Hello! Yes, our favorite heroine is a bit on the dense side. I mean, but honestly, she would have to be entirely too confidant and pigheaded to think that someone as gorgeous as Sesshomaru would want her—an overweight scientist who is in love with his gay younger brother. I mean, it is a little far fetched, you have to admit. But don't draw conclusions too quickly. I said that Kagome is going to make a mess of things, and gosh darn it is she going to go out with a bang. He he he, I am laughing over here at all the evil things that I shall throw at her. Don't worry, I am pretty sure it is going to turn out well in the end, but it is going to be a long, hard journey, with things that you might expect, and some things that you won't. But honestly, I don't have everything planned so I am just writing this as I go. It is really fun just writing whatever comes to my mind so if the little "interludes" get a little random, just don't worry about it. I am kind of thinking of a cool thing to do with them too…so just watch out for it.
Okay, my dear friends, here is the next installment.
Read and enjoy!
-MC
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10/20/03
5:45 a.m.
Life does the craziest things sometimes. I think it likes throwing you a curve ball when you think everything is going so well or maybe so bad. Just a small thing at first, maybe, like a random smile from a stranger. Then it gradually gets bigger, maybe some stupid driver cussing you out or not a single red light on the way to work. Sometimes it's the little things that turn people around; a little nudge in the right direction is all it takes. Wouldn't you like to be that smile, that kiss, that hug, that laugh, that life?
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Have you ever had that feeling that your head was about to explode and if you just opened your eyes your body might implode from the movement? Well, that is what I felt like the morning after my wonderful romp in the alcoholic lifestyle. Dear god, I didn't want to get out of bed but if I didn't there would be a wonderful display of my digestive pyrotechnics and I didn't think it was something I wanted permanently imbedded into my carpet. This was crazy that I could actually have a coherent thought in the state I was. As I passed to the bathroom I caught the time: 4:26 in the afternoon. Shit, what the fuck was I up to last night? After I finished cleaning my stomach of any possible fluids or food I had eaten in the last, I don't know, century, I was able to make it around my apartment in a generally cogent manner. Bottles upon bottles were everywhere and I vaguely remembered that I had gone shopping to stock myself for a night such as this. But at the time I think I rationalized it, saying that I was going to have some kick ass party where everyone else would get spectacularly drunk with me. Instead I was by myself, cleaning up a mess that I made by myself and I felt like I had permanent brain freeze when the phone rang. It was Sango.
"Hmpapb."
"Woah, darling, what did you get up to last night?" Funny, I was trying to remember the same exact thing! "Did Sesshomaru fuck you senseless?"
"Uhhhh…" Did he? I don't quite remember. Maybe I didn't make this mess on my own and he was here but then it was like coyote ugly in the morning and he left me. I certainly wouldn't blame him, I looked like complete shit. And I mean the whole cargo, hair sticking up in odd angles with remnants of whatever I drank, crusty eyes which were starting to look redder by the minute (I'm not quite sure, it is slightly hard to focus correctly), and I was dressed in my most hideous clothing I had. God, I hope he didn't fuck me, even though I don't love the man it would still be entirely embarrassing to be confronted with me in the morning. Looking like this. "I don't think so."
"Oh dear, I'm coming over. You sound just awful." And with that Sango hung up and I was left to wonder what the hell had prompted me to do this sort of thing. Because it didn't happen often. I mean, I drank, but I didn't drink to get drunk, it was more friendly, socialization drinking instead of anything else. I rarely drank on my own. Which made me a little frightened to think that perhaps Sesshomaru WAS at my apartment last night? I wasn't given much time to think for Sango was over in about ten minutes and she was a little shocked at my appearance, especially since I pretty much stood in the same position I was when she called and the phone was still resting in my hand.
"Goodness, just look at this place. Just look at you! Come on, get into the bath, I am going to clean up this mess." I allowed her to lead me to the bathroom and draw me a hot bath. She was in mother mode when she spotted me and I was surprised she didn't try to undress me. I did feel pathetically like a child at the moment though. I probably wouldn't have minded.
