Author's Note: For those desperately waiting for an update for High School
Reunion, it won't be up for awhile. One, because my hours at my job got
switched up and that means less free time for me. Two, I have dance
practices after school and am taking up another new dance class (lyrical).
Three, and last but not least this month is going to be one of my most
hectic months ever, I have to go visit colleges and finish up my many
projects that I haven't worked on (I've been a bad girl!). So sorry guys
but I only put this one up because it was already half way written a while
back before my life got crazy. Till then be patient and in June I promise
my updates will be much faster and efficient, so enjoy this update, it will
be most likely the only one this month.
And another thing, my beta sent me a message saying that she doesn't like receiving messages of when I'm going to update, that's not what she is for you guys! Chapter six of this story was updated recently, but that's not her or my fault if you don't read the updated fan fiction section in my bio. It states the dates of when I updated and which chapter of which stories that I updated, be reasonable and not ignorant okay guys? And now I'm done rambling.
Disclaimer: No to anything that states the ownership of Inuyasha.
A Country Life
Chapter Seven
Letting Go
"Will you stay with me tonight?" she asked simply. His eyes gazed over her face. What she was asking him to do was not easily summed up in one word but he managed to say it. "Yes, I will stay with you... Till you are asleep, I don't want to regret anything later on if I do stay with you the whole night." Her eyes drank in his understanding and she let out a sigh of content and nodded against his chest.
"Thank you," she whispered. His hand instinctively reached out and caressed her soft face, her eyes fluttered at the touch of him. His face carried a cool deep smile carefully etched onto his face, knowing that he made her feel this way. His blood boiled with desire as her scent deeply lingered around his nose, being so close to her...
His inner self fought a battle for dominance of what to do, one telling him to take her now when she was most vulnerable and the other telling him to wait, that she needed more time. In the end his heart won over his desires, he didn't do anything that would result in a passionate lovemaking later on. It wasn't time yet and she wasn't ready, he knew that as well as his heart.
Her eyes seeked for him; trying for his attention, she smiled when he planted a soft kiss on her forehead. He leaned back down on the bed and laid next to her taking everything in, planting it deep into his memory before he would retreat to his room. Her face was calm and full of sleep; she willingly shut her eyes and fell into a deep sleep.
He however stayed there a moment longer watching her, his hand gently stroked her long silky hair but fixed his eyes on her face. Her lips were small and full, flushed pink and slightly parted. Her nose was small and dainty, and her lashes dark and long, draping her eyes gracefully. Her cheekbones were strikingly stunning at the moment standing out from her other features. It was soft shaped and contoured; not sharp, in fact all of her features were soft never sharp and stark.
He loved everything about her and in the small amount of time they had been together his heart grew to love again. What he thought wasn't possible was happening. He had reached to the point where he would do just anything for her.
Anything...
His barriers were easily removed from that first encountering kiss five weeks ago, the same barriers he built for himself in order to never fall in love ever again. How it was just discarded as if it never existed. Then his emotions started to show more and display them for her.
For her only...
It was always once again back to her. He knew that he was being a fool for falling in love with her so quickly but it was unexplainable how it was just easily established, too easy... It was as if they were meant to be, that another lifetime ago they were together.
But that couldn't be it, could it?
He planted one more kiss, this time on her soft lips before retreating back to his room. He was at the door and turned around, he whispered "Good night Kagome." and turned the lights off, closing the door quietly behind him.
Inuyasha woke to the shrill ringing of his phone going off. His eyes squinted over at the clock beside him it was early, too early for him. He groaned irritably and rolled over to his side not happy that he was pulled out of his sleep. Slowly he inched his closest hand towards the ringing phone. "Hello?" he mumbled; his voice not clear and alert from sleep.
The other end of the line was silent for sometime, Inuyasha was at the point of hanging up when he heard the words "Don't hang up, I have some bad news," from the other line.
He sat straight up, his eyes now wide and awake. "Da... Dad?" he asked, unsure after all these years. There was more silence again, Inuyasha held his breath waiting for any sign of his father to talk.
Silence seemed to drag on when his father finally said "Inuyasha..." his father's voice was firm and emotionless. "Your mother has been hospitalized; I suggest you come here to visit her now." Then following afterwards was a dial tone, he had hung up without saying goodbye, not that Inuyasha had expected it.
It was a long time ago since he and his father were on good terms, but for him to call him after all these years...
That meant something drastically had happened to his mother. He got out of bed and threw on a sweater and a pair of jeans, without a care in the world of how he looked at that very moment. He grabbed his keys off his dresser; and headed downstairs to leave. He had to go see his mother before anything else happened.
The only problem that he was having trouble coping with was that eventually he would be facing his father and brother again, and also seeing his mother lying on the hospital bed.
His heart raced at the thought of what was to come.
Kagome's hand gripped the pillow next to her, a frown produced on her face. As he had promised, he left when she had fallen asleep. Her eyes fluttered open only to be greeted by the warm sunlight. Her nose buried into his pillow taking in his scent, the scent of cool mountain air and the rushing waterfalls. She stayed there taking in everything and coming to terms with what her heart felt at the moment. It seemed so foreign to her but at the same time so very familiar.
Her heart raced at the thought that kept coming to her, she knew that she loved him. That was why it was so foreign to her, it had been years since she was in love, but this type of love was entirely different from her past and previous relationships, it was real and true. She had known him for almost a year and been officially together for five weeks, and never had they once been together intimately.
Not because they didn't want to it was because they wanted to take things slowly. He wanted to get to know her more as well as she did with him. She gave the pillow a final hug and sat up to stretch. Her muscles rejoiced when they were stretched and free from stiffness and ache. Her bare feet hit the cool wooden floor and she took in delight how it felt against her feet.
She went into her bathroom and turned on the shower and undressed. She stuck her hand in the shower stall and felt that the water was now warm and inviting, she stepped inside. The water tingled against her skin as she lathered up shampoo in her hair. Her eyes closed when she went under the showerhead and let it rinse away the suds.
She hummed a tune in her head as she thought of last night. A touch of smile lit on her face as she thought more of it.
Kagome ran a brush through her hair and undid any knots that were in her hair, her hair was still damp from her shower but it would soon dry quickly. Kagome let her hair down and headed downstairs, dressed and ready for work.
