A/n: This takes place about 2 weeks after the last chapter… so now there are 5 weeks until the start of term. And so the real fun begins…
Part Three: Draw Each Breath
"Run, Harry! Go now!"
Harry could barely see through the smoke that filled the house, but he could see the silhouette of Sirius standing over him protectively. Death Eaters stalked into the house from the front and back doors. Even if Harry wanted to leave, he didn't think he could. They were totally surrounded.
"I won't leave you, Sirius!" Harry yelled over the explosions. Shards of the stone angel lay at his feet. The Death Eaters had destroyed her when she refused to let them enter. That was what had initially alerted Sirius to their presence. Now they stood in the living room, waiting for the Death Eaters to corner them. The Death Eaters seemed to be in no rush to finish the job; they slowly drove the two to the wall of the living room, chuckling menacingly.
Sirius did not risk a glance at the boy struggling to stand at his side. When he spoke, his voice was cold and harsh, "Get out of here, Harry!"
"They killed my mum and dad! They won't get you too!"
"I don't matter! Find Remus and Dumbledore!" Sirius saw the Death Eaters taking out their wands as they cornered them. He spun and shoved Harry toward an open window just as the leader rasped out, "Avada Kedavara!"
Moved by the momentum of Sirius' push and further moved by the tremendous blinding green blast, Harry dove out the small window. Curling into a ball, he managed to roll to a stop a few feet away from the crumbling house relatively unharmed. He covered his head to shield himself from another large explosion that ripped throughout the building. The force of the explosion shattered his glasses and temporarily deafened him. The last thing Harry saw before finally losing consciousness was a blurry tall black-robed figure scooping him up in his arms. 'Sirius… I won't leave you too…'
* * *
It could have been minutes, hours, or even days since the attack for all Harry knew. He gradually found his thoughts coming together to form coherent sentences. A cool, wet rag was being pressed against his forehead and someone was calling his name. Someone was pleading for him to wake up. It was Sirius! He had to open his eyes! Sirius was worried about him…
But when he opened his eyes, they focused not on the loving, worried face of his godfather, and not on the face of gentle Remus. Looking closer, he found that his rescuer was none other than Javen Derios, the hit-wizard friend of his godfather. He could not see properly without his glasses, but he could tell that wherever they were, there was very little sunlight, and there was a slight draft.
He shivered involuntarily and Javen removed his draping cloak to cover the boy. His face looked older than usual, and a line or two marred his young face. Harry's throat was dry and he was unable to find the motivation to attempt words. Javen did it for him.
"You had me worried there, Harry," Javen sighed in relief, "I feared you wouldn't wake up. How are you feeling?"
"I—I'm ok," Harry managed to choke out. Dust from the explosion filled his lungs and he coughed fiercely just at this small attempt. Javen immediately conjured a goblet of water and let Harry drink his fill. He also forced the boy to eat something before allowing any more discussion.
"Where's Sirius?" demanded Harry, not meaning to sound harsh or ungrateful, but feeling the pangs of worry come over him. Javen shook his head.
"You need to rest first. Talk later."
"I'm not tired," Harry rebutted, "Tell me where he is."
Javen looked into his eyes and saw there was no way to save it for later. He put a heavy hand on his shoulder as if to support Harry in his sitting position. "I'm sorry, Harry. Your father did not survive the attack."
The usage of the word 'father' went by Harry's ears unnoticed. He just stared at Javen as though waiting for the punch line. He was lying. He was misinformed. Nothing could kill Sirius. Not the man who escaped from Azkaban and broke into Hogwarts for Harry's sake. Sirius was invincible.
"No, he couldn't have… I would have… it was someone else… I know… not him… I should have done something, anything…" Harry knew he was rambling and made little sense, but he did not care. His heart was breaking like he never knew it could and tears threatened to overwhelm his dusty eyes. His connection to Sirius was already nearly as strong as any biological one. In the short time he had known Sirius, he knew they had a connection that could not be broken. He now could recall flashes of his infanthood that did not include misery. And Sirius was in all of them.
