Title: She'll Just Never Know

Series: Met Nater

Kate POV

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Ignorance is a bliss, and for my slayer it became the end. –Cedric Longworth, 1884

I never thought it would be this hard. Reading about slayers in the past, and seeing how alike and different they all are. I put the book down, just staring out in the room. In the end of the older ones lives, they usually gave up, caring less and less about what was going on around them. If you call 16 old, that is. And with every line I read, the chant in my head won't stop.

This is Faith!

And it is. More and more with every day that passes. I saw her when she turned herself in, and I visoted her in jail, and she was never like this. There was always some kind of hope in her eyes, a mischiveous glint, reminding you of the pranks she loved so much.

Now she's ignorant to it all. I see her every now and then, when she checks in to see if anything big is on. And leaves again, to god only knows where. I see her in the bar sometimes, or in the clubs, dancing with anyone and everyone.

Withouth Buffy, I realize.

There was a bond there, that goes beyond everything, even death, I suspect. Growing from inside, tearing on her, threathening to blow any moment. All the pain, confusion anger and hate she's felt is starting to deteriorate her, now when her equal isn't here to keep the balance.

Light and dark, good and bad. So obvious, not just differences, but two weights made to keep the scale neutral. She can't live without the light, like light couldn't truly live without her either. Daia is sleeping in the other chair, Cordelia's going to have a fit if she sees it. For a whole of 30 seconds. She's not at all bitchy underneath it all.

I look around this room, and the sorrow strikes me, as always. All these books, one for each slayer, and it's not even all of them. All lived and died fighting evil, and they did their best. With watchers controlling their lives to every little detail. And the funny thing is, Buffy and Faith, who both has had extremely little discipline, are the two that have lived the longest.

Faith survived because she had to prove to herself that she was better than what she was raised to believe, later for love. Buffy lived for love, and gave the greatest sacrifice of all for it.
Both young and full of life, both prepared and scared to die. I look at my watch and realize how late it has gotten. I turn off the lights and walk to the bathroom, dutifully brushing my teeth and changing into a light nightgown. I open the door to the bedroom, and just stay there, watching her as she reads "Shopoholic In New York", totally engrossed in it.

She lowers the book when I close the door behind me, and smiles, putting the book down on the nightstand, making sure her bookmark is where it's supposed to be. The same moment I get into bed, she's over me, kissing me softly, and my hands reacts on instinct, tangling in her hair.

And it strikes me that how much I love her, she'll just never know.

TBC