Her heart tugged at the eerie silence that settled around the house. The house never usually held this sort of silence except when everyone is asleep at night. Kagome headed into the kitchen and saw the residents eating their breakfast quietly, it was too quiet Kagome noticed. She took her seat next to Miroku and looked at the plate that was set up for her. She looked around the table and looked into each of their faces, it carried sadness and grief.
Obviously something was wrong. Kagome looked around and saw that Inuyasha wasn't here yet... His mahogany chair stood alone and empty, 'where is he?' Kagome thought. She shifted uncomfortably in her chair and took a small bite of her breakfast only to find that it tasted bitter, not because it was cooked wrong; in fact it was just fine, but because she felt at unease and felt like a rain cloud stood over her head.
She slowly gulped down her breakfast that she was chewing on. She dabbed the napkin at the corner of her mouth and cleared her throat, only Miroku looked up at her, the others continued to eat in silence, brooding.
He motioned her to come outside and Kagome followed him. Miroku closed the porch door behind him and pointed for Kagome to sit down on one of the chairs that stood on the porch for leisure. Kagome sat down on the one to her left and laced her fingers together and let it rest on her lap. "Miroku tell me what happened?" she demanded.
Miroku's eyes looked out at the pasture that rolled across the acre of the farm, it seemed to stretch on forever but he knew it didn't. Everything always had a limit. He sat next to Kagome and pointed to the land before them, "To think that only a few years ago this land was nothing but dirt and weeds. There was nothing on here when we came here, nothing but a barren waste. But years of hard work and determination got us this far, and he did it for himself and mostly for her." Kagome arched a brow at him, but keep quiet waiting patiently to listen. "She was the only one that supported him, the only one. But she's gone..."
Kagome looked at the view before her, the summer fog still clung in the air, and the dew settled on the luscious rich green grass. The sun peeked out from the clouds contrasting against the would be bright blue sky later on. She saw the animals all grazing and enjoying the beautiful weather. She saw what Miroku meant, and nodded to let him continue.
"Now that she's gone things won't be the same for him anymore. He loved her so much, he always blamed himself for not being able to go and see her because of his father, the father who rejected him after making his decision. Now he won't be able to ever see her because she passed away this morning right when he got there... His mother died and he didn't even get to say goodbye, can you even imagine what he is going through?"
Kagome choked back a cry of surprise. She closed her eyes and felt the wave of emotion flood through her. "How did she die?" she whispered. "She had a weak heart, a birth defect. She had a pacemaker but not everything lasts forever..." Kagome opened her eyes and touched her cheek. She felt her tears against her palm. She knew what Inuyasha was going through the loss of a parent, a close and a much-loved parent.
"Where is he?" she asked and Miroku looked at Kagome and shrugged. "Who knows, probably back there or around here somewhere?" Kagome watched Miroku stand up and ready to head inside. "Miroku," he turned to look at her, she gave him a small smile and said "Thank you for telling me, it meant a lot." He smiled back and gave quick nod and went inside. Kagome sat there awhile longer watching the clouds roll by, today would be a long day for everybody.
Kagome had finished sweeping the barn floor when she heard a truck pull in. Kagome placed the broom in the storage closet and closed the barn doors behind. She ran up to the truck and peered in through the driver's window. Her heart clenched at the agony that he was facing, the pain that was unmentionable, and a sore that wouldn't go away.
He was slumped over in his seat his eyes focused on the steering wheel, his eyes red and puffy. He had been crying. Kagome tapped the window quietly and he turned around to look at her. She almost jumped back in shock when she saw his face.
It was unrecognizable at first, his eyes were hard and carried depths of pain, his face seemed lifeless and drained. It was void of any emotion. He opened the door and Kagome stepped back, he came out and walked stiffly towards her. He threw his arms around her and rested his chin on top of her head. Kagome had trouble balancing because all of his weight was on her. But she stood there with him.
Kagome wanted to stay with him all night but he told her to go inside that he needed some time to think alone. And she gave it to him because she understood. She closed the door behind her and headed into the kitchen to pour herself a glass of water, her throat was parched from not having barely any liquid at all today. She took long sips and looked out of the back window.
She was surprised to see Inuyasha back there standing and looking the fields that stood out before him. Her eyes watched his figure. She watched him sit down and run his hands through his hair, she watched him sitting there looking up at the night sky. She was about to turn around when she saw another figure walking towards him, a slender womanly figure.
Her breath hitched in her throat when she realized who it was. She watched Kikyo walk over to Inuyasha, she said something to him but Kagome didn't know what for she couldn't read lips. Kikyo then sat down next to Inuyasha and kept on talking because Kagome saw her lips were still moving. She saw that Kikyo was crying and hugged Inuyasha, Inuyasha didn't do anything but sit there. Kagome kept watching unable to pull away.
Then as if it was happening in slow motion her whole world came crashing down on her when she saw it. Kikyo's lips pressed firmly on Inuyasha's, only he wasn't doing anything to stop her, instead he kissed her back. Kagome dropped her glass of water and jumped back as an involuntary reaction. She left the broken glass there and ran up the stairs and shut the door behind her firmly.
That night Kagome didn't cry, because she was still in shock. 'He didn't push her away...' The thought echoed in her mind over and over again. It would not end. 'Why?' she asked herself again. Her eyes were still wide open and not carrying even a hint of sleepiness. She clutched the blanket up to her chin and chewed on her bottom lip, replaying the images in her head.
Kagome closed her eyes to hold back the tears that threatened to come, when she realized that she still loved him despite what had happened. She was afraid of what she was about to do next. Her heart beat even more madly when she dwelled on it even more. She wanted to go downstairs and confront him, but at the same time stopped herself because he was emotionally distressed. She couldn't afford to put any more strain on him. She wouldn't allow it.
She finally fell asleep, when her mind was drained from thinking so much about the situation, however her heart still carried the ache within.
The next day everybody was outside working quietly. However Kagome was inside sitting on the couch thinking about last night. Her thoughts were interrupted when Inuyasha walked inside and paused to look at her. Kagome's eyes grew as she watched him watching her. He saw that there was something in her eyes that desperately wanted to tell him something but he couldn't make it out.
It still hurted to think about his mother's passing yesterday, and he was certainly not in the mood to talk about it yet. He waited a bit longer but saw that she wasn't doing anything to keep him staying there, she didn't want to talk. He walked on towards the kitchen and thought to himself that maybe Kagome was giving him some time to think, he took a swig of orange juice straight from the carton.
