CHAPTER TWELVE: Freedom To Choose
Harry almost welcomed being awakened at five thirty on Monday morning. He hadn't slept well all weekend – and for once it had nothing to do with nightmares. Going to Lupin's class meant he could work out some of the frustrations that had been building inside him since Saturday evening.
He and his roommates dressed in their usual silence, most opening their eyes just enough to see what shoe went on which foot, before trudging down to the common room.
"I swear I'll never get used to this," Ron complained, while he dragged each foot down the stairs.
Hermione, who was already dressed and waiting for them, heard Ron's grumbling and said back to him, "you should be thanking Professor Lupin that he doesn't make us do this every day."
"Can you two not start this early in the morning?" Harry snapped before Ron could retort back.
They both looked stunned at his outburst, but refrained from commenting on it, when it looked like he was in no mood to talk about it.
He was being unfair, biting their heads off like that. It probably wouldn't have amounted to an argument, but he couldn't deal with their bickering on that particular day. That was why he walked alone to Lupin's class. They would know something was bothering him, but the way he saw it, if they were not around, they had no way to ask him about it.
It was normally quite chilly outside that early into the day, and that morning was no exception. The students hugged their cloaks tighter around themselves – for all the good it did. As soon as they were out on the grounds, they removed them and broke into what had become the customary routine of pairing off and beginning the warm up exercises Lupin had shown them. They were supposed to start off by casting a defense charm around themselves. Contego Defendo was the defense bubble they had been practicing with since the start of the term. It had been quite difficult to master in the beginning, but most now were able to block at least a rudimentary attack. The invisible bubble was supposed to prevent them from doing any serious harm to each other, but that did not mean Ron felt the unrelenting attacks being thrown by Harry any less.
"Bloody hell, Harry," Ron groaned, from where he lay sprawled on his back after being hit by one of Harry's curse. "Are you trying to break my defense barriers?"
"If you can't handle my attacks – "
"I didn't say that," Ron huffed, pulling himself to his feet. "I just wish you had told me we were playing to injure."
"Ron, can you work with Neville for a bit?" Hermione cut in, sensing a fight in the works.
"Harry and I are practicing here," he said, picking up his fallen wand.
"Ron, I need to talk to Harry, can you please partner up with Neville? Just for a little bit?" Her voice was more urgent this time.
"Fine," he caved, "just watch he doesn't try to take your head off," he said to her, shooting Harry a dirty look.
Ron and Neville moved farther down the grounds away from Harry and Hermione.
Most of Harry's anger had ebbed away at that point as he stood staring at his new partner.
"Well? What are you waiting for?" She said, holding out her wand and placing her feet in a fighting stance.
At her request, Harry began. He had never sparred with Hermione before so he wasn't sure how much to press his attacks, until he found that she was blocking most of what he threw at her with ease. She even managed to throw a few curses that sent him stumbling back.
By the time their warm up exercises were completed Lupin had arrived, and instructed them to put away their wands and come pick up a sword to continue with their weapons training.
As with the other times when they had handled the weapons, a charm had been cast on each sword because when Harry had initially picked his up it had been way too light. But after holding it in his hand, the sword had conformed itself to a suitable weight for him.
"You didn't have to separate us," Harry said, lunging forward with his sword pointed out. "I wasn't going to hurt him."
Hermione batted his blade aside, and Harry noticed it was not without some difficulty.
"It sure didn't look like that from where I was standing."
Harry made no reply, stepping back to block one of her thrusts.
"I don't want you going easy one me, Harry," she said between parries. "I've seen you fight harder with Ron."
He would have told her that he wasn't, but he was too preoccupied with blocking her next series of attacks. She wasn't nearly as strong as Ron, but she was fast, which did not give him a lot of time to recover.
"You're good," he complimented.
They continued sparring, taking turns going on the offensive. They were so deep in concentration, that it was several minutes before either one spoke again.
"Maybe if you had told Ron what was on your mind, instead of taking it out on him, he wouldn't have thought you were trying to send him to the hospital wing."
"And what would that be?"
"Ginny,"
Harry faltered, parrying when he should have thrusted, leaving himself vulnerable for an attack. The red sparks emitting from his shield told him Hermione had just hit him in a vital spot and if it had been a real battle he would have been dead within seconds.
"She meant well, Harry," Hermione continued.
Green eyes blazing, he said, "if she meant well, why did she go behind my back to do it? Because she knew it was dangerous and that I would never let her do it," he said, answering his own question.