I dimly registered the sounds of the vacuum being turned on, but I was too relaxed into my bath to mind. God bless Sango, is all I have to say. I sighed and then settled deeper into the comforting bubbles. Ah, this is bliss.
10/13/01
3:11 p.m.
My favorite place is in Mexico. It is a beautiful beach with white sand and the water is so clear that you can see all the way to the bottom. I am in a white tank top and a pink, blue, and white wrap skirt sitting with my feet in the sand. It is at night, the stars are so beautiful and clear. I could almost see all the way to the end of the galaxy that night. Then it starts to rain—lightly at first. But then it pours. As the rain whips around the palm trees I stand up, having the urge to enter the water. I take off my clothes and jump in; enjoying the warm feeling the water gives me, balancing the cool water streaking down my face like tears. I swim and just stand, allowing the waves to crash powerfully over my body. There isn't another time where I feel so one with the world. So connected. I never want to leave the water, its salty taste burning my throat but making me happier than ever before. I'm on vacation in Mexico. I had snuck out of the tent that night to take a little walk on the beach we were camping at. The night is so wonderful-no city lights to taint the perfect darkness that you can only receive in places such as these.
Another place is in Mendocino. There is a huge cliff where you can look down and just fall into the ocean. There is pickle weed everywhere. My parents and I would walk down from out campsite and just sit there, watching the sunset. You take a seat and the earth gives way to make the most comfortable place to sit in the world. I glance over to my parents and they have their arms around each other. I suppose I am a "romantic" too, for I want what my parents have. Someone to hold me in their arms and just watch that sunset with me, and laugh at the different shapes the sun makes as it sets. I glance over to the sun, looking at the line that it makes on the water, almost like a golden path that I could walk on and just step into the clouds. I never feel more relaxed then when I am there, just watching the sun and thinking about nothing in particular. Even though I am a happy, crazy person who laughs all the time a lot of people don't know the other side of me. The side that contemplates life and tries to forgive herself for past experiences. It isn't that a wear a mask-I did once but I won't ever again-I just don't show that side to many people.
Finally I left the bath feeling and looking quite decent, considering I was insanely drunk last night. My apartment looked immaculate. Seriously. This woman is crazy! But I love her. Well, I love her but right now the fact that she did this for me is the forefront of my mind.
"Thank you so much, Sango!" She smiled from her place in my kitchen, cooking what smelled deliciously like cookies, brownies and even, no it couldn't be, oh yes it was—her famous lemon cake that is to die for. Was I in the bath that long? I was about to reach out a hand to get a cookie when I was unceremoniously slapped away.
"Do you want to tell me something?" I felt like I was five again! You are not my mommy! Awful bitch, teasing me with food like this. What the hell did she want me to tell her anyway? Oh, wait, did I just call my best friend a bitch? My stomach growled. No, I didn't call my BEST friend a bitch, my stomach did. Shut up, you.
"What do you want me to tell you?"
"Why there are four messages from Sesshomaru on the phone and when you were in the bath he called again. What happened?"
"I don't know, maybe he had something to tell me about work or whatever…" Sango immediately laughed a little evilly. I was kind of frightened.
"I don't think so, sister. Why don't you listen to these messages yourself and see what you think?"
"Oooooookay…?" Sango pressed the play button. Immediately Sesshomaru's voice came out of the electronic device.
"Hey Kagome, its me, I mean, its Sesshomaru, well, that's my name, but um, anyway, I just wanted to tell you again that I had a good time last night and I hope that we can go out tonight. Call me, bye."
"So…? He isn't good at phone messages…What's your point?"
"Just listen!" The force in her voice was amazing. And I realized at that moment that my quiet and loving friend could be quite violent if need be.
"Hi Kagome, it's me, Sesshomaru, again. I guess that you are out or something. But whatever you want to do, I'm here so call me whenever. Kay, bye."
I was about to speak when she interrupted me.
"Not a word! Just listen."
"Hi Kagome, it's Sess, its Sesshomaru, yup, that's me. Um, well, I guess you are over at someone's house or something, probably some female friend. Not that you don't have male friends or something, but it's probably a woman. Yes, it's a woman. Um, anyway, call me later. Maybe we can do something tomorrow. I'll see you at work, I hope. Bye."
