Chapter 6 - Jennica's Guide to Life
A/N Well, I am not sure what to save the People from exactly, so I decided to write this. Anyone got any ideas?
I promise I'll get back to the story... EVENTUALLY! Actually, in the next chapter I will.
Thanks for all the reviews!! Wow I can't believe people like this. I know, I know, I've got to stop reading Artemis Fowl and be more optimistic.
KALI - Holly didn't do the mission, well, because they were afraid she would kill Artemis had he locked her in a cell again. Though she really wanted to see her favorite Mud Boy again........
Disclaimer: I still own Artemis Fowl and Co. And the whole world. Mwhahahahahahahahahaha! *laughs evilly while holding up blackmail photo* *AF cast, Eoin Colfer, and lawyers nod furiously* Right. Hey, what's this........ *looks at dangerous court summons* Ah, well, it was worth a shot.... I don't own Artemis Fowl and Co. or any related stuff whatsoever.
**************************************************************************** **
Jennica was bored to death. Honestly, how can someone faint after hearing an amount of money? She had returned everything except for a couple of lip glosses and the pizzas. Someone picked up the phone in the pizza shop and said no one was there, but he had seen the whole crew walk away holding a bunch of Bahamas cruise brochures. So, she decided to write a story. A list, to be precise. A guide to life. On how to be incredibly annoying.
Jennica's Guide To Life
1. Always wear sunglasses when inside anyone's house. Always. You'll understand later.
2. Always have a lot of lip gloss in your pocket.
3. Plus sunglasses and a cell phone if you are going to Fowl Manor. Trust me.
4. Laugh at everyone and everything. Even if it's not funny at all.
5. But not at Artemis Fowl's jokes.
6. And not at Butler. Ever. You can see why.
7. Always eat the most expensive thing available at someone's house. And at restaurants.
8. Unless you are paying, of course.
9. Eavesdrop on everyone's conversations. Especially if they are giving their bank numbers.
10. If your boss yells at you, just push yourself up to full height. If you are a foot taller, that is.
11. Then proceed to yell at your boss.
12. Threaten to quit the LEP if they don't serve lobster.
13. If someone makes fun of your ears, act really hurt and insist it's a medical condition.
14. When someone asks why you always ask to come in, act really hurt again and say you just want to be really polite.
15. Wear bright colors and glitter. And lots of lip gloss. Never wear black. Ever. Unless, of course, you are sneaking in to a movie theater.
16. Cheat at cards, Monopoly, Poppit, and everything else.
17. Cheat at the IQ test and scare Artemis Fowl.
18. Always bring a Polaroid camera when returning Artemis's memories. Take a picture and blackmail. Laugh. Repeat. Laugh. Repeat.
19. Always have an acorn and some soil in your pocket.
20. But NEVER with your lip gloss, sunglasses, or cell phone.
21. Never volunteer for a mission that seems too easy. Say, one to Fowl Manor. Trust me.
22. If you do, be prepared for a big high-five from Holly.
23. Lie better than a goblin. But always cross your fingers.
24. When learning to fly, do it in a safe place. Like, say, the desert.
25. But NEVER in New York City. Trust me. (Ouch.)
26. Always order more pizzas than you need. Say, 99 more.
27. Get around to killing Artemis one of these days. Promises have to be kept, right?
28. If you have to spit out a drink, make sure you're standing across from someone. Preferably someone in a new suit.
29. Always keep a 10 ft. radius between yourself and Mulch Diggums. If not 100 ft. Trust me.
30. If you consider listening to anything Artemis says, bring a college dictionary.
31. If you consider listening to anything Juliet says, bring a copy of Preteen magazine.
32. Act like you know everything.
34. Then when out of earshot, ask Foaly to fill you in.
35. Never shut up. Ever. Not even when you're sleeping.
36. Always find something good in a bad situation. Then proceed to take advantage. Big time.
37. Never fall in love with anyone whose IQ is larger than your credit card balance.
38. If you do, proceed to hit yourself on the head. Hard.
39. Don't try to negotiate with cameras.
40. Or 12- year old boy geniuses.
41. When life gives you lemons, throw them back and hit life on the head.!
Hmmm, thought Jennica. I really should get this published when I get back home.
**************************************************************************** **
A/N Well, what do you think? I think it's funny. Then again, I think everything is funny.
( )
What do you think?
PLEASE REVIEW! Please, please, pretty please?
*looks up with huge puppy dog eyes*
And oh yes, DO NOT forget my very important survey? Should they fall in love or not?