"I can't speak for Ginny," she said. "but she asked me to give you this."
She handed Harry a folded piece of parchment that he immediately stuck in his back pocket.
"You will read it, won't you?"
He shrugged, bringing up his sword to fight.
"Harry, I don't mean to interfere – "
"Then don't," he said, letting the irritation he was feeling finally show in his voice. She was prying into matters that did not concern her.
Hermione dropped the fighting stance and let the sword fall to her side. "You're being a real prat, I hope you know that. Ginny was only looking for a way to help and the way you threw it back in her face makes me wonder if you really care about her at all."
Lupin called the class at that point, and Hermione walked off to return her sword without so much as a glance back at him.
Unlike the rest of his classmates, Harry hung back. Pulling out the folded paper from his pocket he read:
Harry,
Meet me by the lake at four o'clock.
Ginny
Hermione was wrong. He did care. And for that reason when he went down to the lake to meet Ginny, he planned on telling her he had no intention of going back on what he had said.
The remainder of the day dragged on for Harry. Amidst the pile of homework and assignments he had been given, he started talking to Ron again, who thankfully didn't seem to be harboring any resentment towards him from earlier that morning. But he couldn't win Hermione back onto his side quite so easily. If he said something or asked her a question she would answer him, but that would be the extent of their interaction. Harry could tell from the expressions and gestures she sent his way that she was completely on Ginny's side. Of course she was. Hermione proved to be just as stubborn as Ron at times – sometimes worse – and Ginny could be the same way. So the two most stubborn girls he had ever met were siding against him. That was just great.
However, Hermione did become a little friendlier towards him when she learned he had read the note and was going outside to meet her.
When four o'clock loomed near, Harry packed up his Divination homework and set off for outside, still trying to think of a way to convince Ginny that he could handle his nightmares without her help.
She was already there waiting for him when he arrived. She was sitting beneath a large tree with its branches hanging over the water. Since she was the one who asked him there, he waited for her to speak. He did not have to wait long.
"Don't think I asked you down here to apologize because 'I went behind your back,' as you put it," she said, turning her head so she was facing him.
"I'm not going to change my mind, Ginny," he said firmly.
"I'm asking you to trust me, why can't you do that?"
"Don't turn this into an issue of trust, because that's not what this is about. It's about you endangering yourself so I can have a few extra peaceful hours of sleep."
"The worst that can happen is the spell doesn't work. Nothing will happen to me and you'll still be stuck with your nightmares."
"I don't like it," he said, adamantly. "Anything to do with sleeping potions requires years of training and – "
"Madam Pomfrey's been helping me," she said suddenly. "We haven't actually done one but I think I know enough to do one on my own."
"I'm sorry, but my answer's still the same."
Instead of looking defeated as she should have, he saw a look of determination plaster itself on her face.
"You're forcing me to do this the hard way, Harry," she said, getting up from under the tree.
He watched as she reached around the side of the massive trunk and grab something – two something's actually – and they were swords. She tossed one to Harry who caught it with little difficulty after weeks of grueling weapons training.
"What's going on?"
"I'm going to show you I can take care of myself," she said, picking up her blade and advancing towards him.
"Ginny, stop this. I'm not going to fight you." This was getting seriously out of hand. If he didn't put a stop to this she was going to get herself hurt.
"I've been practicing with Hermione, she's been showing me everything you've learned."
The shock from learning that Hermione had been working with her, nearly made Harry forget to block when Ginny took a swing at him. He backed away after her initial attack. This was too dangerous. With neither of them wearing shields they could seriously injure one another – or worse.
He saw hesitation flash threw her eyes, and was hopeful that she had come to her senses and it would end now, but the moment passed and she charged him for a second time. This time he was ready for it, quickly parrying before striking forward.
"I know you can fight better then this Harry," she challenged.
He kept his moves defensive until it got to the point where Ginny was going to seriously harm him if he did not fight back. So he attacked her, being sure to keep his moves precise and clean, not wanting to trick her. But those tactics could only carry him so far. He went on the defensive again, and when he knocked her blade aside, he let up his attack, allowing her time to recover. She took full advantage of this, using her free hand to catch him off guard, hitting him square in the gut. With a sweeping motion of her leg while he was still off balance, she knocked him onto his back with a painful thud.
"I told you I could look after myself," she said staring down at him.
He was still trying to catch his breath when she started back towards the castle, leaving him lying there.
