to the EXACT same thing to him…savvy? And I rrreeeaaalllyyy know what you're talkin bout!! Hmmm he did look very, nice in Return of the King didn't he, but I have to say LEGOLAS WAS DEAD SEXY!!!!!!!!!!!!  *drooling* hmmm I'd luv to warm him up…but at the moment he is making me do work…which I'm not. YAY MMMMMMWWWWWAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA *cough* my throat is getting red raw from doing that.

Dimonah Tralon – Shanks, You are quick, sure you can borrow Jack for a while, but I want him back *sticks head out of the door only to come face to face with Legolas* err 'ello. What are you doing? Just telling Jack that he's going to Dimonah's place for a bit…no you're doing your work Oh that too but could you tell Jack that he has to be at this address soon, and when he gets back he can have 5 bottles of rum, all to himself. Hhhhmmm will you do your work? Possibly *Legolas raises and eyebrow…tries not to faint, breath dammit* Ok I'll do my work *Legolas goes to tell Jack who puts up a slight protest until he hears his reward then is out the door* Now I want him back and take good care of him, he can get emotional sometimes and DON'T LOSE HIM!!! I need him back for…ummm… to be my 'muse' yes that's it muse…Mmmwwwaaahhahahahaha *cough*  

Was that another "experiment"?

Yes… *in a sexy voice* I only want to please you, Legolas, you and only you (and possibly Elladen, Elrohir and Jack)

Really *Thinks* Continue on

Hehehe HOW MUCH DO YOU LUV ME PEOPLE, THAT'S TWO, that's right, count em TWO, CHAPTERS IN ONE DAY…ALL HAIL QUEEN AUS

That doesn't sound like work

*in sexy voice again* Oh it is, I wouldn't disobey you, Mellon Nin

Hmmmm really

*in a husky whisper* Never

When did you learn Elvish?

MMMWWWAAAHHAHAHAHAHA *cough* I'll never tell

A STORY BY ANY OTHER NAME

Jack, Elizabeth and Sam all emerged for the cabin red faced and tear stained, although Jack had managed to clean himself up so he looked respectable…i.e. no panda. They stood in the fading afternoon sun.

"It seems we were in there longer than we thought" Sam said watching the sun slip below the waves.

"I'm going below to have something to eat. Are you coming?" Elizabeth asked the two, who both shook their heads in return.

"Hmmm it's a nice night, isn't Luv" Jack said sidling up to Sam who was standing against the mast, watching Jack approached.

"Tis" she answered looking upwards as Jack grabbed her by the hips and pulling her forward to meet him.

"Whatchya lookin at?" Jack said also looking up.

"The mast. Care to join me Captain?" Sam asked looking Jack in the eye.

"Join you? Hmmm depends on what I'm joining in on" Jack smiled and watched as Sam retreated quickly up the mast, about half way she stopped and looked down.

"Join me up on the mast" she said with a saucy wink and made her way up the mast until she came to the beam thingy. She moved over it and sat down letting her legs dangle down and turned to see where Jack was. She was surprised to find him about 2 metres away.

"You're fast" she said admirably

"Well over twenty years on a ship would make ye fast, Luv, but ye a surprising one ye are, didn't know ye could move that fast?" He said as he pulled himself up next to her and slipping an arm about her waist, pulling her close.

"You know, for a "Blood thirsty pirate" you are very, hmmmm dashing?" Sam said watching Jack's reaction.

"Really?" Jack laughed "But I don't really fall under the "blood thirsty pirate" category, do I, I mean if I don't have to kill anyone I won't, not like most pirates I know"

"I know but you know all the stories about pirates, and stuff, you don't seem to really fall under any of those" Sam smiled as Jack stood up with his slightly off balance motion, holding a rope with one hand and making wild hand gestures with the other.

"Would ye like me to be a "pirate", 'Arrgg, give up ye mangy scurves, tis time to walk the plank, come ere young lassie'" Jack slurred pulling a laughing Sam up to stand next to him.  "Do ye want me to act like 'at"

"No, I think I rather like the way you are now" she said looking into his eyes "What about me?" she asked

"Well, ye nuthin like 'Lizabeth and other nobles and ye ain't like a prostitute…" Sam looked at him

"I'd wanna hope not" Jack laughed at her retort

"Let me finish, Luv, ye are defiantly not like any other woman I've seen, or met, very unique ye are" Jack, who had been looking at the moon, looked down into her eyes "And I think I'm very lucky to 'ave ye"

"Oh Jack" Sam whispered "That was lovely" she said hugging him. Jack took her by the chin and lifted her head until her lips sat neatly on his.
They stood there for a while until they got a little bit 'carried away' and had to move up to the small platform that was the crows nest. They spent a long time up there, just kissing and holding each other. They didn't even notice the dark figure on deck watching them the whole time.