Kaede would scold at him later for that, but right now he didn't care. He was numb to all emotions expect sadness. He headed upstairs to his room leaving the orange juice sitting on the counter in the corner still lied some pieces of broken glass from last night.
He never saw it.
He kicked off his shoes and fell back on his bed looking up at his ceiling. He wanted to tell Kagome about last night when Kikyo came over unexpectedly. How she came to say sorry about his mother's passing and for his loss. Then she told him she would be leaving to go to London for her studies, she hugged him and gave him a kiss goodbye. He responded back by kissing her back to say goodbye to her too. It was a harmless kiss, it didn't mean anything to him.
Nothing...
It was a kiss for her wrongdoings in the past, and to say goodbye for good. His was to say goodbye and that he had moved on for good.
But it ate away at his insides, because he didn't do anything to stop it. In fact he was so numb and partially paying attention to her that he didn't even see it coming, the afterward shock got to him though when he felt her lips against his. Then she left and he sat out there still thinking about his mother. Why he felt so guilty when he didn't even enjoy the kiss or being near her, he didn't know.
Maybe because Kagome didn't know, or maybe because it was still wrong even though he didn't want it to happened. The thing was it did happen and he should've stopped it the second she put her lips on his. Or maybe because he kissed back, only doing what he thought was right at the moment, how wrong he was though. He couldn't have stopped it either way; once again his thoughts were on the death of his mother and the promise he made for her.
His promise that he made to his mother, that when she was stronger and healthy again she could visit Inuyasha at his ranch. That promise would never be fulfilled, she was gone now...
Without realizing it the hours had passed by and now it was once again night outside. He stood up and paced back and forth in his room debating on whether he should tell Kagome now or later. He decided now would be best, he quietly slipped out of his room and walked over to Kagome's. The crack of her door was slightly open; he pushed it gently back with his two hands.
What he expected was a small figure in bed sleeping away, not the emptiness that greeted him. She wasn't in bed, his eyes darted over the room, and all her stuff was gone. The only thing she left behind was a small white note sitting on the dresser. He walked hurriedly over to the dresser and picked up the note. He held it up to the moonlight and read it. It read 'I'm sorry for leaving so soon but I wanted you to know that I know and saw it last night, and I forgive you. I think it's best if we move on, but thank you for opening my heart again. I'm forever grateful. Goodbye.'
He dropped the note and his eyes widened in fear. She was gone and most of all she knew and got the wrong impression again. His blood raged in fury at him for not telling her earlier. He could hear his heart thumping madly like a crescendo, getting louder each passing moment. He did the only thing that came to his mind first.
To go after her.
Kagome dragged her bags up the stairs and looked at the house before her, it was so different from the ranch but at the moment she needed someone to talk. She rang the doorbell once and watched the lights turn on in the house and the sounds of a door being unlocked, finally the door was pulled open Kagome gave a small smile and a wave.
"Hey do you mind if I stay over tonight?" She asked hesitantly. Sango nodded at once and grabbed her other two bags and helped her inside. Kagome plopped down on the couch and leaned her head back. Sango closed the door and looked at Kagome, she sat down next to her and reached out for her hands.
She saw how crestfallen Kagome's face was and gave her hands a squeeze. "Do you feel like talking about it?" Kagome contemplated on if she should, she finally gave a nod. After all that was why she came over last night. "Yes I want to talk about it, if it's not too much."
Sango shook her head and let out a laugh, Kagome always did worry about others before herself. Always, and that was the problem, she was never selfish to herself once. "No it's no too much; go on tell me about it."
Kagome's shoulders shook and tears rapidly fell from her eyes. She looked up at Sango and said, "I did something so stupid but why is it that it feels so right at the same time?"
Sango kept her eyes on her friend listening to her story. Sango concluded that she really did love him, he had captured her heart. "Kagome you should've talked to him before you left." She said softly.
Kagome looked away and stared at the plush white carpet. "I wanted too, believe I did Sango. But I couldn't because every time I wanted too, the question 'why?' always came up. Why didn't he push her away? Why didn't he tell me right away? Why did he kiss her back? I was just so scared of the response he was going to tell me that I couldn't even bring myself up to it."
Sango held back her tears because of her friend's pain and instead did her best to comfort her. "Come on let's go unpack, we'll work some more out tomorrow. You need your rest." Kagome nodded and headed up the stairs carrying one bag while Sango carried the other two.
Kagome dropped the bag and took off her shoes and closed her eyes. She fell asleep the minute her head touched the pillow. Sango left the two bags in the room next to the other and closed the door behind her. She wished she knew what to do to solve the situation, but the only thing she could do was comfort her and be there for her, and it was the only medicine that she knew of.
That and only time could heal her pain.
Inuyasha had driven to Souta's to see if Kagome was there, but no one answered the door so he retreated back home. Now it was the next day and he was going to the funeral, he looked outside and saw that it was raining. It was raining hard, it did very little to comfort him. He fixed his tie one last time and grabbed an umbrella from his closet.
Many people were there at the funeral giving their pays of respect to his father. His father, Inuyasha did admit, putted on a brave front. Inuyasha sat down in the front and looked at the casket in front of him. He couldn't believe it today he would be burying her and saying goodbye.
She was really gone... His hands clenched into fists as he saw her there lying so peacefully. She was no longer in pain now, which was the only slight relief that warmed his heart, everything else felt like it was falling apart.
(Flashback)
"Mommy do you love Dad?" His mother let out a soft laugh, it sounded much like Kagome's. It was music to his ears. "Of course Inuyasha, why do you ask?"
He pushed his train around on his train track and replied "I don't know Sesshoumaru said there is no such thing as true love or love. He's said I'm dumb for thinking of things like that." Her mother pulled Inuyasha into her lap and rocked him back and forth.
"Well I know that I love your father because my heart warms up every time he comes home or when I am with him. He always makes me happy and on the days that I am sad he is there for me. Love is indescribable my son. But one day you'll know that she's the one when you meet her."
Inuyasha's nose wrinkled in disgust, "But I don't like girls, they have cooties." His mother let out another rich melodic laugh, it tickled at his ears. "Did I say something funny?" Inuyasha asked confused at why his mother laughed.
His mother brushed his hair back and wrapped her arms around him. He felt so safe and content in her arms, he loved it when she gave him hugs.
"No it's just that a few years from now you won't think that way about girls. In fact you'll be chasing after them."