Harry returned to Gryffindor Tower in a worse mood then when he had left. His back ached and he was feeling more than a little humiliated about the incident down by the lake. He spotted Hermione studying at the same table he had left an hour before.
"Why didn't you tell me you were working with Ginny?" He accused, trying to keep his voice from carrying across the room.
"You never asked," she said as innocently as she could. She watched as his frown deepened before adding, "she asked me not to."
"Did you know what she was planning?"
"I had some idea," she said, shrugging.
Outraged, he said, "and you never thought you should tell me?"
"I didn't tell you because this was something Ginny needed to do – and don't look at me that way, Harry. She wanted to prove that you don't have to protect her, that she can take care of herself."
"And she had to challenge me to a duel to tell me that?"
She sighed. "She really had no other choice. It was the only way she felt you would listen. Did you?"
He thought about his aching back, but made no reply.
"Harry, I know you want to keep her safe, but it's Ginny's life. She has to make her own choices."
"I don't want her to get hurt because of me."
At that point it become clear to Hermione that they were no longer talking about the sleeping spell. "Don't you think you should let her make that decision on her own?"
"What if she makes the wrong one?"
"It's still her choice, Harry. Don't take that away from her."
The way she said it told him Ginny would undoubtedly make the wrong one.
When Wednesday rolled around, Ginny knew all she had to do was make it through her Transfiguration test and the remainder of the week would fly by. But she still had a Potions lesson she needed to get through before that, and with Professor Snape it would hardly be an easier one.
Walking out of her Dark Arts classroom, she was startled to see Harry walk out from the shadows, as if he had been waiting there for her all along. Since the start of the summer she had gotten good at reading his facial expressions. They alternated between dark and brooding and those moments that were occurring less and less often now when he would allow himself to relax completely, and let down the barriers he used to keep everyone at a distance. But for all her intense studying of Harry, it could not tell what his purpose for being there at that very moment was. He was keeping his emotions too carefully guarded.
"I need to talk to you," he said, his face serious.
He was going to have to do better then that. Those words were the first he'd spoken to her in nearly two days. "I'll be late for class," she said briskly, and began walking away.
"It'll only take a minute."
His face still revealed nothing but he seemed in such desperate to speak with her, that she felt compelled to follow him into the empty classroom he was standing outside. But for someone who had appeared in dire need to talk to her he sure was quiet.
"What do you want, Harry?" She prompted him.
She watched his shoulders sag slightly, like he was about to say or do something against his better judgment. "I want you to do it."
His voice was so low it took several seconds for the words to register themselves in her mind. "Really?" She said, barely able to contain her own excitement.
Nodding, he said, "yes," but before she could interrupt, he added, "I'm letting you do it because I trust you not to put yourself in any danger."
"I won't. I promise."
Where those words had meant nothing to him a few days earlier, he simply nodded his head again.
"I'll get to work on it tonight," she said, her excitement showing fully now. "It's going to work, Harry," she said, her voice full of confidence.
"Even if it doesn't, that's okay too," he said, so she wouldn't get down on herself if it didn't work.
She was too overwhelmed by the fact that he was actually letting her do it to even consider the possibility of it not working. But as eager as she was, she quickly remembered she still had a Potions lesson to get to. As much as she wanted to stay and mend things with Harry further, her schooling, unfortunately, would have to come first.
"I really have to get to class now," she said, reluctantly.
"I should get going too," he said with equal reluctance. "I'll see you at dinner then."
It was very much like that afternoon returning from Hogsmeade, when he had moved to kiss her before stopping upon hearing the group of noisy fourth years coming up behind them. Except now it was just the two of them in an empty classroom where no one could interrupt them as Harry's lips landed on hers. It was gentle and passionate and more amazing then any first kiss Ginny could have imagined with him. He let his hands fall to her waist, pulling her closer to him. Without even meaning to do so, she let herself relax completely under his touch. She had never kissed a boy before, and was worried about being sloppy or awkward, but she quickly found it went better if she didn't allow herself to think, and just let her lips guide themselves against Harry's, who seemed to know what he was doing.
When it felt right, they both pulled away, and she could see Harry was as much at a loss for what to say as she was, but kept his hands in place on her hips.
"See you at dinner," she said softly and with some effort pulled herself away from him.
She didn't need eyes in the back of her head to know he was staring at her as she walked away. It took all the self-restraint she possessed not to look back.
Even if she ended up with a month's worth of detention out of this, she had already decided it had definitely been more than worth it.