"When I found you, you were almost dead yourself, how could you have done anything to prevent it?" Javen chided as gently as he could. Harry still didn't look at him so he tried again, "I know it hurts, Harry. And the pain will not go away quickly. I know. I lost my parents to Voldemort when I was younger than you are now. The pain is overwhelming, but it will subside. Life goes on, Harry. Soon, you will learn to forget and put it behind you."
Harry's mind screamed that he would not and could not forget Sirius or how much he felt at home with him. He was the closest thing to a father Harry had ever known. But he knew that Javen was grieving for his friend as well and that he was only trying to help. He had the hit-wizard to thank for his life, so he figured he should at least thank him even though he wished he was left to die at Sirius' side like he was meant to. So all he was able to mutter out was a quiet, "Thank you for saving my life."
"Harry, if I thought I could have saved both of you I would have," continued Javen, willing for the boy to believe him, "But the curse was already cast…"
"I know. I—I understand," Harry struggled to fight back the tears and the hitching in his throat, "Is there… anything left at all?"
"No. The house was completely destroyed along with everything in it."
"Where are we?"
"Safe. That's all you need to know for now. I want you to try to go to sleep without a sleeping potion. It's best if you are able to fight against crutches from the start."
Harry had no choice but to obey. He did not see how he was supposed to soothe his screaming mind into sleep, but right then he did not care. He just wanted the pain to go away. And if that meant going to sleep, then that was what he would have to do. Seeing Harry resting his head on the pillow, Javen got up and left the room, shutting the door behind him. It was then that he heard the boy's defenses go down almost immediately. He heard the choked sobs reverberate throughout the building, despite obvious attempts from the boy to keep them quiet.
He would leave Harry enough room to grieve for the time being. Soon he would have to move both of them to a more secure location where no one could find them. But for now, he needed to contact the Ministry. It was only an hour since the attack and those foolish politicians probably didn't even hear the news yet. It would be best for them to hear it from him first.
He threw powder into the fireplace and called out the password to the Minister's office. He found himself faced with not only Fudge, but the entire attendance of the Governors as well, including Dumbledore. He couldn't ask for a better audience.
Javen bowed respectfully to the group, "Sir, I knew you would want to hear this first."
"Yes?" asked the Minister in a bored voice, "This better be good, Derios. I'm in a very important meeting with the Governors. I've no time for pleasantry calls."
"Yes, Sir. I know. But it seems I am the bearer of tragic news. Death Eaters have attacked Sirius Black's house. The house was totally destroyed." The room erupted into a flurry of murmurs and speculations. Only Lucius Malfoy remained quiet, only raising an eyebrow. This did not go unnoticed by Javen, but he did not comment. His face was the perfect image of grief and pain.
"And Sirius and Harry?" asked Fudge, trying to keep the sudden panic out of his voice. It did not work. Javen was able to stop himself from smirking at the Minister. He lowered his gaze to the floor in grief, not bothering to answer. If possible, the pain in his face grew and tears welled in his large cerulean eyes.
The entire room seemed to go into a simultaneous state of shock. As quickly as the noise started, it ceased all together. Fudge put a hand to his head in shock. "Oh Merlin… But the charms we put up… the wards designed…"
"How will we tell the people?" asked a young Governor Javen did not know the name of, "Potter was our hope… the very symbol for what we are fighting for."
"The wizarding world has been cut deeply if this is true." Javen mentally frowned in indignation. So did they still not trust him after all this time? Fudge sighed wearily, "Harry… the plans we had for him..."
"I was leaving for my vacation in Egypt and decided to drop by," Javen explained, hoping to remove all doubt, "When I arrived, the Death Eaters were already sifting through the rubble. I hid so I wouldn't be seen until they disapparated. Perhaps I could have done something. I don't know… but they were already dead when I arrived. I knew you would want to know first."
