Chapter Eight - Surprises
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Disclaimer:
Me: I am tired, so I won't even bother to try and say I own Artemis Fowl & Co. Cast: *breathes sigh of relief* Artemis: Really? Me: NO! *net traps cast and lawyers and pulls up into air* Mwahahahahahahahaha! I now own Artemis Fowl and Co. for EVER!! And there's nothing you can do about it!!!! Artemis: You're right, but he can! *lawyer magically appears holding yet another dangerous court summon* Me: D'Arvit! How did you escape! Lawyer: Life is a mystery. Me: *grumbles* Fine. IdontownanyArtemisfowlcharactersoranyrelatedstuff. Cast and Lawyer: YAY! Now we can read the chapter! Cast: Wait a minute, will you get us down from here?!?!?!? Me: Hmm, let me think, no! Cast: HEEELP!! Me: *puts on earplugs* Now here is the chapter!
:) Don't you just love my disclaimers?? Another vote, which is better, my disclaimers or the story?
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Jennica was walking down the Fowls' winding ornate eighteenth-century staircase. Not as easy a task as it sounds. High heels did not cooperate with Jennica. Or winding staircases. This mission just keeps getting better and better, she thought.
She contemplated how great even Armani loafers would be right now, even though she wouldn't be caught dead in those. Or a dress, either. Good thing her camera was in the off position or she would never hear the end of it at the LEP.
While meditating on that very comforting thought, her five-inch heels snagged on the carpeting and she lost her balance, consequently toppling down the stairs most unceremoniously. She dearly hoped no one saw that.
Artemis, who just happened to be conveniently at the middle of the steps on the way to dinner, caught her mid-fall. His usual blank expression turned to slightly amused.
"Oookay. Awkward," said Jennica. "Why does this keep happening?" Artemis shrugged and set her down, walking on to dinner. She followed along as best she could, almost tripping twice.
The long hallway's walls were covered with huge portraits of generations of Fowls, all looking smug and kind of spooky. After seemingly half a mile, it gave way to the enormous dining room, in which all the Fowls were seated in their best outfits. What was it with rich people and dressing for dinner, wondered Jennica.
She took a deep breath and tried to stay calm. After all, how hard could it be to bluff Artemis's parents for just a couple of hours more? Artemis had been doing it all these years. So, she sat down and stared at the array of forks on the table, selecting the one that seemed right. Artemis kept signaling something to her that apparently meant a 'no', because everyone seemed to be on the verge of laughing. It stopped when she chose the last available fork. That was pretty embarrassing, if she said so herself. She really would have to make a database for these kinds of things.
"So, what's your name?" Mrs. Fowl asked her guest when she had regained her composure.
"Jennica," said Jennica truthfully, and immediately regretted it, for the whole room looked to be about to giggle again. "That's an, um, interesting name," said Mr. Fowl. His wife nudged him with her elbow, hard.
"What was that for?" he asked, rubbing his arm.
"For being an idiot," replied Mrs. Fowl.
"Okay," said Mr. Fowl.
A/N OK, OK. I know that's from "The Amanda Show" but I couldn't resist! :)
"So, where do you live, um, Jennica?" he asked, pulling his arm away.
"Um, uh," she said.
"On the end of the block ," replied Artemis.
"Uh, yeah, what he said," said Jennica nervously.
Mrs. Fowl looked unconvinced. "I know the people who live there, and you don't," she said, pretty confused.
"Oh, did I say this block, well, I meant next block."
Mr. Fowl looked up from his pepperoni pizza they were eating since there was so much of it. "You don't live there either. I know you don't live anywhere near here," he said mysteriously, finishing off his sixth slice.
"Oh, did I say next block, I meant next town, see — "
"Your friend is quite the actress, Artemis, " said Mrs. Fowl. "She really should audition."
Jennica choked mid-slice. "What did you say?" she asked innocently.
"Say, you're a really good liar. Want to join our company?" asked Mr. Fowl. His wife nudged him again, harder this time.