Inuyasha leaned his head back and placed his hands over his mother's delicate ones. "Well if I do fall in love I want her to be like you Mommy. She has to be kind and gentle and love me for who I am. Like you do."
Her mother nuzzled her face in his hair and sighed. "As long as she makes you happy, I approve of her."
"Tell me a story Mommy. I liked the one of how you and Dad met. Tell me that one again."
Inuyasha and his mother looked into the fireplace and watched the crackling flames.
"Well when I was twenty-two, I was at the fair that comes around Japan every summer and..."
He kept listening to the sound of her voice and the calm soothingness it brought him.
(End of Flashback)
He stood there even after everyone had left. He wanted to say his own personal goodbye. He held the umbrella over himself shielding himself from the rain and her grave.
He looked up when he heard approaching footsteps, his eyes locked with hers. Kagome nervously tucked back a loose strand of hair and looked at the grave that was now covered in fresh dirt. She bent down and placed a single rose on the dirt mound.
She stood there a bit longer and dared herself not to look at him. It would cause her to cry once again. She was slowly walking away when she felt his hand grip her arm, holding her back.
"Kagome..." he stopped not knowing what to say, his head spinned with all sorts of emotion. "Can we talk?" he pleaded. Kagome's heart broke at the sound of his voice, so lost and forlorn.
He sounded desperate.
She turned around to face him, her umbrella clashing with his, her eyes searching his once again. She didn't say anything but just look at him. He looked down at her, his heart yearning to be let out and free. "I... I wanted to tell you... But I was occupied with other things, mostly my mother's passing. I didn't even begin to think that..."
"I know Inuyasha it just hurts that's all. I'm standing here listening to you saying that you're sorry but that doesn't mean anything to me if you don't really mean it. Inuyasha your mother is gone and I'm sorry from the bottom of my heart, but you didn't lose your mind completely that day, you still could've done something, anything at all, but you didn't."
She was about to turn around and leave again but his hand reached out again this time holding on to her.
"But I do mean it." He said firmly, his heart choking at the thought of losing her too.
"Do you? Or is it because your heart needs something to fill that void for the moment? When her lips touched yours did you even think of me or her? Let me go Inuyasha..." she whispered this time closing her eyes.
It was so much harder for her to do this...
He held onto her and cupped one of his hands to her face. She tried to pull away but could only half-heartedly. "Don't..." she whispered her eyes glistening. He silently cursed at himself for bringing her the pain that she was experiencing right now. His eyes traveled down to her neck and saw that she still wore the necklace he had given to her on Christmas day.
"I had to leave Inuyasha, just let me go now." Kagome pleaded again.
Inuyasha's eyebrows rose in question. "You had to leave, what about me? Did you think that for one minute I didn't think about you? I thought about you on the way to the hospital, I thought of you when I kissed her and it's no lie! Damn it you're the only woman that I care for, there is no more of me and Kikyo. It was the past, I've moved on. That was a kiss for goodbye, to end things." He said calmly.
"Please, let me go... I can't... I need to think, now let me go!" Kagome said trying to fight the temptation.
"At least tell me where you are, let us work this out, I can't bear to lose you again!" He yelled back.
Kagome paused, her eyes wide and round, intently looking at him. "I need more time, just give it to me please..."
"Kagome..." he dropped his umbrella letting the rain soak him even more. He pulled her into an embrace and stroked her hair. "Don't leave me, I need you."
Kagome hated herself for letting herself resist to him. His touch felt so good. She hugged him back and arched into his embrace, not knowing what else to do. Her other hand gripped firmly on the handle of the umbrella doing her best to keep it steady. She wanted to forget about everything and put it behind her.
But she still had her doubts. Fear pricked at her heart when she saw how much she loved him and was slowly forgetting why she had left in the first place.
No! She had to be strong, she couldn't let him win this over easily, what if there was a next time? What then? Would she so easily succumb to him and forgive him?
No! He had to learn that she was a strong woman, she needed to let go for now and have the time to think, to confirm, to know...
He shifted so that he was holding her even closer. His skin was cold from the rain and she let him have some of her warmth, she still loved him. She couldn't change that fact, not that she would.
She couldn't stand the fact he was in so much pain but she was too. She would be horrible if she just gave herself back to him. He had to fight his way back, to truly prove that he loved her. So she knew and he knew. It wasn't about their emotions that their love was about what their heart said and told them. Then she would accept willingly.
There was only silence between them as they held each other. The rain was now calming them anger slowly fading and new thoughts replacing the old.
Then on impulse he said what just came to mind, "Kagome, I love you." The words shot out of his mouth before he even had a chance to think about it.
Her eyes widened and she tugged her arm free. She dropped her umbrella and ran to her car. She couldn't take it anymore, it was all too much for her. She needed to leave before she actually did give herself to him. She had to be strong. She had too...
He stood there in the rain, just realizing what he had confessed to her. He closed his eyes and let the rain fall and caress his skin. It felt so good compare to what he was feeling right now.
If only she knew how much he regretted his mistakes.
If only...
Kagome ran up the steps and entered Sango's house. Sango wasn't home because she was working. Kagome ran to her room and took off her black pumps, she slid down on the floor and let out all her emotions that she was feeling.
A sob escaped from her lips for despair.
Her fist clenched at her side at the thought of him kissing her and for her acting too rationally.
Her eyes shut in pain for leaving him behind so fast and quickly.
Her heart beated wildly for what he said to her. The very words that she wanted to say back to him.
Her fingers found her way to the necklace and she unclasped it and held out before her. He gave it to her as a gift, now it didn't seem worth it. She threw it across her room and let the teardrops hit the floor. She sat in her soaking wet dress crying for everything, her mind a complete mess.
She sat there letting out all her emotions.
As much as she wanted to run back to him she couldn't.
He had to understand that she needed the time.
She needed to think, to sort out her thoughts.
She had to re-evaluate her thoughts of him and her together.
The clock chimed six and Sango would be coming home soon. Kagome wiped away the last of her tears and started picking up the things around her room that she had flung out of anger. She needed to release all that energy, and it felt good that she did.
She no longer felt like a confused crying wreck anymore.
She picked up the necklace and pocketed it, all hope wasn't lost.
There was still time.
And eventually she would give her love back to him and in return receive his.
Letting go was the hardest part, and for now she would have to cope.