"Work? But I'm holiday…" Sango nodded.
"But just wait. This ones the real kicker." I started to feel a little nauseous again.
"Hi Kag, it's me again, Sesshomaru. I hope you alright, since you aren't at work. Oh blast, that's right! You're on holiday. So that was why the boss looked at me weird when I told him you were sick…umm, I really want to see you, so call me back as soon as possible. Bye sweetie. I mean, uh, bye, I guess."
"'Bye sweetie'? What is this about?" And then it all came back to me. That's right. No wonder why he's calling. We kissed and all. This whole "friends with benefits" thing. It was nice kissing him though. I wonder what Inuyasha would think if he heard me say that about his brother. I can almost see his face now. "Hey Inu, your brother and I have seeing each other for the past three years behind your back and now we decided to get physically involved. But don't worry, it isn't romantic!" Ha! Can you actually think he would believe me? I don't.
"Oh, that. Right. We just kissed, that's all." Sango turned me around and slapped another cookie out of my hand.
"'Just kissed, that's all?' Just kissed? What are you thinking?"
"What are you going on about?" I said, thoroughly angry that she would try and take my cookie after I told her. I felt like stamping my foot and pouting. I want my cookie!
"What am I going on about? What am I going on about? Did you hear those messages?"
"Yes," I answered, finally able to sneak a cookie. Ahh, yummy. "We'rve justv friendsv. Mnnmmh, cood, bery cood," I said between bites. Well, perhaps more like through bites.
"Friends? You call this friends? This man is so obviously in love with you! Why don't you wake up and realize you have something good here?" I wanted to point out that I did realize I had something good here with these cookies but decided against it. Sango did look like she would appreciate the compliment at the moment. "You finally take another step in your relationship and she sits here and pretends its nothing. Pretends that he takes out all these OTHER girls to dinner each week," she glared at me to punctuate this, "and that he kisses all those women too," another glance, "and not only that but after he kisses them, nothing more, mind you, he calls them, wanting to see them again! You are a complete lunatic, you know that?"
"Sango, you don't talk to him. He is desperately in love with some unattainable woman of his past. And why would he want me, me, an overweight scientist who is in love with his gay younger brother. Which he well knows since I vent to him about it! And secondly, he has called me sweetie before we kissed, we are just friends!" A little white lie, but Sango needed to be spoken to rationally. I mean, honestly, this was insane. No one likes me. Why would the ever gorgeous and ever available Sesshomaru want me? When he could have about any woman he wants, he even had a chance with the woman before me. I mean, Sango thought he was sexy, but Kouga was the only one for her. But a girl could window shop, couldn't she?
"Whatever, Kagome. Just don't be surprised when he confesses his love to you. I got to go. I'll see you later. And call him back, for goodness sake." I grudgingly kissed her goodbye and as she almost was out the door she turned back to me and stared at me for a moment. "And I think you are in love with him too." And that was that. She was out the door and I was left to ponder what she had said. Sincerely, what the hell is going on?
I crawled onto my couch and decided to read for a while to get myself a little under control. I didn't want to think about anything Sango said. Because, if I was perfectly honest, I guess, physically, I had always thought Sesshomaru was the more attractive brother. It had to do with that stoic, golden-eyed glances and the manner he held himself. He exuded utter confidence and I guess that was very attractive. He knew how to get what he wants and I liked that in a man. But I had Inuyasha, right? A little voice in my head poked through and supplied answer. "Not anymore…he's in France." Hmm…maybe I could humor Sango a little. Just a little.
9/20/03
12:17 a.m.