"What was that for?" he asked, rubbing his arm again.
"For being an idiot," replied Mrs. Fowl.
"Okay," he said, turning to his son, who was even paler than usual. "Did you think we were born yesterday? We know about your little plot."
Artemis spit out his Irish coffee for the umpteenth time today. Luckily, Butler ducked just in time. "You do?"
A/N I know, I know, this story has too many spit takes. But AF has too many people passing out! So there! :)
"Of course. Parents know everything. Are you okay, dear?" asked Mrs. Fowl, turning to Jennica.
"Are you going to press charges?" asked Mr. Fowl. Angeline tried to nudge him again, even harder, but luckily he slid over, vowing to sit somewhere else for the rest of his life. Jennica assured them that she was fine, and wouldn't, conveniently leaving out the part about her lawyer quitting.
"Well, good, then," they said together. "Good luck saving the world tomorrow!"
"This book was good," said Mrs. Fowl, laying a copy of the Book of the fairies they had swiped from Artemis's room on the table. "Does it have a sequel?"
"And by the way, Artemis, you are grounded for a month!" added Mr. Fowl, and were just about to walk out when their guest began to look slightly hypnotized. Juliet looked up from her copy of Preteen, and Butler from his of Guns & Ammo.
But Artemis didn't notice. "How did you know all this?" he asked his parents. "I have my ways," said Mr. Fowl. Artemis looked confused. He looked at his father, who didn't look like he was going to tell the truth any time soon, and then at Jennica. "Oh no," he said.
"Are you okay, fairy girl?" asked Juliet, concerned. Jennica looked as if in a dream. "No, I have a horrible headache, I am going to throw up from all this pizza, and I'm almost out of lip gloss. I wish I could have a brownie. I'm scared of mosquitos, and I want to be a computer programmer when I grow up."
Everyone looked just about to call the emergency room because she looked like she had snapped. Juliet started to reach for the house phone.
"I think Root will have a heart attack next week, I wish there were more lobsters in the world, I cheated on the IQ test, I have an imaginary dog, I am scared of the dark, I can play the banjo, and I think Artemis is kind of cute..... in a creepy and evil way." She blinked and shook her head, coming back to earth in a flash. "Why is everyone staring at me?" she asked, dumbfounded.
Butler and Juliet started giggling despite all their attempts at trying not to. Artemis fell of his chair in shock, and immediately ran away from his parents, who looked about ready to kill him.
"What'd I miss?" asked Jennica. Juliet explained, amid gales of laughter. Jennica turned pale white, even more so than Artemis, at what she had just revealed to these strangers. "You are SO dead, this time for real!" she said to a blushing but terrified Artemis.
Juliet and Butler rushed immediately to protect their Principal to no avail. "Good night," she said, and they were soon snoozing on the Oriental rug. Artemis thought he would be dead right then and there and covered his eyes.
Jennica whacked him squarely on the head with an expensive feather pillow from the Fowls' living room. A surprised Artemis fought back, shyly admitting to himself that however childish this was, it was actually fun. Barely five minutes later, their pillows burst and the room resembled a snowstorm from the Ice Age. Either that,or a bakery with very inexperienced employees.
Mr. Fowl surveyed the scene, not quite as angry as before."Who knows, those two crazy kids might just make it," he declared, loudly enough for them to hear. Mrs. Fowl, once again, nudged him with her elbow.
"What was that for?" he asked, rubbing his arm yet again.
"For being an idiot," replied Mrs. Fowl.
"Okay," he grumbled and followed his wife up the winding (and dangerous) staircase, but he couldn't resist one final gibe.
"Oh, and by the way, Artemis, make that two months!"
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A/N bad, baaad, chapter!!! I really should delete this but I don't know how to so I guess I'll just finish it. Please review!
I promise next chapter will have some of the promised Action/Adventure too!