Fudge nodded at this. "Thank you for coming to me first with this, Derios. I will send hit-wizards to the scene to see what can be salvaged. They will make a full report and I will announce it later tonight via fire. If we need you, we will send an owl. Go on to Egypt." The Minister cut the connection from his fire, leaving Javen to scowl angrily. So nothing had changed at all, had it? Fudge still believed he was God Almighty, leaving those lesser mortals to follow him like lost puppies. The Governors were no help at all against the great dictator. And they all still looked upon Javen with distrust and wariness.
But Fudge was a blind old fool. Lord Voldemort was steadily growing power and he was turning a blind eye on it all. He would learn the hard way not to step on those who helped him gain all that power. He would regret dismissing Javen like he did. As would Lord Voldemort. He deserved to die by the boy's hand. They both did.
Javen greedily eyed the door that concealed the now silent boy. Young Potter was the link he needed to gain the power he deserved. The opportunity was too easy to pass up; it was perfect. Sirius was dead, he was sure of that. And now he had Harry all to himself. The boy was full of untapped talent, and it would be this talent that he would use to his advantage. He would pass his wisdom on. He would raise the boy properly, not like those peace-loving Marauders who were too afraid to do what was needed to survive.
Harry would learn the best from a true teacher who knew what was needed to get the boy up to dueling standards. Once he saw the truth behind Javen's lessons, he would advance quickly. The lessons would be hard at first, but it was all for the boy's sake, so he would not have to face the pain that Javen did at his age. All the wizard asked in return for his services was the boy's help in exacting righteous revenge. With Harry at his side, Javen felt he was invincible. Those old bureaucrats would finally understand at last what they had pushed away.
* * *
Harry woke up quickly; his nightmare had been too real that time. He didn't know he had called out until he heard the echoes of his cry off the walls. He still didn't have any glasses, so he first felt a flare of hope seeing the black-roped figure bursting through the door. But upon closer inspection, he knew his hope was in vain. Sirius was gone, and he was not coming back. Years ago, he would have gone with anyone who offered a home away from the Dursleys, but now, all he wanted was the one person he could never have.
"Are you alright, Harry?" asked Javen softly, sitting at the foot of the bed, "I heard you cry out."
'Of course I'm not all right! I've lost my only family and I think I'm going to die!' "I'm fine, Mr. Derios. Just a nightmare." He looked around and noticed the room was different, "Where are we?"
"The Death Eaters are still looking for you and the Ministry felt it was best if I moved you to a more secure location. You were sleeping so soundly, I didn't think I should wake you. You've gone through a great ordeal."
"Are we at the Ministry? Or Hogwarts?" Harry rubbed his eyes. They were sore from squinting and the number of tears he had used to bring on sleep. He resolved not to cry again. He was a Gryffindor and they were supposed to be brave. He should be stronger. For Sirius if for no one else.
"No, you are going to come with me to Ireland on an assignment for the Ministry." Javen held his breath for the protest. It came.
"Bu—but what about the Ministry? They would want me to give them an account of what happened. And Hogwarts is the safest place in the world. They need to appoint me a new guardian. And… and I have to attend the funeral," Harry whispered these last words, still refusing to believe he wasn't dreaming. That Padfoot really hadn't died in his stead like so many before him had.
Javen shook his head softly, "The Death Eaters destroyed his body soon after the attack so it could not be traced. There is nothing left to bury. And I already talked to the Ministry. Dumbledore himself believes it is better that you not relive the pain to them when they already know what happened." Javen sighed as though he also would rather lose himself in the comfort of dreamless sleep. It was then that Harry realized how much the older man must also be grieving for the loss of his friend.
"Minister Fudge sent a team of hit-wizards to contain the area," Javen continued, "If they find anything and new arrangements are made, by all means we will return to England."
"I have to talk to Remus," Harry burst out suddenly, not believing he could have forgotten about him, "Sirius must have appointed him as my godfather." He could only imagine the state the gentle werewolf must be in. He would need every friend he had; he would need Harry.