And finally, my favorite book. Ah, my friend, I could go on for days about the books that I have read and everything about them. So perhaps I should stick to my favorite authors. I just read this book called "The Club Dumas" by Arturo Perez-Reverte and it is seriously such a good book! I am still freaking out about the ending. I was so in love with the main character, Lucas Corso, because of how much of a great character he is. I mean, the man is just so complex and deep that I wanted to know him so bad. He seemed like he would be an interesting character that I would never get bored with. And the story was so amazing. Corso is a book dealer that deals with the dirty dealings of the book world—and he just got his hands on a part of the real manuscript for Alexander Dumas' book, "The Three Musketeers." As he tries to discover the authenticity of the document he gets caught in the book itself as it parallels his life. Someone is trying to make a serial of his life and he is D'Artagnan. He has a real Rochefort following him, a Milady to dishonor, a girl from a Conan Doyle mystery thrown into the mix. He also must deal with another book and Corso then deals with the occult, the true devil and everything in between. He must figure out who the author is before he is murdered—or worse.
I really enjoy those characters that you can just relate with because they are in fact so real. However, I find on film that being too real can count against you. But in a book, being real is something more easily identified with because you are reading it. You can imagine the person to look or feel anyway you want them to. It isn't handed to you on a silver platter and just served with wine and cheese. In a book you must work at it—and your wine isn't always expensive and sometimes your cheese is moldy. But you make due. Corso, for me, was one of those characters. He was a man that I would want to get to know a little better—someone who would only respect you if you deserved it and deserving it would be a feat in itself. Someone who isn't perfect, not the drop-dead gorgeous hero, but a cunning little man who in his own way can make you swoon. Through books I learned that not everything is as it seems, and not everyone is who they are on the outside. I mean, I consider myself naïve-certainly. I wouldn't doubt that at all. My experiences are limited, my life sheltered and my world is small. But the world isn't small. In fact, the world is incredibly large. It is funny that I never realized that before reading. It's not like I didn't know there was a whole world out there—no one can be that dense, but I just didn't think about it, ya know? I mean, America has that big drawback. Because we are so above all these other countries by wealth, opportunities and power Americans tend to think that America is all that matters in the world. And I guess that I did too. I mean, who really spends time to think about these countries that are just a speck on the map to you? I certainly didn't. I mean, even up till last year I still felt the same way. I know Mexico is being talked about a lot, but you're right. It did affect me immensely. I was so innocent schoolgirl before. I mean, true, I still am. But I've had a taste of the world now. Going there made me realize that there are people dying and I am worrying about my body issues. I felt so stupid. I know that my problems are important—to my life, and I can't compare lives. But still, it didn't stop me from feeling like a complete ass. But still after all that, I know now that books are one of the most real things you can experience without experiencing it yourself. I have learned so much from having my nose stuck in a book constantly. I know you're probably screaming "YOUR SOCIAL LIFE!" and it's true. I think a lot of my problems stem from the fact that I would rather live vicariously through characters in books than actually experience the world. And then writing came into the mix. "I have given my life to that, he said, throwing the book on the bed" a poet once said on his deathbed. Was he regretting that? I tried to think he didn't. But it's true. Even though books taught me to see life clearly, I need to smooth out the rough edges on my own. I have to write my own book. A book without words or pages. A book no one can read. A book that only I know the whole story. A book where the ending isn't even predicted yet.
So that was my tangent on books. But I wasn't done with my favorite authors yet. I like that historical fiction stories that intersperses fact with fiction. I love that. So, that leads to my next favorite author.
Kurt Vonnegut. Who can forget about Kurt Vonnegut? I love this man. He is so funny that I am giggling right now just thinking about the man. I read "Cat's Cradle" and "Timequake." Which I have to say, Timequake has got to be the funniest book I have ever read. It is about Kurt Vonnegut himself, and his fictional alter ego, Kilgore Trout. A timequake is a period of time that somehow repeats itself. So, one day we just went back ten years and repeated everything we did for those ten years. It wasn't like we could change anything. It was a rerun of everything that was happening. But we were aware of what was happening and going on while we were going back through those ten years. Through the story there are little random tangents that Trout or Vonnegut goes off on and they are just hilarious. I don't think I have ever laughed so hard at a book before. Vonnegut has this strange way of just being funny in that totally nerdy way, but it still makes you laugh. I love it.