By coolcube, who is afraid of horrible reviews right now and is waiting crossing fingers, holding breath, and turning blue. :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
**************************************************************************** **
Disclaimer:
Me: I am tired, so I won't even bother to try and say I own Artemis Fowl & Co. Cast: *breathes sigh of relief* Artemis: Really? Me: NO! *net traps cast and lawyers and pulls up into air* Mwahahahahahahahaha! I now own Artemis Fowl and Co. for EVER!! And there's nothing you can do about it!!!! Artemis: You're right, but he can! *lawyer magically appears holding yet another dangerous court summon* Me: D'Arvit! How did you escape! Lawyer: Life is a mystery. Me: *grumbles* Fine. IdontownanyArtemisfowlcharactersoranyrelatedstuff. Cast and Lawyer: YAY! Now we can read the chapter! Cast: Wait a minute, will you get us down from here?!?!?!? Me: Hmm, let me think, no! Cast: HEEELP!! Me: *puts on earplugs* Now here is the chapter!
:) Don't you just love my disclaimers?? Another vote, which is better, my disclaimers or the story?
**************************************************************************** **
Jennica was walking down the Fowls' winding ornate eighteenth-century staircase. Not as easy a task as it sounds. High heels did not cooperate with Jennica. Or winding staircases. This mission just keeps getting better and better, she thought.
She contemplated how great even Armani loafers would be right now, even though she wouldn't be caught dead in those. Or a dress, either. Good thing her camera was in the off position or she would never hear the end of it at the LEP.
While meditating on that very comforting thought, her five-inch heels snagged on the carpeting and she lost her balance, consequently toppling down the stairs most unceremoniously. She dearly hoped no one saw that.
Artemis, who just happened to be conveniently at the middle of the steps on the way to dinner, caught her mid-fall. His usual blank expression turned to slightly amused.
"Oookay. Awkward," said Jennica. "Why does this keep happening?" Artemis shrugged and set her down, walking on to dinner. She followed along as best she could, almost tripping twice.
The long hallway's walls were covered with huge portraits of generations of Fowls, all looking smug and kind of spooky. After seemingly half a mile, it gave way to the enormous dining room, in which all the Fowls were seated in their best outfits. What was it with rich people and dressing for dinner, wondered Jennica.
She took a deep breath and tried to stay calm. After all, how hard could it be to bluff Artemis's parents for just a couple of hours more? Artemis had been doing it all these years. So, she sat down and stared at the array of forks on the table, selecting the one that seemed right. Artemis kept signaling something to her that apparently meant a 'no', because everyone seemed to be on the verge of laughing. It stopped when she chose the last available fork. That was pretty embarrassing, if she said so herself. She really would have to make a database for these kinds of things.
"So, what's your name?" Mrs. Fowl asked her guest when she had regained her composure.
"Jennica," said Jennica truthfully, and immediately regretted it, for the whole room looked to be about to giggle again. "That's an, um, interesting name," said Mr. Fowl. His wife nudged him with her elbow, hard.
"What was that for?" he asked, rubbing his arm.
"For being an idiot," replied Mrs. Fowl.
"Okay," said Mr. Fowl.
A/N OK, OK. I know that's from "The Amanda Show" but I couldn't resist! :)
"So, where do you live, um, Jennica?" he asked, pulling his arm away.
"Um, uh," she said.
"On the end of the block ," replied Artemis.
"Uh, yeah, what he said," said Jennica nervously.
Mrs. Fowl looked unconvinced. "I know the people who live there, and you don't," she said, pretty confused.
"Oh, did I say this block, well, I meant next block."
Mr. Fowl looked up from his pepperoni pizza they were eating since there was so much of it. "You don't live there either. I know you don't live anywhere near here," he said mysteriously, finishing off his sixth slice.
"Oh, did I say next block, I meant next town, see — "
"Your friend is quite the actress, Artemis, " said Mrs. Fowl. "She really should audition."
Jennica choked mid-slice. "What did you say?" she asked innocently.
"Say, you're a really good liar. Want to join our company?" asked Mr. Fowl. His wife nudged him again, harder this time.
