SAM
I feel like I want to die. I can't believe that they made me leave Jack frozen in Antarctica. I know that they were right but it still feels like I abandoned him. Now I work until Teal'c makes me stop. Part of me hates him for it but part of me knows he is right. Every time I try to argue with him he plays what Daniel calls the "Jack" card. For me there is no higher card in the deck.
I know if I loose to much weight or am to tired he will be royally pissed at me. So I eat and rest and exercise whenever Teal'c makes me. I even went out with Dr. Weir and got drunk last weekend. Boy can that woman hold her alcohol. Good thing that Teal'c was with us because I don't think any of use would have made it home otherwise.
She now insists that I call her Elizabeth and I guess seeing her laying across the table giggling gives me the right. She and Daniel are so cute. Teal'c and I could see that they like each other but didn't want anyone to know. She likes him and thinks that he couldn't possibly like her and he is the same way.
I'm glad that Jack and I aren't the obvious. The whole base would be talking about us behind our backs. How embarrassing would that be?
I miss Jack in so many ways, ways that I never even thought of. His being bored and coming in and "bothering" me. I was never bothered; in fact I looked forward to his just being in the lab with me. Sometimes he wouldn't even talk he would just play with his Gameboy. He would just be there with me. I never realized how much comfort I got just from his presence until he was gone.
Gone...damn it hurts. I know he isn't dead but what if we can't ever get him out of that damn thing? I don't know if I can stand it. I am so angry with him for being the one who did this. Why couldn't he just let Daniel take the download? No, I don't mean that, it's just so hard to get up every morning and to come back here knowing that he won't be there.
I'm sure that everyone that I work with hates me. I snap at them, I get angry for no reason. Yesterday I yelled at a couple of techs for taking a break, like they all should work as hard as I do. I know that I shouldn't but I can't seem to help myself.
Maybe instead of finding the answer I'll just have a nervous breakdown. They'll put me in a padded room and sedate me like they did Daniel that time. With the drugs maybe I'll think that Jack is there with me.
Am I pitiful or what? Here is super genius Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter wallowing in self-pity. What would Dad say? One thing's for sure he would not be proud. Damn, I miss dad, too. And Janet...why did you have to go and get yourself killed? Everyone leaves me. Mom...Janet...Dad...Jack, bastards, all of them. To bad I can't slap the crap out of one of them.
That's what I'll do. Get Jack defrosted, tell him how much I missed him then beat the crap out of him. The funny thing is that he would understand.
Now, what's that? I flip back a few pictures and run them back more slowly, heighten the contrast, overlap thermal images and...OH MY GOD!
"Daniel! Daniel, I think I've found it!"
I feel like I want to die. I can't believe that they made me leave Jack frozen in Antarctica. I know that they were right but it still feels like I abandoned him. Now I work until Teal'c makes me stop. Part of me hates him for it but part of me knows he is right. Every time I try to argue with him he plays what Daniel calls the "Jack" card. For me there is no higher card in the deck.
I know if I loose to much weight or am to tired he will be royally pissed at me. So I eat and rest and exercise whenever Teal'c makes me. I even went out with Dr. Weir and got drunk last weekend. Boy can that woman hold her alcohol. Good thing that Teal'c was with us because I don't think any of use would have made it home otherwise.
She now insists that I call her Elizabeth and I guess seeing her laying across the table giggling gives me the right. She and Daniel are so cute. Teal'c and I could see that they like each other but didn't want anyone to know. She likes him and thinks that he couldn't possibly like her and he is the same way.
I'm glad that Jack and I aren't the obvious. The whole base would be talking about us behind our backs. How embarrassing would that be?
I miss Jack in so many ways, ways that I never even thought of. His being bored and coming in and "bothering" me. I was never bothered; in fact I looked forward to his just being in the lab with me. Sometimes he wouldn't even talk he would just play with his Gameboy. He would just be there with me. I never realized how much comfort I got just from his presence until he was gone.
Gone...damn it hurts. I know he isn't dead but what if we can't ever get him out of that damn thing? I don't know if I can stand it. I am so angry with him for being the one who did this. Why couldn't he just let Daniel take the download? No, I don't mean that, it's just so hard to get up every morning and to come back here knowing that he won't be there.
I'm sure that everyone that I work with hates me. I snap at them, I get angry for no reason. Yesterday I yelled at a couple of techs for taking a break, like they all should work as hard as I do. I know that I shouldn't but I can't seem to help myself.
Maybe instead of finding the answer I'll just have a nervous breakdown. They'll put me in a padded room and sedate me like they did Daniel that time. With the drugs maybe I'll think that Jack is there with me.
Am I pitiful or what? Here is super genius Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter wallowing in self-pity. What would Dad say? One thing's for sure he would not be proud. Damn, I miss dad, too. And Janet...why did you have to go and get yourself killed? Everyone leaves me. Mom...Janet...Dad...Jack, bastards, all of them. To bad I can't slap the crap out of one of them.
That's what I'll do. Get Jack defrosted, tell him how much I missed him then beat the crap out of him. The funny thing is that he would understand.
Now, what's that? I flip back a few pictures and run them back more slowly, heighten the contrast, overlap thermal images and...OH MY GOD!
"Daniel! Daniel, I think I've found it!"