Chapter nineteen – Without you

February arrived quickly at Hogwarts and with it arrived warmer weather. Remus had left the hospital wing days ago and had already recovered from his injuries but not his broken heart.

He couldn't understand why Sirius had broken up with him, things had been going so well and now it was over. He spent many sleepless nights just lying there and crying and one night he could have sworn he heard the same sounds come from the bed next to his; Sirius' bed.

Remus spent most of his time alone, wandering aimlessly around trapped in his own thoughts and delusions. He was aware that James was concerned about him but he couldn't talk to anyone about it at the moment. He often heard James probing Sirius about the real reason he had broken up with Remus but it only made Sirius furious.

'That's because it was the real reason' Remus thought bitterly. He had wondered for a while whether there was a different conclusion to Sirius' sudden ultimatum but after much careful thought, Remus couldn't think of any other reason.

The weekend arrived and Remus was disheartened; it was much easier to get by with the distraction of school work but now he actually had to think about his problems. Now and again, Remus caught Sirius looking at him with a pained expression, but he couldn't understand why because Sirius was the one who ended the relationship.

Remus spent his Saturday in the library, studying for a nearby Potions exam. The only time he left the library was when he needed the toilet; he ate nothing that day. It wasn't as though he was ill; he just couldn't stand the sight of food. He wanted to feel something other than heart break and he had found something; hunger.

Peter kept trying to get him to eat something but he politely refused. He wouldn't go to breakfast at all most days but sometimes he was dragged down there. However, he did notice that Sirius never joined them for breakfast or any other meal for that matter and Remus thought he must be eating in the kitchens.

But that wasn't the truth.

Sirius was in an even worse state than Remus was. He couldn't eat, he couldn't sleep, he'd snap at anyone who tried to reason with him and he was downright miserable.

James had tried to make him tell him the truth behind the break up but Sirius refused to tell him and merely snapped at him and walked away angrily. He knew James was just trying to help but he couldn't stand the constant questions and all he wanted to do was block everything that had happened from his mind.

Food made him feel ill. Just looking at it made him want to hurl. Sleep was also one of the things he seemed to be living without. He spent many restless nights crying to himself but he often heard the same sounds coming from Remus' bed. He wanted to go and comfort the other boy but he knew that would be impossible.

Sirius actually started to work hard in lessons, much to the Professor's surprise. The work kept his mind off other things he chose not to think about but occasionally, he felt his eyes wander to Remus. Watching him made Sirius' heart feel like it was being tugged and ripped out of his chest.

Sometimes Remus returned his gaze, but that was much worse. Sirius could see the hate and disgust in his eyes and he knew he had been the cause of that.

Sirius wandered around the school that Saturday alone because most people had gone to Hogsmeade and he really didn't feel like going. He wasn't sure where to go so he decided to go somewhere he never goes; the library.

He walked in and realised the place was deserted. He took a seat nearby the Transfiguration bookcase and lost himself in deep thought. He wasn't sure how long he sat there but eventually he heard a slight shuffling sound and when he looked up, his eyes locked with a certain amber werewolf's.

Blue gazed into amber for a moment until Remus broke the gaze and walked away. Sirius had to control the urge to jump up and go after him, which was exceedingly difficult.

Remus walked away quickly and resisted the urge to go back. What was he supposed to do now? He couldn't go back to the library with Sirius there. He decided to take a long, hot bath to relax his troubled mind.

Sirius left the library soon after Remus and decided to go and see James and Peter who should be returning from Hogsmeade soon. He wandered around where the one eyed witch is and waited. Soon enough, his two best friends appeared with sweets and dung bombs in their arms.

"Hello" Sirius said quietly. Peter smiled but James looked wary, Sirius had snapped at him again this morning. "I'm sorry James, for this morning and those other times, I've just been a bit stressed out recently" Sirius added, looking at James hopefully.

James seemed reluctant to reply at first but then he smiled. "I understand, Padfoot. Come on, lets go to dinner and yes you are going to eat something" James added, looking pointedly at Sirius.

"Ok, fine" Sirius agreed, not feeling up to arguing at the moment.

"What about Remus?" Peter asked his friends.

"We'll get him to eat later" James muttered, glancing quickly at Sirius. Sirius felt a feeling of guilt settle in his stomach but he chose to ignore it and talk to his friends to clear his head.

Sirius ate sparsely but Peter and James seemed satisfied. Whilst Sirius was having a shower, they made Remus eat a little as well but he ate hardly anything also.

That night, the canines did sleep but that was only because of the sleeping potion James had slipped into their drinks before they went to bed. James lay there in his bed and stared at the ceiling. It was strangely quiet in the dorm room which was probably because Sirius and Remus were asleep instead of crying as James had often heard them doing so.

James knew there was something more to this break up but he couldn't quite figure out what it was. No matter how many questions he asked, Sirius wouldn't tell him anything more than: "it wasn't working out" or: "it's a public thing". But James didn't believe any of that for a second. He knew Sirius was proud but he also knew that he loved Remus more than anything and would never want to give him up unless he had a really good reason to.

The next morning, Sirius awoke and he seemed puzzled for a moment. 'I went to sleep?' Sirius knew he wouldn't go to sleep willingly and he knew he wasn't even tired until James gave him that drink…

"Crafty bugger" Sirius muttered with a smirk. At least he got some sleep even if it was against his will. Sirius climbed out of bed, stretched and walked into the bathroom for a shower. When he emerged again, he was met with Remus standing at the door.

Sirius averted his gaze and walked past without saying a word. He walked down to the Great Hall and had two apples but that was all he could manage. He had seen Peter with Penny this morning but he wasn't sure where James was. 'Must be having breakfast in the kitchens' thought Sirius. Sirius carried on walking until he was met with the person he really did not want to see.

"Snape"

James walked back from the kitchens feeling rather full and he was just about to return to Gryffindor tower when he heard two familiar raised voices.

"Get away from me" He heard Sirius growl.

"I just wanted to talk" James heard a voice say, which he noticed belonged to Snape.

"I've seen enough of you to last me a lifetime" Sirius snapped angrily.

Snape merely laughed and continued. "I just wanted to know if you had done what I asked". James' eyes widened as he slowly began to piece things together.

"Yes I did. But if you go anywhere near Remus…" Sirius threatened.

"You'll what? Remus hates you remember, you have no effect on his life anymore he can do and be with anybody he wants and that includes me" Snape replied.

James clenched his fists in anger. It was Snape's fault that Remus and Sirius broke up, but why did Sirius listen to him? Unless…

"If only he knew what you did, he wouldn't want you then" Sirius retorted.

"What I did? Was that the threatening to spill his dark secret or making his lover break his heart? Think about it Black, he'll never know" Snape replied.

James gritted his teeth. Blackmail. Snape was blackmailing Sirius and James wouldn't rest until he put a stop to it.

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A/N: Oooh cliff-hanger! Still more to come! Thank you for all of your reviews and please continue telling me what you think!