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'3 hours, what could they have been doing up there for 3 hours?' Gillette wondered as he watched the couple descend from the crows nest and make their way below deck. Gillette had been sailing the ship through the calm waters when the couple and Elizabeth had appeared from their cabin. Gillette had never been a jealous man but ever since he had laid eyes on Samantha Turner, he had despised any man that ever got close to her, excluding her brother of course. Gillette had some women after him, but these women had nothing over Sam, she was to him, a goddess of great proportions. He wished that he could at least talk to her, but she always brushed him off, but that was before he was Lieutenant~* of the Royal navy. She had a slight respect for him now, everyone did, maybe that was enough for her to even consider him as a potential husband and he was, of course, the Commodore's right hand man, who wouldn't want him.

'Obviously Sam, that's who, Blast that damn Sparrow, he has ruined all my chances with her. He has to be dealt with, but of course he will be dealt with accordingly when we returned to Port Royal, but I'm not sure I can wait until then for Captain Jack Sparrow to get what he deserves'

Gillette grabbed the wheel and held tightly as he thought up ways to make Jack pay.

~*not sure if he is lieutenant*~

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"Yo Ho Yo Ho a pirate's life for me" The crew, Sam and Jack were all below singing, which wasn't very different but instead of singing the normal songs such as varies rhapsodies, but now they were singing songs that pirates sung. It also helped that Sam had managed to find a few large barrels of rum and dispensed it throughout the crew.

"I 'ave a song" Called out Sam above the noise.

"Lets 'ere it Luv" Jack said slapping her arse, causing her to giggle some more.

"Ok tis called 'Drunken sailor'

What can you do with a drunken sailor?

What can you do with a drunken sailor?

What can you do with a drunken sailor?

Early in the morning

Hooorrraaaaaayyyyyyy and up she rises

Hooorrraaaaaayyyyyyy and up she rises

Hooorrraaaaaayyyyyyy and up she rises

Early in the morning!

Err…I Can't remmmer annny mrr" Sam slurred falling back against Jack.

"'ello Luva" Sam said slightly perkier.

"'ello Luv" Jack laughed until Sam pulled him down into a passionate kiss. All the crew cheered them on until Elizabeth, who had been dining with the Commodore and Gov. Swann, pulled Sam away.

"Time to retire to our cabin, Sam" She said helping a very drunk Sam to the door.

"Bye, all" She said waving over Elizabeth's shoulder

"Bye, Sam" came a chorus of replies.

"Goodnight Luv" Jack said from his chair next to the rum, he was also very drunk and unable to move because of it.

Elizabeth got Sam to their cabin and into her bed before Sam passed out.

"A lot of help you are" Elizabeth grunted as she pushed Sam further into the bed and covered her in a blanket.

Sam only gave a snore in reply.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I'm sorry it's so short but two in one day, that's gotta count for something. And guess what I'VE FINISHED MY PHYSICS *Dances around the room* WOOT, WOOT ……I really like saying that. *Runs out of the room to show Legolas her essay*

DONE!!!

Let me see *He reads the essay, as he reads it, she makes faces at Elladen and Elrohir, who make faces back* It's pretty good.

YAY, *Mimics Jack's weddings speech* SPONGE BATHS, I LOVE SPONGE BATHS, SPONGES ALL ROUND!!

NO

What!?! You said…

No, I said if it was good enough

But it is good enough you said

Not good enough for me, I don't see anywhere on here 'LEGOLAS IS THE HOTTEST GUY IN THE UNIVERSE'

Oh, hmm, lets see *produces Pixie Stix from pocket and eats it in one gulp* you know what…

What?

*Yells in his ear* GALAHS

AHHHH *grabs his throbbing ear* WHAT'S A GALAH

IT'S A BIRD! HERE BIRDIE, BIRDIE, BIRDIE!!! *Starts to chase Legolas around chanting Birdie while the others laugh, she stops and rolls her head around like 'the Exorcist'* what are you laughing at?

*They stop laughing and looked freaked out* You Chasing Legolas

Wrong answer, Elladen *stalks over to the elves on the lounge* Here elfy, elfy. Here boy

RUN!!!! *They get up and run over to where Legolas is hiding behind 'the lurve seat'*

Its ok boys, I would never hurt you MMMWWWAAAHHAHAHAHAHA *Cough*

*They continue to run around the entire house until Aus corners them in a room*

*In a Nobel tone…think Aragon calling to the riders of Rohan* Boys, elves, Hotties of Middle earth…Why do you run from me?

Ummm you're trying to get us and force us to do unimaginable things

No I'm not

Yes you are

Why would I do that, Elrohir?

Because you're insane

No I'm…*thinks* oh wait I am MMMWWWAAAHHAHAHAHAHA *cough, cough, cough* opps I gotta stop that *faints*

What do we do?

Revive her

How?

It's called…umm…I know this…she made me learn…mouth-to-mouth

Well since you know you do it

Alright *Turns her over and….*