"Harry, please calm down. Remus is in a horrible state of mind right now. He is beside himself with grief and illness. The full moon is tonight, you know. And besides… he wasn't your godfather."
"He wasn't? But Mr. Derios…" Harry's voice drifted off when he saw the man's eyes break the gaze between them. Javen looked nervous about something; surely he wasn't going to say what he thought he was going to say…
"Sirius thought that it may not be best for you to live with a werewolf. Not," he added hastily, "That he thought any less of him, of course. Quite the opposite as I'm sure you know. But circumstances are different with a lycanthrope regardless. He asked me if I would take the position in case, Merlin forbid, anything should happen to him.
"And I am willing to take the role of parenting, Harry. I promise that his trust in me was wise. I just didn't expect the Ministry to sign the adoption papers right off. I'm just as surprised as you are, believe me! I promise I'll be a good father, Harry. Together, we can help each other heal. We must trust the Ministry's wisdom in this matter."
Harry knew that didn't sound right. But he was not exactly in the proper state of mind to analyze his situation as it should be. If Javen said that Sirius appointed him as godfather, then Harry would believe and honor that. Javen had always been so kind to him and he had never lied to him before. Any friend of Sirius was worth his utmost loyalty.
He nodded numbly, "All right then."
Javen smiled in obvious relief at being accepted by his young charge. He patted Harry's shoulder gently, "I think we will work just fine together, Harry. Of course I'll not require it at first since it is so new, but in the future I would like it if you could address me as your father. I promise you I will live up to that name."
Harry nodded again, thoughts reeling through his head. 'Father'? He hadn't even started calling Sirius that, although when he thought of him, he thought of him as a father. Technically, Sirius was his father in every sense of the word except for biologically. And when others referred to Sirius as his father, neither Harry nor Sirius had ever corrected them. James was never lost in Harry's heart; he would always be his father. But no one else seemed as fitting to wear that title as Sirius. He had taken over the role James left for him, with the understanding that Sirius would use it well. But Javen… it seemed almost wrong to call him that. He barely knew the man.
Another part of him snapped at him. 'He saved your life at his own risk, moron,' he scolded himself, 'And Sirius trusted him enough to take care of you. It's not like you can even think straight yet anyway. He making so many sacrifices for you to be safe. He's offering you his home, another chance for a family. He's such a nice guy, why be so ungrateful? It's just a word.'
"Yes… father."
* * *
He didn't know if he was alive or dead. Then when he tried to move his head, he definitely decided he was alive. No one dead could ever feel that much pain and not be alive.
Feeling a definite sense of agony in his bound wrists, Sirius opened his weary eyes to observe his surroundings. There was very little light in the dank place, but he did not need light to recognize what sort of place this was. It was a dungeon. He had been in enough of them to recognize the horrid stench of blood and sweat in a place of torture. But this wasn't a Ministry dungeon, it could only be one of the dungeons used by the Death Eaters who had attacked him earlier that… wait… what day was it? How long had he been out?
He remembered what had happened. The Death Eaters forced their way into the Manticore's Den and cornered he and Harry. He tried to make Harry run for it, but the foolishly brave boy refused. He finally was forced to shove him toward an open window as one of the Death Eaters used a Killing Curse. It missed him by mere inches, but had Harry escaped it all right? Was he even alive? 'Oh God, Harry. If I killed you when I thought I could protect you…'
What had happened after that? The rest was fuzzy from then on. He just remembered trying to push Harry to safety and the Killing Curse just missing him. Then another explosion knocked him off his feet. In the scramble to escape the crumbling house, some of the Death Eaters grabbed him, thinking he was one of them since many of their own had also fallen.
When they had exited the house, he swore he caught a glimpse of Javen racing from the scene of the attack with something in his arms; he could not tell what. Sirius guessed he had gone for help. The hit-wizard was hiding the best he could from the Death Eaters who didn't even seem to care about anything except getting out of there before the Ministry showed up. They were still dragging Sirius along with their other comrades, not noticing his feeble attempts to escape. One of them finally had to Stun him so they wouldn't splinch themselves in the apparation.
