Title: What It Was Like To Be Me
Series: Met Nater
Author: Firecracker
Rating: I don't know if it needs one. =D
Feedback: Well, I need to know if there's a point in writing more, now don't I? Oh, and be honest, never try to suck up.
Archive: Just tell me where.
Disclaimers: I don't own anything. Yet.
Spoilers: Uh, Buffy's dead.
Summary: Buffy. Heaven. You do the math.
Dedication: Kitten! Oh, and Ariana, of course.
It's peaceful here.
Not bright with fluffy clouds with angels on them, it's more like a nice, cosy fog that's wrapped itself around me, protecting me against high sounds and impacts.
I feel sleepy, like all the time, but I never really sleep.
Just that nice place in between.
And I feel my friends and everyone I care about, I feel that they're ok, that their lifes are going on.
Even Angel.
I got a lot of pain from him in the beginning. It's till there, just not so intense anymore,, just a dull ache, that sometimes opens up and hurts him more.
Spike, he's hurting too. He always thought he'd have his go with me. I know better, but now it's probably dawning on him too.
I feel Cordy. She's hurting, I'm not surprised, she always cared more than she showed. The bitch was more of a façade.
She has Kate now you know. I think they're good for eachother, both of them felt so much terror so close, when they shouldn't even have had to know about the evil that I fought every night, like every slayer before me.
In eachother they can find the love I know they both need, what most people see of them is just walls they spent years on building.
Xander is mad, but he's grieving too, but I think he's moving on.
He has Anya.
When you see them, you know they're meant to be. They are so different, and yet alike in many ways. I had love like their's once, and I hope they get to keep it longer than I did.
Giles, I don't always know. On the inside of the bullet-proof tweed, he is a lot more complicated than you'd think.
Dawn cries herself to sleep every night, I hurt so much for her, for having to live through it all.
I just wish she wouldn't blame herself.
First mom, now me. But she has Willow and Tara. I know she'll grow up and have a great life.
She's a Summers woman, and we are strong.
Tara is a rock for them all, and still she manages her own pain, but she's always there for them all.
Willow, she's worse than anyone though.
I think she blames herself, just like Dawn.
If I could, I'd tell them not to. I'm ok.
I'd tell them to live on, and every once in a while remember me.
Death is my gift, and I have come to terms with that.
But the one person that I feel the most connected to, is the one that everyone thought was as far from my friend as could be.
Truth is, Faith was always more than just a friend.
There was always a special bond there, even from before I saw her stake that vamp outside the Bronze. When I saw her that night, I felt a weird peace inside.
Like I had found my equal.
It was never like that with Kendra.
Never.
And the funny thing is, Faith's thoughts and feelings are the most clear to me. I wish we could have had more time together.
I know we could have fixed it, given time.
I feel her anger too, the times she thinks about our relationship when she first came to Sunnydale.
She wish I would have told everyone then.
But it wasn't that easy, not with everything going on.
Now I see it would have been easy, but it's too late now.
I never loved Angel like I love Faith.
Angel was a friend. I confused it.
Faith was so much more. She is so different than everyone sees her, strong, and yet total mush when you reach far enough in.
The scared little child resurfaces every now and then, just be kind to her, for a short while, it really doesn't take much to scare those demons away.
Be proud of her. Trust. Love. Freedom.
That's what the mayor gave her, and that's the only reason she did what she did.
So it all adds up to be my fault. If I showed her how much I loved her, then she might never have done all of what she did.
Sometimes, I walk in her dreams. I hold her while we sit under our tree, I play with her hair, smile to her, kiss her briefly, trying to let her know.
"I'm ok." I whisper to her.
Sometimes we tell jokes until we lay on the ground clutching our tummies, laughing so hard it feels like our ribs are going to break.
At those times, I wonder how no one else could see it.
See that she's the only one who knew what it was like to be me.
End.
You still want more?
Series: Met Nater
Author: Firecracker
Rating: I don't know if it needs one. =D
Feedback: Well, I need to know if there's a point in writing more, now don't I? Oh, and be honest, never try to suck up.
Archive: Just tell me where.
Disclaimers: I don't own anything. Yet.
Spoilers: Uh, Buffy's dead.
Summary: Buffy. Heaven. You do the math.
Dedication: Kitten! Oh, and Ariana, of course.
It's peaceful here.
Not bright with fluffy clouds with angels on them, it's more like a nice, cosy fog that's wrapped itself around me, protecting me against high sounds and impacts.
I feel sleepy, like all the time, but I never really sleep.
Just that nice place in between.
And I feel my friends and everyone I care about, I feel that they're ok, that their lifes are going on.
Even Angel.
I got a lot of pain from him in the beginning. It's till there, just not so intense anymore,, just a dull ache, that sometimes opens up and hurts him more.
Spike, he's hurting too. He always thought he'd have his go with me. I know better, but now it's probably dawning on him too.
I feel Cordy. She's hurting, I'm not surprised, she always cared more than she showed. The bitch was more of a façade.
She has Kate now you know. I think they're good for eachother, both of them felt so much terror so close, when they shouldn't even have had to know about the evil that I fought every night, like every slayer before me.
In eachother they can find the love I know they both need, what most people see of them is just walls they spent years on building.
Xander is mad, but he's grieving too, but I think he's moving on.
He has Anya.
When you see them, you know they're meant to be. They are so different, and yet alike in many ways. I had love like their's once, and I hope they get to keep it longer than I did.
Giles, I don't always know. On the inside of the bullet-proof tweed, he is a lot more complicated than you'd think.
Dawn cries herself to sleep every night, I hurt so much for her, for having to live through it all.
I just wish she wouldn't blame herself.
First mom, now me. But she has Willow and Tara. I know she'll grow up and have a great life.
She's a Summers woman, and we are strong.
Tara is a rock for them all, and still she manages her own pain, but she's always there for them all.
Willow, she's worse than anyone though.
I think she blames herself, just like Dawn.
If I could, I'd tell them not to. I'm ok.
I'd tell them to live on, and every once in a while remember me.
Death is my gift, and I have come to terms with that.
But the one person that I feel the most connected to, is the one that everyone thought was as far from my friend as could be.
Truth is, Faith was always more than just a friend.
There was always a special bond there, even from before I saw her stake that vamp outside the Bronze. When I saw her that night, I felt a weird peace inside.
Like I had found my equal.
It was never like that with Kendra.
Never.
And the funny thing is, Faith's thoughts and feelings are the most clear to me. I wish we could have had more time together.
I know we could have fixed it, given time.
I feel her anger too, the times she thinks about our relationship when she first came to Sunnydale.
She wish I would have told everyone then.
But it wasn't that easy, not with everything going on.
Now I see it would have been easy, but it's too late now.
I never loved Angel like I love Faith.
Angel was a friend. I confused it.
Faith was so much more. She is so different than everyone sees her, strong, and yet total mush when you reach far enough in.
The scared little child resurfaces every now and then, just be kind to her, for a short while, it really doesn't take much to scare those demons away.
Be proud of her. Trust. Love. Freedom.
That's what the mayor gave her, and that's the only reason she did what she did.
So it all adds up to be my fault. If I showed her how much I loved her, then she might never have done all of what she did.
Sometimes, I walk in her dreams. I hold her while we sit under our tree, I play with her hair, smile to her, kiss her briefly, trying to let her know.
"I'm ok." I whisper to her.
Sometimes we tell jokes until we lay on the ground clutching our tummies, laughing so hard it feels like our ribs are going to break.
At those times, I wonder how no one else could see it.
See that she's the only one who knew what it was like to be me.
End.
You still want more?