CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO: Weight of the World
Harry thought he heard a shuffling sound behind him, but when he turned to check there was nothing. When he still couldn't shake the feeling that he was being followed, he took out his wand. It might seem a bit paranoid to some, but Lupin had taught him it was better to be paranoid then careless. And what better time for someone to try an attack while the rest of the school, including all the teachers were conveniently as far away from him as possible.
"Moony's been teaching you well, I see."
A lone figure stepped out from the shadows and pulled back the hood of their cloak.
Realizing he wasn't in any danger, Harry safely tucked his wand back into his robes. "You shouldn't skulk around like that. I could have hexed you, Sirius."
"Then it's good for me that your brain works faster then your reflexes."
Harry gave him a quick hug, saying, "what are you doing here? Did something happen?"
Sirius' face took on a very grim look, and there was no need for him to explain further. He must have come for the funeral.
"I always knew Dumbledore knew a lot of people, I just never realized how many until today."
"You didn't have to check up on me," Harry said, trying to deflect his attention away from the funeral. Sirius would no doubt want to know why he had not attended.
"I know I didn't have to. But I figured you'd refuse to go. That you wouldn't want to get teary-eyed like the rest of us."
"That's not why I didn't go," he tried unconvincingly. Sirius was looking at him as if waiting for him to offer up an explanation, but Harry didn't give him one. "Sirius, I'm an adult. I don't have to explain my decisions to you."
"You're not quite an adult yet, remember that," Sirius corrected him. But even as he said it, he knew it wasn't the truth. Harry was a lot more grown up then he liked to admit. He had already dealt with more at seventeen then most adults did in a lifetime – and for a good chunk of it he had been locked away in Azkaban, unable to help his godson in even the most simplest of ways.
"I was talking with Remus and McGonagall and they tell me there's a special project the three of you are working on."
"There's nothing special about it. We're just picking up where Dumbledore left off on his search for defeating Voldemort – except we don't know where he left off. He didn't leave any notes or anything."
"He was probably worried about them falling into the wrong hands. Knowing Dumbledore, he probably kept everything safely hidden away in his head."
"Everything we've found so far has been useless," he began, his tone frustrated. "It starts off good, and then we get to the part where it won't have any affect on him, or not enough to stop him."
"If you want a hand – "
"Thanks, Sirius, but I know you already have your hands full tracking down Death Eaters for the Ministry."
"That doesn't mean I don't have time for my godson. If you need anything, Harry, all you have to do is ask." He added in that last part hoping that by offering up the chance to help Harry might actually take him up on it. But if Harry was anything like James – and he most certainly was in almost every respect, he would never admit to needing help. Watching him then, he looked to Sirius to be in need of something else as well – food. "When was the last time you ate something?" Harry was looking a lot thinner then when he had seen him two weeks earlier.
Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Harry responded, "this morning."
"I meant an entire meal – pumpkin juice and coffee on a regular basis don't count."
"I'll make sure he eats something," said a voice from behind Sirius.
Cho was standing there, wearing her winter cloak, and unwrapping a thick scarf from around her neck.
"At least someone can get through that thick skull of his," said Sirius. He clasped Harry on the shoulder before saying, "I'll be in touch – soon. If you need anything before then promise you'll owl me or talk to Remus, all right?"
When Sirius was finally convinced with his promise, he took his leave, leaving Harry and Cho alone in the corridor.
"Want to grab something from the kitchens?" She asked him.
"Do I have a choice?" He said good-naturedly.
Instead of answering, she linked her arm through his and led the way towards the kitchens.
"You must have your practice N.E.W.T.S coming up," Cho said, digging into the lemon pie the house elves had shoved into her hands when she and Harry had walked into the kitchens.
They were alone in the Great Hall, and would probably remain undisturbed for the next couple of hours before students began coming down for dinner.
After swallowing a mouthful of pie, Harry said, "the first half of them are next week. But they don't mean anything unless you're trying to get into some high level position at the ministry."
"I guess it's safe to say Hermione's probably been cracking a book every chance she gets."
"She's been a bit, ah, tense, so to speak. Ron and I have been giving her a wide birth."
"I can only imagine what she'll be like when it comes time to take them for real."
"Ron and I have already put in a request for temporary residence at Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff," Harry told her and she laughed. "Got any helpful tips for me?"
She chewed thoughtfully for a moment before saying, "study hard."
"Thanks, that helps a lot."
"They're really not that bad, Harry," she said to him. Then seeing the look of disbelief he was sending her, sighed. "Okay, N.E.W.T.S are as bad as the professor's make them out to be, but you'll get through them – I did."
He found it odd that he was so worried about examinations when he had other, much more pressing things to worry about – like finding a way to stop Voldemort.
"I was thinking about asking Professor Flitwick if I can stay on passed March."
"Why?"
She shrugged. "Hogwarts has been my home for almost eight years. I think that maybe I should be here in the end when everything happens."