But how long ago was that? The Death Eaters had obviously realized who he was by now, hence the new sleeping arrangements. Not that he was sure they slept in anything more pleasant. But he was pretty confident that they did not ordinarily tie up their comrades in shackles and leave them there beaten and bloody. He hurt so much, he couldn't even think up a trademark Padfoot remark to this situation. Not that he could find much humor in this predicament, injuries and missing godson aside. For Padfoot, that was saying something if he couldn't find one humorous piece of irony or witty statement. Anyone could attest to that.
"He's awake," a voice said, trembling slightly. Sirius knew that voice. He had spent years trying to forget that voice.
"Good." He knew that voice too. That voice was enough to let whatever blood that was left in his face to drain out quickly. A new bout of nausea came over him, but by the slippery stones beneath his bare feet, Sirius guessed he did not have much left to throw up.
The Dark Lord himself walked in the door. His face was covered, but Sirius knew he did not want to know what was underneath that hood. Sirius was greatly reminded of a Dementor by the way Voldemort seemed to carry misery and sorrow around with him all the time. His fingers were long and bony, resembling a Dementor's hand. Although not affected by the Dementors like the others were in Azkaban, Sirius always had and always would fear them. And he felt the same rush of fear fill his veins then. Gradually, that fear turned to anger and then to the red-hot tendrils of hate.
Voldemort chuckled at Sirius' vain attempts to remain calm in his presence, "Not so brave without your little gang, are you? And no more little Potter around to save the day."
"Fuck you!" Sirius shouted, surprised at his own daring, but he was too angry and frightened to care. And that was not a good mix when it was Sirius who was feeling them.
Voldemort's chuckle died on his lips. He raised his wand and leveled it at Sirius' throat, "You are not in any position to be anything but subservient, puppy. Crucio!"
Pain like no other blinded Sirius. He writhed and screamed, but there was no end to the agony Voldemort had him under. The Dark Lord was a master of torture and it was more like an art to him than a function. He knew how to administer it perfectly so that the victim was in the worst agony possible. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Sirius felt the Cruciatus Curse leave him in peace. His bare chest rose and fell unsteadily in ragged gasps for air. It was then some part of his brain registered that except for a pair of pants, he was devoid of his robes, and his wand was obviously gone too.
"Wormtail," Voldemort hissed. Sirius heard the frightened man scuttle to his master's side obediently. Wormtail wasted no time in kneeling to kiss the hem of the Dark Lord's robe.
"Yes, Master?" he asked, visibly shaking. Voldemort let out another chuckle at this. Both Sirius and Peter shuddered at the sound of it.
"I promised you a gift if you were to kill or deliver me the Potter boy, did I not?"
"Y-yes, Master."
"Did you do as I asked?"
"Yes, Master."
"Do you have proof of this?" Both Sirius and Voldemort waited as Peter rummaged through his robes frantically. At last, he held out an offering to his lord.
"The boy's glasses, Master. It was the biggest part of him we could find." Sirius could hear the smirk in the man's voice. It was ironic that the same thing had once been said about 'poor talentless grief-stricken Pettigrew'. But there was a big difference and everyone present knew it. Harry was not an Animagus, nor was his assassin held off from finishing the job. "Nothing could survive the curse. And the body was blown to pieces in the final explosion. I witnessed this myself."
Sirius sank in his chains, wishing he could die. Just to be given the Avada Kedavara and let it be over with. He had sent the one person he loved most in the world to his death. He pushed him into the curse, knowing the safest place for him was behind his godfather. But Sirius had failed. And he failed in a way that he had hoped never to fail in again. The last Potter who had trusted him with their life. And he had betrayed him as readily as he betrayed James and Lily.