AN: This chapter may seem like Kagome is overreacting but she really isn't. She's just confused about everything that is going on right now and at the same time scared. She's torn at the fact that he may still be in love with his ex-girlfriend and all that other stuff. She is blaming herself for letting herself fall in love with him. This chapter was written this way for a reason. Just wait and you'll see what the reason was... Till then see you in three or four weeks from now.
And another thing, my beta sent me a message saying that she doesn't like receiving messages of when I'm going to update, that's not what she is for you guys! Chapter six of this story was updated recently, but that's not her or my fault if you don't read the updated fan fiction section in my bio. It states the dates of when I updated and which chapter of which stories that I updated, be reasonable and not ignorant okay guys? And now I'm done rambling.
Disclaimer: No to anything that states the ownership of Inuyasha.
A Country Life
Chapter Seven
Letting Go
"Will you stay with me tonight?" she asked simply. His eyes gazed over her face. What she was asking him to do was not easily summed up in one word but he managed to say it. "Yes, I will stay with you... Till you are asleep, I don't want to regret anything later on if I do stay with you the whole night." Her eyes drank in his understanding and she let out a sigh of content and nodded against his chest.
"Thank you," she whispered. His hand instinctively reached out and caressed her soft face, her eyes fluttered at the touch of him. His face carried a cool deep smile carefully etched onto his face, knowing that he made her feel this way. His blood boiled with desire as her scent deeply lingered around his nose, being so close to her...
His inner self fought a battle for dominance of what to do, one telling him to take her now when she was most vulnerable and the other telling him to wait, that she needed more time. In the end his heart won over his desires, he didn't do anything that would result in a passionate lovemaking later on. It wasn't time yet and she wasn't ready, he knew that as well as his heart.
Her eyes seeked for him; trying for his attention, she smiled when he planted a soft kiss on her forehead. He leaned back down on the bed and laid next to her taking everything in, planting it deep into his memory before he would retreat to his room. Her face was calm and full of sleep; she willingly shut her eyes and fell into a deep sleep.
He however stayed there a moment longer watching her, his hand gently stroked her long silky hair but fixed his eyes on her face. Her lips were small and full, flushed pink and slightly parted. Her nose was small and dainty, and her lashes dark and long, draping her eyes gracefully. Her cheekbones were strikingly stunning at the moment standing out from her other features. It was soft shaped and contoured; not sharp, in fact all of her features were soft never sharp and stark.
He loved everything about her and in the small amount of time they had been together his heart grew to love again. What he thought wasn't possible was happening. He had reached to the point where he would do just anything for her.
Anything...
His barriers were easily removed from that first encountering kiss five weeks ago, the same barriers he built for himself in order to never fall in love ever again. How it was just discarded as if it never existed. Then his emotions started to show more and display them for her.
For her only...
It was always once again back to her. He knew that he was being a fool for falling in love with her so quickly but it was unexplainable how it was just easily established, too easy... It was as if they were meant to be, that another lifetime ago they were together.
But that couldn't be it, could it?
He planted one more kiss, this time on her soft lips before retreating back to his room. He was at the door and turned around, he whispered "Good night Kagome." and turned the lights off, closing the door quietly behind him.
Inuyasha woke to the shrill ringing of his phone going off. His eyes squinted over at the clock beside him it was early, too early for him. He groaned irritably and rolled over to his side not happy that he was pulled out of his sleep. Slowly he inched his closest hand towards the ringing phone. "Hello?" he mumbled; his voice not clear and alert from sleep.
The other end of the line was silent for sometime, Inuyasha was at the point of hanging up when he heard the words "Don't hang up, I have some bad news," from the other line.
He sat straight up, his eyes now wide and awake. "Da... Dad?" he asked, unsure after all these years. There was more silence again, Inuyasha held his breath waiting for any sign of his father to talk.
Silence seemed to drag on when his father finally said "Inuyasha..." his father's voice was firm and emotionless. "Your mother has been hospitalized; I suggest you come here to visit her now." Then following afterwards was a dial tone, he had hung up without saying goodbye, not that Inuyasha had expected it.
It was a long time ago since he and his father were on good terms, but for him to call him after all these years...
That meant something drastically had happened to his mother. He got out of bed and threw on a sweater and a pair of jeans, without a care in the world of how he looked at that very moment. He grabbed his keys off his dresser; and headed downstairs to leave. He had to go see his mother before anything else happened.
The only problem that he was having trouble coping with was that eventually he would be facing his father and brother again, and also seeing his mother lying on the hospital bed.
His heart raced at the thought of what was to come.
Kagome's hand gripped the pillow next to her, a frown produced on her face. As he had promised, he left when she had fallen asleep. Her eyes fluttered open only to be greeted by the warm sunlight. Her nose buried into his pillow taking in his scent, the scent of cool mountain air and the rushing waterfalls. She stayed there taking in everything and coming to terms with what her heart felt at the moment. It seemed so foreign to her but at the same time so very familiar.
Her heart raced at the thought that kept coming to her, she knew that she loved him. That was why it was so foreign to her, it had been years since she was in love, but this type of love was entirely different from her past and previous relationships, it was real and true. She had known him for almost a year and been officially together for five weeks, and never had they once been together intimately.
Not because they didn't want to it was because they wanted to take things slowly. He wanted to get to know her more as well as she did with him. She gave the pillow a final hug and sat up to stretch. Her muscles rejoiced when they were stretched and free from stiffness and ache. Her bare feet hit the cool wooden floor and she took in delight how it felt against her feet.
She went into her bathroom and turned on the shower and undressed. She stuck her hand in the shower stall and felt that the water was now warm and inviting, she stepped inside. The water tingled against her skin as she lathered up shampoo in her hair. Her eyes closed when she went under the showerhead and let it rinse away the suds.
She hummed a tune in her head as she thought of last night. A touch of smile lit on her face as she thought more of it.
Kagome ran a brush through her hair and undid any knots that were in her hair, her hair was still damp from her shower but it would soon dry quickly. Kagome let her hair down and headed downstairs, dressed and ready for work.
Her heart tugged at the eerie silence that settled around the house. The house never usually held this sort of silence except when everyone is asleep at night. Kagome headed into the kitchen and saw the residents eating their breakfast quietly, it was too quiet Kagome noticed. She took her seat next to Miroku and looked at the plate that was set up for her. She looked around the table and looked into each of their faces, it carried sadness and grief.