Where Harry had been ravenous only moments ago, that hunger was rapidly disappearing. "Don't stay," he said, his voice barely above a whisper.
"Professor McGonagall is going to need everyone she can to protect the school and the students. I can't abandon Hogwarts."
"One person can't make a difference."
"Oh, really?" She shot him a meaningful look. "Then why don't you leave, Harry?"
"You know I can't. It's different for me. But I would feel a lot better if at least one person I care about wasn't here when the fighting starts."
"Well, that's too bad, Harry. My mind's made up."
He felt the gnawing pain inside of him growing stronger. People were putting their lives in danger for him – willingly. He didn't want that responsibility, even when he knew it was her choice, as much as it was Ron or Hermione's choice to fight by his side. That's what troubled him. What had he ever done to command that kind of loyalty? Because he was quite sure he wasn't deserving of their sacrifice.
"All I have to say is thank Merlin Colin walks around all the time with that camera of his!" Ron exclaimed, almost giddily. "The look on Malfoy's face when Filch opened the door to the broom cupboard and we all saw him snogging Pansy Parkinson was almost as good as the time Moody turned him into a ferret. Maybe we should ask Colin for a copy and then we could sneak into Slytherin Tower while they're all in class and plaster the walls with copies of it."
Harry shook his head and grinned. "You've put a lot of thought into this, haven't you?"
They were taking the stairs up to Dumbledore's office, preparing for another torturous evening of research. Hermione was already there, having gone straight there from dinner.
"I've been trying to think of a way to get back at Malfoy for seven years worth of insults. This won't come close to paying him back, but it's a start. It's time Malfoy was the one who squirmed red with embarrassment for a change."
They were both laughing at the different scenarios they came up with to embarrass Malfoy as they entered Dumbledore's office. Their laughter died down quite suddenly when they became aware that Hermione was not the only one waiting for them. Sitting alongside Hermione with an equally high mountain of books in front of her, one of which she had been furiously scanning before the boys had interrupted, was Ginny.
Sensing the impending awkwardness, Hermione spoke first. "I was starting to wonder when you two would show up."
"You couldn't expect us not to have a bit of fun with Malfoy first," said Ron, dropping down on to a seat beside her. "As long as I live, I promise to never let that smug git live that down."
Ron, too, was trying to difuse some of the tension in the atmosphere. It seemed to be working but Harry wasn't any more closer to moving towards the table. In fact, he felt quite comfortable standing where he was.
Ron looked over to where Harry was still rooted in place in the doorway. "Mate, it's pretty hard to read these monstrous books standing up. You'd be doing yourself a favour by sitting down."
There was the other option at hand of leaving entirely, but if Harry did that they would all know how much Ginny's presence bothered him. Doing the exact opposite of what he would have liked, he slid into a seat at the far end of the table – as far away from her as he could be. If he was being immature, he didn't care. She had no business being there in the first place. He certainly never would have invited her to join in their research, but he knew who had.
Hermione had more than enough practice in dealing with people when they were mad at her, mostly thanks to Ron. But she had found over the years that Harry tended to hold onto his anger much longer then Ron. She theorized that it had a lot to do with his childhood. He wanted to see if they would hang around or just give up and abandon him. She hoped by now he knew that Ron and she would never abandon him. But with Harry it wasn't always easy to know what was going on in that head of his. Most times he didn't wear his emotions on his sleeves like Ron did.
Reaching the Gryffindor breakfast table, Hermione proceeded to take a seat on the bench across from Harry. They were all sore and exhausted from their early morning Dark Arts class, but Harry appeared to be the weariest of them all.
"How's your shoulder?" She asked him. He had been sparing with Ron when his defense shield had collapsed and he got clipped in the shoulder – not too bad, but enough to bruise.
Harry shrugged and kept his head down, pushing the food around his plate.
He had avoided talking to her most of last night and all through Lupin's class. At first, she thought she was okay with waiting for him to come around, but she knew now they didn't have that kind of time.
"You're mad at me."
He looked at her for the first time all morning. "You're quick, no wonder they made you Head Girl."
Ignoring his sarcasm, she said, "I know you think I betrayed you in some way by bringing Ginny in on what we're doing, but the truth is we need her. She's the only other person we can trust enough to help."
"And you didn't think to let me in on what you were planning?"
"I knew you would say no because of your own personal feelings towards Ginny. But she's been apprenticing with Madame Pomfrey and I think she would notice things about magical properties that the rest of us might miss," she explained, trying to rationalize her decision. "You don't have to like the decision I made, Harry, but you are going to have to live with it."
She watched Harry digest her words. He didn't appear to be any more accepting of her decision even with her explanation. For that matter, he was still regarding her with blazing green eyes, as if she had indeed stabbed him in the back. For Hermione, enough was enough.