Will update as soon as.................... I feel like it! Actually, will update soon as writer's block is gone. :(
A/N Well, I am not sure what to save the People from exactly, so I decided to write this. Anyone got any ideas?
I promise I'll get back to the story... EVENTUALLY! Actually, in the next chapter I will.
Thanks for all the reviews!! Wow I can't believe people like this. I know, I know, I've got to stop reading Artemis Fowl and be more optimistic.
KALI - Holly didn't do the mission, well, because they were afraid she would kill Artemis had he locked her in a cell again. Though she really wanted to see her favorite Mud Boy again........
Disclaimer: I still own Artemis Fowl and Co. And the whole world. Mwhahahahahahahahahaha! *laughs evilly while holding up blackmail photo* *AF cast, Eoin Colfer, and lawyers nod furiously* Right. Hey, what's this........ *looks at dangerous court summons* Ah, well, it was worth a shot.... I don't own Artemis Fowl and Co. or any related stuff whatsoever.
**************************************************************************** **
Jennica was bored to death. Honestly, how can someone faint after hearing an amount of money? She had returned everything except for a couple of lip glosses and the pizzas. Someone picked up the phone in the pizza shop and said no one was there, but he had seen the whole crew walk away holding a bunch of Bahamas cruise brochures. So, she decided to write a story. A list, to be precise. A guide to life. On how to be incredibly annoying.
Jennica's Guide To Life
1. Always wear sunglasses when inside anyone's house. Always. You'll understand later.
2. Always have a lot of lip gloss in your pocket.
3. Plus sunglasses and a cell phone if you are going to Fowl Manor. Trust me.
4. Laugh at everyone and everything. Even if it's not funny at all.
5. But not at Artemis Fowl's jokes.
6. And not at Butler. Ever. You can see why.
7. Always eat the most expensive thing available at someone's house. And at restaurants.
8. Unless you are paying, of course.
9. Eavesdrop on everyone's conversations. Especially if they are giving their bank numbers.
10. If your boss yells at you, just push yourself up to full height. If you are a foot taller, that is.
11. Then proceed to yell at your boss.
12. Threaten to quit the LEP if they don't serve lobster.
13. If someone makes fun of your ears, act really hurt and insist it's a medical condition.
14. When someone asks why you always ask to come in, act really hurt again and say you just want to be really polite.
15. Wear bright colors and glitter. And lots of lip gloss. Never wear black. Ever. Unless, of course, you are sneaking in to a movie theater.
16. Cheat at cards, Monopoly, Poppit, and everything else.
17. Cheat at the IQ test and scare Artemis Fowl.
18. Always bring a Polaroid camera when returning Artemis's memories. Take a picture and blackmail. Laugh. Repeat. Laugh. Repeat.
19. Always have an acorn and some soil in your pocket.
20. But NEVER with your lip gloss, sunglasses, or cell phone.
21. Never volunteer for a mission that seems too easy. Say, one to Fowl Manor. Trust me.
22. If you do, be prepared for a big high-five from Holly.
23. Lie better than a goblin. But always cross your fingers.
24. When learning to fly, do it in a safe place. Like, say, the desert.
25. But NEVER in New York City. Trust me. (Ouch.)
26. Always order more pizzas than you need. Say, 99 more.
27. Get around to killing Artemis one of these days. Promises have to be kept, right?
28. If you have to spit out a drink, make sure you're standing across from someone. Preferably someone in a new suit.
29. Always keep a 10 ft. radius between yourself and Mulch Diggums. If not 100 ft. Trust me.
30. If you consider listening to anything Artemis says, bring a college dictionary.
31. If you consider listening to anything Juliet says, bring a copy of Preteen magazine.
32. Act like you know everything.
34. Then when out of earshot, ask Foaly to fill you in.
35. Never shut up. Ever. Not even when you're sleeping.
36. Always find something good in a bad situation. Then proceed to take advantage. Big time.
37. Never fall in love with anyone whose IQ is larger than your credit card balance.
38. If you do, proceed to hit yourself on the head. Hard.
39. Don't try to negotiate with cameras.
40. Or 12- year old boy geniuses.
41. When life gives you lemons, throw them back and hit life on the head.!
Hmmm, thought Jennica. I really should get this published when I get back home.
**************************************************************************** **
A/N Well, what do you think? I think it's funny. Then again, I think everything is funny.
( )
What do you think?
PLEASE REVIEW! Please, please, pretty please?
*looks up with huge puppy dog eyes*
And oh yes, DO NOT forget my very important survey? Should they fall in love or not?
Will update as soon as.................... I feel like it! Actually, will update soon as writer's block is gone. :(