Obviously something was wrong. Kagome looked around and saw that Inuyasha wasn't here yet... His mahogany chair stood alone and empty, 'where is he?' Kagome thought. She shifted uncomfortably in her chair and took a small bite of her breakfast only to find that it tasted bitter, not because it was cooked wrong; in fact it was just fine, but because she felt at unease and felt like a rain cloud stood over her head.
She slowly gulped down her breakfast that she was chewing on. She dabbed the napkin at the corner of her mouth and cleared her throat, only Miroku looked up at her, the others continued to eat in silence, brooding.
He motioned her to come outside and Kagome followed him. Miroku closed the porch door behind him and pointed for Kagome to sit down on one of the chairs that stood on the porch for leisure. Kagome sat down on the one to her left and laced her fingers together and let it rest on her lap. "Miroku tell me what happened?" she demanded.
Miroku's eyes looked out at the pasture that rolled across the acre of the farm, it seemed to stretch on forever but he knew it didn't. Everything always had a limit. He sat next to Kagome and pointed to the land before them, "To think that only a few years ago this land was nothing but dirt and weeds. There was nothing on here when we came here, nothing but a barren waste. But years of hard work and determination got us this far, and he did it for himself and mostly for her." Kagome arched a brow at him, but keep quiet waiting patiently to listen. "She was the only one that supported him, the only one. But she's gone..."
Kagome looked at the view before her, the summer fog still clung in the air, and the dew settled on the luscious rich green grass. The sun peeked out from the clouds contrasting against the would be bright blue sky later on. She saw the animals all grazing and enjoying the beautiful weather. She saw what Miroku meant, and nodded to let him continue.
"Now that she's gone things won't be the same for him anymore. He loved her so much, he always blamed himself for not being able to go and see her because of his father, the father who rejected him after making his decision. Now he won't be able to ever see her because she passed away this morning right when he got there... His mother died and he didn't even get to say goodbye, can you even imagine what he is going through?"
Kagome choked back a cry of surprise. She closed her eyes and felt the wave of emotion flood through her. "How did she die?" she whispered. "She had a weak heart, a birth defect. She had a pacemaker but not everything lasts forever..." Kagome opened her eyes and touched her cheek. She felt her tears against her palm. She knew what Inuyasha was going through the loss of a parent, a close and a much-loved parent.
"Where is he?" she asked and Miroku looked at Kagome and shrugged. "Who knows, probably back there or around here somewhere?" Kagome watched Miroku stand up and ready to head inside. "Miroku," he turned to look at her, she gave him a small smile and said "Thank you for telling me, it meant a lot." He smiled back and gave quick nod and went inside. Kagome sat there awhile longer watching the clouds roll by, today would be a long day for everybody.
Kagome had finished sweeping the barn floor when she heard a truck pull in. Kagome placed the broom in the storage closet and closed the barn doors behind. She ran up to the truck and peered in through the driver's window. Her heart clenched at the agony that he was facing, the pain that was unmentionable, and a sore that wouldn't go away.
He was slumped over in his seat his eyes focused on the steering wheel, his eyes red and puffy. He had been crying. Kagome tapped the window quietly and he turned around to look at her. She almost jumped back in shock when she saw his face.
It was unrecognizable at first, his eyes were hard and carried depths of pain, his face seemed lifeless and drained. It was void of any emotion. He opened the door and Kagome stepped back, he came out and walked stiffly towards her. He threw his arms around her and rested his chin on top of her head. Kagome had trouble balancing because all of his weight was on her. But she stood there with him.
Kagome wanted to stay with him all night but he told her to go inside that he needed some time to think alone. And she gave it to him because she understood. She closed the door behind her and headed into the kitchen to pour herself a glass of water, her throat was parched from not having barely any liquid at all today. She took long sips and looked out of the back window.
She was surprised to see Inuyasha back there standing and looking the fields that stood out before him. Her eyes watched his figure. She watched him sit down and run his hands through his hair, she watched him sitting there looking up at the night sky. She was about to turn around when she saw another figure walking towards him, a slender womanly figure.
Her breath hitched in her throat when she realized who it was. She watched Kikyo walk over to Inuyasha, she said something to him but Kagome didn't know what for she couldn't read lips. Kikyo then sat down next to Inuyasha and kept on talking because Kagome saw her lips were still moving. She saw that Kikyo was crying and hugged Inuyasha, Inuyasha didn't do anything but sit there. Kagome kept watching unable to pull away.
Then as if it was happening in slow motion her whole world came crashing down on her when she saw it. Kikyo's lips pressed firmly on Inuyasha's, only he wasn't doing anything to stop her, instead he kissed her back. Kagome dropped her glass of water and jumped back as an involuntary reaction. She left the broken glass there and ran up the stairs and shut the door behind her firmly.
That night Kagome didn't cry, because she was still in shock. 'He didn't push her away...' The thought echoed in her mind over and over again. It would not end. 'Why?' she asked herself again. Her eyes were still wide open and not carrying even a hint of sleepiness. She clutched the blanket up to her chin and chewed on her bottom lip, replaying the images in her head.
Kagome closed her eyes to hold back the tears that threatened to come, when she realized that she still loved him despite what had happened. She was afraid of what she was about to do next. Her heart beat even more madly when she dwelled on it even more. She wanted to go downstairs and confront him, but at the same time stopped herself because he was emotionally distressed. She couldn't afford to put any more strain on him. She wouldn't allow it.
She finally fell asleep, when her mind was drained from thinking so much about the situation, however her heart still carried the ache within.
The next day everybody was outside working quietly. However Kagome was inside sitting on the couch thinking about last night. Her thoughts were interrupted when Inuyasha walked inside and paused to look at her. Kagome's eyes grew as she watched him watching her. He saw that there was something in her eyes that desperately wanted to tell him something but he couldn't make it out.
It still hurted to think about his mother's passing yesterday, and he was certainly not in the mood to talk about it yet. He waited a bit longer but saw that she wasn't doing anything to keep him staying there, she didn't want to talk. He walked on towards the kitchen and thought to himself that maybe Kagome was giving him some time to think, he took a swig of orange juice straight from the carton.
Kaede would scold at him later for that, but right now he didn't care. He was numb to all emotions expect sadness. He headed upstairs to his room leaving the orange juice sitting on the counter in the corner still lied some pieces of broken glass from last night.
He never saw it.