"I know how hard it is for you to be around Ginny, and that the four of us working together in such close quarters won't be easy – but people's lives are at stake, Harry. Not just at Hogwarts, but throughout the entire wizarding world. If we don't find a way to stop Voldemort everyone we love will die or suffer a fate much worse. And if you can't get over what happened between you and Ginny, then we'll do this without you." His eyes widened considerably at this, but she ignored it. "Harry, I love you and you're my best friend, but if you can't put aside your differences with Ginny in order to save the world, then you're no better then Malfoy."
If he had looked angry before it was nothing compared to now. He looked absolutely furious. But that wasn't what mattered. Harry Potter could stay mad at her as long as he liked, but if he didn't come to his senses soon there probably wouldn't be much of a friendship worth salvaging.
For the first time since she had met him on that train ride to Hogwarts so very long ago, Hermione was disgusted with Harry Potter.
Even if Ron hadn't wanted to study – which he didn't – there wasn't a single person to distract him. Seventh years – Gryffindor and otherwise – were currently jammed into the library studying his or her brains out for a practice Charms exam that would be very much like the final examination they had to take in June.
He supposed his inability to get into study mode might also have something to do with the increasing level of tension between his two best friends. It had started when Hermione had blindly brought Ginny into their research group without so much as a heads up to Harry. But now, at least to Ron, it seemed to have developed into something else entirely. Hermione refused to tell him anything and from what little information he'd been able to get out of Harry it seemed that Hermione had given him an ultimatum of sorts. The longer Harry went without giving her an answer the more tense things got. All of that had led Ron to the belief that if they let Harry in on their engagement maybe some of the hard feelings would disappear. Hermione had disagreed, saying the news wouldn't change anything, but Ron had finally convinced her otherwise, saying that he could do with some good news.
Ron had been planning to tell him some place private, but the only times the three of them seemed to be together anymore was when they were studying or researching in Dumbledore's office. Ginny would be with them during their research hours, and since he wasn't sure he wanted his sister to know yet, the next best place was during one of their study sessions in the library.
It was hard to find a table just for the three of them, and they had to settle for one that had four Hufflepuff students sitting at the far end of it.
After an hour of studying, Ron gently nudged Hermione's knee under the table. She looked as nervous as he felt, but why they should be feeling that way was beyond them. If there was anyone they could share this news with it was Harry.
Fighting off another surge of nervousness, he said, "hey, Harry, you want to take a break for a minute? There's something Hermione and I want to tell you."
Harry stopped what he had been writing and looked at the both of them expectantly.
Hermione undid the top two buttons on her blouse before pulling out a silver chain with a white gold ring looped onto it.
"We're engaged," Ron announced, barely able to keep a low voice. "We're not planning on anything anytime soon, but we wanted you to be the first to know."
It was several long moments before Harry spoke, and when he did he gave them a less than enthusiastic 'congratulations'.
Blinking in disbelief, Ron said, "that's all you've got to say?"
Surely his best friend was in shock and once he recovered he would have more to say.
"I'm really happy for the two of you. Is that good enough?"
"You know, Harry, I never thought you were capable of being such a bastard."
"Ron don't – "
"Don't you dare defend him, Hermione," Ron cut her off sharply. "He doesn't deserve it. I've had enough of his shitty attitude. I wonder if this is what Ginny had to put up with."
Harry's hands clenched themselves into fists, and Ron took some satisfaction in the thought that he had hit a sore spot.
"You want to talk about shitty attitudes, Ron?" Harry countered, barely able to contain his temper. "Who spent most of fifth year moping around about Hermione, instead of doing something about it?
"Stop it, both of you!" Hermione pleaded with them.
"I would've thought my best mate would be the one person who would be happy for us," Ron continued, ignoring Hermione's plea. "But I guess the only emotion you're capable of is feeling sorry for yourself."
Harry slammed his book shut with such force, nearly every pair of eyes in the library, including Madam Pince, was on their table. Hermione thought they would come to blows right there, but Harry gathered up his stuff and walked away. Ron wouldn't let it end there, though. He went after him.
"You don't get to walk away from this, Potter," Ron said, grabbing the back of his shoulder and spinning him around. "We've had to put up with your mood swings and you treating us like shit for months, so you're going to stand here and listen to me do it for a change," he shouted at Harry, not caring they were in a library and everyone would undoubtedly be listening to his every word. "You're a bloody mess, Harry, and you've just gotten worse since Dumbledore's death. We all know you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, but that doesn't give you the right to go around acting like a wanker about it. Hermione and I have done everything we can to be there for you and to show you you're family, but it'll never be enough, will it? You keep testing us, and for god knows what reason. We've proven ourselves more times then we should have to, but you keep insisting on pushing us away. Well, go ahead, Harry, push us away one last time and you'll finally have what you want."
Ignoring the gaping looks and sets of eyes trained on him, Ron stormed out of the library, knowing full well that might be the last conversation he ever had with his best friend – and strangely enough, he didn't seem to care.