"What was that for?" he asked, rubbing his arm again.
"For being an idiot," replied Mrs. Fowl.
"Okay," he said, turning to his son, who was even paler than usual. "Did you think we were born yesterday? We know about your little plot."
Artemis spit out his Irish coffee for the umpteenth time today. Luckily, Butler ducked just in time. "You do?"
A/N I know, I know, this story has too many spit takes. But AF has too many people passing out! So there! :)
"Of course. Parents know everything. Are you okay, dear?" asked Mrs. Fowl, turning to Jennica.
"Are you going to press charges?" asked Mr. Fowl. Angeline tried to nudge him again, even harder, but luckily he slid over, vowing to sit somewhere else for the rest of his life. Jennica assured them that she was fine, and wouldn't, conveniently leaving out the part about her lawyer quitting.
"Well, good, then," they said together. "Good luck saving the world tomorrow!"
"This book was good," said Mrs. Fowl, laying a copy of the Book of the fairies they had swiped from Artemis's room on the table. "Does it have a sequel?"
"And by the way, Artemis, you are grounded for a month!" added Mr. Fowl, and were just about to walk out when their guest began to look slightly hypnotized. Juliet looked up from her copy of Preteen, and Butler from his of Guns & Ammo.
But Artemis didn't notice. "How did you know all this?" he asked his parents. "I have my ways," said Mr. Fowl. Artemis looked confused. He looked at his father, who didn't look like he was going to tell the truth any time soon, and then at Jennica. "Oh no," he said.
"Are you okay, fairy girl?" asked Juliet, concerned. Jennica looked as if in a dream. "No, I have a horrible headache, I am going to throw up from all this pizza, and I'm almost out of lip gloss. I wish I could have a brownie. I'm scared of mosquitos, and I want to be a computer programmer when I grow up."
Everyone looked just about to call the emergency room because she looked like she had snapped. Juliet started to reach for the house phone.
"I think Root will have a heart attack next week, I wish there were more lobsters in the world, I cheated on the IQ test, I have an imaginary dog, I am scared of the dark, I can play the banjo, and I think Artemis is kind of cute..... in a creepy and evil way." She blinked and shook her head, coming back to earth in a flash. "Why is everyone staring at me?" she asked, dumbfounded.
Butler and Juliet started giggling despite all their attempts at trying not to. Artemis fell of his chair in shock, and immediately ran away from his parents, who looked about ready to kill him.
"What'd I miss?" asked Jennica. Juliet explained, amid gales of laughter. Jennica turned pale white, even more so than Artemis, at what she had just revealed to these strangers. "You are SO dead, this time for real!" she said to a blushing but terrified Artemis.
Juliet and Butler rushed immediately to protect their Principal to no avail. "Good night," she said, and they were soon snoozing on the Oriental rug. Artemis thought he would be dead right then and there and covered his eyes.
Jennica whacked him squarely on the head with an expensive feather pillow from the Fowls' living room. A surprised Artemis fought back, shyly admitting to himself that however childish this was, it was actually fun. Barely five minutes later, their pillows burst and the room resembled a snowstorm from the Ice Age. Either that,or a bakery with very inexperienced employees.
Mr. Fowl surveyed the scene, not quite as angry as before."Who knows, those two crazy kids might just make it," he declared, loudly enough for them to hear. Mrs. Fowl, once again, nudged him with her elbow.
"What was that for?" he asked, rubbing his arm yet again.
"For being an idiot," replied Mrs. Fowl.
"Okay," he grumbled and followed his wife up the winding (and dangerous) staircase, but he couldn't resist one final gibe.
"Oh, and by the way, Artemis, make that two months!"
**************************************************************************** **
A/N bad, baaad, chapter!!! I really should delete this but I don't know how to so I guess I'll just finish it. Please review!
I promise next chapter will have some of the promised Action/Adventure too!
By coolcube, who is afraid of horrible reviews right now and is waiting crossing fingers, holding breath, and turning blue. :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)