He kicked off his shoes and fell back on his bed looking up at his ceiling. He wanted to tell Kagome about last night when Kikyo came over unexpectedly. How she came to say sorry about his mother's passing and for his loss. Then she told him she would be leaving to go to London for her studies, she hugged him and gave him a kiss goodbye. He responded back by kissing her back to say goodbye to her too. It was a harmless kiss, it didn't mean anything to him.
Nothing...
It was a kiss for her wrongdoings in the past, and to say goodbye for good. His was to say goodbye and that he had moved on for good.
But it ate away at his insides, because he didn't do anything to stop it. In fact he was so numb and partially paying attention to her that he didn't even see it coming, the afterward shock got to him though when he felt her lips against his. Then she left and he sat out there still thinking about his mother. Why he felt so guilty when he didn't even enjoy the kiss or being near her, he didn't know.
Maybe because Kagome didn't know, or maybe because it was still wrong even though he didn't want it to happened. The thing was it did happen and he should've stopped it the second she put her lips on his. Or maybe because he kissed back, only doing what he thought was right at the moment, how wrong he was though. He couldn't have stopped it either way; once again his thoughts were on the death of his mother and the promise he made for her.
His promise that he made to his mother, that when she was stronger and healthy again she could visit Inuyasha at his ranch. That promise would never be fulfilled, she was gone now...
Without realizing it the hours had passed by and now it was once again night outside. He stood up and paced back and forth in his room debating on whether he should tell Kagome now or later. He decided now would be best, he quietly slipped out of his room and walked over to Kagome's. The crack of her door was slightly open; he pushed it gently back with his two hands.
What he expected was a small figure in bed sleeping away, not the emptiness that greeted him. She wasn't in bed, his eyes darted over the room, and all her stuff was gone. The only thing she left behind was a small white note sitting on the dresser. He walked hurriedly over to the dresser and picked up the note. He held it up to the moonlight and read it. It read 'I'm sorry for leaving so soon but I wanted you to know that I know and saw it last night, and I forgive you. I think it's best if we move on, but thank you for opening my heart again. I'm forever grateful. Goodbye.'
He dropped the note and his eyes widened in fear. She was gone and most of all she knew and got the wrong impression again. His blood raged in fury at him for not telling her earlier. He could hear his heart thumping madly like a crescendo, getting louder each passing moment. He did the only thing that came to his mind first.
To go after her.
Kagome dragged her bags up the stairs and looked at the house before her, it was so different from the ranch but at the moment she needed someone to talk. She rang the doorbell once and watched the lights turn on in the house and the sounds of a door being unlocked, finally the door was pulled open Kagome gave a small smile and a wave.
"Hey do you mind if I stay over tonight?" She asked hesitantly. Sango nodded at once and grabbed her other two bags and helped her inside. Kagome plopped down on the couch and leaned her head back. Sango closed the door and looked at Kagome, she sat down next to her and reached out for her hands.
She saw how crestfallen Kagome's face was and gave her hands a squeeze. "Do you feel like talking about it?" Kagome contemplated on if she should, she finally gave a nod. After all that was why she came over last night. "Yes I want to talk about it, if it's not too much."
Sango shook her head and let out a laugh, Kagome always did worry about others before herself. Always, and that was the problem, she was never selfish to herself once. "No it's no too much; go on tell me about it."
Kagome's shoulders shook and tears rapidly fell from her eyes. She looked up at Sango and said, "I did something so stupid but why is it that it feels so right at the same time?"
Sango kept her eyes on her friend listening to her story. Sango concluded that she really did love him, he had captured her heart. "Kagome you should've talked to him before you left." She said softly.
Kagome looked away and stared at the plush white carpet. "I wanted too, believe I did Sango. But I couldn't because every time I wanted too, the question 'why?' always came up. Why didn't he push her away? Why didn't he tell me right away? Why did he kiss her back? I was just so scared of the response he was going to tell me that I couldn't even bring myself up to it."
Sango held back her tears because of her friend's pain and instead did her best to comfort her. "Come on let's go unpack, we'll work some more out tomorrow. You need your rest." Kagome nodded and headed up the stairs carrying one bag while Sango carried the other two.
Kagome dropped the bag and took off her shoes and closed her eyes. She fell asleep the minute her head touched the pillow. Sango left the two bags in the room next to the other and closed the door behind her. She wished she knew what to do to solve the situation, but the only thing she could do was comfort her and be there for her, and it was the only medicine that she knew of.
That and only time could heal her pain.
Inuyasha had driven to Souta's to see if Kagome was there, but no one answered the door so he retreated back home. Now it was the next day and he was going to the funeral, he looked outside and saw that it was raining. It was raining hard, it did very little to comfort him. He fixed his tie one last time and grabbed an umbrella from his closet.
Many people were there at the funeral giving their pays of respect to his father. His father, Inuyasha did admit, putted on a brave front. Inuyasha sat down in the front and looked at the casket in front of him. He couldn't believe it today he would be burying her and saying goodbye.
She was really gone... His hands clenched into fists as he saw her there lying so peacefully. She was no longer in pain now, which was the only slight relief that warmed his heart, everything else felt like it was falling apart.
(Flashback)
"Mommy do you love Dad?" His mother let out a soft laugh, it sounded much like Kagome's. It was music to his ears. "Of course Inuyasha, why do you ask?"
He pushed his train around on his train track and replied "I don't know Sesshoumaru said there is no such thing as true love or love. He's said I'm dumb for thinking of things like that." Her mother pulled Inuyasha into her lap and rocked him back and forth.
"Well I know that I love your father because my heart warms up every time he comes home or when I am with him. He always makes me happy and on the days that I am sad he is there for me. Love is indescribable my son. But one day you'll know that she's the one when you meet her."
Inuyasha's nose wrinkled in disgust, "But I don't like girls, they have cooties." His mother let out another rich melodic laugh, it tickled at his ears. "Did I say something funny?" Inuyasha asked confused at why his mother laughed.
His mother brushed his hair back and wrapped her arms around him. He felt so safe and content in her arms, he loved it when she gave him hugs.
"No it's just that a few years from now you won't think that way about girls. In fact you'll be chasing after them."
Inuyasha leaned his head back and placed his hands over his mother's delicate ones. "Well if I do fall in love I want her to be like you Mommy. She has to be kind and gentle and love me for who I am. Like you do."
Her mother nuzzled her face in his hair and sighed. "As long as she makes you happy, I approve of her."