Before he knew it, Sirius had transformed into the great black dog, his body small enough to slip through the shackes. He was lunging for Wormtail's miserable throat, intent on ending the rat's worthless life. All the pent up rage and pain powered him now in one final attack to avenge all those lives that he had been responsible for.
Voldemort stood back and watched with amusement as Peter squealed in panic as the large, mad dog tried to kill him. He would have enjoyed watching Sirius finish off the worthless rat, but he still had plans that would prove a sniveling coward still useful. He once again used the Cruciatus to subdue the dog. Once he was sure that Sirius had had enough for the time being, he let him off.
Turning toward the door, Voldemort gave one final message, "For your reward, I will grant you this slave to do with as you please." He swept out the door where he could find something more worth his time other than melodramatic family feuds. He could sense Snape upstairs with his report. And he had a death announcement to watch in the fire.
End Part 3
Vesper Lunen: Thank you very much! I don't believe I recognize your name from a review, but I'm glad you like it all the same. Have you also read Crushed Velvet?
Alexa Black: Hey, girl! *hugs * It's good to hear from you again. Yeah, hopefully it'll stay up this time. I'm glad you find 'Who Wants to Live Forever' to your liking. Putting you in it seemed like a good thing to do at the time and I'm glad I did.
Darkphoenix: Oh shoot! Now I'm really gonna hafta get the bloody thing up on time, won't I? ^_^ I'm on page 15 and I still can't chug out a final scene. Oy! You and that story will be the death of me! The review had better be big and fat. Lol. Did you really like chapter 2? It was actually one of my least favorite. I thought it was too silly for the story overall. It seems to be popular with a lot of the readers. Oh well, shows how much I know the quality of my writing. *shrugs * I'll get it right eventually. And just for you, just cause I like you, I'll let you throw in a few punches. But you know what happens to him in the end, so at least let him survive to that end. It's weird re-reading about him now that you know what he really is, isn't it?
Jannadancer: Thank you! ^_^ Welcome to the show!
Moongirl: It's going up in record timing. Quite unlike it's poor sequel which should be finished entirely by Monday. Thanks for your encouragement!
Cestari: *hugs Sirius * he's in good hands really. Trust me. *evil grin *
Japonica: Actually in defense of the Lady Rowling, I actually liked how she did their characters. Yeah, Harry was a bit on the angsty side, but find a 15 year old boy fighting for his life who isn't. And I loved how Sirius was brought more into the spotlight with his house, family, history, and especially the pensieve scene. I'm a little guilty of enjoying how much she rambled on about him. I'm glad you like my characterization too though. I try to keep it as realistic as possible. I'll see you around! ^_^
X-Girl X-File: Oh! Oh! Another person who loves the X-Files as much as I do! I can't write XF fanfics for beans, but I absolutely adore it!!! I'm lovin your stories too by the way. *gushes on and on about Mulder, Scully, and the Lone Gunmen for a few pages * Sorry. ^_^ had to get that out of my system. Who is Javen? Hehe, that's the million dollar question, isn't it? Read darkphoenix's rather violent review and you might get a bit of an idea. Needless to say, you'll probably end up agreeing with her.
Someone Reading: *nearly faints * you liked the box scene? Wow, I was this *holds up two fingers * close to cutting that whole scene out altogether. I liked it, but I thought it wasn't too important and maybe a little too trite. Harry's line about Peter is pretty much my whole philosophy on the subject too. Yeah, I can feel somewhat violent towards the rodent, but I agree that he must have been a halfway decent human being for 3 great guys to care about him so much. In book 3 Sirius and Remus even said that they would have died for him if it meant saving his life. Hehehe. I liked having Remus and the angel having a go at each other too. I'm sorry I have to be mean, but it all turns out in the end alright. And yeah, I totally feel for Harry in book 5. I felt like crying when he was breaking down in Dumbledore's office cause that's what I felt like too… well almost… I'm sure he was more upset that me. *sniffle * Can I join your U.S.S. SAD DENIAL too? I think a support group is a good idea.