Another author I adore is James Herriot, who wrote "All Creatures Great and Small" which is a hilarious rehash of his days as a veterinary in the British countryside. I laughed at his outrageous boss and Herriot's blunders in love and the veterinary practice itself. I mean, who really wants to birth a cow in real life? Herriot allows you to experience it through his first account of his life. Oh boy. It is great.
Finally, I simply adore Dave Barry. This man is officially off his rocker. I mean, come on. He is a loony. But he makes me laugh. I read his articles all the time and my mother and I listen to his books on tapes when we drive somewhere far away. I mean, you have to have something amusing when you go on these long trips and I don't want to wear my headphones the whole time. So we get books on tapes. I think another good one was by Al Franken and it was Stuart Smally, which is hilarious as well. "Daily Affirmations." Oh boy. Don't get me started on that. I can't even tell you!
The phone rings at about nine o'clock and I don't think twice when I immediately pick up the phone.
"Hello?"
"Kagome! I finally got you. Are you okay?" Oh come on. Who do you think it is? Of course it's Sesshomaru.
"Hey Sess, ya I'm fine. I just had a massive hangover."
"Oh…did you go out last night?"
"No no, I stayed in."
"Oh, did you have some friends or whatever over?" Now here was something I wasn't looking forward to answering. Do I tell the truth? I decide it will sound naff that I said "yeah, I got totally ass-drunk last night by myself!" so I settled on a little white lie. Hoping he wouldn't ask anything else about it.
"Yeah, just a couple."
"Oh, anyone I know?" What does THAT mean? He doesn't really know any of my friends very well. Well, he knows people at work, but would they really get drunk with me on a Sunday night? I don't think so.
"No, no one you know."
"Oh." He seemed to be saying that a lot lately.
"Are you okay Sess? You sound a little, I don't know, down or something."
"No, no! I'm fine. I was just worried about you, that's all."
"Okie dokie, as long as everything's alright. It isn't that girl, is it?" I heard an audible sigh on the other side of the line.
"No, no, it's nothing. Can I just see you? Can I just come over?" Thank you Sango for making my apartment amazing. And making dessert, well all that was left of it.
"Yeah, sure. Do you want me to pick you up or something?"
"No, I'm fine; I'll be over in a couple of minutes." We said our goodbyes and I was left to prepare some dessert to sit on the coffee table in the living room. I was just putting the finishing touches on the dessert platter when there was a knock on the door. I should really give him a key like Sango and Inu have. Miroku definitely doesn't have one though. We all know what HE would do with it.
"I'm coming." I put down dessert on the table and then walked over and opened the door. Sesshomaru was there, looking slightly desperate. I don't know, but that lovely rumpled look he got when he was tired was absolutely adorable.
"What's up, how ar—"
He was like a man possessed. His lips were immediately on mine as he swung the door closed. He kissed me savagely, desperately and passionately. His arms encircled my waist as he continued his ministrations. Soon I could feel his tongue forcing his way into my mouth and I could only gasp at this sudden onslaught of sexual torture. It was totally different from our last kisses. These were feverish and lustful as our last ones were gentle and slow. His hands began to move over my body and I couldn't help the groan that escaped from my lips and into his mouth. I draped my arms around his neck and pulled his head closer to mine.
We continued on like this, lost in each other. Just as my legs thought they might give way and I was feeling a little frantic myself as I ripped off his shirt, Sesshomaru collapsed on top of me, toppling us to the couch. His hands were everywhere on my bare chest and they were roaming down the sweats I had put on after my bath.
Finally we were both completely naked and he had just settled himself inside me. He was whispering tender, wonderful things to me as he moved, the desperation gone and gentle caresses and passionate kisses took its place. I felt so special at that moment, his golden eyes riveted on me and a look of pure and utter bliss graced his face.
And for that moment I didn't care that he probably came over for this express purpose. And for that moment I didn't care that perhaps I was being used as just a sexual release. All I did care about was that I was here and he was with me now, not someone else.
Eventually we fell asleep, after a little fun with the dessert that was on the coffee table. Oh God, I mentally groan in my head before I fall asleep. I am never going to look at this couch the same again.