"Tell me a story Mommy. I liked the one of how you and Dad met. Tell me that one again."
Inuyasha and his mother looked into the fireplace and watched the crackling flames.
"Well when I was twenty-two, I was at the fair that comes around Japan every summer and..."
He kept listening to the sound of her voice and the calm soothingness it brought him.
(End of Flashback)
He stood there even after everyone had left. He wanted to say his own personal goodbye. He held the umbrella over himself shielding himself from the rain and her grave.
He looked up when he heard approaching footsteps, his eyes locked with hers. Kagome nervously tucked back a loose strand of hair and looked at the grave that was now covered in fresh dirt. She bent down and placed a single rose on the dirt mound.
She stood there a bit longer and dared herself not to look at him. It would cause her to cry once again. She was slowly walking away when she felt his hand grip her arm, holding her back.
"Kagome..." he stopped not knowing what to say, his head spinned with all sorts of emotion. "Can we talk?" he pleaded. Kagome's heart broke at the sound of his voice, so lost and forlorn.
He sounded desperate.
She turned around to face him, her umbrella clashing with his, her eyes searching his once again. She didn't say anything but just look at him. He looked down at her, his heart yearning to be let out and free. "I... I wanted to tell you... But I was occupied with other things, mostly my mother's passing. I didn't even begin to think that..."
"I know Inuyasha it just hurts that's all. I'm standing here listening to you saying that you're sorry but that doesn't mean anything to me if you don't really mean it. Inuyasha your mother is gone and I'm sorry from the bottom of my heart, but you didn't lose your mind completely that day, you still could've done something, anything at all, but you didn't."
She was about to turn around and leave again but his hand reached out again this time holding on to her.
"But I do mean it." He said firmly, his heart choking at the thought of losing her too.
"Do you? Or is it because your heart needs something to fill that void for the moment? When her lips touched yours did you even think of me or her? Let me go Inuyasha..." she whispered this time closing her eyes.
It was so much harder for her to do this...
He held onto her and cupped one of his hands to her face. She tried to pull away but could only half-heartedly. "Don't..." she whispered her eyes glistening. He silently cursed at himself for bringing her the pain that she was experiencing right now. His eyes traveled down to her neck and saw that she still wore the necklace he had given to her on Christmas day.
"I had to leave Inuyasha, just let me go now." Kagome pleaded again.
Inuyasha's eyebrows rose in question. "You had to leave, what about me? Did you think that for one minute I didn't think about you? I thought about you on the way to the hospital, I thought of you when I kissed her and it's no lie! Damn it you're the only woman that I care for, there is no more of me and Kikyo. It was the past, I've moved on. That was a kiss for goodbye, to end things." He said calmly.
"Please, let me go... I can't... I need to think, now let me go!" Kagome said trying to fight the temptation.
"At least tell me where you are, let us work this out, I can't bear to lose you again!" He yelled back.
Kagome paused, her eyes wide and round, intently looking at him. "I need more time, just give it to me please..."
"Kagome..." he dropped his umbrella letting the rain soak him even more. He pulled her into an embrace and stroked her hair. "Don't leave me, I need you."
Kagome hated herself for letting herself resist to him. His touch felt so good. She hugged him back and arched into his embrace, not knowing what else to do. Her other hand gripped firmly on the handle of the umbrella doing her best to keep it steady. She wanted to forget about everything and put it behind her.
But she still had her doubts. Fear pricked at her heart when she saw how much she loved him and was slowly forgetting why she had left in the first place.
No! She had to be strong, she couldn't let him win this over easily, what if there was a next time? What then? Would she so easily succumb to him and forgive him?
No! He had to learn that she was a strong woman, she needed to let go for now and have the time to think, to confirm, to know...
He shifted so that he was holding her even closer. His skin was cold from the rain and she let him have some of her warmth, she still loved him. She couldn't change that fact, not that she would.
She couldn't stand the fact he was in so much pain but she was too. She would be horrible if she just gave herself back to him. He had to fight his way back, to truly prove that he loved her. So she knew and he knew. It wasn't about their emotions that their love was about what their heart said and told them. Then she would accept willingly.
There was only silence between them as they held each other. The rain was now calming them anger slowly fading and new thoughts replacing the old.
Then on impulse he said what just came to mind, "Kagome, I love you." The words shot out of his mouth before he even had a chance to think about it.
Her eyes widened and she tugged her arm free. She dropped her umbrella and ran to her car. She couldn't take it anymore, it was all too much for her. She needed to leave before she actually did give herself to him. She had to be strong. She had too...
He stood there in the rain, just realizing what he had confessed to her. He closed his eyes and let the rain fall and caress his skin. It felt so good compare to what he was feeling right now.
If only she knew how much he regretted his mistakes.
If only...
Kagome ran up the steps and entered Sango's house. Sango wasn't home because she was working. Kagome ran to her room and took off her black pumps, she slid down on the floor and let out all her emotions that she was feeling.
A sob escaped from her lips for despair.
Her fist clenched at her side at the thought of him kissing her and for her acting too rationally.
Her eyes shut in pain for leaving him behind so fast and quickly.
Her heart beated wildly for what he said to her. The very words that she wanted to say back to him.
Her fingers found her way to the necklace and she unclasped it and held out before her. He gave it to her as a gift, now it didn't seem worth it. She threw it across her room and let the teardrops hit the floor. She sat in her soaking wet dress crying for everything, her mind a complete mess.
She sat there letting out all her emotions.
As much as she wanted to run back to him she couldn't.
He had to understand that she needed the time.
She needed to think, to sort out her thoughts.
She had to re-evaluate her thoughts of him and her together.
The clock chimed six and Sango would be coming home soon. Kagome wiped away the last of her tears and started picking up the things around her room that she had flung out of anger. She needed to release all that energy, and it felt good that she did.
She no longer felt like a confused crying wreck anymore.
She picked up the necklace and pocketed it, all hope wasn't lost.
There was still time.
And eventually she would give her love back to him and in return receive his.
Letting go was the hardest part, and for now she would have to cope.
AN: This chapter may seem like Kagome is overreacting but she really isn't. She's just confused about everything that is going on right now and at the same time scared. She's torn at the fact that he may still be in love with his ex-girlfriend and all that other stuff. She is blaming herself for letting herself fall in love with him. This chapter was written this way for a reason. Just wait and you'll see what the reason was... Till then see you in three or four weeks from now.